CowgirlJane

Mean people suck. I also feel sorry for such negative/hate filled people. What kind of life is it that you seek to elevate yourself by putting others down? I have a strong personality so frankly never had to deal with this BS because i would just make the offender wilt under my interogation - ha... give me 10 minutes with her! If it is genuinely upsetting I would complain to HR. I bet she hurts and manipulates other people too - most likely on a variety of subjects. I do remember once being made to feel about 2" tall by a guy I worked with (my boss as a matter of fact) relating to my single parent status. (The irony is that he divorced later and wound up raising 5 kids all by himself). In modern times, there are laws about hostile work environments and nobody should make you feel bad about improving your life. Frankly, the very best "revenge" - the dish best served cold - is when you lose that weight and live a healthy, active life in your new slimmer body. Nobody will care if you took an easy, hard or whatever way... they will just think "woo hoo - look at that cute woman and her rocking bod!"

Tangent subject- I used to have this weird condition where I would have these "nightmares" that were so real. At some point in the nightmare, I would realize I needed to wake up to escape, but it was like being underwater. Like I needed to wake up but couldn't. The way I would experience it I was screaming or yelling - my family told me i would start out making weird muffled noises and it would escalate to me screaming for help. It was very upsetting to them because it I would awake in a panic, this was no ordinary nightmare. Thank goodness I don't have those "dreams" anymore. Interesting, the last one I had was before I lost weight. I have no idea if there was a connection to the obesity.

Okay, I think we all start from different points of reference so that leads to unclear communication! Thank you for pointing this out to me.. one more time i learn the meaning of assume! My family have always had fairly healthy meals. We were never the deep fried, all take, drive through many nights a week kind of people. our typical dinner was pretty much: - main course, Protein. We sometimes "stir fried" but not deep fried - side dish of Pasta, potato or rice - salad or veggie We also ate alot of casserole type dished that combined that all into one dish. I think in all fairness, we ate a diet that needed improvement, but wasn't horrible either. I had two major issues (well 3): 1. Too much quantity! - even "healthy" foods make you fat when you over eat compared to what your body needs 2. Snacks - omg - chips, crackers, popcorn - carby junky food that i could and DID eat enormous quantities outside of mealtimes The well 3, My body responds to my favorite foods (all carby junky food) with hunger. so, eating that crap made me overeat in general. So, I completely agree that cooking "separate meals" is unacceptable! My strategy is as follows" - protein in a unbreaded, unfried manner - we all eat that -veggies plus salad - we all eat that -side of carbs - the males/non obese peeps eat that ( I generally do not) My kids (adult age) kinda miss their casseroles, (the loved that one covered in tater tots!) but that does not fly in my house anymore. So, I think we are in violent AGREEMENT!

When i was first sleeved... all I wanted to be was normal. You know, just normal. Not the hugest woman in every room. Not the woman who outweighed all the men. Not the person who was pretty much "invisible" or invoked disgust since I was so misshapen due to obesity. Not the person who had to shop in the plus sized. I just wanted normal. You know what I got? - beautiful! i know that sounds like bragging, but I love how i look. I love my body. I thank God daily (and I don't even claim to be Christian) for this gift. I have something that so many women take for granted... by the grace of God... I am an attractive person. I have girlfriends who are so incredibly beautiful and they are so self critical. I just want to shake them... dang it! Appreciate this - don't judge yourself so hard!!! The words I have chosen probably don't accurately describe what I am trying to say... but after being trapped by/buried by fat... it is a wonder what it is like to be free from it. I am saddened by so many who feel so unworthy and even after weight loss don't recognize just how amazing they are. How incredibly beautiful they are - both inside and externally. How incredibly worthy they are of having the best life possible. I have to credit a person in my life who helped me see this. Without his affirmations that were genuine and so generously given, i might still be one of the doubters...

Ha! I'd settle for under 40 again...

I had a lapband in 2001 when my boys were 9 and 12. My oldest is a worrier and my youngest is the silent type - who knows if he is a worrier, right? I revised to the sleeve when they were 19 and 22. Anyway, we kept it light for the band procedure. They knew I was going into the hospital and at that time, in Germany, they kept me for 5 freaking days!!!! In the USA, you have to be on your deathbed to even be admitted to a hospital (ok maybe not that bad) so it was hard to help them understand that I was okay even though they would not let me out. My EX (their stepdad) did a great job of keeping them entertained/distracted combined with visiting me in jail (hospital)... it was a real balancing act. My basic feeling about all this is that it is very difficult for children to understand all this and I don't want them to worry so I would really minimize it to the extent possible. when I revised to the sleeve, my children were young adults but still concerned. I stayed overnight in an outpatient place. I did NOT want visitors but my EX felt they should see that I was okay. We played cards and had some laughs even though it exhausted me to have visitors it was a good decision because they could see I was "ok". I know you didn't ask this question but I have to add something kinda interesting. I hit goal in Feb 2013. I pulled out before pix of myself recently and both of my boys looked so sad. they told me they don't remember me looking like that. They didn't realize how heavy (lets be honest, i was huge) I was. It made them sad, shocked and then proud of me in all I have achieved - all at once.

Ha! My children are in their 20s and they still do stuff like that. The really awesome part is that they know that non stick pans can't go in the dishwasher (shortens their lives immensely) so they make a big nasty pile of them for me to wash in the sink! Apparently, nonstick pans require a "mother's touch"!

I don't count calories - too much emotional baggage for me I guess. What I can say is that pre sleeve AND now, I seem to eat less then you would think to maintain. I was a big eater when I weighed 300#, don't get me wrong, but not big enough to explain 300#. Now, I eat less than friends who are skinnier than I am. It's better now though, right? Looking back, plastics did my head in, too. This has been a lot of work!

@@Julie norton can you see my photos in my profile?

@@roundisashape I have never and WILL never date someone at work. I have worked for the same company for a very long time and have a stellar reputation - mostly due to my work ethic etc but ALSO because I don't let personal static spill into the workplace. Since I work for a big company with lots of very cool people, i am totally missing out on opportunities, but this is just better for me! i think you are wise to proceed with caution on that one! @bikrchk I find it very interesting that some of the guys on the dating websites want you to be "exclusive" - right from the get go. I mean like date 2 - no physical stuff or anything yet, just want me to not meet anyone new. I do not have the energy to do what you did... but i bet that is what i need to do. I have met some very cool guys but there is always some kind of issue - location, schedules, their emotional readiness (I have met several that are still hung up on their ex wife in one way or another for example). I also think I am not so easy to match with. I am a career woman, well traveled, well educated, who dressed like a girlie girl but also... has a farmette, loves country lifestyle things, outdoorsy, super outgoing and social etc. Men are attracted to me initially due to my bubbly personality, girly girl hair clothes and makeup and my boobs. But, the insides are more complex than the packaging would suggest, my high self confidence can apparently be intimidating.. I can go on and on. And I am just so damn picky that i am almost wondering how much I actually want a boyfriend..ha! What I think I would really like is something like you have found, an exclusive but not too "heavy" of a relationship. I don't want to dive in deep - i am happy with many things in my life and feel no need to give those up so I have time to be attached at the hip to someone. anyway, maybe when the weather turns wintery I will be ready to invest heavily like you did. It is not my style to "interview" someone but I am an intuitive person and so far... every time i have ignored the intuition and trusted the words - it has later proven to be my intuition that was right. Example, i dated someone for 4 months that I was really into. On our second date, I felt like he wasn't really "ready" to date much less be exclusive with someone which is what he wanted right off the bat. Because he was such a good match for me in so many ways, i let his many claims of "being ready" override my intuition. Guess why things ended? Guy started having very serious emotional upset as we got closer. It was like post trauma from his horrible marriage/divorce. He felt awful about it because I am nothing like his ex, but he became very paranoid about alot of stuff. To his credit, he realized that he was not thinking right and had to go back into counseling and get his head on straight first. So, there goes THAT promising relationship.

I don't use an iphone so have no idea. There are sort of 3 "areas" of pictures you may use 1. is the avatar that shows up next to your post. Julie, you have one of those so check one off the list! 2. Before and after photos - they are right there on the profile (when viewed from a laptop). I don't see how to do that from an Android, have no idea how on an iphone. They are uploaded - so you can use old and new pix, whatever. 3. the gallery, again on the profile and my remarks about category 2 probably also applies here. If you go into my profile i have pix in all three categories, including having multiple albums in the gallery. I am guessing you won't even be able to see all my pictures from the phone.... I have been on this site about 4 years and now many people use phones which is too bad because you miss out on so much. You can't tell who are really longer time posters (more experienced), you can't see signature with the weight loss statistics and you can't see the inspiring pix that people used to put in their profiles. Those were such a source of inspiration for me as a newbie it really is too bad. Also, with the phones since you can't tell "stats" about people, you don't know if you are getting advice from someone who is at goal and maintaining or a newbie that hasn't even had surgery yet him/herself... and yes...newbies do that because they are excited to share what they have learned, but it is not based on first hand experience and I personally like to know that information when considering advice received..

I see a picture of you as your avatar next to your post. Is it the before and after picture you are having trouble posting? I did mine from my laptop. When I tried to do it from my android just now, I could only see how to add that main/avatar photo. I am not sure how this is done. What kind of phone do you use?

On my android phone i go to the forum I want to post to and then click on the pencil looking icon at top of the screen. On my laptop there is a large button at the top of the forum that says "START NEW TOPIC" Click it and write! I think the key is you don't see those choices when you are reading an existing post/thread - but you see it when you are viewing the lists of posts in a forum if that makes any sense...

I think my metabolism was wonky pre WLS ..

Her question was about the veterans forum. You can start a new post on any other public forum. I am not sure how to block someone. ..

The reason is that it requires 100 posts on this forum. Easy way to get that is to welcome newbies, congratulate people on NSV etc. You don't need to start 100 posts, just make 100. I think you are up to 6 or 7 now.

So I talk all big but lately have been low on time... and I guess frankly interest so not doing much. I have met a few "this go around" and one person seems to be turning into an activity partner. I am basically ignoring most everyone else which makes me think I should put my profile on hold or something. I just lack enthusiasm for meeting anyone at the moment and I did't really realize that when i put up the profile. I thought it would at least be fun to do some light dating and see if anything comes of it but I am finding myself wanting to do other things with my time right now.

I didn't know about the deaths associated with Almanza, but just reading the stories... omg. i have no idea how someone would go to a place where people routinely get their sleeve as surgery #10 of the day. Do you ever read on the other sleeve forum? People there seem to not realize at all about him. I don't feel like i should say anything as i have no personal experience or direct knowledge, but it is worrisome! Have a good trip Denise!

I have zero guilt over WLS. ZERO I do feel guilt over how much I missed out. I feel guilt over how much my kids missed out because of my obesity. I feel guilt over my kids having to defend my size/looks to their friends I feel guilt over realizing that i was the one who brought alot of the crappy food into our house in previous years. My boys are fine young men - all grown up now and they have forgiven me, but I sure notice that they are very aware of the obesity disease and don't want it in a prospective partner. This is less about looks, and more about everything I mention above, and probably way more.

My surgeon has revised Protein goals to 80 plus (used to be 60). My personal experience was I had to go really low carb and high intensity interval training to get the last stubborn pounds off

My opinion as a single woman who has been at goal for awhile... they aren't being shallow. I don't want to date obese men now either. i am not a fat hater, I don't disrespect overweight people, but I am not attracted nor do i want the physical limitations and less active lifestyle, more food focused lifestyle that can come with obesity. As far as the going from invisible to visible.. that was a head trip. I don't resent the world for it, because in truth I changed ALOT, not just in looks. I was always fairly outgoing (or so i thought) but now I bring a whole different energy that attracts people. i have had girlfriends tell me that. One skinny girl pal was frank and honest enough to tell me that she always liked me but sensed a wall around me (she wasn't talking about the physical fat suit) and now I just seem so warm and open by comparison. I know that everyone claims they don't change - it is everybody else that changed.. . I don't know if that is really the case. People of both genders will treat you different when you are slimmer because you likely have really changed inside as well as outside.

My meaning wasn't that the whole family needs to change. In fact,i think you need to be prepared that you are kinda on your own on this. Family can sometimes resent being "put on a diet" with you. What my meaning was that your changing now, will help them learn better habits. For overweight kids, i am a big advocate of building them up (ie no berating for weight etc) and also to encourage healthy habits not dieting. I can assure you one of the ways I got so heavy was my yo-yo dieting. if kids can sorta "grow into their weight" it is really a better solution than dieting to try to lose weight, in my opinion.

There is a lot going on with your post so I am only going to try to touch on a few points. First, I am only an expert in ME and I realize that my comments do not apply to everyone so take it with a grain of salt. My background: Second, I was overweight (but not obese) as a teen, got to about 220 by my late 20s (I remember because I was pregnant and strictly ordered to gain NO weight during pregnancy. Back in those days 220 was considered HUGE for a 5'5" woman, times have changed a bit on that). My weight stayed in the mid 200s for most of the decade of my 30s. I had a lapband when I was 37 - I weighed 272 - my lifetime high at that point. I lost some weight, but didn't do well overall. I got to my lifetime high weight of about 350 with a lapband and no fill Band was removed in 2011; revised to sleeve in December of 2011 at 308 pounds I got to my goal of 158 by Feb 2013 and maintaining... During my overweight, obese and morbidly obese years I tried every diet under the sun, went to YEARS of counseling as the thinking at that time that overweight was essentially a mental or character flaw. Counseling helped with some stuff, but I clearly just got heavier and heavier...I was diagnosed with a zillion medical conditions: fibermyalgia, depression, anxiety, high blood pressure, sleep apnea, fatty liver and according to my family, a less happy personality. Oh, PCOS was thrown out there too, but i was never formerly diagnosed. Fears: I was terrified of gastric bypass in 2001 which is why i picked the band. I can admit now, but didn't then that I had huge denial. Somehow in my mind, the band wasn't really bariatric surgery.. it was just this little thing I did to try to lose weight. I was deeply committed, but did not have the support and frankly picked the wrong procedure for me based on that fear and denial. I really didn't understand the SHIFT required from me for long term success. I was a basket case over my decision to revise to the sleeve. I think my list looked alot like yours... but I think i can summarize the fear like this: "what if i go through hell and I fail AGAIN and am still obese? i don't know if I can go through that again..." by the time I was sleeved, i was so "over" food as entertainment because my over indulgence was literally KILLING me. When I was banded, i was in complete denial on that point. I highly recommend that you face your worries over not enjoying food in your presurgery timeframe as this is a very tough topic - even for those of us that were relatively speaking "over it" Truth of the matter is that years out, you can eat pretty normally... but the first year or so, you really do eat tiny portions and a sensitive person won't like that in social settings. And in the years out, just because you "can" eat normally doesn't mean you "should" in order to maintain your losses. Education on obesity: This is a huge topic but obesity is a disease state and i think it is really important to understand the grip it has on you physically. There is a good reason that for people who have gotten quite heavy, the chances of maintaining a significant weight loss without surgery is about 2%. That isn't because we are all neurotic messes - it is because your body changes! I saw a "weight loss" expert counselor who was convinced I had deep dark secrets I was repressing - I had a crappy childhood and there were no secrets there! After years and years of counseling there were no secrets left but she thought I was lying. It was this forum here that made me realize there was something else - like I was FREAKING HUNGRY 24/7 - this is related to understanding the disease process of obesity. Other health stuff: At some point presleeve i decided that alot of my diagnosis were irrelevant (especially the ones that couldn't be treated like fibermyalgia). I decided to focus on the primary problem which was my weight. It was a good call because most (not all) my health problems disappeared when i lost weight and became very active. sometimes i think all those medical diagnosis can be ... paralyzing. It is almost like focusing on the leaf on a tree instead of the bigger forest fire heading my way... Age: On the one hand, your youth is a real advantage in the weight loss world. I could lose weight pretty easily in my 20s/30s, just could keep it off. By my late 40s, I couldn't even lose weight anymore on all sorts of crazy diets and programs.... in the end, that is what forced my hand to getting the sleeve actually. On the downside, one advantage i had in my late 40s was to be more selfish/focused on myself. My kids were older, they could buy their own Snacks and keep them hidden from me etc. When kids were little and wanted to do normal things like go to restaurants, have treats and stuff - it was killer for me as that junk food stuff is like a sirens call... BTW, I never put my one "heavier" (not obese) kid on a diet. He did slim down over the last several years. i feel a great deal of shame realizing that it was ME providing the diet and lifestyle that was making him chunky. I thank the stars everyday that i was able to model these changes for him while it was still time for him to learn from it. I should also share that he confided that he never "feels full" which is exactly how I was pre sleeve so I do wonder if there is some sort of imbalance genetically in some of us! I think you should go for it, but i highly recommend a strong support system (both professional help like nutritionalist and in your personal life), get really educated on life post surgery, seek counseling and support for your fears. You can do this and I hope you get a chance to enjoy your 30s, 40s and many decades to follow without carrying around essentially the weight of a grown man around on your body! It is hard for me to imagine how I even functioned at 300-350# when I look back. It takes a lot of strength both physically and emotionally to do that. i should also share that i am 51 and looking at hip replacement probably 20-30 years before is typical. Cause? Most likely the DECADES of being morbidly obese. I want you to avoid those kind of problems that can show up even after you lose the weight.

I wonder what that screen name would do for traffic on my "dating" profile. ha I can visualize the emails: Should I take your screen name literally or figuratively? oh you said BJ (accompanied by weird Beavis and Butthead laugh) eh, maybe not Like i said - to each his own.

I don't have time to reply now... but marking it so I remember to follow up!