CowgirlJane

How is chicago? I need to visit that city! I obviously have no good advice on how to feel better... but I am a "fake it till you make it" believer. I had dinner last night with a pal who has a different kind of "blues" then i am subject to- she just shuts down. Doesn't think, doesn't feel, doesn't want to do anything but go to work and go home. She has been in this funk for a good long time... works maybe 70 plus hours a week because that is all she really has in her life right now. I had shared (inadvertenly) how I feel so much better when I am active, connect with people, and infuse FUN into my everyday life. It doesn't necessarily fix things in my life, and maybe somethings aren't "fixable" but it makes the journey alot more enjoyable! I was feeling blue about my hip problem, my breast swelling, my love life, my farm and horse life etc etc. I wasn't intending to give advice, as a talkative, wear my heart on my sleeve kinda person i often share my own insights as part of my process - not about giving advice - but she acted on it. Saturday night she rousted me into going out - it is hard to say no when a pal like her finally actually WANTs to go do something. Then she drug me back to 2 step Tuesday even though I wasn't going to go this week. Then, she spontanously asked me to dinner last night. I cannot maintain this schedule...haha... but she told me should could not believe how much better she feels. It is like she had to force herself to step out the door and start living a little... and then wants to keep doing it! she is a lifelong introvert so I know this is WAY too much for her but it is kind of priming the pump a little into enjoying each day. Truth of the matter is I find lots of reasons to hate myself. I was raised by a father who constantly told me how worthless, fat, ugly stupid and essentially a waste of space I was. That voice still speaks to me at times and after years of counseling etc etc I am somewhat resigned to the fact that I will probably always struggle a bit emotionally. I am pissed that I am still dealing with obesity problems (my joint issues, my boob issue etc) when I want it to be in the PAST but it is my reality. It is okay to be pissed, but I am NOT going to let it steal the breaths I have left. My biggest "regret" in life - and i don't believe in regrets since it is a complete waste - but my biggest regret is that i let some of my emotional baggage interfere with living a full life at times. I can blame it on the obesity, but my weight was not actually the central issue - it was the self hatred, anxiety, and a whole slew of other things. I argue that thin does not equal happy or contentment. When we get so focused on one thing, we miss out on living a full life. Well, that is my experience anyway.

I believe I understand your intention with this remark, but I can't help but mention that those in the first 2 years post op have very little understanding of the experience at the longer term mark. I will be 4 years post op in December and this year has been much tougher maintaining then the first 2-3 years were. I keep asking myself, have I slipped back to old bad habits? Maybe a little, but i think it is more that I am living like a "normal" middle aged American woman and look around, alot of them could stand to lose 20 or 50. I am bouncing around 5-10 over goal and not happy about it, but my efforts to knock them back off haven't been very successful... I am very very happy that I still wear single digit clothing and look like a normal, not obese person though... and I am continuing to work it - with the first goal being to NOT regain any more...

@@jenn1 If you are still losing hair at over a year post op, I was advised that is most likely nutritional based. Hair loss occuring in the first year are quite likely more related to the surgery itself. My guidebook - which I still keep beside my desk by the way even after all these years - says to first suspect Iron and zinc deficiencies. Protein, especially the amino acid l-lysine might be the culprit too. My data is like 4 years old at this point but I think this info is still true. Look into the iron and zinc if you believe you are consuming adequate high quality protein. When I had surgery they said 60grams plus on the protein but my center has now revised to 80 g plus. I have a new friend who is a dietician at a different bariatric program and she told me that due to my high muscle mass type build I seriously need to be in the 80-100gram range.

The NUT I had pre op and the first 8-9 months post op was AMAZING. She was not only well informed, highly communicitive but she was intuitive and helped guide me to finding a way of living post WLS that worked for ME. However, she moved away and the replacement knew less about the sleeve and nutrition then I did. After our first meeting she thanked ME for informing her of so much as she had only seen patients in very early weeks post op so far. I was like...sigh. I had gone through the preop process with a different surgeon (for bypass) before deciding on the program I went with. One reason I switched docs is that NUT was terrible, absolutely terrible. Years before I decided I had an eating disorder (otherwise how could I be so fat, right?) and went to a clinic for that. They decided I didn't have an eating disorder, but rather disordered eating. Okay. So, I got to their nutritionalist and she had me play with plastic food - you know, like a child might have in a play kitchen. It was insulting, humiliating and made me think that the whole profession just thinks that FAT=STUPID. I can read, I can comprehend but what I couldn't do is overcome the all consuming hunger I was experiencing and playing games with plastic food did not help with any of THAT. Never went back. So, a really good NUT is not only educated in food, exercise and the bariatric experience but is also intuitive and educated about "people" A good one seems rare and yet so worth it if you find one!

I am genuinely sorry you haven't experienced lasting success post WLS. I went through that - I lost about 70 pounds with the band, regained it all plus a whole crap load more. Most on this forum know the emotional pain of losing and regaining huge amounts of weight (I had ton it before too) but somehow having it post WLS is even more... devastating. I was in my 30s when I had the lapband, I made a genuine effort to educate myself pre surgery, I tried very hard post surgery and yet I failed. In hindsight, a big part of the problem is that tool never worked well for me and the side effects made my life hell (talk about reflux - I had to sleep upright if I had ANY fill!) but also that I just didn't have all the pieces together myself either. While i am in the minority, I actually agree with much of your sentiment. WLS is not a miracle cure and even though we all say we know it's "just a tool" in reality many don't understand that the tool doesn't work very well over time. It works great at first, and then one day you realize... holy crap... this REALLY IS just a tool and I can regain weight even with my tiny tummy. I am always in the minority opinion on this one - but I also am "uncomfortable" with younger/not as heavy people diving into weight loss surgery. Especially if they really haven't seriously tried lifestyle/behavioral programs. In fact, when I was revised to the sleeve, I was looking for a long term behavior program. I had the good luck to be screened by the director of a 2 year program who told me that my disease of obesity was far too advanced and she felt I would not be successful in her program (I was late 40s and at least 150# overweight and had been obese or overweight many many years). However, much of your other information shared is not correct and is misleading and while I don't intend this as a criticism, I don't want newbies to read it and not comprehend the misstatements of fact. (Everyone is entitled to their opnions - but not their own version of the facts!!!) Muscle loss is an important topic no matter HOW you lose weight. strength and muscle building (and aerobic) exercise is more about MAINTENANCE than it is about weight loss. why is that? If you don't maintain (or regain after losing) muscle mass your metabolism drops and it is really much harder to maintain. I lost a crudload of weight post sleeve and I think I look GREAT. People who didn't know me before are always shocked that I lost so much because I look healthy and athletic (thats a joke!) like I have been trim and active my whole life. That "looking old and unhealthy" is a complete myth. I have had people look at my before (age 48) and after (50) photos tell me that I now look like my "before" pictures daughter. That is how much younger I look post weight loss. I think many people who are dissatisfied with their looks, dissatisfied with having a smaller tummy (for me a blessing!) are in truth struggling with other, underlying issues such as dismorphia etc. Don't get me wrong, I have "issues" - ha! As a wise woman once said on these forums "you don't get to 300# and not have SOMETHING going on contributing to this". The physical disease process of obesity is the rollercoaster i couldn't get off without surgery, but the "issues" contributed to me getting there in the first place. The difference is i am now mature enough to seriously face that emotional stuff. Not perfect, but getting better and better. Good luck in your future and know that you can regain good health quite readily by going back to basics as far as eating (sleever rules!) AND by exercising and becoming active. Perhaps focus less on the scale and focus more on good health.

I lost more than you have and I had no medical reason for skin removal....no rash or whatever...I just wanted it the same as I wanted to get rid of my 3x sweatpants... I didn't even try for insurance approval. Get several consults. Go to realself.com to see tons of before and after photos. I advise you to seek out people with similar"befores" as how you look. Docs can cherry pick amazing results...the 35 year old mommy make over who was never obese is a different profile than a late 40s woman who lost almost 170#. It is the best way to get educated...pick good local surgeons and do the free or cheap consults.

Dr Weiner of Frankfurt Germany? He did my original band in 2001. I went through menopause young - mid 40s. Never given a reason but I attribute it to extreme stress. My doc said she had a woman under 30 go into menopause for no apparent reason so I guess it happens. Who knows for sure the"why"? It made me sad when it happened to me too, I am sorry you have this experience.

Florinda, we have all been there. I think you must know that our worth isn't about the kids we have or the number on the scale. Easy for me to say, I know. But I think you also know it is true. I finally got my mammogram with follow up ultrasound. great news - no sign of cancer. Bad news, need MR next. I feel like a piece of crap that I have to be sedated to handle an MR without freaking out. Most likely implant needs to be replaced which frankly is NOt the end of the world but I feel pretty low right now, right this minute. I think on an emotional level, i want my lifetime of obesity to be BEHIND me, but it isn't. Between this, needing hip replacement and my knees killing me it is like a constant reminder of all that history that is still my present reality. sorry to be so depressing. On the fun front, did a partial weekend away with Dan - I had a great time. He has a loving personality and as I mentioned I value that alot even though i am not "in love". It is nice to be with someone who genuinely feels compassion and caring to me as well as thinking I am cute.

Although not as good a protein source as Greek yogurt I also like carbmaster!

I think a great choice but I sprinkled blueberries and stevia to make it palatable.

Glad you loved the concert! I am super into live music! @@feedyoureye best thing about Dan isn't the live music..it's his lovey dove nature. In my book, too few expressive caring people. You don't have to be "in love" to express warmth and caring and I appreciate it very much! Anybody know how to block someone? There is someone on bariatric pal that I just don't want to read them anymore. .don't want to see their posts or replies.

I would be most curious 5 years out how the other weight loss methods fared. Ship has sailed for me as I did revise to sleeve on 2011 and am happy with it. Like everyone I wish I could have done this without surgery but I couldn't. I don't mind. I developed a heart arrythmia (atrial fibrillation) around 18 months post op. The band surrounds the vagus nerve which controls, among other things, heart rhythm. I ended up in ER with my heart completely out of rhythm, beating at a rate that was close to having me have a stroke, and blood pressure also sky high. It took seven hours to bring everything around using medication, and now I'm on medication for life. I had my band's restriction loosened so as not to touch on the vagus nerve and just went back in last month to get a bit of fill as I'm gaining weight and hungry all the time. Immediately following the small fill, I went back into atrial fibrillation. That's pretty conclusive evidence that there is a correlation, at least with my particular anatomy. If you google gastric band, or lap band + atrial fibrillation, you will see a lot of people who have now experienced this. There are several on this forum right here. So yes, I regret what I did. Living with a-fib is no picnic, and the side effects of the three medicines I now have to take have greatly compromised my quality of life: extreme fatigue, memory loss, inability to do any sports that might raise my heartrate...wish I had chosen a different path. Would a sleeve revision correct the afib?Unfortunately, no. Once you have afib, you have afib. In fact, afib begets afib. In other words, once the electricity in your heart becomes chaotic (which is basically what afib is), it will constantly create new "bad" pathways in your heart. According to my cardiologist, it is unlikely that even removing the band will make the afib disappear, as the band has already done its damage. All I can do is keep it loose and off the vagus nerve, and continue with my meds (or, in the future, ablation or pacemaker if the afib worsens). I would not do another WLS in any case. I'm out of the game. For me, these are "Flowers for Algernon" situations. When I was doing my research, I was convinced WLS was the gold standard for permanent weight loss. Now my thoughts are different, especially concerning the lapband (since I had a bad experience with it) but also with other surgeries. There really is no tinkering with major body parts that is going to come out ok in the longterm, imho. We are seeing wonderful transformations in the short term, yes...but my sense is longterm we are going to see some health-complications from all WLS that have yet to reveal themselves. I would not even consider going under the knife again.

I didn't know about it either but I wonder if it is temporary. Fat stores estrogen. ..you just released a lot of it , maybe it will stabilize in time?

Some of you know me well as I have been around a long time... but for back story I was pretty hopeless about losing weight and especially maintaining it when I began this sleeve journey. I had "failed" with the lapband in an epic way and by the time I revised to the sleeve I was well over 300# (although down from my lifetime recorded high of 332# while banded). I was super morbidly obese and spent a lot of years there. I felt aged beyond my years and besides feeling physically miserable, I was certainly NOT an object of attention from the opposite gender. Hell, i never even had a chubby chaser interested in me. (I did have a serious relationship, I have never been a loner, but my point is I have always been one to focus on intelligence and personality, not looks or body) Because of my active lifestyle, I have mostly had slender friends even when I was obese. I never went out for girls night with them, never went dancing, I felt like I didn't belong in those settings. So, after losing a bunch of weight, I had plastics and am now maintaining. I social with lots of people now and feel like i fit in many places, but am still sometimes surprised at my own preconceived notions. Currently, I am about 5# over my goal and about 25# over my lowest weight - I am 3.5 years post sleeve so this is frankly pretty typical. It can get a little discouraging as I am having a heck of a time re-losing this weight. I am fine at my current size, but i was finer thinner haha... so it is still something I want. You know how your state of mind is when your favorite jeans are too tight.... that is where i am! Okay, now my NSV Story! I went out to the racetrack on the 3rd for a big girls day of races and fireworks. I went with 3 very attractive ladies who are all naturally very trim. They range from tiny cute as a pixie (Which also makes her look really young) to that tall blond skinny model look (two of those, one fairly boyish looking the other more curvy - both very very attractive). Anyway, all 4 of us are unloading the cooler, doing stuff getting ready to go in. I was applying sunscreen. this really really really attractive man - probably about 40 (we are all about 50) walks by and looks right at me and smiles and says "need any help with that?". All of us freeze as it processes... he is talking to ME! What? I smiled at him as he walked away (it was only later I thought I should have said "YES") and one of the ladies said "this is going to be a good day". I don't spend alot of time comparing myself to others, I really don't. But after a lifetime of obesity, super morbid obesity - you never expect to be the one in your group of attractive friends to get the notice. Looks don't actually matter that much - one of the ironies i have learned in this journey, but it still felt good and my friends were all very happy for me too... That also makes me feel good that they are so pleased with my successes.

The appeal for Atlanta to me is primarily because that is the heart of promotion opportunities within my part of my company. I also like the office there. Ever go somewhere and feel like "these are my people?" The women dress up, it is multicultural, the average age is a bit younger - just an energizing place to be. i like any workplace that when I show up to visit I get hugs and kisses - there just isn't enough of that in this world for my tastes! I don't feel that way in our Boston office and in fact refused to move there. I have been part of the Seattle office for over 20 years and am just tired of it and it also has very little executive presence since the big reorg of 08/09 so limited growth opportunities. I had fun seeing Dan play with Austin Jenke on Wednesday. Austin is a hometown hero who was on the voice. More importantly he works as a profiessional songwriter and now lives in Nashville. He has "made it" in the industry even if he isn't well known outside of his hometown. He has a great voice and the show was crazy well received. It was insane to me how many people knew Dan too and he just plays Seattle based gigs with Austin. (he mostly plays with a variety of bands not just Austin) My anxiety went sky high earlier this week over my waiting forever for the mammogram before I can actually see specialists over my breast problem. Sky high anxiety - it has been amping up for weeks but this week became something I couldnt manage on my own. I drank too much one night (you know wine instead of dinner) and luckily only had a silly conversation with Dan which he thought was hilarous but that bad judgement could have been much worse. I talked to my EX who still knows how to soothe me and who coached me to get some short term anxiety meds and get some sleep. I did that from my new doctor and last night I slept the first decent night in weeks - no alcohol - just was able to sleep. I woke up paniced, took 1/2 dose and slept. I feel better able to cope with work today and feel more like myself since I am neither exhausted nor wound up or some horrible combination of both which has been my life the last week or two. Thank God. Now if I can just keep from "cycling up" again until I get my diagnosis.

It is a great cautionary tale. I got to goal in Feb 2103 and I promise you maintaining now is much harder than it was over the last 2 years. No joke. I am hanging in there near goal but have regained some from my smallest. I don't think the urge to eat will ever go away. I have no desire to stuff myself but I constantly want more than I need to maintain my weight. It is force of willl.

I didn't enjoy it one bit... but got through it. It was worth it!

This is way more than about getting new attention. This is alot to do with finally being free of obesity and thinking about life satisfaction. I was in a "non relationship " and we are both happier as friends since the love was dead ages ago.

I never had digestive issues presleeve now more prone to diarrhea but not a serious problem

He likely makes a good living on fills and un fills. Please get 2 more opinions. My band to sleeve was 2011 and o am maintaining 150 pounds loss so he is full of crap

My advice is to focus on weight loss for now and set this aside. The best way to get educated is to go to surgical consults and read realself.com.

Florinda, I feel that way at work too... only circumstances are different. Your analogies are brilliant. I am more qualified and stronger than my boss but I DONT WANT her job. I like flying under the radar a bit but... it is also discouraging, boring and demotivating. This is why I am looking into early retirement. I am just tired of the rat race in general frankly... I have tried to see the positive side which is the "under utilized me" had time to invest in my health and fitness whereas the "fully utilized me" struggled to fit it all in. right now I am trying to talk myself into putting my hat in the ring for a promotion, moving to atlanta for a few years and really boost my income/bonuses for 3-5 years to launch me into early retirement. I can't quite seem to talk myself into doing it though...

Florinda, I am sorry you are feeling so angry. It is also a normal human reaction and I think it is healthy that it is experienced as "anger" or frustration and not buried in food or other false coping mecanisms. Denise, I don't hold my emotions in check, it is just that I don't fall in love that easily. I have a broad social group, but a fairly small group of people that I consider real friends that I genuinely love. In a romantic relationship, I would say it takes me a year to fall in love - minimum. Doesn't mean I don't feel some level of attachment, but love is something else for me. I would say that since becoming single, Steven is the only man I have felt "in love" with and that is really stupid actually. Last time I saw him I realized I didn't even like being with him that much anymore. He is getting old - literally, his age is changing him AND it is getting old dealing with his childish nature. I parted ways with him and of course that makes him want me because that is the kind of person he is - and I don't need the drama. Having said all that, at a pure emotional level, I still feel a connection to him even though I really can't stand to have him in my life. Anyway, i have questioned whether I even want to fall in love romantically again or whether it is better to just keep things lighter. The longer I am single, the less I am willing to do the things that seem to be necessary to make a relationship work... like calling people back - ha. No, seriously, I am just low on motivation on all that and I have become the person that "sucks" when it comes to dating. I want a physical relationship but i have never been one for hookups so it would be ideal for me to have a friend "like" Steven was for me only one that is more emotionally stable and less irritating. I have 2 prospects for that right now that I think actually have the emotional maturity, communication and care about me enough that I might consider it. A few years ago, I dated a guy casually (Italian, had been a pro soccer player in his youth, a few years younger than me). We had a nice time, great conversation etc but he moved back to Portland. Then he came back up here for awhile for work and he took me out and entertained me some while i was recovering from plastic surgery. For me, that was a huge trust building thing - someone who didn't judge me, accepted all that mess when I was in the thick of it. Well, he has contacted me a few times since going to portland with the primary message that he wished he had pursued more with me. He gave me a lot of detail behind that sentiment, but bottom line he has had a hard time finding someone that he really fits with - and has realized that he is better matched to someone in my phase of life than the younger women he has dated over the last year or so. I never gave it too much thought but he is coming back up in August for a weekend and I have agreed to see him. When is daughter goes off to college he will be free to travel together, he is pushing for early retirement, and he is caring to me. I have never wanted a long distance relationship but I feel like seeing a guy like him once a month will be more satisfying to me then "dating" someone just as a distraction. So, it's a long shot, but maybe something like that fits. The other prospect is the musician I met a month or so ago. We connect intellectually very strongly. He is also very intuitive and caring and creative. He taps into that side of me. what I don't like is he is overweight and not as active as I would like but he is working on his fitness for health reasons. He very much wants to pursue a relationship with me but lives quite a distance (60-90 minute drive) AND since he is a full time techie PLUS professional musician he has the craziest schedule ever. In spite of the obstacles, it is possible he could become that "long term casual" friend but things haven't progressed far enough for me to say...

I tend to have a muscular build for a woman - so when I was doing my workout DVDs people often assumed I lifted weights due to the definition in my arms. It came from doing planks, pushups etc as part of my aerobic workout. Anyway, I always assumed there are genetic differences, but this is a write up of an interesting rat study. http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2015/04/29/why-some-people-get-fitter-than-others/

I think looking at my before and after pix tells all the reasons. You can see the physical pain I was in. I am told repeatedly now that I light up a room with my smile and energy...I am transformed. I lost 150#in 14months with the sleeve and maintaining. My surgery was Dec 2011