CowgirlJane

I love premier protein - they go on sale a few times a year at costco and i stock up!

Over the past several days I have come to a startling realization that I am "battling the wrong fight". Actually, it started from something that happened this last weekend. I haven't seen Steven since forever and we talked for awhile on Saturday. He asked me about my life - horses, my social outings with the meetup, my happy hours with Mary etc etc. and when he realized I don't do most of my "stuff" anymore he asked me "what the hell are you doing? what did you replace this with?" My sullen answer was "nothing really" except trying to learn to dance. I suddenly saw things from an outsiders point of view - I have been lame. In a separate conversation, I was lamenting to my son that i wish i didn't deal with these emotional ups and downs. He told me that I probably enjoy many things in life more than others because I am very tuned into emotions. I do love life and have an enthusiasm for it - unfortunately I pay the price on the flip side. His suggestion was to think of it as a good thing to have so much capacity for "feeling". I had to sort of agree on that point too. I have been trying to fix things in my life, for example, my horse life has not been going well - due to my physical problems and lack of interest. So, I have been focused on finding another home (at least temporarily) for my younger horse etc. This last weekend I realized I am fixing what isn't broken. What the real issue is that i have some kind of low grade depression going on. That is why I don't enjoy horses anymore, why I am sometimes just feeling purposeless, why i don't do alot of the things I normally do and enjoy. The thing is I don't look depressed and most of the time dont feel depressed so it is often hard to pin down and none of my friends would say "you seem depressed". The counselor I saw told me that I may be prone to very short cycle depression but it is a problem, nonetheless. It doesn't really matter what it looks like externally, that loss of interest in pleasureable things in life/feeling purposeless is classic depression. So, a few days ago I started taking a natural remedy for anxiety. I feel better already Last night, I took HTP5 with melatonin (which I lost the habit of doing) and I slept like a baby, no middle of the night insomnia. I ordered a higher grade HTP5 for ongoing use. I forced myself to go out to 2 step Tuesday last night. I was dreading it, almost left even as I was parking my car. You know what, I had the best time! I met a guy my age who was my dance partner, he has no horses, but 3 saddles and was very interested in meeting a horsey-girl as he wants to ride again. He lives right near some of my dearest friends. I doubt anything will come of it, but the whole experience made me feel more like myself somehow. Actually, it didn't even have anything to do with him, it was just going out, feeling good, feeling confident and having a good time and being home by 9:30 and no alcohol required. Monday, I started tackling my eating. I wasn't doing terrible food wise, but lots of room for improvement. Monday morning was an eye opener as I saw 170s on the scale. I have been bouncing around 5-8 over goal (in the 160s) but sheesh... I feel myself heading the wrong way! This week, I am back to eating light, and my appetite is going down to match it. Again, I just feel a bit more normal/myself and it was good to see 169.7 on the scale this morning. I want to be under 150 again (lose around 20#), but i will take just getting back to goal (lose around 11#). I have made some decisions to force myself back into living a full life including a plan for the horses (I am on restricted activity right now, but i am planning for returning to normal). If I still don't want to do horses after my plan, well, that is another story, but right now I need to get to feeling motivated about life again! I am not declaring victory yet, but in just a few days I am feeling the difference and without prescriptions. I have nothing against scrips except I can't handle the side effects... I hope this keeps working because these emotional things kick my butt.

Don't let it make you anxious but do let it make you think hard. I am a very happy sleever and feel like it saved my life, but it is not something to be taken lightly either.

My list really is geared to longer term/vererans and of course is not complete. Example, my egg beaters veggie dish is more volume/not enough Protein for new post ops. It is normal and expected that the quantity you consume at a time increases over time. I don't count calories but I am the exception not the rule on that one. I had a lot of food trauma over counting calories since I have dieting since I was 8 years old. At my 1 year check up my surgeon said "year two is nearly as important as year one". He was of course forewarning me that my year three I would really need those good habits more that "restriction "- that is normal and just plain how it works.

In my opinion, someone so far out (I will be 4 years in Dec) should avoid Protein bars - way too many calories (and carbs!) in a small package. I have more appetite and less "restriction" then I did in the first year or two so I think hard about avoiding "calorie/carb" dense food as a daily staple even if it is high protein. I do however think that Premier Protein premixed drinks (and some other good brands) ARE a good protein bargain. I consume one before noon in my coffee, drinking it, making a smoothie - whatever. 30 G protein/ 160 calories / 5 carbs For another Breakfast idea is to sautee veggies, a healthy (usually chicken) sausage cut up. then add egg beaters and let cook. I love to "finish it" under a broiler - sliced tomato over the top, with a light sprinkle of very good and strong cheese. It is usually too much to eat at one sitting, so I have half early and the other half 3-4 hours later - some days that is lunch. My favorite lunch is a costco salmon patty cooked per directions (grilled!) on top of take romaine lettuce. The romaine is spritzed with olive oil. the salmon and lettuce get a dose of WHITE balsamic vinegar. I also add tomato, sliced cukes, mushrooms or other things I might have to the salad. Snacks - a piece of (organic or less processed) sandwich meat. -leftovers from a previous dinner Dinner: Fish, seafood, chicken or beef as main course. I do eat turkey and pork, but more as sandwich meat then main course.... my point is, pick your favorites Low carb veggies next. I generally avoid large quantities of rice, noodles, bread, potato. Does this help any?

I like Denise's suggestion. I actually think one of the reasons 5:2 works so well is that it "mixes things up". I am not suggesting you go to 5:2 but rather to have a few days of more healthy calories. I did that when I was seriously low carbing. Like, I would be uber low carb and then a day of adding some fruit, or higher carb vegetables, maybe a half a slice of wonderful Dave's Killer bread or something like that - that tended to shake things up too.

Well, I know it isn't much consolation, but i can't lose weight fast at all. A year ago in March I came back from Mexico weighing abut 150 and in about 3 weeks dropped down to 140 - not intentionally but because I couldn't eat. I had to force myself to eat again and regain some because even though that isn't a low number, I was covered in bruises and clearly was not well nourished. I was not well and didn't look healthy either. Fast forward over a year, i am over goal and no matter what I do, I don't seem to be able to lose. The main difference is I am not as active. I also think... something has changed. Or rather, something was abnormal last year. Anyway, I am motivated to get back down to get weight off that bad hip. If I can lose 5# in a month, that will be really good. I would like to lose 20#. so it goes.

Contact some local"center of excellence" bariatric programs. They all do revisions just pick one that has a good track record and program. Good luck!

So, while I was awaiting the diagnosis, my anxiety amped up. So, Friday I got the great news that I am "ok" but my anxiety isn't okay. I believe that becoming anxious caused a trigger - like it kicked up the chemical reaction and i am having a hard time "coming down". This is so frustrating because i didn't tolerate the daily meds (Lorizipam or whatever it was). I am going to try some natural meds. My healthnut sister told me a specific type of HTP5 to try because what i have tried before didn't help anything. The Gaba product that i have used before gave me a paradoxial reaction (made me insanely, having a heart attack anxiety) so I proceed with caution... It makes me frustrated that even when life is pretty good, I still have this anxiety problem. I am not horseback riding or doing some of the things that used to soothe my soul.

I'd love to year a report back 1 2 3 34 and 5 year's from now.

There are alot of local support groups I DON'T go to so I have to be realistic, I probably would not go.

Well...another way to think about it is that maintenance is about battling the regains etc. I just don't know why he keeps creating new forums. I will see a post and think I will respond later but can't find the dang thing because there are so many with unclear purpose. You know I am getting less and less out of BP. My big problems are medical right now...

Lab reports didn't come back but radiologist called pathologist doing lymphoma test and I am CLEAR. radiologist said he has only seen this disease once and my MRI matched his other case exactly. What a relief. Although a different lab is testing for the infection, this guy said no bad cells floating around so I have a seroma and it may need draining again but optimistic that the implants can stay. I have restricted activity and follow up in a month. My fault about veteran's forum. I have grumbled about too many forums, Denise asked to have maintenance thread moved to maintenance forum. So I asked the question "why do we need both?". To which alex responded by moving all posts to maintenance forum and deleting vets forum. I guess it doesn't matter but its like every week there is a new forum.

Exercise is always good BUT it does not shrink skin and it does not require expensive equipment. I used a combo of workout DVD and a spinning bike to get some of the toughest workouts ever.

Tonight I went to "Two Step Tuesday" at a local country western bar and took a $2 dance lesson - yes, 2 step which I have never attempted before. Here was the coolest part - I had the courage to go alone and so my partner was the hottest guy in the place... about 6'2", tall, dark, handsome and did I mention...hot! and... he could dance! Too bad he is closer to my son's age than mine, but It was a fun hour of being in dance frames called stuff like "the cuddle position". I could get used to this. Know where I will be next Tuesday evening?!?

2nd time I went I got a short middle aged balding guy...haha ..it was still fun!

The directions are right there with the picutre...same post. Don't click just read.

I have worked for the same very large company for decades. People have seen me lose, regain, and gain even more over the decades. In general, people are gentle and kind and don't say a word about the gaining. I would get the "you look great" with the losing. The difference is post WLS I actually got slim for the first time EVER. Also, because I have been in different roles and we are a multinational there are people who I only see in person every few years, it is not like there was this "gradual" change. For some folks I literally went from 300+ pounds to 150 and fit. Shocking change in my appearance. I had more then one "holy Sh*T" type reaction. I had a few guys behave in ways that were probably on the edge of appropriatenss on a work setting - but I chalked it up to shock and frankly I WAS shocked at how good I turned out looks wise so I cut alot of slack. The one that I struggled with the most was a woman who is kind of a spaz/weird person anyway (impulse control problem type of person) who just couldn't get over it. I mean, over a period of months she would walk up to me and insist on seeing my badge because she couldn't believe it was me. Her behavior started to feel creepy actually. In general, I don't answer questions about how. When people push me I talk about huge transformative events that made me realize how much I needed to change my whole life. There is nothing like talking about your dear sister, who was your best friend dying of breast cancer at age 40 to de-focus the conversation on my weight or how I did it. Anyway, I kind of viewed that I owed people some patience and love as they adjusted to the new me/new appearance. I feel that way because they were so accepting and supportive of ME even when I felt and looked pretty terrible. I have a long term relationship with a whole organization and I guess I felt like I owed them that. The beautiful thing is that overtime, people actually forget you were ever obese....

My Kindle Fire also hates this site

I have seen it discussed on the forums, but I don't wear one and my bariatric program never suggested it. I do have an In Case of emergency screen saver on my phone. My phone is password locked, but you can see 3 emergency numbers and basic data I entered: My name, city, Gastric sleeve Dec 2001, NKA, DOB XX/XX/xxxx If you are not diabetic, why would you say no sugar?

Just feeling normal. No longer being that uncomfortable combination of invisible (not seen as a woman) with being very noticable/stand out due to my morbid obesity. That was really a thing once i was over 300#. I love just taking it for granted that I am normal/medium/average. This applies to how I see myself, how clothes fit, the stores i can shop in, how others see me, how i fit into seats/booths - all elements of just feeling normal.

There is such a huge range of people in their 50s. Some are still super jocks, others seem like they are more like 75. I have been looking for the middle ground which is rare in the singles crowd it seems. Vast majority can't see their shoes - big huge gut thing going on. sigh. If I keep stress eating I will be like that too..harhar. I am hoping doc calls today with diagnosis because I have been waiting almost 2 months in total to find out "why". The main delay was the 3.5 weeks it took to get the diagnostic mammogram. I will never tolerate that wait again, but at the time the doc made it seem like no big deal. What i am finding out is regardless of the diagnosis - all possible ones actually are a big deal.

Thank you Alex. I have thought about reporting this thread but there isn't a single post that crossed the line....more of an accumulation of crazy train. I personally would just like to know what we are actually talking about. I STILL don't get it.

Denise I had the experience of meeting a contractor while out dancing. SOB led me to believe he was interested in bidding on my job....but when I didn't want to "date" him that flew out the window...Haha. seriously, I think the bidding appointment was just a premise to be in my home... I am 51, I'd be very comfortable dating a 40 year old. Scott is like 43 or something and in many ways I was more youthful!. Age is just a number and as long as activity/looks/interests are acceptable - why not??? I am weirded out by the dudes under 30 who want to "see" me but I don't think 10_15 years is too big of a difference. I am a hot but mature woman and I think you are as well! Changing subjects..... I decided to tell a couple of people that I work closely with about my pending diagnosis. Not the details per se but just an acknowledgement of why I have missed so effing much work for all the tests and frankly my emotional backwash. I love their support. I took my ex out to coffee and told him I feel weird asking so much and that I DO have other peeps....So just say no if it doesn't work to help me out. His answer nearly brought tears to my eyes. He said something like " if something weird comes out of this I will help you however I can. You are the center of the boys world and I love them so much I will always help you if I can" of course what he meant is we know cancer hell....we were there together with my sis. My gfriends are nearly as scared as I am....and I know they are here for me too. Tomorrow, when I find out this is "nothing" this post will be stupid... but it shows the power of loving relationships. I am blessed, truly blessed.

You are physically healthy." I heard this statement (my paraphrase ) on a amazon prime show called Enlightened and it gave me much much food for thought. Those of you who know me might guess I have much to say on this as I am truly transformed by massive weight loss...but I am very interested in your thoughts! . .. did you need to regain a degree of physical health before the emotional?