CowgirlJane

@@globetrotter I KNOW this is easier said than done... but I vote you try the "fake it till you make it" strategy. Hold your head high, know that like all of us, there are things you want improve, but you are still worthy even if the scale says your weight isn't. The trip your taking should be wonderful, and i recall you are going with close family, right? I would hate for one moment of joy of that event to be snatched away by the negative feelings about your weight. I know it always annoys you when I make suggestions like this, but I just really want the best for you and for you to find joy in the things in life that matter... and I think a special trip with special people is one of them! I am a bit of a mess...haha I am having home updating done. Today was demolition day, part one. Even though I have wanted this, been looking forward etc., omg it was really stressful. Strangers coming and going, dogs amped up, my house being torn apart. I think I realize I started on wellbutrin because deep inside I could feel myself heading for a big downturn and it is no wonder my emotional state is not as good as it could be. Now, I am only on half a dose, struggling with side effects and I forgive myself for getting WOUND UP by the noise, commotion and invasion of my space not to mention all the stress of spending money, having to make decisions on everything all by myself. It helped that I talked to my ex... he knows me best and I feel like I can be so honest with him because he is a real friend. When I get wound up, my mind starts going to other problems and i told him that I am utterly discouraged with dating, I want a relationship and I have little hope of finding it. He said the nicest thing that he has maybe ever ever said to me "you sell yourself short, you are smart, incredibly beautiful and just a good hearted person - and if you just walk around believing that about yourself, you will find someone who deserves you." I am not sure that is true, but it was such a kind thing to say and made me feel better.

I have had a few episodes of behaving outside of my normal. I did something impulsive which was low risk. Last weekend I behaved in a situation totally out of character for me. I am still at 150 dose; supposed to move up to 300 but holding off for a bit...

It is sometimes called an anchor cut. I didn't need that, but ladies that do get remarkable results. I think it is really a trade off question, scar vs results and depends how your excess skin hangs. If you are most interested in looking awesome while clothed, probably worth the trade off.

I think different people are looking for different things. I would NOT be interested in someone to join him in transforming his life. I am perhaps jaded, but I want to know what I am getting into and a person in the middle of big changes might come out the other side a bit different. I will take it a step further, alot of people aren't who they say they are anyway. I don't think it is malicious lying but rather lack of true self examination. I have not tried eharmony. I think when I am ready to try to meet someone again I will give it a go - I am sick of dating and actually want a serious relationship. In the meantime, I am going back to what I used to do - I am a member of a social group that listens to music, goes dancing etc where I don't feel awkward not having a "date".

I don't get it. Our family meals are a protein, side like rice or potato, vegetables and salad. I skip the side but rest of family has some of everything and we are all happy. I am a few years out though.

Loved those pix Sarah! !! I weighed 163 this morning...heading the right direction! I think this wellbutrin is making me act weird.

Match has more women than men... I did better elsewhere but for a man I think match is a great place to start.

This may have nothing to do with what you are experiencing... so for what it is worth... I went through a period of time when i basically stopped eating , not intentionally, I just didn't want to eat and then eventually felt like I couldn't eat. I had been at goal over a year - it was a strange chain of events that led me to that bad spot and I had to work hard to "dig out". I was motivated to solve it because i wanted good health. I am not sure what is causing you to feel the way you do about food, but what I can say is if you consistently undereat like this over a period of time you will compromise your health and risk your long term maintenance. I don't think you want your body to get used to living on a few hundred calories a day because that sucks over the long run. I have found a list of about 10 things (mostly I buy at costco or trader joes) that are convenient, Protein, tasty and require minimal effort on my part. I keep them stocked. It is stuff like healthy turkey or chicken sausages, chicken skewers, high quality sandwich meats and cheese, already seasoned prepared shrimp, etc etc. It has to be things you like and sometimes I had to eat them as a "prescription" not because i wanted them. The irony of course is that 1.5 years after my "stop eating" incident I am working my way back down to goal as I did have some regain... not alot, but some. As much as i miss having a size 2 pair of jeans, i sure feel alot healthier eating properly and eating enough. I didn't realize that under eating was "messing" with me and creating lots of problems.

The key is never giving up. I failed with lapband and after 10 years revised to sleeve.in 2011. I am maintaining 150 pounds loss! The key is keep on doing your best to follow good health /bariatric rules.

@@Halfagain our stories are the same! Banded in 2001...removed Sept 2011...sleeved Dec 2011. Been at goal for awhile. Revision was the BEST decision ever. My port area was very sore and then weird for weeks. I got a little depressed after band was out... maybe the sense of failure? Anyway here I am years later with no regrets about my revision.

Interesting question. Here is my basic advice if you are doing the online thing. Exchange a few messages, maybe talk or text or whatever she wants to do.... it is very important that women don't get "scared off" but they also like to be pursued to some extent. It is a fine line. Anyway, in a reasonable period of time... that might be a few days... might be a few weeks... depending on the persons involved and ASK HER to meet you in a public place for a walk, or a cup of coffee... something that a person only committs about 20-30 minutes to. I always appreciate it when a man suggests the meeting and place and activity and is sensitive to the fact that I will feel safer if it is during the day, in public etc. So, if things go well, maybe you follow that walk up with a lunch, or some activity that you enjoy. Nothing stressful, just something easy going that gives you a chance to feel comfortable. Maybe it doesn't feel right to do anything right that same day... but if you are interested maybe say something like "I'd like to see you again. Would you like to go out for XXX (music, dinner, pick something you like and you think she will be comfortable with). The worst thing that could happen is she says no. You have to just accept that risk, not take it personally and move on to the next prospect. If you DON'T ask, you might be missing out on something kinda cool! I'm not really worried necessarily about finding someone at age 30, but rather my inexperience is going to show and scare off women. I feel like there is more pressure as a man as I suppose I'm expected to lead the date and ask the girl out. Is this dated thinking?

If you want some additional specific advice, ask away. I know it is really hard to get going on this topic and things are REALLY different over 50. I became single in my early 30s and that was EASY, even though I was obese, compared to what I experience now. Long story.... Anyway, I do want to re-emphasis the point about seeing a counselor. Dating and some of the people in it... can give you a real head trip. A specific example - I started seeing someone who was crazy about me. We did a ton of stuff together, similiar lifestyles etc. even though we didn't ever have a physically intimate relationship. I wasn't seeing anyone else at the time though - we spent alot of time together. As time went on, and he became more emotionally invested some of his baggage reappaered. I came to realize this guy was NOT ready for an actual relationship. He realized it too... and apologized as he felt he had "lied" about his intentions. i dont think he lied, I think he was just not that self aware. I was in fact worried he was heading for some sort of emotional crash. This all went down many months ago and i considered myself lucky to have "dodged" getting seriously involved with someone who had a lot of emotional stuff to work through. Just this morning, I was perusing a dating website for grins(my profile is inactive as I am not actively seeking right now) and who do I see pop up - this guy again! What really annoyed me is he used a picture of himself on my horse in his profile. I suddenly started taking it very personally, felt rejected or whatever. Then I had to say...whoa, wait, hold on a minute... I know for a fact this guy has significant "work to do" on his inner self and I am lucky I didn't get sucked in.... why then am I feeling rejected? I had to slap myself and realize he is just repeating the pattern he is destined to do until he faces some things - not my circus, not my monkey! I am self reflective enough at this stage to process all that without a counselor, but I use it as an example to tell you how weird this online thing can be. If you are low confidence, inexperienced, etc you might really feel hurt by the people who have issues (my example) and the frankly "users" that are out there in dating land. I have heard this from men, that they have met women who are finanancially or otherwise desparate and seek out someone to save them online. On my side, I have run into alot of men who are in a mid life crisis and just aren't good prospects for a real relationship. I have spent a couple of years casually dating and frankly at this point, don't want to play with players. gowalking makes a great point too... you can get interested in the wrong person pretty easily that blocks you from meeting a better match. I know it is always a gamble, but i am really only interested in getting to know someone if we have a chance of making a go of something that might last.... Right before I got rid of my profiles i met someone who persuaded me to keep seeing him. It is still very light and casual, and going okay, but what is really in my mind is to continue to get my own house in order and perhaps 2016 is my year that the winds of love blow my direction? Kudos to you for getting out there and trying. It is really hard for all of us, but especially if you haven't been in relationships or dated. I find that dating sucks, but I am a relationship type of person and it seems you are expected to "date" to find that.

Good news... i am now only 8 pounds over goal. I am losing about half to 1 pound a week... slow but at least it is going the right direction! My goal is: 158 Lowest weight about 140 Regained to about 170, but one day I did see 173 on the scale...yikes! Slowly, very slowly inching back down... currently 166 I am hoping to be at 160 by Halloween.... step by step Maybe I can be down to 150 by Feb? - my Maui trip is that month! Sadly... I will likely be missing an implant for that trip.

Kim, thank you for such a beautiful essay about the end of your mother's life. I tried to do right by my mom and sister, but I was less mature then. I spent lots of time and did caregiving, but i wasn't as good at the "letting go" part. I think that is a maturity thing - 11 years since my mom's death, and now I probably could do that, but i couldn't then. Well, current recommendation is that implant is removed, go mismatched for 3 months and let things heal before "re-implanting". Not the end of the world... but crap.... that is going to be weird. The worst part for me is that there is some risk that they can't reuse the same "plane" for the implant which means the other side might need to be removed and replaced in a different place so they "match". If I were unhappy with my implants, I would see it as an opportunity, but my breasts are perfect - no scars, perfect size, look and feel pretty natural - I have to tell a lover they are implants for example because they don't scream "fake". Anyway, I am bummed but I will get over it and do what I need to do. It reconfirms the decision to sell my young horse - she is so difficult to handle and when I am "laid up" she becomes quite feral. She is now in a home where they have multiple horse people so if mom needs surgery, there are others to keep her in line. I am sad I sold her as I loved her, but this just wasn't working. I am still on low dose of Wellbutrin, I was supposed to double dose this week. Since getting used to it tends to cause anxiety, i am holding off on upping the dose. I have a home remodel starting, shitstorm at work and now the breast thing... i didn't need to risk going all anxiety wind up. I am actually finding this low dose to be quite helpful for now.... but I realize that I need to face jumping the dose up at some point.

Did you notice it was "normal" or 5% reduction? i started at 308, BMI of 52 and so losing 5% was only 15#. In the past I could lose 30-40 regularly and then regain 50-70. I guess that illustrates the point that maintaining even "small" losses is very difficult without WLS

Found out I need to have right implant removed. yippie.

Sarah I am so sorry you are suffering so much. I wish I had words to offer but sadly my family experiences with cancer have not been miracle stories. I was devastated when I lost my sister and at some point I realized my grief exceeded what people thought is normal for losing a sibling. The blessing for me was realizing I was so lucky to have a sister I loved and was so bonded with - like a twin maybe. I realized that we had a special relationship and I gave thanks for having it. When i read about your dad I can't help but think of a life well lived and the kind if dad many of us wished for. That feeling of admiration and your love for him shine through. ..and that is true whether he lives another 3 months, years or decades. That can never be taken away.

Okay, I am starting to brainstorm on halloween costume ideas and I am thinking about some sort of rockabilly/pinup girl look. I will likely be at a dance and it just sort of interested me as something to explore. I don't actually know much about it, what is out there, how to choose something that is fun and flattering. I am learning to dance and notice that some of the ladies wear things with this sort of "look". For a costume of course I would go "all out" with accessories, hair etc.but it would be nice if the outfit could be recycled for other purposes too. This is very summery... but I think along the lines of what I am thinking. Would love to hear ideas from you all! https://www.etsy.com/listing/220686393/pinup-dress-summer-wine-in-fresh?ref=shop_home_feat_2

Well after over a month of"rest" I did some yardwork and my right breast ballooned up again. I am a little discouraged but in my insomnia I came up with a plan. Dr Sauceda suspects an implant leak even though radiologists says I don't have one. Dr Sauceda warrants his work and wants me to fly down for replacement. My plan is to get drained again to relieve pressure, then take my images to a local plastic surgeon that I have a good relationship with and ask his opinion. I am told this is not an urgent crisis but should be dealt with soon. I am still bewildered as to what caused this. My implants, until this incident, have been amazing and natural looking and feeling. Maybe the difference in life on wellbutrin is that I can actually come up with a plan rather then freezing like a deer in headlights. On an exciting topic, new appliances arrive today and remodel begins on Monday!

Hmm...none of these seemed to be pinup type. I haven't seen anything better then my first dress I found. Might try to look for vintage shops here locally. It's like I have this concept but not quite sure how to execute it!

Thanks! The second link doesn't seem to be a real website...I just got advertisements to made in china places. Am I missing something? Unique vintage was cool but I didn't really see anything quite costume like.

food was never a hobby for me either... but i get your point. I continue with my equestrian hobby and since losing weight added hiking, dancing, working out. unfortunately, i have developed some health problems that interfere with hiking for now, but I am enjoying learning to dance!

I was not diabetic, but my A1C blood sugar definately dropped post sleeve. There is a recent study that "diabetes remission" is much better with bypass. I am concerned about the gastroparesis - ask alot of questions - I have no idea why bypass is better as both procedures make the stomach smaller/less effective.

Sorry this happened! I was lucky that my surgeon's office managed the insurance very well. In fact, my insurance handled it very well! I received a written "pre approval" so I knew roughly where i stood. We have a insurance coordinator who informed me in late 2011 that starting in 2012 my pre-approved sleeve would be "excluded" and bypass would have been my only option. I would have been caught by surprise so I am grateful they gave me that alert. This is why my sleeve surgery was mid Dec 2011, I needed to get in under the 2011 rules....

I am surprised as most surgeons advocate strongly for bypass.