CowgirlJane

Well, I have not had lasting success with my online dating forays, and yes I have met a few wackos... but mostly, what I see is that we are all struggling to find that elusive "last love" in life. We seem to yearn for "the good old days" but I really take issue with the concept that things used to be better for people. I know about my mother, and other women of her generation's history. Awesome if they happened to be married to a decent guy, really really sucked if you weren't. Or, as an example of the horrible things that happened to my mother after she was widowed with 5 very young children is being evicted from her rental home because "it wasn't seemly to have an unmarried woman with children" living in a respectable house. Seriously? So, one of the reasons relationships are harder is because these days BOTH genders have a realistic choice. There are kinks to work out, and I agree that some stuff is kinda weird, but I still think it is a better world when both men and women have some power over their own economic and other aspects of life. FWIW, I love men who have good manners, offer to open doors, help with chairs, pay me compliments etc. I don't need it, but it makes me feel special and I like it. I always express my appreciation when it happens to show up. On the flip side, i put effort into my appearance and when I go on a date I do my best to dress/look "appropriate" for the setting and I have had gentle gratitude for that expressed to me. Some guys like a woman they feel proud of showing off - doesn't mean you are someone you are not... just looking nice and appropriate for the situation whether it be a night out dancing or a day out hiking. While all the things I just mentioned are superficial, they are part of the man-woman relationship game and I like it! ha

@@Chimera been thinking about you and your "skeletal issues". How is that knee? Do you have a surgery date? I had a good meeting with a new orthopedic doc. Besides being super cute and young looking (he is 36 - says something about me that a 36 YO looks like a 26 YO to me!) he has had both hips replaced himself! I think I found a doc I can work with! He says my x-rays indicated "moderate" arthritis but xrays don't show how tore up the cartilige is so not really a final indication. We talked about a plan... how to get me back doing the things I love. He is "guessing" i can go another 3-4 years before needing replacement! I found out that one of the key causes of the pain is my muscles have bound up to protect the joint. My hip flexor is super tight so certain activities cause muscular discomfort. In addition, I have relatively weak gluts. I knew that - I have a skinny ass and the PT had told me it is weak. He told me that if I need PT again to get started, fine, but just like him I need a lifetime habit of keeping my muscles flexible AND strong to manage my joint issues. I imagine I will see him again in a few months for another injection.... but It cheered me immensely to feel like I have someone that relates. I don't want to become disabled again (I felt disabled by my obesity and it gives me anxiety to think about being like that again!!!)

Most of us tolerate carb food just fine once the sleeve is mature....say several months post op. In fact they go down too easy! We are all different but I think you will be fine. Get to goal and slowly reintroduce the carb type foods and see if you maintain well. Many do

There are many people who benefit greatly to invest in counseling with someone familiar with obesity, massive weight loss, body image etc.

I think your surgeon is technically "right" - you can eat pretty much anything after about 6 weeks. The thing is that you may not have maximum success without more specific guidance. Not everyone committs to long term low carb. I certaintly did not at the beginning of this journey but found over time that is what I needed to do to get all the way to goal (I was very high BMI, so after losing about 120 I needed to really go low carb to make it all the way to a normal weight/size) I was banded in 2001 by a very well known, respected, experienced European surgeon. He specialized in bariatric surgery and I think was a true expert - however his nutrition advice was just to "eat petite portions of any foods" did not give me the information, tactics and support I needed. The whole deal was an epic fail for me. So, I think you are right in reaching to get educated. I think mayo clinic and some other well known bariatric programs publish their eating/behavior guidelines on their websites. Find support groups - in person if that appeals to you or come back here for ongoing support. You can do this!

I would have said something similiar until it happened to me. i have always felt that my weight did not hold me back career wise, I did not have social anxiety etc. When I got to a certain size/appearance it was like a switch was flipped though. I had no idea I had been invisible until I wasn't. I suspect this is something that happens more to women though. In general, women are socialized to identify very strongly with their appearance/looks/attractiveness so changes in how others treat us (in relation to our looks) probably has a bigger impact on women, in general. However, that isn't what I was talking about as that is a fairly minor thing that most get over pretty quickly. I was actually getting at something much deeper.... the way that fat dulls the pain (and joys!) in many ways. I can see why it is just too much for some. I have some of my own experiences, but I have also seen some posts on this very website that make me wonder how well people are "holding up" emotionally. Seriously.

No regrets. You should know that MOST of us can eat any type of food once we are a few months out. Some people imagine the sleeve will stop them from eating "bad" or unhealthy foods and for most of us we must choose to avoid those foods, the sleeve doesn't decide it for us. I do think it is normal to "miss" overeating/over indulging and the truth is you will find long term success (ie maintenance) once you have kind of mentally moved on from that desire. I do not mean to say any of us are perfect, but it is a pretty fundamental shift in priorities. Example, I used to have a daily ice cream habit. At some point, I had to ask myself how important that pleasure is vs the misery of obesity. I don't need alot of calories to maintain, so even years down the road i have to be quite mindful and regain if I start letting little things become habits. On the topic of cocktails - it is my opinion that you should generally avoid alcohol during the weight loss phase. I say it for a couple of reasons - but mostly because it is just plain emtpy calories and a lot of carbs. I also found it burned my tummy first time i had wine was about 3-4 months post op at a celebration party. Many of us have excess acid/tender tummies for the first few months and alcohol does NOT improve that situation. In maintenance, I do have alcohol but it is one of the items that can lead to regain. It is pretty easy to drink a few extra hundred calories here and there ... and it doesn't take much for the scale to start moving up. So, I think you will find over the long haul that having a cocktail occasionally is no problem - but you might want to avoid it until you are well established as a WLS veteran so to speak and then monitor how it works for you in maintenance. Good luck!

The answer to that question has varied by year/timeframe. currently it is the exercise but that is due to some other health issues i am having.

I just read that same article this morning! I think that losing not just food as a coping mecanism but the ACTUAL excess weight itself can be a real stressor. It seems counter intuitive but I personally have noticed that I feel much sharper, whereas before I think alot of my reactions to things were a bit dulled. I went through the adjusting to being "visible" again. For bit there, i thought I was losing my mind - seriously, it seemed like a lot of people were looking at me. One day I realized that i was receiving normal amount of "looking" and what was really messed up was the decades of being invisible. Now, I don't really give all that a second thought. What I am talking about is a bit more than a transitional experience. I think it is true that if you are a introspective person, the type who really notices your own feelings and reactions to the world you might find it is markedly different post massive weight loss. The "fatsuit" is truly a shield, a damper, a facade to the world and when it is gone, there is some adjusting to do! It makes me sad to think of people who probably needed medication or other serious intervention to cope with the adjustments and most likely underlying issues didn't get the help they needed. However, it is still quite a small minority that are seriously impacted.

How much is "very little weight" ? Are you taking a good quality PPI for the acid? That is standard protocol for the first few months post op. If the one you are taking isn't working, talk to your doctor about switching. At 5 weeks out, I was eating by prescription, meaning i was not enoying it but doing it for my health. That is pretty normal. I am not convinced you are doing anything wrong.... what are you eating, quantities, how often? Have you discussed your symptoms with your surgeon or NUT? I know you didn't say it, but you sound kinda depressed. Sometimes when you are feeling low, everything can seem alot worse. I am taking your concerns seriously, but you didn't really share enough details to understand your situation clearly. Well, except to say, those first few months are really rugged and not alot of fun. It does get better though!

Well at least I haven't been scammed for money yet ....

I bought a coffee mug warmer, I still use it in my home office. Keeps Breakfast and cofee hot!

Well said, I agree with you - but I would ALSO like to play devil's advocate. I think we all need to ask ourselves how WE contribute to "relationship" issues. How many of the obese/formerly obese experience issues, emotional problems, depression - whatever - that are not conducive to maintaining the most healthy relationships? Relationships, true love and a purpose filled life take effort. It is easy to go down the "fairy tale" path of thinking that it is all about finding Prince Charming. Actually, I think it is more about finding a person that you have a mutual respect, love and values so you can nuture that relationship and hopefully each other. I have been at goal since Feb 2013 and I continue to realize that once the "weight" of the nememis of obesity is off my back I have energy toward some of the big questions in life that i just didn't even have on my radar when I was in the struggle to save my life. Moving up Maslov's needs pyramid!

You are wise to take this on directly and coming up with an accountability approach!

0. What type of weight loss surgery have you had? Sleeve 1. How long have you been in maintenance mode? 32 months (3 years in Feb) 2. What's your current height and weight? 160 - 2# over goal. I had gotten way under goal at one point but seem pretty healthy in the 150s. 3. How many calories do you eat daily (on average) to maintain your weight? Varies, I don't track. I do vary my consumption- a few lighter days midweek allows me some wiggle room on weekends. 4. What kind of focus do you put on Protein -- number of grams or anything else you want to say? Aim for 80 g, track periodically to make sure I am in ballpark 5. What kind of focus do you put on carbs - number of grams or anything else you want to say? Generally minimize processed carbs, eat moderate carbohydrate. 6. What other nutritional tips / tricks are working for you that help you maintain? Eat dense protein first, then healthy veggies. Minimize all else. Stay hydrated. 7. Which foods, if any, do you avoid altogether? None, but I don't keep snacky food in the house. 8. What exercise regimen (exercise types and frequency) do you follow? Currently walking plus farm work. My exercise changes with the seasons (and sadly with some health issues) 9. What role, if any, has counseling or therapy played in your WLS success? I did some counseling after reaching goal. It has helped me recognize some issues but my maintenance is probably not that impacted by it...just helping me to grow and build a better life. 10. What advice would you offer WLS patients to help them be successful? Pick a great surgeon with outstanding track record and a good support system and actually follow the program. Find the ongoing support that reasonates with you (online, in person etc) and stay with it. Monitor yourself rigorously and if/when you have a little regain, address it immediately. Be gentle with yourself, your value is not some idealized version of you. You are worthwhile and deserve good health.

Losing weight helps diabetics BIG TIME. I lost 150 with the sleeve and my sugars went from 90s to 70s!! I have maintained this for a few years now- That is the amazing part for me! However, if I were diabetic, I would seriously consider gastric bypass. I love my sleeve, but look at the research. Acid reflux and diabetes are two reasons to prefer the bypass.

I too miss the vets forum because it was all sleevers and a bit of community..right? However, I know some of you are maintaining quite well....being 10# over goal is something to fix but doesn't preclude you from maintenance people!!! Seriously..get a grip! I know most of you weren't as obese as I was, but my standards --- we are a pack of success stories! I had to consult with a surgeon the other day who asked me about my weight stability. I felt crappy because I have been under and over goal and now am about "at goal" again. She looked at me and said "you have done remarkably well". It gave me pause. I am terribly flawed and imperfect and yet have done remarkably well. I think some of you need to hear that too.

Eating uber low carb made me dingy.

I am sorry some are feeling so bad and don't seem to know what to do. I will be 4 years from sleeve (revision from lapband) and can share the encouragement that it gets way way better. You won't die from not eating much the early weeks/months Criminy, treat the excess acid! It is an expected event from sleeve and other WLS. Stay hydrated! Dehydration is an awful feeling and if you can't sip sip sip enough to prevent it...get IV fluids! Before you know it, all this will be a distant memory. Keep your eye on the prize!!

I don't think these are horror stories... but they are are all "real" things that happened to me. 1. Guy who lied about EVERYTHING except the color of his hair. He was actually better looking then his pictures, his career was at least as good etc - I can only guess he was married. He was shocked i didn't want a second date but I told him that I had no concept of who he was since nothing he told me before we met matched the story i heard (and saw) sitting across the table from him. 2. Guy who invited me to sit on his lap about 10 minutes into our cup of coffee. I was like "excuse me?" He decided I was fridgid or something - ha 3. I was getting ready to meet someone I had talked and texted with quite a bit ... when I get a text from him saying I had "been playing him". At first I thought the text was intended for someone else.... no... he was offended that I had logged into my online account while we were talking and texting because clearly the fact that I had agreed to meet him for coffee made me his property. Scary; blocked him and spent about a week looking over my shoulder - seriously 4. This might have been the most disappointing - this happened when I was looking for a "summer boyfriend" and activity partner vs a long term committed relationship. I really hit it off with this man, super fun, outgoing and all that. It was FREEZING cold out and so i accepted a ride in his car back to my car which was parked a few blocks a way. I kid you not, he stuck his hands in my pants in a most uninvited way. My reaction seemed to have scared him more than he scared me - apparently i can really holler when properly motivated. 5. This might have been the weirdest although it didn't happen while ON the date. I had gone out with this guy about 3 times and really liked him. We had not progressed to anything beyond a quick peck goodbye kiss, but i was really attracted to him. I went on a vacation with my kids so was gone for a couple of weeks and we were texting. well.... the texts started to gravitate toward sexual interests. To cut it short, he wanted to watch me have sex with a specific type of guy - say what???? At first I sorta thought it was a weird joke, but I started getting this sinking feeling that he was more of a voyeur type and probably not actually interested in a relationship. 6. okay, how could I forget about the guy who invited me to join him at a sex club for our second date? I declined (see above, I am apparently fridgid).

I watched multiple seasons of In Treatment. Amazon is like netflix, they don't have the most current season of a show. Except for their original series... Search for a show called "Sneaky pete" it is JUST a pilot episode but I think it is a new series coming to Amazon. I saw a couple of pilots for different shows that looked promising. So, on that weird thread.. maybe she did get "too big" of a sleeve. Imagine only 50% of her stomach, instead of 80-85% was removed... isn't it still crazy to be eating big quantities 2 weeks post op? And to totally disregard the advice she asked for because she doesnt see how it is possible that acid can feel like hunger etc etc. Anyway, she struck me as a person who is pretty wound up/anxious and perhaps even uninformed.

@@JudeaJordon The term is dismorphia when you don't see yourself accurately. It is pretty common - but especially among the obese even AFTER they lose weight. When i was over 300# I knew I was big, but when I looked in the mirror, I didn't see myself AS BIG as I really was. Photos always shocked me (still do actually) as that is the only time i would see my true size. Once I got to goal, it took awhile for me to see myself in a balanced and accurate way too as a normal sized person. I do think that losing weight will help deal with the "blues" related to not being about to move well, physical discomfort etc. but if you are actually depressed I wonder if seeking treatment might not be a bad idea. What I have noticed is a significant number of people BECOME depressed after WLS. It is like they still have all the stressors of life, but their old pal "endless eating" is no longer a viable option. I suspect it is even worse for people that are harboring a dream that losing weight WILL make them feel good emotionally. I had gotten to a slim weight in my 20s and really really suffered emotionally (no support, etc etc) so I was pretty wise to the fact that slim=happy. Happy and content comes from an internal place and frankly is not all that related to your appearance.

@@Sajijoma that is a horror story! There is a radio show that people call in with horrible date stories. I have only heard a few, but the funniest one was where the guy let her pick the place for their first "meeting" and she picked Walmart. She proceeds to grocery shop as they are chatting. They get to the checkstand and she expects him to PAY because "don't guys always pay on the first date?". As he retold the story he said he was so embarrased at the checkout that he did actually buy her freaking groceries... can you imagine???

I have had a few really bad disasters, especially early on in my dive into online stuff. A particular favorite story was a guy who looked great, sounded great, email exchange - he just seemed like a good fit. Can't explain why, but i just had a good feeling that this was someone I was going to want to keep seeing.... I was smart enough to just committ to meeting for a drink in spite of my optimism... but here is what happened... He asks me to pick a place and so I suggested a "Tap house" in my town that serves lots of cool local beers and food. Well, right off the bat, it becomes apparent that the photo he posted was at least 10 years old, his job wasn't quite what he said and he was just plain odd. Second, he was clueless about beer - apparently preferred Coorslight to the microbrews. Then - he had weird tics. So, we get to talking and I am being polite and trying to think how to get out of this. I was starving, hadn't eaten and was visualizing exiting as soon as possible and getting myself some food. So, while I am planning my excape he says "are you hungry" - mouth engages before brain and I say "I am starving".... so then, I can't really decline his dinner request. Well, I should have declined, but I was too polite.... so, he picks the restaurant and I order a small appetizer that was a trio of seafood items. Turns out, he is deathly allergic to shellfish so he was completely freaked out about my shrimp etc. I offered to send it back, but he was like "no, it's okay as long as you keep it over there" - so I eat away and then asks about what all is on my plate. One of the items was Ahi served quite rare (as it should be) - and he says to me in a horrifed tone "You EAT RAW FISH?" It was like a lightswitch flipped. He got over being nervous and tongue tied because he had clearly put me in the "no way pile" over my barbarian culinary tastes. Thank goodness. The conversation got alot better as he told me all about OCD, how his dad had it, his brother is so afflicted he is basically non functional etc. We actually had a decent time and I learned alot about OCD and exterminators! So, I offered to split the bill but he wanted to pay it saying he had really enjoyed the dinner and liked that he could relax with me (not to mention my food was pretty small/cheap!). So, about 8 months later, I decided to try "speed dating" and guess who shows up in the rotation! I recognized him immediately and asked him how his daughter and grandkid were doing etc etc. We kinda get caught up and then right before the next rotation he says to me "You are so much better looking then I remember, it must be because the lighting in here is so dim." I supposed I should have been insulted, but I thought it was funnier then anything - given that he had not aged well, had severe ocd and worked as an Exterminator that was a showstopper for lots of people (which he hadn't originally been honest about). My reply to him was "so glad to see you haven't changed!" I was of course referring to his social skills. I don't know if it is good or bad but the weirdo/broken people I have met since then were much much much better at disguising their "issues" in the beginning so i haven't had that kind of genuinely odd date since those early days.

Have you guys followed the 2 1/2 weeks out and can eat anything thread? This is what makes me want to quit this site sometimes. She knows everything and those of us telling her some basics are irrelevant. Can you imagine stuffing 5-6 ounces of tuna in just 2 weeks post op? I know protocols are evolving...but still. I have been developing a theory that many obese have emotional issues- not sadness from being overweight but underlying issues. I think many are prone to anxiety (like me) and I can't explain the wacko stuff written in that thread (and others) without thinking that the underlying anxiety and whatever..is just overpowering for some. I wonder if it has been studied if people do better post WLS if their anxiety or other issues are treated.