CowgirlJane

I cant see profiles as i am not a member. I used to be the...tell everything early on type. I think that was my fear of rejection..like I didn't want to see someone a few times then they dump me when I tell them I used to be obese and had plastics to remove skin.... In my experience, nobody cared that much about it so I shifted gears to that being something that comes up later as we get to know each other.

I am dead serious... that has not been my experience

Well, vacuum cleaner, internet and prescriptions are all resolved..whew. I still have a very old dog who is sadly, quite literally on his last legs. He is the family dog my boys were raised with and though I know it is time to let him go, they just.can't.yet. The wicked evil lying person still has my horse. Somethings you really can't fix.

@@VSGAnn2014 I agree with your sentiments but it is very difficult to decipher protip 1 & 2 until you have known them for quite a long time. Example, with the person I am describing on this thread - at first his exwife sounded like an awful person. The true facts are she had an affair, divorced him and created a nightmare situation by her behaviors and then moved across the country to chase some guy she met at a national dance competition. However, I have more context for her "crazy" now and I come to believe she was terrified of him (or perhaps his emotional instability) and many of the things she did were irrational but triggered by that emotion. So, at first he seemed like someone who had a decent relationship, but wife went off the deep end (she really did some insane things) but now... I suspect she was at least partially DRIVEN off that ledge if you know what I mean. None of us are perfect, relationships don't work out for lots of reasons, but the truth of the matter is that there seem to be alot of damaged people out there. The highly intelligent ones are either really great at accepting and describing their "limits" or very very adept at covering them and making it seem like they are the victim of the crazy EX. So it goes. Right now I have a punch list of stuff in life to work on so I am doing good not dating.

I remember the doldrums... not much fun and still fat. Time helps alot. Hang in there.

So, I shouldn't have started this up by my initial contact (drama would have been avoided) but I am glad I did as it feels like considerably clearer closure.

Using as just an example about my not attending that banquet - I explained quite thoroughly why I didn't want to attend, we discussed it and he said he was okay with it. Now, many many months later, he picked up on one fragment of a sentence that was discussed as my "reason". The fragment was that it would be awkard for me to attend with all these people not knowing why I was there since I wasn't going to be his date (it is an annual banquet that he and his family have gone to since we was a small child, fundraiser for hunting related habitat perservation and it is very meaningful and lots of fun for his daughter etc). That was a minor reason compared to the major ones but he twisted it around to me having the attitude that if he couldn't pick me up and arrive as a date, I wouldn't go. i never said that and he knows me well enough to realize I do LOTS of stuff solo and it was not the primary or deciding factor - but he has had 4 months to stew over it and has changed it around to match his world view that "everybody wants something from him that he can't give". He is a quirky person, and I am too so initially things that seemed a little atypical were okay, even appealing. What I didn't realize until we were several months into things, that he has pretty deeply held set of beliefs that are paranoid and isolationist. We had a 4 hour drive to a remote area to do horse camping with some of my friends an that long drive led to a lot of conversation that was my first inkling of how seriously differently we see other people and the world around us. One thing he told me last night is that other than his hunting buddies (which he doesn't socialize with outside of hunting) my friends were the only people around (besides than his mother, daughter) who accepted him. He just doesn't fit in around here kind of attitude. Well, there is nothing magical about my friends, right? This is a world view that "nobody understands me" which leads to lots of talks about just disappearing into the wilderness etc., planning to die alone like one of those old hermits, refusing to seek medical care for something that sounds serious to me... There is alot more to this, deeply hurt by his divorce and other life events, but I think it paints the picture I most definately empathize and understand all that. I still do respect and admire many of his traits...but this falls into "I'd rather be single" than permanently connected to someone who does not feel comfortable in this world, this time. Of course I didn't ask, but he volunteered why he had put his profile back up - he thought maybe he would meet someone who understood him. He made it very clear that nobody liked him after they met... so lack of success on a dating site provides further evidence that the world is against him. It is also true that I was deeply disappointed because I thought we maybe, maybe had a chance since there are so many positives and common interests and day to day compatibility, but I won't go back even if that were something he wanted in the future. I don't want to be around someone who is constantly thinking (even if not verbalizing it) how everyone is out to get him. I ended it by telling him I am concerned and care about and respect him in so many ways. He told me that he appreciated that, and it made him feel good, but he was going to start in drinking for the night. oh.

I know this is an aged topic, but I thought proselec and nexium were the main PPI drugs.

I don't mean to be an alarmist bit after my band slipped I was told it could cut off my ability to drink and require emergency surgery...the least pleasant kind of surgery. I am not saying that is your issue but please be seen ASAP. Chances are it is nothing major but better safe.

Where is the wine glass?

I am not sure what prompted me to reread this thread but I take issue with a very basic issue that is being ignored. The disease process of obesity. I believe with all my heart that if I'd had daily support, counseling, support groups and online information sources I could have contained the 40-50# overweight in my youth. The trouble was, by the time it was 150# I was genuinely unable to lose meaningful amounts of weight. For other people it might be lower weights where they cross that disease threshold, I don't know. I completely agree with the lifestyle aspect ...don't get me wrong but most people who are morbidly obese cannot "will themselves " to become thin. I speak as someone who was driven by hunger...to someone who now experiences hunger at appropriate times. It is night and day experience and I wouldn't have believed it myself if I hadn't seen both sides.

well, today was supposed to be the last day of this phase... of course, they didn't finish.... contractor gave me some great tips on next phase though - I would definately recommend this guy. I am doing countertops directly with a countertop place (saves the 20% markup and i am on a low budget!) and doing my own handles/knob replacement (keeping my cabinets and floorplan for kitchen). He made suggestions on colors for countertops and style of knobs/pulls that will look good with everything else and update things considerably. Once he said it, I knew it was right! it is really great when you find a team you can work with!

It's pretty disruptive your life and no matter what you try to do - it impacts the whole family too! As ,much as you plan, there are many surprises! No matter how many people warn you what it is like to live in a house under remodel; you really have no idea until it is too late and you ask yourself "what have I done???" Things look worse before they look better. You've checked references, asked questions, tried to do your homework.... but it is still a leap of faith

I am in maintenance and I do eat sweet potatoes squashes etc. I am one of those people who could eat mashed taters for a main course with a side of fries and tater tots for dessert...so i limit my potatoe temptation. I miss em...but I like being slim better! My girlfriends and I talked about this on Sunday. ..if we ever get the terminal diagnosis we are going on the all potato all the time plan - ha!

Match was my worst experience but maybe it is because women outnumbered men on match

I tried tinder for about 3 days. A million guys but it was like being in a video game...no real life at all!

I would get a second opinion. I.love my sleeve but I am really concerned because the sleeve procedure changes you PERMANENTLY. I would want to know more.. I learned something important from my mama during her cancer fight. A doc gave up and said no more treatmeants were feasibte. Her response was "it is my neck on the line, not his!" She found a more experimental doc and lived another 20 years! I am just saying they aren't all knowing...

@@BigViffer when I was 17 I was a waitress at a diner type place. They hired a tall, athletic guy my age as a dishwasher and all the older ladies lusted after him. (He was irresistibly cute, sweet, tall, and sexy but very shy.) The dirty ole ladies encouraged me to go after him and we became great friends. I wanted more....but country bumpkin in the 1980s.....clueless. When no making out showed up after a few months one of the older ladies declared him as gay. I feel shame that i didn't appreciate him more as a person - it is one of those..wish I had a do-over because I was appalled by the idea of his homosexuality and yet he was the kindest male I knew at that time. And, he was hot. If I had the chance to have a pal like that today, I'd be all over it. I am so grateful that most of us now accept gays as equals and I pray my God doesn't judge me too hard for my bigotry.

I completely understand your hesitation to discuss so I send pix. Clothed in normal attire but they can get the gist if my looks and body. I have seen many guys who describe themselves as fit or average who are quite overweight. I put myself as average but it is a crap shoot what that means to people. I also send current photos...pet peeve of mine!

My feelings on the topic are quite complex. I feel like it is natural for me to be in a serious relationship..it is my life pattern, but the longer I am single, the more I appreciate my singleness. I don't worry about being alone forever, I think I stress more about being "stuck" in a bad relationship because I clearly don't have a good track record at picking...and yet I am drawn to the "idea" of having a life partner. For now, it is all put on hold until I get some stuff sorted out -breast issue being one item on that list.

My implant removal is scheduled for Oct 29. I am so bummed it has come to this but the surgeon's assistant gave me a great pep talk and encouragement it will all work out.

So let's pick carbs as an example of topic that is often misinterpeted.. and "judged" I used to think low carb diets were phoney. I believed in calorie math and just thought that people lost weight on atkins because of the calorie restriction of not being able to eat any of the good foods in life...haha! My bariatric program didn't limit carbs, but had us focus on Protein and hydration, so "moderate" carbs were the fall out from that. I lost weight quite well still having some bread, potato, oatmeal etc. So, about 7-8 months post op, my weight loss slowed to a crawl, like 2-3 pounds a month. My hunger had returned too. I still had about 40# to lose and in my eyes I still looked "matronly" although certainly much better and healthier than preop. this is when I began to really learn how processed carbs affect me. If I eat much bread, Protein Bars, potato, noodles etc I get hungry and i don't lose weight as well. I went to low carb to get to goal. By low carb I mean, I didn't worry about carbs in veggies (didn't eat potato, corn, peas, carrots etc during that time) but otherwise tried to seriously minimize them. So, when people stall at 6-8 months and wonder why they are so hungry all the time, I share the short version of my personal experience. It doesn't mean it is the only way, but me and many many others have found they needed this to get to goal. Then, it gets interpeted as though we are preaching something unrealistic. Well, maybe, but it is my reality. I don't want to be obese, I don't want to be hungry all the time. I wish it weren't true, but it is for me. I do drink wine and that is very carb heavy so I don't mean to say that in maintenance I stick to it rigidly because I don't... but... I try to make most meals, most of the time limited in carbs from processed or grain type sources.

I bet she meant it as a compliment. Waifish No secret I am not crazy about these charts because most of us probably want to think of ourselves as hour glass but the underlying bone structure doesn't support it..just another reason to find flaw. I don't feel that way anymore as I embrace my God given attributes but I didn't start out thinking that way. The advantage of self awareness however is the art of creative dressing. I am the inverted triangle, athletic build but it is readily disguised. The first time I was aware I was at a very formal work related cocktail event. My colleagues all told me I looked "va-voom" so to speak. Then a friend took me aside told me she had tried the same dress I bought at Macy's but it made her have a "huge ass" whereas on me it was very figure flattering because it gave me that hourglass shape. Little light bulbs went off in my head and since then I have not been afraid of clothes that make the butt look big. I have been complimented many times on my figure even though I am bigger than I wish I were. I mean that I don't get petite - when I lose more weight I just look bony, my butt gets tiny but my shoulders/chest never get that small, just bony. It was a little hard to get over the idea that I will always be bigger than my skinny friends due to our basic builds being so different but I have embraced it and dress for my figure.

I 're-read this thanks to Anne quoting it. The comment about anxiety being the number one mental health issue pre surgery hit home. I have developed a theory, based on reading these forums plus my own experiences, that anxiety is a common and big issue for the obese.

hmmm... might be a better plan than strangling her.