CowgirlJane

I thought alot about how/if I wanted to respond to this post. I wasn't married, but had a long term partner (over 10 years) who accepted me no matter what weight. Problem was, we lived like roommates/cousins/brother-sister. I am not just talking about sex, I am talking about the very nature of our relationship. It left a hole in my heart the size of the Grand Canyon. I had lost about 125# and I was feeling so alive... i just wanted to share that with him. I tried so many ways, but in the end, i was overtly rejected. One of the most difficult things I have done was end that relationship. My siblings were astounded, because he is the all around great guy, first one to help out in a pinch... but what they didn't know is I was never touched, kissed, looked at or cared for in a way that I expect in a loving relationship. and, there were some other issues too. That was several years ago and in terms of fun factor since being single - epic. I am not talking about men being interested - I am talking about learning to dance, finding out the kind of live music I like, going to fun events "with the girls" and just having the freedom to do what I want, when I want. We ended things very amicably, and in the end, he is probably my best friend although I rarely see him. Who was there when it was time to put down the family dog? him. Who was there when I needed someone to drive me to/from a recent surgery? him Two of my girlfriends have since left their husbands (they were already skinny - not weight loss related) and mentioned that I inspired them to find a better life in middle age. It broke my heart to hear that. As recently as like 3 months ago, I seriously thought about asking him to come back. I miss him. I miss having a whole family. Luckily, I talked to my counselor and she said something that helped ease my 'doubts' - he is a better friend than life partner, isn't he? I have to admit she is right. (there were other issues I haven't disclosed that fit into this) Anyway, none of us know your situation, the entire life picture. I just encourage people to thing really really hard about what they are giving up. Did I make the right decision to end things? yes I did, because I can't stand living with someone who doesn't want to hug or kiss me or talk to me about daily life.. like I just can't stand it and it made me feel horrible about myself. When losing weight didn't change anything (oh, and I had tried many other things too!) I realized that there was nothing i could do to fix things. Even so, i still believe that it is worth trying to fix things.

I don't think number of posts means a damn thing. I have been maintaining 150# loss for some years now - post revision - so I have some personal experience with both failed and successful WLS Congrats on your approval and I hope you find much success .

If you use "content I follow" it includes threads you posted in until you choose to stop following. You can also follow a forum or thread

You are not a monster and don't look like one either! I am sorry you can't do this but your life is not worth risking for skin removal! I can't find links to what I purchased before but there are tons of options. Be careful to not go too tight or else skin will pour over the top. If you buy compression like people used post op, choose stage 2. http://www.amazon.com/Colombiana-Posture-Corrector-Model-295/dp/B00QWEL9SK/ref=sr_1_79?s=apparel&ie=UTF8&qid=1447165836&sr=1-79&nodeID=1045010&keywords=compression+garments

Some people have swelling for a year. I bought compression garments (after done with the surgical ones) and wore it for several months when exercising.

I don't want to burst your bubble but it is normal to "date" several people, go slow until you know each other and go from there. Consider it a good sign that someone you just met isn't all clingy and stuff. I had a guy scare the crap out of me....accused me of "playing" him because he could tell I had logged onto the website. I should mention he and I hadn't even met yet....

Ok this is a different topic but I believe "words matter" and you should consider if your screen name projects that positive energy toward success.

Well... I regained from the surgery and havent lost those few pounds yet either. I think when you are so close to goal we need to think in terme of 1-3 pounds a month, not a week! Actually I am not very lopsided...hidden by clothes with an insert. Then I remembered..oh yeah, I got small implants to give that upper pole fullness so it realy is more of a"how you look nekkid" issue. I went to a big blues event Sunday. Stayed too late, danced alot, drank too much and some guy tried to pick me up - ha. I had my drain cleverly hiddenbut wouldn't that have been a funny surprise. No I didn't take him up on it. Work is killing me today.... I cant party on Sunday and be sharp Monday at 5 am..uggg

I bounced UP after my recent surgery... grr... so 162.5 is my start. My goal is 158.

I kept a detailed record of my losses, average loss per week etc but this forum won't let me share it. Nobody told me what to expect and rate of loss varied a great deal. I guess I averaged 2-3 a week for the most part. Now, at/near goal i consider losing 4-5a month to be amazing (like it took months to lose a 10# regain.

I wasn't given an expectation but its pretty common to gain weight from the surgery due to the IV fluids, lose weight really fast, stall, lose weight fast, then settle into some sort of pattern. So, what I think happens is people think that rapid weight loss phase is normql, when it is just a phase. Other thing that happens is a very high BMI person posts that they lose 100# in 3 months (but of course still have more to lose) so the person who only has 50# to lose cannot understand why they aren't to goal in a few months. My NUT talked in terms of percentage of excess body weight..I used to give that lecture pretty regularly, would work out the math for people to show that they really are doing well...but it does not seem to resonate with people. However during the weight loss period with the sleeve I lost faster than 1-2# a week.

I might be off base but if you are not having the broth I wonder if it is the drastic reduction in sodium that is causing your weak feeling. Do you feel any better when you get them in? Also are you getting enough Water? It doesnt make sense to me that you feel nausea from this diet so it's almost like something is a little out of balance. Hang in there-the main purpose is to shrink that liver in preparing for surgery. You are almost there!

You completely did the right thing. Online dating is off the hook weird. Do not give up over this. I have to admit .I am curious what you suggested. Do not respond if this is too personal.

I am very glad the band is working well for you but much like the OP blanket statement yours is also not factually true. I did not do well with band, revised to sleeve 4 years ago and maintaining 150# loss. Many other similar stories.

Don't take this wrong, just trying to share my own experience maintaining weight loss... If you DON'T spend a life "eating like a bird" you will regret the surgery because you will quite likely regain. When i go out to eat, I generally order from the appetizer menu and often dont eat it at one sitting. A restaurant meal is either shared with a friend or if just me, probably often males 3 meals.

I am nearly 4 years post op, I have not have significant regain, but a I got a couple of pounds over goal. OMG... really really hard, and shockingly slow to relose. i consider losing .5 to 1 pound a week to be OUTSTANDING. So, it took me months to lose 10#, but, I did and am back at goal. It will take me months more to get back UNDER goal, but I will get there... a few ounces at a time! Here is what I think - act line thin people do. Ooops.... I am up a couple of pounds - I need to go back to what works! I don't happen to think that low carbing is a fad, I think for some of us it is a reality. for me it works. So, I am convinced that the key to long term success is that diligence, that avoiding denial, that going back to what works... and being in it for the LONG HAUL. It isn't about losing regain fast... it is about STOPPING more regain and then ideally losing it again in a slow slog. I reckon that is the story for the rest of my life! In my opinion, it is "magical thinking" to believe that once at goal, I am not hungry, life is good, I never have to be concerned about what I eat... ever ever again. That has not been my experience, and i chat with enough other "veterans" to believe that many others have to continually work at maintenance. The difference is, pre WLS - I didn't stand a chance. Now, it is work, it is effort, it is slow, but I can do it!

my first bariatric surgery - lapband - I did alot of checking around on who the "best" were. I was living in Europe at the time and the band was approved before it was in the USA. I picked a German surgeon who is well known, respected and has contributed to alot of the WLS research and exploration. He was also head of surgery at the hospital in Frankfurt he practiced out of. Excellent surgeon - over the top care in the hospital but really really weak on actual lifestyle changes education. I was deeply disillusioned by my WLS #1 experience, but at over 300#, late 40s I knew I needed to do SOMETHING. So, I called on a 2 year year lifestyle program. I decided I would turn myself over and just do whatever they said because clearly whatever I was doing was NOT working. I genuinely felt divine intervention that the day I called, the director of the program happened to take my call. I told her my story and she said "this program will not work for you, you have advanced stage disease of obesity and need bariatric surgery. Go talk to the surgeons and Puget Sound Surgical Center about the gastric sleeve. I met with Dr Billing who is a kind, caring man but also deeply analytical (which like totally appealed to me!). He educated me, tolerated my very emotional state and in a few appointments convinced me to be brave enough to try again. I will never forget one thing he said to me "this isn't all your fault". I know that seems such a small statement, but it was powerful as I had huge guilt at being so huge, at failing with the band, at being an embarrassment to my family... I felt guilt for being old before my time. He removed my band, but I was still scared so didn't book my sleeve surgery right away. Luckily (once again, I feel some kind of intervention here!) my insurance company representative called me and told me that in January there were changes and my "pre-approved" sleeve would no longer be covered. That is why I was sleeved in Dec 2011, but Dr Landerholm (same practice of course) because Dr Billing was on vacation. Yes, my surgical practice is a center of excellence. Yes, that practice has a comprehensive surgical, nutrition and even fitness program Yes, they have an excellent 2 year follow up program (I recognized that I needed that given my band experience) But in the end, it was largely the compassion and hope that surgeons educated in the obesity disease process provided that drove my choice. I cannot begin to express my gratitude.

I wrote a big long response... and then decided to not share it. Summary version... I have both failed (lapband) and had very good success (sleeve) with WLS so I perhaps see this whole judgement line of thinking a little differently. Someone on this thread knows someone who was a very influential person in my banded life. She was very very helpful to me (lets just say in those days getting support when you had your surgery out of country - in my case Germany because I lived there! wasn't so easy and she really helped me when i came home). She was also one of those "veterans" that basically had the attitude that we just needed to "man up" and follow the rules and we would have astounding success. I tried pretty hard - as misguided as my uneducated efforts were - it wasn't for lack of "try" and it was devastating to be judged so harshly by someone who I looked up to. i caution all of you to realize that real human beings are "failing" and making bad choices. And they read this **** you write about them. To me - this unrelenting "judging" of other people's failings with WLS is actually no different than the bias, disgust and hate some people show toward the general obese population. Actually, I think it is worse.

I ask because I hate riding on the back nut am intrigued by riding somehow. I have a feeling I may be pushing my luck since I plan to get a FAST horse in 2016...hmmmm How.many of my 9 lives remain? Not much, a few times. He was never really comfortable with it, we are actually doing it more the last couple of weeks. I just had a mindset change, got the lessons and bought the bike within three weeks. We both went on the bike to the country road, then he just hung out and took photos from high ground where he could see me most of the time. No time like the present!

@@feedyoureye That really does look fun! Have you been riding double with Craig for awhile before starting to learn and buy your own bike? @@UK Cathy The story of your brother could be made into a movie! I am happy he found someone after all these years. Autumn is here, the leaves are probably past their prime now. I miss summer! So, my implant removal went well,I am not nearly as upset about it as I had imagined. unfortunately, the drain is still in till next week...sigh!

Maybe I am too conservative ..but if you are just transitioning to solid food and this is first meat to try...not sure I would go sausage. We are all different but I am a sleever and my newborn tummy was a bit delicate... I would start with small quantities of something very mild like perhaps a white fish like tilapia.

I guess I have carbonation too, but it is mostly in the form of soda Water... with a little lime and perhaps vodka to dilute the bubbles. oops, should I admit that? Actually, I am a social drinker, I have mentioned that before. Be really careful fellow sleevers as a "dab will do ya" when it comes to alcohol. I go to happy hour with my girlfriends a couple times a month and we all order the same drink (see above) in a very tall glass. All that was inspired by me trying to find the lowest carb/lowest calorie drink that you could still suck down and feel like you've drunk something! Actually, every once in awhile I have a diet root beer. When I was obese, I didn't drink root beer, but somehow now it is this over the top sweet delight that makes me feel like I have had something really really decadent. I dunno, I am far enough out from my original surgery that I think my tummy is my mature size. I don't worry too much about it - I just try to eat small. I do get hunger, but normal humans experience hunger. I feel like that is what I experience now compared to the overwhelming drive to eat - constant hunger I used to have. I can honestly say, the sleeve has for me lived up to all the hype.

Ha! I just ask that his boobs aren't bigger than mine!

I had a great experience and results with Dr Sauceda in Mexico. I personally think now is the time to focus on getting fit and slim.... worry about plastics later!

I didn't share any of this at the time...but in hindsight that friendship was one of the best things that could have happened for that stage of my "transformation". He is older and a hottie himself and helped me develop a healthy outlook on the subject. Looking good is awesome but it is just one dimension to our lives. He also helped me see myself in a more objective less harsh way. I have never gotten negative feedback on my plastics scars but if I did... I would immediately recognize. .."your loss dude" as the right answer. In some odd way I am actually kind of proud of my scars...evidence of transformation...reminder of how far I have come. I am not perfect but am pleasantly imperfect and appreciate my body, my mind, my personality and feel grateful for what I do have. This man didn't create all that belief system for sure ..but often nudged me in that direction. So now this is probably getting weird but my dad was mean and said unkind things about my looks to me all the time when I was growing up. I always thought I was hideous looking when I was younger. Words do matter and I think having this man that I kinda "looked up to" replace that meanness with genuine appreciation and compliments helped me change that inner voice. Yes I am grateful but can also laugh at myself. I can still recall the HORROR when my disguise came off..ha! The expression on my face would have made great WLS comedy scene.