CowgirlJane

@@M2G so nice to hear from you! The group is not so active anymore, so checking in weekly would be a short read. I have to say, a desk job ( which I have!) is killer. It is killer on your back and it encourages weight gain. You need to fight it extra hard. My year in review: Weight: I got 10# over goal this summer, now back to goal! Fitness: Not so hot. I got out of all my routines due to some physical issue and I now longer have those defined muscles I loved! Health: A year of challenges, right breast implant had to be removed after a very scary several month period of trying to figure out if I had some dreadful cancer or something (I don't). Hip is bad but I found a better doctor and am rehabbing it well. He guesses I have another 3-4 years before replacement. Emotional: I finally decided to go on wellbutrin for my anxiety. In GENERAL it is so much improved. I still have 'bouts of problems but it is like a burden lifted that has allowed me to progress on on other areas of my life. Home: remodel mostly done. New countertops remain. I love the new look/new floorplan Work: I hate it, but assigned to a new project in 2016 so hopefully re-energized Horses: Sold my young mare as she was too aggressive on the ground and other people couldn't handle her. I need easy. Living situation: Boys are rent paying roomies now. I fear I am holding them back from moving on in life, my counselor fears I am being held back. Dating: After a very discouraging time dating Scott from late Feb to end of May who turned out to be crazy and (side note, no sex!). I wasn;t in love, but this failure, this realization of how someone could seem so sane and even fooled my friends really discouraged me. Since then, I have had a lot of fun casually dating - not serious about anyone. I turned down two date requests for New Years Eve and doing stuff with girlfriends instead. I hate to admit it, but I feel myself giving up hope on EVER finding a good, serious, healthy long term relationship. I don't know why this bothers me, I don't know why I can't just let go and accept spinsterhood (haha) but so far it is something I still want. Plans for 2016: Reduce my body fat %, get a few pounds under goal, get my hip rehabbed enough I can hike again, keep trying to learn to dance, give golf a try. with the help of wellbutrin I have been able to address many lingering nagging things in life, but 2016 is the year I really want to figure out my retirement/next steps in life ideas. Wellbutrin can give a person impulsive thoughts and I just increased the dose.... so last night I thought about "selling everything and becoming a vagabond" - keeping my job, which is portable, but really, see more of the country, maybe even of the world while still working. The thing that holds me back is I fear I will become lonely not having my social network around me.... so, probably wont do that, but it is fun to dream, isn't it?

My surgery was 4 years ago, I am quite convinced it was the effect of the .medication because what happened mirrored that exactly and the meds are new. Well now I know!

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Well, I found out a medication I have been taking contributed to this over the top situation. I really could not understand since I drank same or less than others... so I started googling it and sure enough... lessons learned

Classic sign of acid reflux, are you on a good PPI?

My goal for 2016 is to reduce my body fat percent, get my boob fixed, and find a boyfriend - bet that is a unique combo!

Ok the story gets better. The guy who propped me up on the dance floor called. I apologized for been such a drunk and he laughed it off, said we girls were just having a good time so I guess I wasn't as bad as I feared. Well except I don't really remember what he looks like or why I gave him my number! It really was fun and I don't feel guilty more like a warning. I don't process alcohol normally so if I have a few, well spaced out with food I am fine. ..if I don't follow my own rules... well, it gets crazy fast. I never drink alone or when I need to drive...safe and at least somewhat sane. .

Yes, I am better than okay now! Thanks for asking. Just keep working at it.

I am not ashamed and if someone asked, I would tell. I don't discuss my dental work, my college GPA (which was very high BTW!), the family ranch in Montana. ..they aren't secrets but none of it is central to meeting a new person. If things progress, I do . mention the weight loss and plastic surgery.

Sorry I can't start a thread with my kindle so I do an empty post and reply to it.

Did a holiday night on the town with a couple of girlfriends. I outweigh em both by at least 30#, but I got so hammered on the same amount they drank. We were safe and nothing bad happened but I feel awful today. Our uber driver sent us a text saying what a fun night HE had-ha. Apparently I told him all the gritty details of the burlesque show we saw and other adventures which he found entertaining. For some reason I let some guy talk me into dancing at the last place of the night. I remember making him promise to not let me fall down...gross, don't know why anyone would want to dance with me in that state. My friends said I looked pretty good, but it was very odd that I was wearing my friend's winter scarf out there dancing with a big tall guy who had a pretty good hold on me. Sheesh. Tequila may make your clothes off, but apparently gin makes me put more on. Anyway, trust me when I tell you that the sleeve changes the way your body handles alcohol. I did eat some dinner, but not enough because the drinks hit me hard. I changed my clothes into jammies when we got back to my friends house, I guess we danced more in the living room and I seemed "ok" but I don't have recall of things that happened after we closed the last dancehall. Good thing I am a sweet and happy drunk because I clearly was not in control of myself. I have no idea how people do this regularly.

I have worked for the company for decades. I have a spotless reputation because I keep work and personal life as separate as possible. I personally would go somewhere else. I have become a little palsy with someone at my surgeon's office and she wants to have plastics done. They won't do it - too close and lack of objectivity. I think they are smart, especially since plastics, like WLS, has a high emotional factor.

I don't tell dates about surgery. I didn't start dating until after I was at goal, so could eat a bit more. Nobody has ever stared or asked. I am chatty, I order small portions and am a master at shoving food around on my plate so I am not sure they really notice. In fact the only thing I have been told is how much they like the conversation. But, how about suggesting another activity besides a meal? Usually men are happy to let their date suggest something. I have gone on hikes, city walks, beach walks, target shooting at a gunrange or quarry, museum, live music, paddling/canoeing, movies, haunted house...but the weirdest was going to Ikea - ha! That was surprisingly entertaining and we skipped the crappy food there.

Yeah! You are off to a fabulous start! My holiday victory is to have 3 years in a row to end the "eating season" at or below goal! Thank you sleeve!!!

Many of us have had some emotional ups and downs related to massive weight loss. What concerns me the most about what you have shared is the extremes. It seems like you believe you are ill and undernourished but don't really have evidence of that. We all worry about regain, but most of us don't turn that into eating anguish, refusing to socialize etc. You mention that you are scared of overeating but have bad cravings for chocolate etc. -that can really backfire big time - starving yourself interspersed with overeating crappy food. That by itself can make you feel terrible. I don't think you need to find a counselor who specializes in WLS, but rather a good counselor with expertise in addictions and perhaps even obsessive-compulsive thinking. Be open to the possibility of medications. A good nutritionist can help-especially give you peace of mind, but honestly you probably know what you need to do. Treat food like a life saving medication. Plan, choose wisely, weigh/ measure and track. Get at least 80grams of Protein, drink tons of Water and the rest starts to fall in place. BTW, in the spring of 2014, I went through a bad time and couldn't eat. I didn't feel guilt or fear of eating, I just couldn't. I lost 10# in about 3weeks, and I was already at goal. I forced myself to start eating again and slowed down the losing until I finally got back to normal. I bruised easily, ribs on my back protruded, guys thought I looked hot but anybody that cared about me (including my docs) saw me going downhill fast. It took effort to regain my health - both physical and emotional - but you too can do this.

I recently did the bodpod and plan to remeasure in 6 months!

It never occurred to me that benadryl contributed to drying out down there. I am going to stop taking it and see what happens.

Merry Christmas!!! Weather in the Pacific northwest is light rain, pretty normal for winter... No snow for Christmas but the mountains are getting pelted....outstanding ski season potential!

I am 4 years out and definitely have to manage hunger! Here is the key for ME...go low carb and eat at least 100 g of protein. I don't know about you but"meat" and low carbohydrate protein drinks do NOT trigger the urge to snack or overeat. If I start snacking on sweets, bread etc...I get hungry and have more cravings.

I sorta feel like there are phases some of us go through and you see them differently in hindsight. There is the initial- it feels good to be validated as attractive and desirable. I personally am way past that. I did inadvertently date someone who is seeking that same thing from women so I got a taste of the other aide of that one.. Then there is the " I want someone fun to do things with, travel with because I don't want to do it all alone." I spent a long time in that state, and had some fun dating and actual relationships. A theme emerged however of picking guys who were fun, attentive and had shared interests but often had significant other issues. My looks and bubbly personality made it easy to attract them, but nothing "real" actually came out of it. If I had that phase to start over again I would follow everyone's advice and not narrow it to one man so quickly. Actually date, get to know each other for MONTHS before becoming exclusive. Date others too so judgment remains a bit more level headed as opposed to getting sucked into someone's vortex. I now actually want someone in my life. I am very picky though and am going to learn from my experiences. For example, I am much more likely to try a few dates with someone even if I am not wowed by him because my investment is low and I am not going to zero in on ANYBODY quickly. I am in a transition right now so not actively searching but interestingly, dates are coming from unexpected places (example someone I met 18 months ago at a meetup function but rejected-he is turning out to be interesting and cool.) I don't intend to actively search until spring but I am good with continuing to enjoy good company, doing fun things (everything from target shooting to snowshoeing to dancing).

I went to an eating disorders clinic pre WLS to assess " what is wrong with me". I feel I was accurately diagnosed; not an eating disorder, but disordered eating. I am not 100 percent of the difference but I didnt have binge, anorexia, bulimia or anything like that. My history was of knowing how to eat healthy and being able to do it for extended periods of time but then..it was like..I just couldn't do it anymore and start overeating again. The counselor said I used overeating as an emotional ballast...like everything would be "in control" and then suddenly I just couldn't repress the urges to eat too much of the wrong junkie food. Since being at goal my perspectives have evolved. I had a physical issue - being freaking hungry 24/7, but I did use food as a sedative and obesity as a shield and protection. I discovered that my old ways masked anxiety, protected me from heartbreak, and made me feel safe. I know this is why I ALWAYS regained in the past...I couldn't tolerate all that. So, my real transformation went beyond losing half my body weight, it extended to becoming a more complete, vulnerable but strong person who really loves life and sucks it all in instead of wearing a shield to protect myself. I still see a counselor from time to time and the reoccurring theme is that it is okay that I love deeply, feel losses intensely(like my dog dying this fall is still a heartbreak) and I don't need to"fix" it, it is ok to just feel it. So in the end, I think for some of us dealing with underlying issues and changing bad old habits is key to maintaining. As a wise woman on this forum once said "you don't get over 300# without some kind of issues"...

Ha - congrats! I am allergic to mommy jeans or anything that makes me feel frumpy.

I have been maintaining for awhile. Here is my mindset...goal weight isn't the "end" it is more like the beginning of the REAL challenges. While I do eat more, and follow rules less strictly than I did during the weight loss phase, I still strongly identify as someone who is actively managing weight, fitness and health. I still set goals, I weigh for accountability, I have non scale related goals and victories, I surround myself with active fitness oriented people, etc. This is a fundamental shift for me from my old ways of thinking when I was either dieting and losing weight or not dieting and eating in a disordered way.

I have noticed that when the scale starts creeping up, it is associated with habit changes...one of the most fundamental is time of day and calorie consumption. When I flip to eating less early and more later, I tend to gain.... Breakfast is really important for me. My go to breakfast is an egg white omelette or scramble with sauteed veggies and lean turkey or chicken sausage inside.

I hope you find a way to afford this. There are other options, Mexico, even staying in the USA, worth checking out. I luckily had insurance coverage for my sleeve surgery, but went out of country for plastics and can testify to a high quality of surgical skill and care. It's a free country and anyone can set up a funding request. Based on what I have seen over the years (the topic has come up before) I don't think most people will donate to something like this for someone they don't know.I donate to charities but have never contributed to any of the funding requests and I am guessing I am typical.