CowgirlJane

oh, my profiles are always hid... I just occasionally reach out to one that looks better than the pack... it has improved the quality of the dates that don't work out tremendously! you gotta laugh!

I liked dating too. I also spent some time just going out dancing and having fun with a meetup group (never accepted a date from anyone there because I just wanted to keep it easy going at the time). That era resulted in meeting alot of people, doing some fun activities etc and a couple of them actually became friends that i still do stuff with even though we didnt really have a romantic relationship. Then, I reached a point when i just wanted a boyfriend to do fun stuff with. You know, not looking for forever, but someone to see. Someone who might become a bit more part of my life, meet my friends and kids, maybe we travel together a bit... etc. That is when the problems began because my attempts at finding a person went down in flames - usually after about 3-4 months. The down side for me is it started to make me jaded. So, I never found the "Mr Right Now" to be honest. Now... I am thinking alot more about the rest of my life (well, at least the next 10-20 years) and have a clear vision of what i want it to look like. I think about dating men who might have some kind of common vision. Well, since I couldn't really find a decent "Mr Right now" it is hard to be too optimistic about a "Mr Right". I did meet someone who has a shockingly similiar "life plan" as mine. Too bad he loves Donald Trump, has a renter running a puppy mill on one of his properties (I am an animal lover so I can barely resist reporting this) and other small things that kinda kill the fire/desire. So, whats a girl to do? I do agree with spending time alone, and in spite of what it sounds like - I really have. I have spent significant periods of time not dating - but maybe just going dancing or whatever. I have spent alot of tme and effort on my inner growth. While a great guy might just fall out of the sky, it is rather hard to believe it. I keep getting told I am attractive, fun to be with, friendly, easy to talk to... and yet, I don't seem to attract the good ones. anyway, i have surgery on Monday. I have some time off from life while I am recovering, I won't be dating. When I am back to full activity (4 weeks post op) I am serious about getting my body fat percent to a certain target.... so... not sure if I will make time for looking/dating then. Due to some side effects, I recently stopped taking a hormone replacement therapy and you know what, I am not sure I even care about having a man in my life anymore. It seems strange that my desires should shift so suddenly, and maybe it is temporary.... will check back in a few months I guess.

Okay, I have an update on a pretty cool guy I started seeing back in October. A month or so in, i realized he wasn't ready for a serious relationship (would have been nice had he mentioned it earlier, but ok). We saw each other about twice a week and had a really great time together so i thought this was okay for "now" especiaally since I have another surgery coming up etc. We DID fun stuff together, not just dinner dates, you know? Anyway, over the holidays - he WENT OFF THE RAILS. It had nothing to do with me, we were getting along fine, our last dates were fun, light and easy and he expressed wanting to see me again. He even invited me to join the target shooting league he is in since we have done that a few times and I am pretty good for a beginner. Anyway, ex wife, kids and other family drama sent him into some sort of spiral of depression right around Christmas. He used to call me nearly daily, and then it turned into texting only. i would say "have a minute to talk?" and he would refuse. Finally, I was kinda like "what is going on" and it turned out he had family problems, back problems, and referred to his mind being in a blender. It was hard for me to reconcile this pretty light and easy dating relationship turning into refusing to talk to me - but I decided he is depressed and simply is the type that shuts down. Too bad, his loss, I don't need it. I came to realize his primary interest in dating me was twofold 1. validation that he was "desirable" by someone he thought was attractive and 2. someone who was upbeat and cheerful in his otherwise pretty freaking negative life. I realize that probably early in my dating I too was looking for that "validation" so I have now received a dose of my own medicine....and you know what, it is lame and kinda sucks. Don't use people that way and I am sorry that I did too. He isn't "crazy" like some of the other wackos we have all met, but clearly a depressive personality, no real friends who is still CONSUMED by his unhealthy relationship with his exwife (50/50 complex shared custody means daily dealing with her - they might as well still be married and argue in the same house instead of living a mile apart!) and extended family drama. I don't need it. Once again, I am happier all by myself (well, with my family, friends, work colleagues and animals!) than dealing with other people's "over the weight limit" baggage. I am reaching the point of just not caring at all anymore...but, I am the eternal optimist and soon I will probably convince myself "oh, it will be different next time"... sigh

That is terrible!! Good riddance!. You know something, I don't tell men I date about my WLS. At 4 years out, it just isn't relevant for someone that I may only see few times. I am a petite eater, but heck so is my skinny girlfriend and she hasn't had WLS! I do tell about plastics, but only if we are heading toward physical intimacy. I tell them, I lost alot of weight, had a couple of kids, wanted a middle age tune up, skin removal. Not a single one has had a problem with it - but - I date in my age range - 50s and they as a group are just appreciative that I am fit, attractive and dress stylishly. If i make it a year in a relationship, then maybe we can talk about WLS, my tonsils out, this weird bone infection I got as a kid and how difficult childbirth was for me... but basically it is none of their business.

@@Stevehud I have never tried matrix because I don't like powdered protein generally. I am using up some vanilla bean syntax in my experiment. Where do you buy matrix and is it also uber low carb?

My first attempt smelled wonderful but didn't taste so great. I will continue to experiment. sugar free syrup is like the da Vinci coffee flavorings, but there are other ways to sweeten too.

Anxiety was my hidden surprise too. I apparently smothered that with food and fat before, I am finally mastering it in healthy ways but been working on it for a few years.

Sure...rub it in! I think you did the right thing with this. None of us seek perfect but it is nice for clothes to fit properly and to be able to wear reasonably clothing. My final decision point was I can wear shorts and skirts above the knee. I go nylon free in dresses, so seriously all that is a dream come true already! Hoping you heal quickly!

I understand that. I met someone who seems very stable, good, living a life with purpose and without substance abuse....but I am not feeling it either. I will give it more time, but it would help if he were not a rabid trump supporter.

@@My Bariatric Life I had no idea that complication was a possibility... sorry you have had to deal with it.

Only 1100 ft elevation gain but my bum hip and knees held up and I kept pace just fine! The views were epic too. I am ready for 2016!

Thank you all - I couldn't remember if how much baking powder... freaking maddening to not be able to find it with the search function. Did the search work for you or do you all have amazing memories? Again... could be kindle since there are so many things that dont work on this site with my kindle. Anyway, this could turn out to be a good before bed snack. Nighttime eating is an old nemesis of mine that I battle constantly... and Protein drinks are my best defense, but I want to actually EAT something!

I have another tangent that this thread triggered.... I started dating after I got to goal. I met alot of men (a lot of those first coffee dates!) who would openly express their relief that I wasn't "fat" and go further as to comment on my level of fitness being desirable and apparently rare in this age group. Another thing that happened is later I went through a period of time when I had problems and lost too much weight. My lover at the time was very turned on by my looking that way, and it disappointed me greatly that he didn't care too much that I felt like crap - like in his mind being skinny was good, so he couldn't fathom that I was feeling poorly. I know he didn't mean anything bad by it, but it can play with your mind... It is easy to get offended, but that isn't my point. When you meet someone, and they are attracted to you at a certain state of "fluffiness" they may encourage you, however subtley, in that direction. I have spent the last few years clarifying in my mind what I want out of life. It may sound shallow to some - but somewhere in the top 5 priorities is remaining fit and trim. I like how I feel, I like how I look, I like life as a normal sized person. IF I ever find a life partner - it will be someone who shares that goal for himself, who likes that I have that goal (along with other key top priorities!) and values my committment to it. Put simply, I won't consider entering a relationship with someone who might encourage me to stray from my committment, however subtle it may be. I would not date someone who is attracted to me being too heavy or thin for my own health and well being. So to a guy who likes fluffier women, maybe thin women do look "gaunt" in his eyes??? Also in my top priorities are family, lifestyle/leisure, financial, and personal/inner growth plans so I don't mean to say this isn't the only thing, but, its a deal breaker...

I got down to midrange of bmi charts and not only did I feel crappy, but the ribs on my back protruded ugly. We are all built differently and I say make the most of what you were born with. I am choosing to focus on bodyfat percentage. Mine is about 29percent right now, which is considered good for a 51 year old woman, but I want to get o 22-25percent range, regardless of the scale. I also use clothing size as a guide (vanity sizing is stupid, but it is still a guideline) I look better as a 6-8on bottom and 8-10 on top than I did as a size 2 on the bottom. I looked so out of balance because my rib cage and shoulders stay a certain size no matter how thin I get. However, fitness, working out helps. Skinny asses used to be considered a good thing, I am waiting for them to come back in style..Ha!

Congratulations! Wishing you many more years of success and enjoying life as a trim and healthy woman!!!

I saw it a week ago, but was out of baking powder which I now have. I have spent the last 10 minutes searching this forum and have yet to find it. I don't know if it is because I am using my Kindle (which does not play well with this forum) but the search function sucks! I googled it and found a million, but want to try the simple one that was posted in a thread I subscribe to...just don't know which one.....argggghhh

I lost half my body weight and am never accused of looking guant. I have been told...pretty, sexy, youthful - never gaunt. . He may have had a brain fart, but the main thing is dont let that thought get under your skin. I love sushi and have it every few months!

How do you reckon it is any of their business? I have had few rude people ask, my answer "alot" suffices.

I had a three month healing period. Photos from the removal were kinda eye opening...the scar tissue..

While I think it is wise to be picky, I question waiting for the lightening bolt. I was so charmed by the lying married ass experience, it really struck me that manipulative people know how to trigger that chemistry...but it isn't real! I am instead shifting gears in my thinking, if a guy is nice, treats me awesome, has an acceptable level of fitness, and we seem somewhat compatible, I will give it more time even if I don't feel that incredible chemistry and draw to him. Maybe genuine feelings will come, but not rejecting just because he isn't somehow charming (damn sociopaths). It fits in with waiting a long time before focusing on one man. The lying charmers are long gone, off to find easier marks, while the nice guys who are genuinely interested in building a relationship dont need to bomb you with attention etc. None of this is a veiled reference to sex, I genuinely mean not letting those "types" get you in their clutches...really get to know a person, his values, his goals in life before focusing on him, before spending lots of time with him.

Well, I think the reason this is news is that some other studies mention increases in suicides, depression etc post WLS. I just think that people who have alot of emotional issues, big changes (massive weight loss is a huge change that takes a lot of adjusting) are more prone to having an uptick in problems /challenge dealing with it. I am wayyy happier - no comparison, but I used to bury alot of my feelings in the fatsuit facade so at times, I have felt that stress of losing my armour.

When I researched plastics I talked to several people to get an idea of how satisfied they were with results. I noticed an interesting trend.... regardless of what i thought of their results, the ones that were the happiest were the ones who basically accepted themselves okay, pre plastics. You know, who wanted it, but weren't all tied up in knots about their imperfect bodies. I started to think about this obessession... as being a little similar to an eating disorder. What I mean by that is if everytime you look in the mirror, all you see are your flaws, you will likely have that same problem even post plastics with the best surgeon in the universe. It is my opinion that it is a very healthy excercise for some to search for that self love/self acceptance before trying to use surgery to find it. I didn't watch the stories you mentioned, but your comments reminded me of my personal research findings.

@@My Bariatric Life may I ask what ongoing complications you are dealing with? I am 2 years post plastics and doing great, but I had some sort of injury to my right breast, resulting in a seroma that would not go away, resulting in removing the implant, resulting in me needing a replacement. My implants are small, but they give that youthful upper fullness that I have none of without. Anyway, it is not a big deal but I had no idea that implant revisions are so common (for one reason or another). Anybody on the fence about it should be aware that something like 20% of implants are revised in the first few years post op. sometimes it is because the patient wants to "go bigger" but sometimes it is mysterious stuff like my story.... As far as my arm lift, lower body lift - no issues, it is behind me and i don't expect any ongoing problems. My scars don't bother me either.

I do enjoy "treats" so to speak so don't think otherwise, but at 4 years out one of the strategies i use is to just avoid fried food. Since i never have it, my gut isn't used to it, it makes me feel horrible when I do have it, which perpetutates the good cycle of not wanting it. About a year or two a go, a girlfriend and I shared an order of fish and chips. I felt gross for a day and next time she suggested it, it was easy for me to say "no thank you" and I chose the shrimp skewer. It tasted better and I didn't get cramps and that feeling of greasiness. Actually, I feel a little naseaous just thinking about how bad I felt. I can have a few fries, no problem, but that meal made me really dislike fried foods as a main course. I love little pork sliders at a happy hour place I used to go to. I would eat a small portion of the bun, all the pork and it wasn't served with fries. AT 4 years out, I recall that I could eat maybe 2 of the sliders with only some of the bun. I could have probably eaten more, but I try to stop when I am no longer hungry rather than going for "full capacity" Of course, we are all different and I do have treats i indulge in, but be mindful of portions, be mindful of frequency and be mindful of how it might impact your cravings or ability to really stay on your program. just things to think about because this gets a lot harder when you are a few years out so it is good to find these strategies now during the "honeymoon" so to speak.

I seriously considered doing a revision to a long thigh lift. I talked to a PS here locally, and of course Dr Sauceda by email and they both said "don't do it". While my thighs aren't "tight" like my arms are, due to this leg fat having a life of its own (weird) they just didnt think it was worth the cost, recovery and scars for me as the results would probably not be long lasting, and as much improvement as i want. Same advice he gave me when I had my original plastics.... I have made peace with it. My outer thighs are awesome - I am your classic skinny butt girl and my thighs look muscular. The inner thigh is where I jiggle, and have excess skin and what looks to me like extra fat cells. I am counting my blessings that nobody else really notices and it and thigh gaps are overrated anyway. This is the part of the program where I remind myself I AM 51, didn't spend my teens, 20s, 30s or most of 40s as a supermodel and fit (quite the opposite, was obese!) and I need to seriously have realistic expectations and in truth I do - it is nice to dream a little though. Maybe in my next life I can get a thigh gap - ha