CowgirlJane

Ok, I wanted something more "cake like " and so my end recipe is as follows: -Scoop of the chocolate matrix mixed well with 1/4 tsp plus a dash of baking powder -Splash of sugar free Carmel flavorings -about a tablespoon or so of egg beaters -sugar free creamer, until consistency is a thick cake batter I mix it in a microwave safe glass bowl, microwave for about 48 seconds (i think the egg white makes it take a smidge longer, but don't overcook!) I have something that vaguely resembles cake, is sweet enough it needs no topping and is much more filling than the liquid form of the syntax Protein. Thanks everyone for the great ideas!

I have lots of friends. . It just takes years before I feel close to them, but you are right I need to expand my "inner circle "

Maybe it is simpler than any of this. Until about 10 years ago I was very close to my mom and sister- they were my best friends. They both passed and it forced me into finding others to have some sort of closeness. I have very close relationships with my sons and ex, but outside of them, only 2 others that are very close to me. M is one of them. It is a hard truth to face that regardless of how good of friends we are, she is not one where "we have each others back"

I have felt this same..remorse. When I was evaluated by a very top notch physical therapist she pointed out that my right hip/thigh are angled, ever so slightly, in the wrong direction. She said it was likely a birth defect or childhood injury and it absolutely contributes to the unusual wear and tear on my joints. I have a skinny mini friend that needed a knee replacement in her late 40s, no apparent root cause. I guess it all just goes to show how useless remorse and self blame are. Glad you found this out though, I had no idea those were all inflammatory conditions!

I have gone through phases on this topic. There was a time when I would hide in my bedroom rather than watch people eat. How it has evolved though is I cook a Protein, a veggie, make a salad and then make rice,potato or Pasta for the guys. I eat the first 3, they feel like they are getting a gourmet meal - winwin all around. I live with my grown sons and if they want junk food, they buy it and keep it in their rooms. The rule of the house is if there are Cookies, ice cream etc in the main living area of the house I am likely to eat it, toss it, or some combination thereof. I feel no guilt for that. I don't expect them to eat like I do,but I don't want it under my nose either. Luckily they aren't fast food take out fans. They have my taste for higher quality food. However truth is lousy food surrounds us. There is a reason I don't watch regular tv, I don't want to watch food porn, all the pushing of candy and chips and fast food that is literally killing our country. When I go into the office, junk food is at everyone's desk. It has taken me a long time to not want a fistful of candy every time I see a bowl of it. I am 4 years out , and while I am so much better, my drive for sweets and stuff rears its ugly head based on visual and odor cues. I don't have an answer except I like the trim me so much better than the obese me that I remain diligent. Whenever I doubt that, I look at my before and after photos. You can do this, he is rght,he shouldn't have to change (unless he wants a healthier life) but it is asking alot for you to sit there and watch/smell while he eats your trigger foods. Hopefully your counselor has some good strategies for you.

I had a fast day yesterday (Sat) and I hadn't really planned it. Had Protein Drinks staying under 500, just didn't get hungry until bedtime and I am trying to break the night eating habit. Been eating very healthy and clean, zero wine and weighed 155.1 this morning. Might be a fluke as that is down 3-4# Monday is my official weigh in day. How is everyone?

Early months I ate by the measuring cup and clock. Once my new tummy was healed, follow the mantra "eat to absence of hunger, don't seek out full"

I don't know about the self harm but you don't have to read these forums to long to recognize the huge emotional upheavals involved. In the end, I also think you will feel better, but if you use food to soothe yourself or your obesity as self protection, you may find a lot of angst without them.

Also, alot of people don't maintain the signature after awhile and also, my goal weight is my UPPER weight, I prefer to be 5-10# under goal.

Okay, if you haven't heard Elle King you really need to listen to her hit "Ex's and Oh's" - great song. Oddly, I have had Ex's sort of reappear recently. P - very casual dating at the time, but my type in so many ways. He is outgoing, world traveler, very family oriented, business man, plans for early retirement like I want and just a few years younger but youthful in energy and attitude. He has more energy than me, whuch isnt very common! He is from Italy and there is something about those big personalities that suits me. I wasn't really ready for a serious relationship and he was separated not divorced at the time. What ended things is he moved about 4 hours away, but we stayed in contact and remained friends. I feel a strong attachment to him and when we met for coffee some months ago when he was in town, it was very comfortable. In many ways our relationship never ended, just changed. Anyway, he brought up wanting to start something serious but I just can't bring myself to deal with a long distance thing. It is funny, I would MOVE for a real relationship with the right person, but to date... I am like 45 minutes is about my limit. Actually as my give a damn is fairly busted, 45 minutes might me too far... One of the thing P said is that after dating a bit after he moved, divorced final etc. he realized what a great catch I am and he wanted me in his life (About time someone noticed!). That is flattering, especially coming from someone like him that I like and respect so much but. I just don't want to effing drive and give up so much of my life to that. My adult sons live with me, so it would be me driving, at least at first as I don't introduce them unless it is serious (or just a platonic activity partner ). Even so, this still rolls around in my mind as someone I could really be with. Then, yesterday I got an email from K who I dated for around 4 months in 2014. There were good things about our relationship, and he is a good guy but I found him to be a little...critical. nothing big, but I found it a little negative. Also during that time he had big problems with his neck and shoulder which meant we couldnt do alot of stuff and i got bored ... he is normally an active person but couldnt be at the time. Of course that probably contributed to his negativity. We ended things mutually, according to him the reason was we hadn't fallen in love, so why bother as he is looking for a wife/life partner. Ok, so now he asked me to go to a live music show (one of our common interests ) and I assumed it was "as friends " but had to decline due to a work commitment. He then says "too bad, of course I was hoping to wine and dine you." Luckily this was by email, because my instant response was WTF? I didn't hit the send key yet. Never in a million years did I expect that. I wasnt in love, but it took me some months to get over so on some level i was hurt i guess. It is part of my "I am really sick of the 3-4 month relationships " of which I have had a couple. They have discouraged me when I should look at them as positive learning experiences. This is a topic I have discussed in counseling, that I experience "losses " of many types as abandonment, even if I wanted the change/loss to happen. So I don't hold any personal bad feelings toward him, it was hard to get over and set me up for falling for a crazy guy about six months later (situation I feel lucky to have gotten out of safely ). I guess through no real fault of his own, I don't feel that fondness and attachment toward K - although we had an awesome sex life. He does meet my 45 minute criteria however. I am not out there actively searching and have gone on a few dates with someone else who wants to keep seeing me but I am not sure I want to pursue, so I am definitely "available " As all the singles know, it is pretty hard to find a match who has the same relationship goals, are sane, financially secure, physically appealing, sane, health and activity oriented, sane, and you actually enjoy their company so as I recover from surgery... I contemplate my Ex's and Ohs....

DS is not done by many surgeons. ... it is a specialty kind of thing, although maybe with the newer SIPS procedure that is changing. My BMI was 52, and I was sleeved so I guess it seems strange that you are told you "can't " have a specific procedure.

((( HUGS ))))

Oh you may have missed thus but I already said no to K. He worked it pretty hard .... and when that didn't work brought up the FWB thing. No. P is still 4 hours away but the only reason we stopped dating was him moving away. I am not doing anything about it right now, but I trust him, am attracted and enjoy time with him. It remains a possibility (however small), but I just can't see the long distance thing.

Don't let it hold you back. Once you have plastics, you may feel the same hesitation over the scars.

So sorry, but I can't handle much citrus either. Only if it is small amounts with other food

Omg...LOL funny!!!

Sharon, I know it turned out fine but never meet someone in a park and get in their car on first meeting. I had a close call with someone who was giving me a ride back to my car on our first dinner date. Luckily there were other people in the parking garage and my voice really carries.... so he let me out and took off.

Weird, I am down a couple of pounds. I'll take it! How is everyone? Should next week we all try to check in regularly? I am not doing 5:2 but I do have goals I want to work toward....and a plan to get there!

Sound advice. When I was getting ready for the surgery I am now recovering from, I had to line up help. M asked me what I was going to do about my horse and I didn't even mean to say it, it slipped out and I said "I knew you wouldn't take him for a month so this is my plan....blah blah". This was before she had decided to take on the rescue. She said in a very intense tone "I love him, I want you to know I would help with him, but I am afraid for my goats ". I just let it pass because any horse person knows that a basically docile horse just needs exposure and see how they do. My horse has tolerated dogs, small children and uninformed people to get under him, get in his way etc and he is truly the type that does anything to avoid harming or stepping on or kicking or anything like that. He is a very good boy. As I mentioned I had made a sort of peace with the whole goat thing until she brought home the sight unseen feedlot horse. Rescuing an animal is a very good thing, done it myself, but it made the goat thing a little harder to swallow. I am just belaboring the story, so I think i need to stop thinking about it for awhile and see if maybe in time I can just let it go. I am surprised at myself because I am not a grudge holder and I am not even angry, I think the words used by others - disappointment and hurt are probably more accurate.

At the time, I felt that it was 100% my fault I had such poor results. While no one else put. The food in my mouth, what I now recognize is that I didn't receive the right education or support. I also recognize that I was pretty advanced in the obesity disease process so I was very hungry, even with the lapband. I had a huge drive to eat that I assumed was 100% emotional but in truth turned out to be probably 80% physical. I do believe in self responsibility though, in all aspects of life.

Well, let me tell you waiting till your older doesn't make it any better. You might want to read this: http://www.bariatricpal.com/page/articles.html/_/mental-health/body-image/the-6-things-you-can-do-to-minimize-loose-skin-after-weight-loss-r580

She is a good friend, but she has a self image or world view of independence which is, ask no favors. Like she is proud of her independence. When this initially happened I did some self examination. I did not do "favors" expecting anything back. I thought I had come to peace with just accepting that we are different types, I am a giver and while she is not a manipulative"taker" she isn't a giver either. I decided that I would simply adjust my view of our friendship and in truth have spent less time with her over the last year. I think that has bothered her, but it has been difficult to discuss because whenever it gets even close, she mentions about my horse, and not being sure he is safe with goats since he has never lived with them. One of the many reasons I wound up selling the younger more difficult horse is because of the realization that I needed more help (in small ways) and I wasn't benefiting from owning two. My old man is 25 in a month and I fear approaching retirement so I do have some decisions to make, aside from this friendship. What brought it all to the surface was her taking on this project horse that she can't really afford (it needs professional training etc.) when she could have kept my older horse, on my dime. My older horse is that special one of a kind who likes to "go" but keeps you safe whether it is hanging off the side of a mountain, galloping the open beach, or navigation urban environments (I rode him in a very noisy parade, for example). Anyway,it isn't about the horses, it is about the fact that I feel hurt and intellectually I know I am hanging on to this -and which I thought I was over it- it does me no good. If she were an all around lousy friend, it would be easy, but she isn't. And it takes me a very long time to let someone get this close to me. I gave up another friend because she put my life in danger on a technically difficult ride due to her explosive temper. At first, I just scaled back my rides with her, but the day she screamed at me just because I called her phone at a bad time was the last straw. She apologized profusely the next day, especially since it was in the context of me doing a favor for her, but it was the last straw and we are no longer friends. This lady, T, has ruined 2 horses that I know of due to her temper and it has cost her many friendships so it was easier to let go since I just didn't want that toxic personality around me anymore. A very different situation. Anyway,I do want to let it go and be happy and hopeful for M that she can make the feedlot horse workout, but I do not feel genuine and I want to get over it.

What device where you using? I can do everything with my laptop, this site is just buggy with my kindle, and just this morning I couldn't post a new topic in the ladies room with my phone, so I cut and pasted it to the lounge. When I multiquote, I pick all the quotes first, and then insert my replies. I think I have only done this from my laptop.

How has "the hard way" worked so far? I assume you have made many efforts to lose and maintain over the years. It actually annoys me alot for anyone to call this the easy way out, after a lifetime of trying everything, it turned out that WLS was not easy, but was in fact the "only" way out of a lifetime of morbid obesity for me. I have maintained a 150# loss for a few years now post sleeve and am a normal size.

Don't assume that everyone who has poor results with WLS doesn't take responsibility. In fact I would say an overly heightened sense of self blame contributed to me waiting so long before seeking help after failing with the lapband.