CowgirlJane

I watched some episodes of that show Catfish, and I just couldn't figure out...why. most of the catfish aren't scheming for money, just hiding behind fakery. I don't think this has happened to me because I either drop it or meet pretty quickly. Not looking for a pen pal.

Well things took a turn for the worse. Right leg had a big hematoma that wound up getting infected. I am finally back to work, but not healed yet.

Kim, it is empowering to overcome fear, but there is also a point when it just isn't fun. I went through this with horses many years ago. I had alot of fear, and decided I needed to get rid of it, or stop riding. A little book helped me alot - it's an oldie called "that winning feeling" and it has to do with changing how you think about a specific thing and the changing of the thinking and internal language eventually changes the emotional state. I am astounded by how well it worked. Essentially, the concept is you can do things perfectly in your mind, way before your body is capable of it. I am going through some emotional weirdness right now, not even sure who to talk to. Okay, as a back drop - due to my PS complication I have been on gut wrenching antibiotics, pain meds, meds to sleep, miralax to keep me from constipation... etc. I was in very good spirits for a long time, but it has been a month and I am still fighting to be healed. I recognize that infirmary triggers in me bad emotions at some point - it reminds me of being obese. My friends are weirded out because I am the social butterfly that initiates things and I can barely stand to talk to people on the phone much less go out and do stuff. It's like, I dont have anything to say and the things people tell me about their lives just seem like old news. That sounds really selfish, but the reason I mention it is that it is quite opposite of my normal personality. I also noticed, that my social circle has shrunk, not grown over the last year or so. Another troubling but small thing I noticed was last fall I developed a fear of dating/meeting new men. It manifested in my mind as physical fear/danger but i don't believe that is really the case. I developed a longing for my old lover Steven although in truth, I don't really ever want to see him again. (his latest drama was really just too much to even believe - at some point it is like watching a soap opera). It is really the idea of him, makes me feel safe and comforted with an added bonus that I am NOT seeing him so it is a nice image without any reality - I think my fear is more around emotional safety regardless of what stories I tell myself. Anyway, i think my reaction to this growing fear was to get out there and meet someone - and I did, the relationship that lasted until Christmas when he just went off the rails and spun into his own messed up world. Anyway, it wasn't the right time to meet someone, but we had lots of fun so I don't really regret it - but I can now see my motive was really forcing myself to "get back into the game" So, a few weeks ago, before i got really really sick from the complication, Kevin called me. We dated for about 4 months in 2014 and he wanted to get back together. He worked it pretty hard and knew me well enough to know what i was seeking. Well, he is a decent guy, but he has a negative outlook so it was pretty easy to say "no thanks" even though he had stopped drinking and addressed a few of my concerns about him. Anyway, true to form, his big compliment for me was that I wasn't "crazy" like all the other women he has dated in the last several years. He is looking for someone to be a life partner, move to Arizona etc etc. I was having anxiety just hearing all this even though of course it was easy to say no. I should be flattered, but in some ways it is depressing that my big appeal is sanity. I mean, nothing else about me is appealing? I think my lack of success in finding a good long term boyfriend is starting to hit me in the self esteem pocket. As a result of all this, I can't help but let my mind wander down the path if i really want to be in a relationship. Well, I do, but it seems very odd to me that I can't find someone who is even a candidate. I know what I have done wrong in the past (my approach) and my grand plan was to be recovered from this surgery, back in a good workout schedule, life back under control and begin the dating again April - May timeframe with the new approach. I feel some hesitation about my plan. I feel two things at once - I want to start now and i don't want to start at all. I do not know why i am letting this occupy braintime, but it is. I think i am mildly depressed due to a freaking month of being an invalid - and I am lonely because in general i haven't been leaving my own home and I need people contact to bring me energy and new ideas and subjects. I think that hours of netflix, books and being along is making me a little wacky. I seem to have developed this idea that I need to just accept being single/alone forever and get over it, but that is so foreign to me - even though the advantages are many, it still feels like an unfamiliar state, a place that I can visit but don't really want to live there.

Did you do a proper flounce?

I thought it was a great article and I think I will try it in my goal of learning basic Spanish. I started duolingo but quit after a few days. However that is NOT how I changed food habits. Being sleeved was like a huge reset button and I had to rebuild from the liquid phase on up.

I am so far jaded, I would not even consider that"dumped" -like you have to be seeing someone before someone can dump you. I think dodging bullet is a more apt description! one thing I have learned is that people have many motives for being on dating websites and they aren't necessarily to date! Plenty of people like the ego boost of being liked, exchanging winks whatever but have no serious intentions of meeting(I hear lots of women do this), there is the trolling for a hookup, there is the "I think I want to date but I really have no idea what I want" which is why POF is known as plenty of flakes.

Hi, welcome. What side effects concern you? Each procedure has it's own issues and risks but for me personally I am glad I took the chance. It has given me a chance to live a lifestyle I couldn't do at twice my size.

When I had the band, I had literally stuck food...could not drink Water, nothing until it cleared. I have never experienced this with the sleeve. Is it due to strictures? A few times I have wolfed down food too fast post sleeve and that made me feel like vomiting, not that painful stuck feeling though. In general I have a pretty easy sleeve in the sense of no problems except for those handful of fast eating times.

Chapel of LOVE by the Dixie cups. I thought that might be a practical joke -the Dixie Cups??? The general hostility rears its head pretty regularly around here. I don't think it's any worse than it was a year ago. When I was preop, probably through my first 6 months post sleeve, I seldom posted here (was Vertical sleeve talk) because I was vulnerable and this forum just has a few more, rough talking people - always has. I was more active on the other sleeve forum site, but over time I recognized the value of the straight shooters - more direct approach and switched over to this forum. I am not so vulnerable now either. When someone new posts, doesn't like the answers and the rest of the thread is about defending a "position" I remind myself that alot of people lurk like I used to. The sharing of the learning doesn't necessarily fall on deaf ears. There is no reason for the over reactions but clearly things sometimes trigger a bigger reaction than was ever intended and then we have a way of fanning the flames....

Ok, I had only read page 1 when I posted. Clearly the topic of emotions around weight loss have been fully debated and my comments aren't relevant or useful to the situation, but maybe a lurker will recognize a bit of this pattern and it cause some self reflection. My only credentials is my personal success story - I am half my former weight and holding steady 4 years post sleeve.

I think you have received some great advice. As I was reading the original post...I was thinking how that sounded like my presleeve diet mentality and cycle of failure. It went something like this: -somebody tells me a program I MUST follow and I will be thin -I am desperate to be successfull so I will throw my heart and soul in. I am so invested that the scale brings me happiness or despair on at least a daily basis. -I set up mini goals with rewards; all time and scale based of course. -I make some of those goals early on, I am feeling good, motivated. I continue to strive for perfection. Get my self a mani pedi but don't feel like I deserve much because I am still obese and seems like I always have been. - I miss a goal, or heaven forbid, the scale shows a gain - I redouble my efforts,if I just hadn't skipped that workout,or taken that taste of something forbidden. But I can do better -anxiety and worry bulids, another week goes with poor losses/mixed results. I don't understand, I am as perfect as I know how to be, perhaps even under eating to make up for transgressions. -slowly, I am becoming less compliant, diets never work for me anyway. -can't take it anymore, chuck the whole thing....somehow wind up not just going off the diet, but manage to swing wildly the other way and one by one destroy the good habits I have been forming -stop weighing/ignore/buy bigger pants. That is the secret to how to weigh well over 300# without really trying. Once you have shifted to believing in a new lifestyle, time based goals become much less relevant. Instead, you start doing what you do because it's now just what you do. (Follow guidelines). Sometimes the scale rewards with a loss, sometimes it doesn't, but that matters less because you aren't on a diet. There is no "end". Getting to some arbitrary goal weight is just a number, a milestone. Maintenance is the real work, this isn't a temporary thing. Like several of the other people o people who responded, I have been at goal for a few years years, after nearly a lifetime of obesity, and I maintain by keeping doing what I do - which is follow the guidelines most of the time and with diligence, not anxiety.

(((HUGS ))) It isnt so easy, but it's worth it. I suspect most of us went through some sort of grieving process. Mine was for all the years I lived life,not quite fully, due to obesity. It was sad for me to face what I had given up, limited myself and my kids lives for the false comfort of excess food, and the numbing fatsuit of obesity.

D/S is a very effective surgery. I converted band to sleeve in 2011. My BMI was 52, so in the ballpark of your starting point. I lost 150# in 14 months to hit goal. I am currently 3# under goal. I share my story to give you faith that you can and will succeed after a"failed" WLS. I felt l like it was my last chance to become normal weight and size, and I went after it. It's hard to believe in yourself after such a painful experience (failing with WLS) but in truth the sky is the limit. With the help of the"tool" you will get permanent control over your weight and be on the path to better health.

@@Daisee68 I foresee long term success for you. Recognizing and being self aware enough to act on insights is a powerful tool. By the time I was sleeved, I had to make a conscious decision to turn myself over to a 2years program. I have been dieting since I was 8years old, and it was hard to not always be second guessing my team of experts. I recongize that I was, for lack of a better word, arrogant on the topic. Because of my personality, it was very important that I respected the advisors; the universe sent me the best nutritionist EVER and was my resource the first year. What made her different is that she had in depth knowledge of both the nuts and bolts of "how to eat" along with insights on the emotional, and old patterns. I know she steered me in directions that were based on a whole different way than I had done before. Anyway, here is another, related tip that probably doesn't apply YET but might further down the road. One of my standard lunches is a salmon patty served over a bed of salad with a bit of blue cheese crumbles and white balsamic vinegar and olive oil. A different NUT I saw about a year ago said, "literally eat the Protein before the salad". By eating the dense protein with lettuce I am missing the satiation that comes from dense protein pressing on the nerve at the "bottom" of the stomach. Dang if she wasn't right, I ate less and stayed satisfied longer when I don't combine food. I am 4 years post op and keep learning, or in some cases relearning.

I don't have a rule about it, but as I mentioned before, I just find my meals getting simpler over time. I do eat salads but they are often 2 ingredients, not 6 likr I used to make then. Contrary example however, eggs aren't super high Protein so one of my breakfasts is an egg white omelets with protein added (usually diced chicken or turkey sausage) and a sautéed veggie or two. I feel like a variety in veggies has alot of health benefits, but I am quite sure that a regular practice of "a bite of this and a spoon of thar" leads to eating a bit more. We all need to find our own way, if, to me this is "food for thought " and maybe to be revisited if you find you are eating just a teeny bit too much (that's how it begins! )

http://www.nature.com/ijo/journal/v27/n10/full/0802391a.html Scroll down to the section "variety and food intake". This backs up what she told you.

I have always liked the "variety" too, but there seems to be something to what she is saying. I read an article some years ago that made it sound like tasting lots of different things will stimulate hunger/desire to eat. I find myself having more and more meals that are similar- basically the Protein and vegetables or salad. Protein Drink for snack. Day after day....but it does seem less tempting to overeat. I like everything in my daily diet, but none of it really grabs me or calls my name from the pantry or fridge.

No plans this year, but last year was the most epic Valentine's day EVER. Went out with a girlfriend and we salsa danced and smoked cigars u til 4 in the morning. Cigars are awful....I was grossed out for days, but it was such a memorable night!

I have this fantasy of becoming an evangelist, my sermons aimed #1 at doctors #2 everyone else, to educate them on the concept of obesity as a disease process. I am no longer overweight, but I am not cured. My obesity is being managed and is in remission. I don't for a minute believe I will ever be free of the risk of regain because it is what my body wants to do. If I eat alot of sugary, carby junky food -it's like throwing kerosene on a fire and my drive to eat returns. I could have saved decades of heartache and bad health if I had had even the most basic understanding of this process.

My memory is terrible, but someone had an ulcer quite awhile post op. She went through bad times, but did recover! Keeping fingers crossed you get an easy to fix diagnosis!

The answer to this should be "don't use food for comfort" I think people have made excellent suggestions and someone mentioned having a male friend who would give big protective hugs. It hit me that is one reason I so much miss a certain man who is no longer in my life. He never needed a reason or story but just made me feel really good, and protected. The power of a big warm hug is underrated! I also have used techniques like a walk, getting on the phone and calling everyone I care about. One time, about two years ago I was having a wretched day. It was a sunny sunday and I must have called 6-8 people before connecting with a friend. I just told her I couldn't be alone that day, she dropped all her plans, we spent the day together and she never needed an explanation. By the time I was back in cell range, I had half a dozen vmails from the people I called. It was a cathartic day, because I reached out and my little world answered. My dog, exercise and mind occupying Netflix are also helpful. As far as food, this is a reason I can't keep Cookies etc in the house. Yesterday my leg hurt so bad, I would have eaten any kind of junk food. I am 4 years out and still know that it is inside me to seek comfort from food. I know this sounds nuts, but I have been "reframing" Protein drinks as comfort food. When I have a drive for middle of the night eating, I have Protein Drink. When I am dying for sweets, I have protein drink. ( I can't use bars that way as I can eat them too quickly.) I reframe in my mind that when I need comfort I seek self care, something heathy. If I seek something more savory, I will have something like a black and blue salad. one of the hardest things has been getting used to feeling bad sometimes. Or taking rational actions, like yesterday I got a same day appointment with my primary doc, and basically told him I could not manage the pain with just tylonol anymore. He was very supportive, prescribed an appropriate medication to get me through this, and gave me much emotional comfort. A hug would have been nice, but I guess doctors get sued when they do that sort of thing. Anyway, bottom line, is think about self care, how would you comfort your best friend or sister? I think we owe ourselves at least that much support.

@@VSGAnn2014 I am so sorry about your husband's diagnosis. I am probably the most negative person around in regards to cancer diagnosis, but even I have a new optimism as several people in my circle of colleagues and acquaintances are survivors of types that I never thought was survivable. Prayers and good energy for you and him.

I can get behind any kind of self acceptance/ self love movement. I seriously think the world would be a better place if more people had that inner peace and self assurance. I was never involved in FA movement so not well informed but I think they intentionally misrepresent the dangers of morbid obesity. I dated(briefly) a man who was pretty heavy, ate gross cheap ass low quality foods, and then he mentioned in passing that he'd had bypass heart surgery while scarfing down the double bacon cheeseburger... I was astounded ....that is how I think of too much acceptance of a bad health situation. Like people think a magical medication or surgery will"fix em" no matter how much we abuse our bodies. One of my many motivations for getting sleeved was the number of obese people dropping dead (local news story lead me to look up statistics). Sadly, in the years since my sleeve and losing weight I lost 40 year old niece and a 64 year old sister in law- both dropped dead of heart attack and they were very obese (probably 55-60 BMI range) Obesity is a disease process, I have no animosity toward the obese, but people have to keep trying to get weight off, or at least not gain, our very lives depend on it.

I was having a very bad day, posted something that was a meaningful discussion topic about dating. Someone decided to get all offended and told me I shouldn't be posting unsupportive things on WLS forum. Yes, it was on the singles forum and it had nothing to do with weight. My mood was not good, recovering from a fairly series surgical complication and I just didn't need the drama so I asked for it to be deleted. What I would like is a place to discuss adult topics....like adults....but clearly an open internet forum isn't really that place. @@Oregondaisy, sometimes I don't have the patience, it was just easier if it all went away.

I completely regret the thigh lift on the right side because I have had terrible complications. Left side, was a breeze. My primary care doc told me a year from now it will be a distant memory and you will be so happy you did this. My reply was unless I wind up with legs like Taylor Swift...so NOT worth it. Ha. But, that's just because I had a complication and am still in hell. Ask me in about a month and I can give you the whole story because I have fairly unique thigh issues - firm and muscular all the way around except for a terrible pocket of cellulite and skin in the upper inner thigh. When I had my LBL, did the groin incision small thigh lift and it improved it so much, but in 2 years the problem had returned Turns out thigh fat cells are really mean and grow new ones even though I have maintained my weight! Anyway, that is the sad story of how I wound up getting just a little thigh work done while my breast revision was underway. I'll let you know how it turns out in the end. Left one looks good!