CowgirlJane

@@OutsideMatchInside I don't know if it is generational or just some of us personal attributes, but in my past if I met someone I connect with - I immediately lose interest in others. I think it was more the norm at one time to quite quickly become exclusive. After I was divorced when I was a single mom I went on exactly one date each with 2 different men, met someone great and spent the next 12 years with him. (We are still great friends just not life partners). Maybe I am a weirdo, but I think that was more normal or standard at one time - at least for women. I had very little dating experience until the last few years.

Ok, I am definitely NOT down to earth even tho I completely ignore Kardasians and other reality/pop culture stuff. Bring on the glamour and glitz, one of the things I loved about Monterrey Mexico is women aren't afraid to wear spike heels with skinny jeans and something hip on top and sparkly jewelry. If I dressed like that were I live I'd probably be picked up by the cops as a suspicious looking woman -ha! But I would dress like that if it were socially acceptable. I like shiny things -inherited trait from my mother. I own 3 cocktail dresses, killer shoes and so few dang cocktail parties to wear them to!

I did post about the details but i think it got lost in the shuffle. I went down there primarily to have the right implant replaced, but also had him do a fat injection in the cheeks and remove a couple of unsightly, skin colored moles. I had emailed him about my inner thighs because that little weird cellulite pooch I get had returned. He felt from the pictures that it wasn't work doing a long thigh lift. So, I get there and do the in person consult and he can see with his own eyes how bad that had gotten again. Since overall my thighs are really good he suggested doing a "minor incision", and really targeting that cellulite pocket. The idea was that it would not extend my recovery, and would not give me a scar down to my knees. I also knew this was a bit unconventional so told him to use his best judgement and I trusted him. Well, a bunch of things didnt go right, but bottom line when I woke up he told me it hadn't gone well. Specifically, the small work he tried to do just made it worse. He wound up doing - not a incision down to the knee, but about halfway down (we had marked my typical skirt hem and he stayed way above that). He also did a bunch of unplanned Lipo suction. I was totally unprepared for all this, but I also get that once he started, he needed to change plans to get a decent outcome. Originally, I was outpatient due to the fairly minor surgery and i went back to the hotel. Well, next morning the nurse couldnt wake me up. I was so bad i couldn't get myself Breakfast (i'd faint when trying to get up). My right thigh was swollen huge! Dr Sauceda did the right thing, picked me up himself and admitted me to the clinic for 3 days. My right thigh definately had problem. Hit me hard with antibiotics, pain meds etc. I was returned to the hotel and was fine this time but strict bed rest - had to have all food delivered etc. I also extended my overall stay due to this complication and Dr S was great - - really took care of me. So I get home, still not as good as I would have hoped, but slowly getting better until all of a sudden, huge red swelling and a fever - infection! I wound up in the Emergency room because my wound busted open (thank goodness, so much pain relief) and was draining. The ER doc explained that I had likely had a vein "nicked" and the huge hematoma/blood pocket was the cause of the swelling and hardness. turns out old dead blood is an awesome conduit for bacteria so it became infected. He used the word "bloom" and that is exactly what happened, i went from swelling and slowly slowly getting better to BOOM - big infection. He said that we have bacteria in our blood stream all the time, and it just found a nice home in the old dead blood pocket. They were on the fence about admitting me to hospital but because my white blood cell count was normal, they felt it was still a local, not systemic infection. So, I got IV antibiotics and was sent home for a 10 day course of two different antibiotics (that i just finished). It continues to drain, but much less the last few days. About a week ago, the pain at the incision was terrible as all that Fluid was trying to get out. The infection and pain are gone. It has been a rough road. My surgery was exactly a month ago. I wish I hadn't done the thigh lift, but of course I wouldnt be saying this if it werent for the complication - left thigh has been no problem. I cancelled my trip to hawaii, I missed a ton of work, missed a ton of LIFE. I am feeling better and better but I am guessing it is a few more weeks before I am myself. I so badly want to work out, but Dr S is very conservative and is having me restrict activity a bit longer since there is still an open wound and there is still a (much smaller) hard area on that thigh. So this has been the main source of my blues feelings on and off for the last month. Little things have bugged me alot and it is just because I am cooped up, not feeling well, no exercise, no going out, no having fun. i actually tried to join pals for a little happy hour snack last weekend and I only made it about 45 minutes before i left. Anyway, it will be behind me soon.

I just want to know what "serial dating" means. Items in a series are usually sequential not simultaneous. Maybe people can't spell simultaneous so serial is the ironic name for it? I had to actually ask someone what that meant because I could not use the word serial in the context of dating. I have heard of "serial monogamous" which of course is people who daisy chain from one exclusive physical "relationship" to the next. You know the other phrase I see on 90percent of men's profiles "down to earth" I live in the land of geeks and computer programmers. Not sure how many of them actually touch earth with bare hands so what is meant? If I wear makeup am I ejected from the down to earth crowd? I am a straight shooter so to speak, not good at games etc. so does that make me "down to earth"? I don't know why but certain predictable phrases that can mean so many things kinda put me off. Good thing there are another 10,000 profiles to look at (that was intended to be humor)

Hate to say it, but maintenance will require"work" forever. Don't panic, go back to basics. You will likely lose slowly, but that is ok. I am 4 years out and got a few pounds over goal last summer. Took a long time, but I slowly got back under goal by just being more diligent. You can do this!

You ask a complex question. I didn't obsess about food, I was more guilty of the mindless eating. i did carry alot of "baggage" about dieting though. I felt i did need to "obsess" in the early months but now, 4 years out, I would describe it as mindful, not obsessive. the phase where food tasted terrible and I had little appetite gave me a window of opportunity to change my relationship with food. I do think that the focus on weighing, tracking etc. can be anxiety provoking if it is already, so some sort of support/guidance might be useful

@Ronjohn i share your general opinion of talk therapy/counseling. The WORST counselors I ever tried were so called experts in "over eating" conditions. I have really asked myself if I was just being self defensive, but no, they were both really terrible. I suspect that someone with general expertise in addictions and maybe more specifically behavior changes would be a reasonable choice. I am action oriented, and like i said in my original post, i find dredging up ancient trauma to add no value. I am not in denial about it - it happened, it influenced me but the real question is - what now? Anyway, like I said we never talk about food and eating except when I went through a brief period that I could not eat and she helped me understand a little bit what was happening to me an how to turn the ship so to speak. @skinnyrita I think quite by accident the person I see has all those qualifications PLUS being an ARNP. She has good advice on many subjects. I was also considering asking her to take a step back, fresh perspective because that is really my only complaint that I feel like she has made decisions in her own mind about me and alot has changed in 2 years. Anyway, thanks for the tips!

Okay I am not a big believer in talk therapy because I have experience of spending 2 years dredging through my childhood with nothing to show for it....that was a long time ago. In recent times I have seen someone who has been very very helpful, as her philosophy is more akin to mine - look forward not back at stuff you can't change. I don't go regularly but have seen her intermittently for about 2 years. However, I feel the need to make a change. I want some life coaching to be perfectly honest. I have some crossroads to navigate and I have a sense of not really knowing myself on these topics. My current counselor has become biased...example I was looking into retiring young in central América. I explored the idea and decided it isn't right for me, at least as a single person it isn't what I want. It's like she is so mesmerized by my fairly well thought out, but now rejected plan that she isn't "open" to my ongoing exploration. I don't ever talk about food or eating issues because they are well in hand but as a wise woman once said "you don't get to 300 # without having some kind if issue " I prefer someone who has understanding and experience with the really big changes in my life since losing weight because all that change is both my opportunity and fuels my uncertainty. Anyway, I have had several disappointing experiences with counselors and the woman I have now is great...but I need a coach or mentor... a fresh set of eyes so to speak. So, how do you find a good one? Dumb luck was how I found current one. Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using BariatricPal

Good advice, but life has taught me that men say dumb things and they often don't intend it the way it came out. I once explained to someone "context is everything" and being an intelligent man...I saw the hamster wheel spinning...yes, this explains so much about women!

I can't handle all those first dates- but good for you for surviving the gauntlet! I am very self protective of my world, and even though my sons are grown up, I don't let anyone into my life until I know them well they have met exactly one man I dated. The downside of that is you don't really know someone well if you don't share your world with them! I don't know the good answer for this paradox. It sounds like this current man is a healthy choice - stable, family oriented and willing to give things an honest try.

I am coming to the conclusion that it varies by part of the country. Zoosk -hated it. The way the interface is set up you say yea or nay based on very little info. It kept proposing matches that were too far away! I live in an area with terrible traffic and a large geography so it is a big deal. I want to meet someone that is under 45 minutes away. You have to pay before you even try it. I met ONE person and it turned out I already knew him! He had come on way too strong at a Halloween party a few years ago and I really didn't like or trust him -what are the odds?!? Match - I tried it when newly single and met more players and unsuitable people than anywhere. I think that was likely my inexperience with the selection process. At this point, I don't see that it is worth paying for. POF - has the same people..plenty of weirdos but also plenty of normal people. BIG advantage is that even the free accounts can hide profiles. I got so burned out on 30 + new emails a day, alot of them from manchilds seeking something from someone their mom's age, and out of staters. By hiding, I choose who I want to talk to and have met quality people. Met someone, we never dated, but I remain friends with him and his girlfriend of 2 years. Sometimes I get a twinge of envy that he found a great match and I haven't, but I love em both and mostly happy envy for them. I also met the person that I had a 4 month relationship (though not physical) who turned out to be paranoid, dillusional etc on there -it is an easy medium for people with big issues so select carefully. okc - same people as are on POF. I like the site better but I have to pay for the"hide" feature. I met a few that I dated, and one who became my hiking buddy. The questions are entertaining! Tinder - I only made it 3 days until I became overwhelmed and deleted. The person who told me about tinder said he never actually met someone via that app which I believe. It is the epitome of "shiny new person every 5 minutes" can't even keep straight who is who. I might try it again, going in more prepared to cope with the chaos next time. I have shared before my tendency to zero in too quickly with one person, and to some extent that attribute makes it hard for me to deal with the sorting process/high volume. I find myself becoming jaded, overwhelmed, not even sure the word. I can only imagine how young women feel....the bombardment of messages from inappropriate matches (did you even read my profile???) is just too much, so hiding has helped make it manageable and less stressful. I don't want a million first dates so I quit when I realized I had become one of thoses "flakes" everyone hates. Will be trying again this spring though! I am told that men in their 30s struggle with dating in Seattle because we have imported LOTS of engineers, techie types which are predominantly male. Since I prefer to stay within about 10 years of my age, I haven't enjoyed the benefits of this ratio.

No food is bad...but I had to quit Quest to make it goal.... Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using BariatricPal

I had my plastics in Mexico and the nurses there pointed out to me that one of the reasons I scar so well is they match my skin tone. I am quite fair complexion! I love a suntan and do get them on my arms in the summer but it isn't the healthiest (my mom got malignant melanoma).

Many years ago I worked with a very slight, downright skinny young woman who had a bitty little pooch. It wasn't fat, because she was a twig - I think she was just built that way. Anyway, she got the "how far along are you" ALOT. Fortunately she was tough and had a good sense of humor and KNEW she was skinny enough, but what young woman wants to hear that from complete strangers?

Thank you for the explanation. It clarifies many things. I do not have a"small" sleeve as my surgeon felt that is riskier, so I have often thought that people who say they can eat/drink so much early on (but after swelling subsides) actually don't FEEL the tightness either due to nerve damage or just being used to that stuffed feeling (more of an issue for revision from band). This is why I always tell people to eat by the clock and measuring cup those first few months while the nerves and everything get back to normal. I notice variations in"capacity" frankly based mostly on what I eat. ( note I don't test or push capacity). I still think my basic advice for people is good, but this is new information - and really helps make sense of some things. I am so glad you are able to finally get it addressed. I think a normal healthy sleeve should not be painful, just a smaller stomach!

Just wanted to say thanks to everyone! I added some relish to my recipe and it was good. I wonder if my recipe had half grapes instead of apple? I will try the grapes next time. I like using good quality canned chicken for a few reasons 1. I am lazy 2. Rotisserie chicken is way salty for my taster 3. I have canned chicken and tuna as part of our emergency preparation kit but need to rotate stock so it's available. Anyway thanks again for the awesome recipes and ideas! Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using BariatricPal

Well, I can't meet my Protein goals without a shake a day so it doesn't matter to my surgeon how I do it, but I aim for 80g + per day. Why does she want you to up carbs - are you low energy? I don't count calories so I can't advise on that but here is what works for me. Literally, eat dense protein first (ie not mixed in with salad etc) Eat 4-5 mini meals per day. Limit carbs - mostly from veggies. I seldom eat bread, Pasta or fruit even. Stay hydrated! I am 4 years post op and my year 3 was the hardest so far in terms of maintaining. I got almost 10 over goal at one point. I am back under goal and doing good now! Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using BariatricPal

This is the first I have heard of a retained fundus. It would explain some of the complaints I have heard from others over the years. Not trying to be a dolt. ..but how does that happen? I mean sleeve is not a technically difficult surgery for virgin WLS patients. Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using BariatricPal

I am a big believer in the "cabinet I must never open" - it contains Cereal, crackers and junk food for my son's. Oh, I did the chips and Cookies on the counter thing. My study of one shows it's a guaranteed way to outweigh your neighbor... by ALOT!

The surgery does alot of the "work" for you the first 6-18 months, for most people. After that, it's much more those behavior changes. I am 4 years post op and maintaining 150# loss. I cannot eat the volume that I once could, and I don't try!!!, but I could very easily regain. Like most HWP/fit women I have to watch what I eat and drink to maintain. Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using BariatricPal

White stripes suck but I personally wouldn't risk it just a few months post surgery. Of course scarring is very unpredictable and I have no idea why my arm scars get amazing approved from people in the "know" - probably some luck involved. Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using BariatricPal

Not suitable for puree unless you puree it and that does not appeal to me anyway. Not sure it would be wet enough, so i would wait. I had this regularly during my first year post op but not till months down the road. Part of the reason was my portions were so small it wasn't worth making. At 4 years out I can have a generous scoop on some lettuce. A batch lasts me about 3 days. Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using BariatricPal

When were your plastics? I was instructed to protect them from the sun and tanning for 2 years! my arm scars are located such that they aren't terribly visible so it worked out okay, but I was very careful and as a result they are quite faint - my arms were done in oct 2013

@@Oregondaisy guessing you didn't have head hunger, but actual hunger. Then the Cookies siren call is overwhelming. I keep a few premier Proteins in my car just for this problem. That doesn't work in the summer, but this time of year it is fine. Don't be so hard on yourself, you are maintaining in a good range and you know darn well you are slimmer than many other women your age. Have more fun, go dancing, socialize - life is too short to waste it feeling bad. I am feeling a bit better today, but it has been a MONTH and i still have an open, draining wound. This morning, alot of old blood came out so it is good that it is being eliminated from my body but it is gross and I am sick of it. It has been hard to keep a positive attitude as I just don't know when this will end.... but to counteract that i am making plans for an amazing spring! I always like a good dream or ambition....

@@Stevehud I hear what you are saying and game playing is just dumb and immature. I do think it is quite a puzzle though how a woman is supposed to be into a guy, but not "too into him". I am not walking on eggshells for someone I don't even really know because I have no idea how to guess what a man seeks on the neediness scale. My main point is to not narrow my focus so quickly - to break that dating pattern as it hasn't really been working very well in terms of finding someone compatible for longer term. I feel that if a person wants to date exclusively there should be a conversation to that end. Having said all that, I am not capable of spending so much time towards this project that it becomes a second job. There has to be a middle ground. Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using BariatricPal