CowgirlJane

Never heard of it. Great, someone is out there making over trainwrecks so they are harder to spot....

@@Caela88 at a month post op,, are you cleared for intense exercise?

@@OKCPirate I can't speak for anyone else but I take responsibility for my own actions and you are giving me WAY too much credit if you think I "know" what a man is thinking. I admit to being overly trusting and take people at face value. Dating has taught me to question, frankly to just assume I am not being given the truth. That is unfair but I have to protect myself. Most of the time, I think it is lack of self awareness on his part, but I have been manipulated too and of course some are genuine and honest too, we all know things may not " work out". When I shared the story of being so annoyed by married guy, because I liked him and he manipulated me onto believing that he liked me too...someone on here said "you must have known". No, I didn't know until the instant he acted weird, and dropped the fake veil. Until that instant I thought I was on a magical,chemistry filled date with someone who was into me as much as I was into him. He was a sociopath... because he even looked different in that instant.everything about him was a carefully crafted lie. And then he turns it into blaming me" I thought you knew" how would I know? My girlfriend that met him thought he was single too. What hurt me was to date someone for months who had big emotional issues, that were hidden from me. We all have issues, but his are huge and scary and he was dating basically as part of his therapy. I can see the clues in hindsight but at the time I thought we really had a shot. So, whether it's jaded or just being sensible I don' take people at face value now.

@@FinallyFit50s you are really cute! I would probably not use the one that looks like you are laying down. I one time had a picture that wasn't very revealing, no cleavage,, and not bodycon but my shoulders were bare. I got alot of emails and someone actually told me that i should rethink how much skin I was showing. Thing is, it wasn't really that revealing, but it did not get the attention I wanted. I do a combination of a clear face shot, some activity pictures, and then a clear fullbody shot. And I make them current and put the month/year in the photo comments. I have the right to be pissed off when i meet someone who does not vaguely resemble his photo - that happens so often an it is kind of a show stopper as to me it is lying. I think it is good to pick flattering photos, but honest and flattering is best. And apparently, do not show shoulder skin - ? The other thing is - you don't really find out much about a person from their profiles and a thousand emails. You learn superficial things, but you don't really get much of a sense of them. When you are ready to dive in the pool, might as well just do it and be ready to have a few coffee dates. If nothing else, it is practice!

i did, and lived to tell about it. Actually, i had lover at the time I did plastics. He tried to talk me out of it, telling me I didnt need it, all women my age had a little extra droop etc. Then, I had plastics and he changed his mind - definately worth it - ha! My advice, don't borrow trouble from tomorrow. Focus on getting healthy, building your new life and enjoying it. Excess skin sucks, but there are alot of worse things in life....

My insurance paid for band removal and revision to sleeve - I had two surgeries. Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using the BariatricPal App

I am 4 years post revision from band to sleeve. My starting BMI was 52, I weighed 308. This morning I weighed 153, I have been successful with the sleeve. First surgeon I went to pushed me (wouldn't even discuss sleeve) to bypass due to high BMI and history of failure with a restriction only surgery. I have been involved in WLS forums for 5 years and have formed some opinions based on my personal as well as experiences shared by others. Bypass and sleeve are both good, effective surgeries. There are some conditions that pushes you toward one or another (Gerd - go bypass for example ). I have seen people succeed and fail with either, especially over the long run. So much of long term success is that perseverance over the long haul. I am very pleased with my results and am so happy with my sleeve but I kinda think the higher the overweight the more a person should look into bypass or DS. I say that knowing there are sleevers who have lost and maintained hundreds of pounds - I just think have an open mind, do your research and make a rational choice for your circumstances. They are both effective but have different risks and positives. Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using the BariatricPal App

I would have said the same thing during my first year or so post op. Maybe it is just me, but my food,.. desires... shifting. Like, I weaned myself off candy bars preop, but some point I started abusing Protein bars (now I only keep terrible tasting ones for emergencies!). I didn't keep hersey's kisses around and the nuts were the healthy substitute, but over time... one little portion turned into two and so on. I seem to have less problem with that right now, but I have felt like I have had to really watch the sneaky way that I can "overdo" healthy foods too. i suspect that it is remnants of a lifetime of using food to soothe, comfort and numb... it got easy, then it got harder, now it is easier again... but I remain watchful of my food patterns. It is especially important since i don't track.

i should also mention, that calculation is a little wonky. I technically did not lose 100% of excess in those first 14 months because my goal weight was 158# but my target for purposes of the calculation was 142. I didn't get down to the low 140s until i was well into maintenance, but it does give you a rough idea. If you are halfway to 2/3 to goal by 6 months, it is awesome. If you are not, you can still make it, these are all just guidelines and we are all so different!

Most of the time people think in terms of percentage of excess weight loss. A person with 200# to lose is going to lose way "faster" than somebody with 75# to lose - but the percentages might be the same. The rough guideline I received was that at 6 months, most sleevers have lost 40-60% of their EXCESS weight. I beat it by a few points... I think /i had lost about 63% of my excess at 6 months. However, it took me another 8 months to get to goal, and lose 100% of the excess.... because it does indeed slow down. I just checked the historical records....ha... i had lost 94# (that includes 8# lost in the 2 weeks preop). I lost 150# in 14 months to get to goal. I lost I think 168 to get down to the 140 range. I currently weigh 153, under my goal, but little higher than my lowest. I am 4 years post opl.

No experience with the BC, but you are in the "prime regain years". Statistically, this is the time when regain is most likely to happen. It has been my experience that unless you are an ultra athlete, you can't "excercise" your way out of overeating. The key IS controlling the intake. I have experienced appetite spikes too and the only thing that worked for me is going back to basics. Upped Protein, reduced carbs, hydrate way beyond the 64 oz a day.... that kind of thing. I think you are smart to tackle it right now while it is a managable regain. Sounds like things are going great for you overall!

I think I have shared this before - I have 2 close girlfriends. They are both about 2" taller then me. S - she is very petite, fine boned. I outweigh her by 35-40 pounds!!!! I am not fat, I just have a robust build and she is very small, narrow shoulders, chicken legs. It is kind of funny (to me) that she dresses to hide her skinny legs because they really do look skinny. M- not as petite, but still fine boned. I think she currently outweighs me by 10 or so pounds, but wears much bigger clothes - especially on the bottom. She has no waist and definately has extra fat around the hips and thighs. She looks good probably 10 pounds less than me. Me - naturally muscular build, or as i like to say "athletic" with relatively broad shoulders and robust bone structure. When I got down to 140, which is well within normal BMI for my height, I had protruding bones on my back and was constantly bruised. I had perma bruises between my knees from sleeping on my side.... Ilike being right about 150, which i the very high end according to the BMI chart. I wear single digit clothes, that is my real goal combined with good health. BMI is just a guideline, and in general people with good muscle mass will "weigh heavy". I say focus on health and what YOU want because you are the expert on you... One other comment, I got down to around 160-170 and my ex said "I was noticing at the grocery store that you are smaller than most women in our age range. Of course, that is because everyone has gotten so fat." Not exactly tactful, but he is right. Our sense of what is normal has really been warped since so many people, even young people are quite overweight and yet consider it normal.

@@Oregondaisy, i took this one a few weeks ago. Not great, but okay and I think it looks like me. I think a nice smile goes a long way - especially since I am a smiley kind of person it is representative of what I look like. I think the camera fairly level with your face, perhaps slightly above is ideal. You can google for tips and tricks, I am not an instagram queen, so hardly the expert on this! Also, do your friends need to know what it is for? Or maybe you grin and bear it? I have a shortage of full body shots because most of them involve horses and helmet hair and I keep forgetting to ask a pal to photo me when I am actually dressed up...or at least clean! Have you considered moving closer to where the lifestyle more suits your interests? you'd be closer to your family,have a better social life, better chance at meeting a like minded man... My gfriend and I kinda joke that we aren't attracted to the typical Seattle guy, but i am not sure I am willing to move to.... where? Austin? We have alot of techies, nerds, gamers and the like. Have to drive over the mountians to find any cowboys, but that isnt exactly my cup of tea either. ha... some people are just so picky aren't we?

Everyone is an expert on how much I should weigh -I advise growing a thick skin on the topic. So, statistically, and actual mileage will vary, people regain a few pounds from their lowest weight. I didn't want to stop at 180, and wind up maintaining at 200. It is a very personal decision with no right or wrong. I think it's ridiculous self punishment to try to maintain below where your body is most comfortable, but people who have known you as obese will take YEARS to get used to your slender self. The only people who accuse me of getting to I'm (I am not) have weight problems themselves.

The "facts" are that you are very much in control of your own success. You didn't mention your BMI or how close to goal you are, but starting out smaller is one of many reasons revisionistas tend to "lose slow". I lost 150# post revision and have been maintaining quite awhile. I don't even remember how much weight I had lost 2 months post op.... follow the rules, don't stress over the small things and you will find success. I strongly recommend measuring and tracking intake though because my sensors were all messed up and I had to relearn to eat healthy and appropriately for weight management.

I was terrified. In hindsight I think much of my anxiety was really about the big life changes, but my brain focused on the surgery itself to fear. I was specifically afraid of stopping breathing, and what furthered my fear was some vague remark from a different anesthesiologist when I had the band removed. I met with the new anesthesiologist, told him my fears and he gave me a very rational explanation of his job, how it works and that he could promise I would not stop breathing during surgery. It helped me alot to actually understand it and remove the fear of the unknown. Of course, that was 4 hears ago and it really turned out great for me - so glad I am sleeved!

There is a whole nother thread on this. I hope she gets help, although I too doubt if her stomach is torn a year post op, I am not a medical professional but pain and depression like this is not normal and needs urgent attention. http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/361626-help-i-might-have-hurt-my-stimson/ What do you mean by "torn something inside by eating wrong"? How far post-op are you? What have you eaten that has you thinking you did serious damage? I think if you had actually managed to tear our stomach open somehow, you'd be in the hospital or dead....

Welcome to my dating pool world... I know there are good ones out there in the 50ish range, but there are alot of irresponsible, promiscious, have unclear (or maybe they are lying) relationship goals, and just plain unappealing ones too. I have met the players who say "monagamy is irrelevant at this age", I have met the manipulators, but mostly I have met the uninteresting.... i have also met the ones who are using online dating for some other purpose - ego validation, because their counselor told them to "get out there" and perhaps just entertainment too. I know there are good ones, because i have some friends who are awesome. It is a numbers game I am not as negative as I sound, but it is a huge time sink and I just keep wishing people wouldn't waste my time if we don't have common goals, values etc. I have developed a theory that most aren't intentionally lying, they just dont know themselves. However, i have been on lots of very fun dates, found new restaurants, heard interesting travel and life stories and made a couple of long term friends. It is not all bad ... and hasn't cost me money, but lots of wasted time... So, I have started testing the waters and used a different tactic. I specifically announce my age range as 40-60 and the vast majority of responses are late 30s to mid 40s.... and I am very surprised. I pretty much assume no one under say 45 would be interested. Of course, right now this is just tons of emails, so not sure if my new tactic will pay off... stay tuned.

Something similar happened to me about 8 months post op and I was still not at goal. I had to go low carb, eliminate quest bars an change my exercise to high intensity interval training. I became more dilgent, went back to basics etc. I had to make a big effort to get rid of the last 40-50#. I made it to goal, losing 150# in 14 months. Some of us have to work harder to get to goal, I suspect higher BMI have this issue the most.

I need advice on something. It hasn't started yet, but early comments tell me it will begin soon.. one of my best friends will soon start telling me I am too thin. She did this before, she brought up that I had gotten too thin before recently and she made a comment of how tiny my thighs are since the lift....so I am expecting the remarks to begin soon. Ok, I am 5'5", weighed 153 this morning - aiming for 145-150 zone. I currently wear 6/8 pants (did get down to 4/6, even some 2s when I was working out) and more like 8/10 on top. Previously I was more of an 8/med on top. I have a robust build, big ribcage etc but I don't think anyone can see my weight and size as too thin as long as I feel good and am healthy. I think I look thin too her because she is a pear and I have a skinny butt and lean legs (for the most part). It's easy to say it is not her business but she is a good friend, her concern comes from a place of love so I do have to face this and respond somehow. I was thinking about choosing clothes to hide my weightloss and then I realized how dumb that is and so thought I would ask you all for advice. @@sarsar you saw me....probably 8# heavier than I am now (don't remember actually) so I think you know I am not wasting away, I have a big build and weigh more than people think. I am bigger than you from the waist up for sure. I try to not let this bother me but I guess deep inside I will always have some insecurities about my size....

@@Oregondaisy Dr Sauceda has been wonderful and supportive but he took a long weekend off without telling me. He was gone the Thurs to Sunda when the infection bloomed. It was frustrating and scary but in truth it was better I went to ER as I am not sure my primary would have been comfortable treating me. If I had it to over again, I would skip the thighs but they are MUCH improved so there is a benefit. I am sorry about your friends dying. I hope you get some peace being there for her. I hate going through this, lost too many people too young.... I don't know if this is applicable but I told my counselor once that most prospective dates I find boring and feel no attraction. She asked me to consider if that is really true or if it is self protection. Like if everyone is too boring or whatever for me, I avoid the future loss. I don't fear rejection but I am coming to realize how much I hate getting to know someone and then he is gone, even if we weren't in love. I don't let go easily and since I KNOW 99 percent don't work out I have fine tuned my ability to block anything before it starts. I have a real problem with finding men my age or older as boring, unattractive etc. I never felt th a that way before I started dating so there may be a grain of truth.

To have a place to discuss adult topics like dating, sex, intimacy etc can be discussed without every prude self righteous person who has no actual idea of the context butts in? The trouble with private groups is they die away because there is no real way for new people who would appreciate and benefit from the conversations to join. I am still pissed because finding a partner is something very important to me and I am realizing that I am just not attracted to the usual "pool" and exploring my own self created limitations. A girlfriend actually said it, men in our area just aren't our types. I never really thought of it that way but she is right. We go out dancing and I once asked her "if you were into one night stands, would you pick ANYONE here in the general ballpark of our age?" Nope. ( I have sons in their mid 20s and have zero interest in the cougar thing personally ) I am in a bad mood anyway right now, but I am just pretty sick of the easily offended and post patrolers.

All the fears are real and like someone said...I think i have experienced almost all of them. What is under considered by many is how emotional the huge shifts in life can be post weight loss. There is a reason I call 2013 as the year I was a little bit crazy. I am much happier now than I ever was obese but I went through some pretty tough adjustments, self consciousness etc before I became so comfortable in my own skin as a slim person. Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using the BariatricPal App

Yeah, carbs make me hungry. Actually the honest truth is the less I eat, the less hungry I am. Health is my focus, so I don't go down that nasty path but it is so strange that I can fast or low carb until I am physically weak and not feel hung e r, but if I am not eating small my appetite increases. Sounds like everyone is doing great but my thoughts have gone around be adaptable. My experiences right now are quite a bit different then they were 1, 2 or 3 years ago. Example, regarding nuts - I used to have them as part of my snack repertoire, but I almost NEVER eat them anymore because I want more than a few. I think Ann is onto something about running little experiments on ourselves and continually adjust. Btw, Ann I consider myself something of an expert on NOT losing weight. I highly recommend Peanut Butter served your favorite way and milk. Well, being a sleeved, have the milk first so you aren't breaking any rules. Between the sugars and the calorie dense peanut butter - worked like a charm everytime.

Well this site used to be vertical sleeve talk in an alternate reality. The mixing everything together has advantages - I've gotten to know some great new people - but is much hardee to navigate. Glad you are back and sorry to hear about your marriage problems. I recognize the hypocrisy but I will say it anyway,I hope you find it within you to try counseling or some way of saving things. It saddens me that my long term relationship didn't survive this either. In my case, it was dead way before I lost weight, but I had attributed the lack of affection, intimacy, communication or any meaningful time together to my obesity. It grossed me out, so I genuinely thought it did him too. Well, I got slim, much better looking and it didn't change and I just couldn't take it anymore. We are better friends than life partners but even years later it saddens me that it wasn't salvageable and I always hope for better for others.