CowgirlJane

100# is nothing to sneeze at. Rather then focusing on the last month - I would focus on how much you have lost. Not sure when your surgery was, but sounds to me like all in all you have lost alot pretty fast. Maybe your body just needs some time to catch up with it all. Keep following the sleeve rules and the losses will begin again !

I am so sorry you are going through this. I was very close to my mother and younger sister - they died within a few years of each other. Mom was 72 and my sis was 40. It was devastating beyond description. It is one of the reasons I got up over 300# - I could cope not just with the loss but some of the trauma around my sisters illness and passing. I think you are doin the right thing by facing it up front, realizing it is a stressor/trigger, asking for help. I don't really have any tips or tidbits, for me exercise is the main destressor like you already mentioned. Whatever you do, don't let youself be fooled into trusting that food or booze will help any. The boost in feeling last such a short period of time and the consequences of over use lasts so terribly long. I like to use the analogy of the bad boyfriend, sure he is fun for a little bit but then he starts treating you bad and you make excuses and are in denial about how bad it is and before you know it... you are on the weight gain cycle. Prayers for you.

Happy, reading your update makes ME happy!!!!!!!! Now, i am off to the gym....have a great day!

Thanks for the like...good prompt to update! I got to goal in Feb 2013...amazing for me to lose that time of year! I weigh in the mid 150s and wear size 8 pants no stretch. I could get smaller but i am pretty good right here. My PCP says I can be thinner but I am losing curves and heading for bony. I do indeed have a large frame and once I have plastics I feel pretty "right sized " in this general size range. Did I mention I LOVE my sleeve and the new life it has helped me find?????

I am strugglingwith this. Cash price in the usa is ALOT of money. However, i feel so much more comfortable close to home.. the follow up etc. that i am really leanign that way. I agree that plastics, expecially the lower body lift like I am looking at is a big big deal surgery!

I had the lapband for 10 years. Not good, got reflux really bad and all the Fluid had to come out so I regained what little I lost. Band made it very hard to eat healthy foods - dense Protein and salad type foods often caused me to vomit or feel pain. I revised to the sleeve in Dec 2011 and lost 150#!!! I never had any kind of success like that with the band. I also dont have the side effects. In my mind, the band is more drastic in terms of negative impact on your life.

Oh, another remark. I am at goal now having lost 150# or so. When I had lost maybe 110-120 I didn't have nearly the excess skin so one way to cope with it is to just not get quite as thin. I have been shocked at how much difference losing 20-30# made. I swear the last 5 came 100% from my boobs!

Okay, first there is the mindset. The excess skin is created as a result of the obesity... losing weight reveals it, but it was there already. I like to think of it that way - that skin was not CAUSED by weight loss, but rather became apparent then! I am in my late 40s, have been morbidly obese most of my life and have lost and regained weight many times. Perfect storm for ugly sagging skin. I do want to get plastics to fix it, but the good news is that I look pretty good in clothes. I don't have any skin irritation or rubbing from the excess skin. Bad news is it can make you feel fat because you can "pinch more then an inch" but it is skin, not fat. I have worked out during this journey, including strength training. I think that has helped give me a shape and overall look better, BUT it does not shrink skin. Spanx or shapewear definately hold it in and I wear that when dressed up or wearing something really form fitting. Don't let the fear of excess skin hold you back from the most wonderful thing ever - becoming healthy and trim!

You and I have "similiar" stats. When I had the plastics consult they told me that the lower body lift (extended tummy tuck) is only going to remove about 4 pounds. The thighs and arms... only a few more pounds. I thought it would be more... Bottom line, the extra weight on the scale comes from the fact that my bones and even internal organs have more "weight" due to a lifetime of morbid obesity. I don't care - I weigh in the 150s which on my body is a good weight range.

This is a common problem - many of us have discussed this so you have lots of company! I think it just takes time for the brain to catch up - lots of time! I think that the extra skin can make us still feel obese (it does me!) I think that we all get mixed messages - people telling us we are too thin, the pop culture showing all the young, thin, and beautifully airbrushed - makes us feel huge by comparison. What I think is that if you find a weight that is healthy, feels good and you can maintain it - THAT is the right weight for you! I personally felt great in my size 12s. I pretty much buy size 8 pants now, but have fit into a 6 and depending on the maker (designer sizes run differently) I have a dress that is a 12 that fits! Size is about as arbitrary as the scale. I am just a smidge over a normal BMI, but having discussed that with doctors, understand why that is healthy weight for me so I am pretty good right here. Anyway, sounds to me like you too are at a good weight and maybe just need time to find that self acceptance.

I don't hold that grudge - heck I didnt like how I looked not sure why I'd expect someone else to. In fact, I am amazed at the people who did lovingly accept me at my 300#, emotionally closed off self....

Perhaps the lighthearted nature of my post was obscured by the seriousness of the title.... But I really do like my coffee and CW music. . It is kinda weird to go from Morning Edition on NPR to Eric Church, Tim McGraw, Miranda Lambert etc.

A question I would ask is if you revise to the rny do you risk losing too much? If you only have a small amount to lose... For me the sleeve versus band "Experience" are like night and day. Sleeve is alot better and i just don't have the problems I did with the band.

So, I share these thoughts in this forum becuase they do cross my mind. Just to be clear 98% of the time I am running around....woohooo.... I am no longer carrying around the weight of an extra person!!!! Who the hell cares what my BMI or scale number says - I feel great, i look about 4 hundred million times better then I did before. In truth, I am not as obsessed about this crappola as I make it sound. My hubs has not been the most supportive person in the world, and he really doesn't issue compliments. He did say to me that I am "the same size or smaller then the typical woman my age." He is right and it isn't worth stressing over a few pounds over or under. Of course, he couldn't leave well enough alone and finished the remark "but that is because everybody has gotten so fat these days" groan. I keep a few before pictures highly visible - so I see them everyday... just to keep that mind of mine in line and behaving itself!!! that final pic - that is me on the right with the shiny earring. do I even look like the same person??? Who the heck cares about a couple of pounds??? I didn't notice until just now - in the before pics I am oozing out of my shoes even. My goodness, I even had obese feet!!!! I had to get rid of those shoes as they got too big!!!!

And I was wondering why my hubs isn't more interested... i FEEL hot...LOL... But apparently it is my own personal flame and it hasn't started a general fire at this time !

I picked a surgeon that had a follow up program - including monthly NUT visists the first 6 months. I credit her with helping me be so successful, she really made a difference. I needed the support, but in truth just going back to sleever basics is what gets you on track. Protein low carb veggies plenty of Water, but not with food exercise Vitamins Small portions eaten 4-6 times per day! I still eat off a tiny plate and use appetizer utinsils and I am over a year out! It helps me keep portions small. It is hard to really accept it, but other foods will derail or slow your losses.

It isn't dumb - there are big changes ahead! The last year plus has not always been easy but it has been wonderful for me. It is hard to let go of that "bad boyfriend" food that gave you a little rush but then left you feeling like crap. Over time, you start to realize that being healthy, active and hot looking is alot better then ANY FEELING food ever gave you! Hang in there - the pain isn't that bad, the first few months are hard to adjust, but it gets better week by week. Keep your eye on the prize and all those fears will be less important.

I started at a very high BMI - over 50 My surgeon and NUT refused to set a goal for me. They told me that too often they have seen people lose MASSIVE weight but because it wasn't some number on a scale, feel bad, get discouraged which can lead to the whole regain cycle. Started my preop at 308#, my highest weight was 332 - big girl here. Anyway, I shared my initial goal of getting under 200# - they felt that was very do-able. When I shared my ultimate goal of getting under 158# - they were worried about me...lol I took their feedback to heart and in truth, I almost stopped losing when I was in the 190s. I thought long and hard about the challenges of maintenance and the risk of regain. I appreciated what they were saying - weighing under 200# is just a crapload better then weighing over 300# so count blessings and don't freaking let it get you down!!! I would rather weigh 190-200 and maintain it then get down to some other number and start the cycle over again... regain and feel bad. for those of you that aren't quite at some magical number, consider that maybe it is "okay" for your own mental health. You already know you have extended your life by reducing your obesity so much. Anyway, after a few months of "resting" and having very slow losses I decided to "go for it" and have made it to the 150s 14 months post op. This morning i weighed 155, not a light number but very close to a normal BMI. The thing of it is, I look a good healthy size, i have a big frame and I can't help but notice that I look a little older as I get even thinner. I think I like looking healthy and younger over skinny and older - I didn't know how freaking vain I am ...LOL So, I am saying all this because while I understand acheiving goal weight is very personal, and not a decision someone else can make for you - I encourage ALL OF US to not let some damn chart or a number on a scale drive how we feel about ourselves. Sometimes I feel huge around the very petite Asian women I know and then I just have to tell myself that I am living my own life, not theirs. I like how I look, it is appropriate for the body God gave me and I need to not worry about other people's dang business!!!! One of the reasons I am having the lower body lift and boob job is because that massive skin makes me feel obese even when I am not. Coop, if you declared yourself victorious, everybody would see it that way too. Honestly, I don't think people over look your posts because of what a number on a scale says... seriously... we judge ourselves much more harshly then anyone else would even consider doing. and if anyone else does - well they can take a flying leap - tell em I said that!

Great post. Hey for me the big difference you can ACTUALLY see my eyes. I always thought I had ugly pig like too small eyes. i get complimented on them all the time now - turns out they were just hiding under all that fat!

I only answered this because I was asked what " vet" means to me. As long as it is an open forum lots of people will post and I am not overly concerned about it.

To me, a vet has nothing to do with number of posts. I think it is either: 1. made it to goal (low BMI people get there faster) or 2. at least a year out To me being a vet is about living with the sleeve over the long run. It is about living with maintenance or for some people, getting down that last bit to goal or maybe facing that they wont make goal It is about facing the day to day grind ... after the excitement and compliments begin to fade.

Well, alot does depend on your going in expectations. I have been around long enough to know that thin does not equal happy. I also didn't really expect to get thin, becasue of my high BMI I expected to remain overweight/plump/matronly just hopefully not morbidly obese. I guess i am surprised at just how freaking happy I actually am! Not to say i don't have mental/emotional challenges with this whole weight loss thing because I surely do but depression is not one of them. I am not a big fan of counseling as it hasn't helped me that much. I do think that talking it over and all can really really help. You know, when I hit goal, I had an unplanned "celebration" with a Peanut Butter sandwich. It was the best dang thing I had in a long time, but then I wanted more and more... and then it wasn't good. I guess for me I am not yet bummed about the vigillence, but hyper aware that i am NOT normal even though I may look it. I will always need to really watch it or I will become morbidly obese again and I am just not letting that happen. Thank you for posting this - lots to think about.

My 2 cents is that alot more is being made about this topic then most of us feel. I see that the womens and mens forums are relatively lighthearted places were "off color" or adult subject matter topics are more appropriate. I personally have never felt that the cross over between the two is a bad thing. I do believe that vets have certain topics that they would like to discuss BUT since VST is an open forum, and because of the way the feed works on the right with the newest posts - it won't be. I think that this creates a situation where it will never be a purely "veterans" or maintenance forum, oh well. I don't want people to feel like they are doing something wrong by reading the vets forum as it is here and it is open and we were all newbies once so no hard feelings!!! It would be nice if they would think twice and consider that alot of us make effort to help newbies and maybe allowing a space to talk about Vet specific concerns would be polite... but once again, oh well. Anyway, I am not losing sleep over it and it is true that there are things i would be more likely to discuss openly in a closed forum... but once again, oh well! I am just grateful we have such a wonderful group here to chat with and learn from each other.

I am glad you fired THAT therapist. wow I am 48, kids are out of the house and I feel very young and enjoying life! i don't plan to wear a bikini, but I want to look my best and it would be nice to wear a skirt above the knees without worrying about the wrinkly skin on the inner thighs showing. My breasts have changed alot from weight loss (and my past history of childbirth, nursing etc), and I just want to feel more feminine and normal again. People who think that you only get plastics to look like a porn star or something 1. have totally unrealistic expectations and 2. have no idea of the emotional benefit of just looking something close to normal. I have said this before, but i have ribs showing in my back, but still feel obese because all that skin in my abs and inner thighs looks like fat. I don't show alot of skin, but i like to wear fitted clothes and have to be very careful to not create a "spare tire" around my midsection - not because of fat, but because of skin. I can live with not having cleavage, but the upper part of my breast is just GONE. Where there used to be boobage is now ribbage - it makes me feel freakish in a way. It doesn't even matter that others don't see it, I DO! Don't get me wrong, if I can't get plastics for some reason I will live a very happy and full life just the way I am - but dang it, I am gonna try to get myself as close to a normal feminine woman as I can. Life is wonderful, life is fun and I deserve a shot at being a normal attractive woman after a lifetime of obesity! You deserve it too! (don't miscontrue my remarks that I am underweight - I am not - I am just making the point that I dont' have more fat to lose but I still look like I do due to the skin)

fiddleman, I went through a major life event 6 years ago and totally revamped my social life. It continues to evolve as a result of becoming trim. In our part of the country just joining a thing like cross fit is unlikely to result in new friends you have to make something happen with those people you meet at cross fit. This did not happen overnight but I have lots of friends now so here are some thoughts: 1. be open to people, take a few risks, say hi and be friendly. This was a fundamental shift for me. 2. join a group around common interests and do something with them. I made tons of friends being active in a horse riding meetup. I am thinking for you something...fiddle related might be the ticket. 3. Try stuff even if it doesn't sound exactly what you want. I went to a women's dress up and network event on Sat. I didn't meet a new BFF, but there were others there seeking friends for sure! This Sat night I am going to a meet up for a mixed gender social event on the east side. It isn't for singles, it is not a dating thing, it is for people who want to do stuff with others! PM me for an invite! 4. initiate stuff! invite people over, organize things around a common interest. This means putting yourself " out there " but heck worst thing is they say no. 5. actively seek individual friends too because Seattle is full of passive people waiting for someone else to fire up the party so to speak. I started inviting casual aquaintances to stuff and I have turned a few into good friends. One of those friends and I meet monthly for a drink. Another one and i are going to "double date ". As soon as I suggest something people "light up " but for some reason it takes me initiating. 6. ask for help like you did here. Have a brother who is a social butterfly? Ask him to invite you into his social circle. Some of the fun stuff I have done lately is with a group that I am only friends with 1-2 of them... But I am getting to know more of them and have been invited to yet a 3rd fun event now.