CowgirlJane

Yeah well Steven, the guy I see, and I talked awhile ago about me moving on and when we had the 90 minute phone call awhile back he told me he wants me to do that soon. He wants me to because he doesn't want me to waste a bunch of time (like years) on him. The idea is I date for awhile,take my time and find someone to date exclusively....at which point I no longer see Steven. We have an exclusive agreement as it relates to sex. The frustration has been even to find any candidates to date and then I realized that my search criteria has been part of the problem. I feel more compatible with a college educated professional type for a long term....but they tend to lack the fitness. I don't want to find someone to live with or marry right now. So Yesterday I met someone my age,tall,dark,handsome and very fit and active and he is a union pipefitter. He seemed to like me..we shall see. I am going to keep looking and hopefully date a few men for awhile before leaping in to anything physical or exclusive of any type but meeting this man gives me hope. That level of involvement won't happen until after Riley moves out in January. I finally saw Steven too, we just met for a drink. He hasnt seen me since about 3 weeks post op when I still walked like a granny. Anyway it was nice that he could see the change from the surgery. I hid my extra skin pretty well before so it mostly seems like I lost weight loss. I have heard this from others to but it is nice to get that feedback that it was worth it. So globe it would be nice to know how to tell if someone is good in bed before you take the free sample..ha! I loved your story of the beautiful man. Made me think of advice from one of my sisters..."never date anyone prettier than you".

Such an interesting topic to consider. When I was around 4months post op my NUT had me stop tracking. It was scary but she wanted me to move away from the perfection mode toward sustainable, natural listening to the body. It still makes me nervous at times,but I have done well...sorta keeping track of Protein and carbs in my head. I am diligent but not precise and it seems to work. It makes 5:2 hard since I only have a rough idea of calories but it still worked.

I know it is hard in these early phases. You keep feeling like you should lose a pound an hour...haha! You come on here and hear a story of someone who lost 60# in 2 months and you wonder how it is that you can't have that kind of amazing success. Truth of it is that most of us lost weight at more of a long slow grind not a rocketship. In the end, what matters is that you do lose weight and you have a prayer of maintaining it. I don't know about you, but I could always lose at least SOME weight but couldn't keep it up. Now, I seem to be able to and have lost 160# in total, but it didn't really happen that fast.

I had the same fears...but that was 2 years and 160# ago. I am so glad I kept believing and got sleeved....changed my life.

My ex husband is about 5'7 or so; my EX sig other is about 5'9" and I never cared about it much but they are both sort of fine boned petite type men. I more recently discovered I LIKE being with someone who isn't just tall, but has a substantial enough of a build that I feel more feminine next to him. I agree it is NOT the primary selection criteria but I like not feeling like the big boned / frame woman that i am. I LIKE feeling sexy and being with a certain type man makes me feel more like that. He makes me feel beautiful and desirable - something I never really felt with my EXes - and I guess now that I have had a taste of it, I want to find that feeling again. Steven is skinny (underweight by my standards) but he wears clothes like a model because he has broad shoulders and a narrow waist and knows how to dress his 6'2" frame. He somehow still has mostly dark, full head of hair with some blended gray, still moves like an athlete and just doesn't seem old to me. He has that sunworn look to his face which shows his age, but is otherwise better looking at 65 that pretty much all the 50 year olds I have met. Okay, he did some modeling as a young man, played college football etc - I would say "totally out of my league" back when we were both much younger. I realize that. He is a blend of being kind of cocky and flirty with being a little old school polite and sweet (and daresay a little sexist even). His combination is charming - damn I have had a spell cast upon me!!!...haha I don't know, but it is hard for me to sit across the table from someone who is 5'7", paunchy, balding gray hair with ruddy cheeks and odd facial hair and find him attractive. Yes, that pretty much sums up my last coffee date. Oh, and he still lives with his "ex" wife (they are separated) and 3 kids, a practical arrangement (I am hardly one to talk) but this is the kind of thing I am running into. I keep getting told how good looking I am but I am not attracting men I find good looking so I really wonder. It is a little fun to meet someone for coffee and see the look of surprise as they say something like "wow, you are really beautiful, your pictures don't do you justice". I actually think these guys I can't get into ... probably many real gems there I just am not attracted is all. M - no, you got it sister. It is like that, online dating makes you feel like you might be able to order one up, that is just right, but so far that has not been my experience. For awhile I blamed it on my age (all the good ones go for the 30 year old women) but I just don't know anymore. I do see the humour in the situation.... I mean, I keep thinking that I have been told I am pretty, sexy, low drama, intelligent, self supporting and good in bed, - what else would a man want...haha... and yet I am not really finding the appealing ones. I just need to keep trying and THEN it is finding out how freaking crazy they are, ensuring they are not married and making sure they treat me right. So, this is why Steven told me it will take me 3-6 months to find someone... I hate it when he is right. I get discouraged fast as I just think it should be like one-click ordering on amazon... arrives in 2 business days. I am not really in a hurry, I am just having a time about it right now...

pammy is right - I consulted with 4 usa surgeons - they were ALL day surgeries done in a clinic and then you go home. That was one of the reasons I went to Dr Sauceda, you stay in a clinic for 3 days and have lots of nursing care... and of course I stayed down there for 11 days total. I know that people do fine with the day surgery, but my own "need" to be more cared for after something that felt scary and uncertain was very high. I am more than satisfied with my choice but I also know that many very good surgeons do send people home same day...

I know this is tough, but i think it is a really good time to examine your beliefs about weight loss surgery and what your life will be like after. Mine has evolved over the last few years and I am happy with where i have landed in terms of my relationship with food, fitness and my body. There is no reason to "eat while you can" because you CAN still eat later. Sure, those first few months are tough, but that is a temporary state. Over the long haul (I am two years out) I eat normal food just alot less of it. I also have a much lower "food drive" - meaning not so focused on consuming it. I feel it as a sense of relief actually. I can relate to your state of mind, I think pre-op I was pretty dang discouraged/hopeless at times. I luckily didn't have to survive a long preparation diet... I just tortured myself from the comfort of my own home. I was a professional dieter preop, I could just never maintain/sustain a prolonged period of time without overeating. I genuinely believe that much of that was the physical drive for food was just so strong... the sleeve really helps with that. Most of us go through a very low appetite/hard to eat much/food is uninteresting phase in the months after surgery. In some ways, that was a bit of a sad time for me, i was still fat, couldn't enjoy my old friend (eating) and yet hadn't really found new outlets yet. However, I feel like I took advantage of that time to sort of get over my dependance on food. It occasionally rears its head, but overall, food is no longer my comfort/friend like I used to use it. I now have basically a different life that I like alot better even though same old (non food or weight related) challenges are still there!

M2G, you know I think part of my picky obsession is sort of fear based... like.. I think I have settled to easily in the past? I probably don't even really care much about physical attributes but this online dating this is ridiculous... it's like shopping at amazon.com - overwhelming number of choices (like i get 20 emails a day now I wold say) and yet none of them seem quite right. Well, maybe 1 out of 20 sounds great till I talk to them or meet them.... This is why I think I need to do more in person rather than online.... I think there is a more natural way to see if you are interested or have some sort of attraction, interest or spark. I haven't even reached the phase of "how do they treat me" - I am stuck on finding someone that I actually want to get to know. I am 49 and the vast majority of men in their 50s are old and sedentary... and that does not attract me. i met someone last summer - before I put this on ice - that i liked alot. We still email but he seems non commital about actually going on a date and I am not sure his hesitation. He is probably just as stuck as me...

It concerns me that a surgeon would set an expectation to "never feel hunger again". My hunger returned about 7 months post op - I am two years out now. I do not have that 24/7, all consuming, drive to eat hunger that I did pre-op, but I definately experience hunger and I think most sleevers do. There are many tricks and tips to managing that hunger so you can get to goal and stay there, but I think people need to go into this with the real info. As far as preop diets, I didn't go to medical school so i picked a good surgeon and did what he told me. Does it really matter what others do? I had a 2 week liver shrinking diet but they weren't overly stressed about it. It was tough as hell to stick to and I can only imagine how hard these really long preop diets are. When they do the long ones, I think they want you to get weight off to sorta prove you can be compliant... well... that theory didn't work well for me. I am a compliant patient, butI needed the sleeve tool to acheive that.

2 years out... well, my anniversary is tomorrow... the sleeve has saved my life and given me my freedom. Life is so much better at a normal weight! I luckily had no complications and seem to have learned how to use this tool in the process of losing 160# and have found maintenance to be doable, but still work. - I love it though!

If I couldn't manage my weight with the sleeve, I too would consider the DS. I refuse to go back to being morbidly obese. However, this is a surgery with bigger consequences. Not only did I research it, when I was researching plastics I heard things about it from plastic surgeons. A local plastic surgeon who specializes in reconstruction after massive weight loss told me that he has only had two cases of terrible complications and they were both DSers. Anyway, my opinion is that I would try some techniques - 5:2 is a good one, but i also found that going low carb really helped me get to goal. It has become a way of life now, I am in maintainance and I do indulge some in bread and alchohol...lol... but my day to day diet is really lean meats, cheese, yogurt and veggies. i strongly suggest that you check out this: http://www.dsfacts.com/index.html#.UqdAXuI2GaM And know that obesity help has alot of DSers on it and it is worth talking to them. These people know all the low down on who the good surgeons are etc - this is way more complex than the sleeve or gastric bypass so pick your surgeon carefully if you do decide to do this. It is hard to not be jealous of people that can eat 2000-3000 calories a day, not worry much about carbs and still be slim...

oh and mr cook the bacon on fasting days is back at it. We have about another 6 weeks before he moves. I have moved to a zen state... I don't really crave bacon...no, a protein drink is just as good, right?

swizz, I was thinking the same thing. When I am massively stressed I do too things - forget/absentminded - I totally forgot an i portant work meeting when I was in the final decision of splitting with my ex for example. Second thing is I am clumsy and have little accidents. I dented my cute lil mini cooper the day I did finally break it off with my ex for example... but i also do things like stumble and have other small mishaps. It is easy to attribute it to some larger thing, but, often it is STRESS. Globe - Antioch is right downtown area - actually it is a neighbhorhood called Belltown that borders the downtown. No wonder everything is pricey; good news excellent bus service from many Seattle neighborhoods. I am such a coward, there is a singled holiday cruise run by one of the speed dating companies and i just can't quite muster the courage to sign up. What is weird is that i am very outgoing but when it comes to the man/woman thing, i have fear of sitting alone in the corner or something. I went on a few coffee dates - duds. Once again, they did tell me i am much hotter in person that my photos..haha. I think that is a nice way of saying i need better photos! I guess it is no surprise that men lie lie lie about their height. I am 5'5", wearing 2.5" heel I should not tower over someone who is 5'10". New math. I have decided to move the bar to 6' so maybe I can actually meet people who are 5'10". I wish I didn't care about sex otherwise i think I would just give up on finding someone to see. My "friend" is just never available - never in my life did I think it would be so hard to find a hot guy to have a fun based relationship with. I know it is because I am way too picky... I do that because i have a little worry of actually falling for some guy and damn it, he needs to have a good career and not be too weird and be attractive... and be not short. I could go on and on about my list of silly requirements that has me ruling out alot of perfectly cool guys... but for some reason, looks is important to me right now. It never used to be, midlife crisis maybe??? I am feeling a little wacky right now, sorry.

I am two years from my revision. At this point I eat pretty normally but small portions. I choose to eat low carb and few processed foods. I had the band for10 years and never was comfortable like I am with the sleeve. Good luck!!!

I am so happy for you - you look great!

Congrats! It seems that this procedure has many names - I had the lower body lift which is the same procedure. Big Happy - I had a bunch done at once there is a post in this forum with the details. Recovery was not easy BUT now I am 2 months out I am very happy with results. The only thing that is still a real problem is i have side boobs (ie my chest wall under my arms has loose skin). It is one of those things that is fine nekkid, but when I wear a bra I get a little spillage. I guess for a guy less of an issue. anyway, I didn't want the scar going around my back and since it isn't "that bad" I will just live with it.

Congrats! It seems that this procedure has many names - I had the lower body lift which is the same procedure. Big Happy - I had a bunch done at once there is a post in this forum with the details. Recovery was not easy BUT now I am 2 months out I am very happy with results. The only thing that is still a real problem is i have side boobs (ie my chest wall under my arms has loose skin). It is one of those things that is fine nekkid, but when I wear a bra I get a little spillage. I guess for a guy less of an issue. anyway, I didn't want the scar going around my back and since it isn't "that bad" I will just live with it.

At first I thought it was because I was viewing on my kindle, but I am on my laptop today, and sure enough it is gone again. It is no big deal, but i am curious if anybody knows what's up with that!

We all take a "risk" posting personal stories and photos in such a public place. I am glad others took the risk before me, many of them inspired me. Maybe I will inspire others too... who knows... but also, I learn about myself from my own sharing. One of the things about myself is that i am much more open and honest then I used to be. I always thought of myself as honest, but I tended to hide things i felt shame about.... not anymore. I mean, once I agreed to have part of my stomach removed to save my life, somehow that bullcrap just didn't seem so important anymore. I have been blessed with friends and family who not only have been kind about my openness, actually embrace it and seem to love me more. One friend told me that while I was always outgoing and friendly - I used to have a certain "guarded" layer that was off putting. That seemed to have melted away a bit with the fat...

I do not intend to scold or be condescending... this is tough ass battle and we all make mistakes or do things we later regret. I am not going to enable however by somehow saying it is okay and that "rules" don't matter because they do matter. I have now lost 160 from the start of my preop diet (and 184 from my lifetime high). I am so far maintaining. I have learned some things along the way. for example, I had times during my first 3 -6 months when I could eat more than I thought i should. That is when i came up with the mantra that "just because I can, doesn't mean I should". I suspect that the nerves weren't fully healed and I didn't actually feel how full I was. My tummy still has very good restriction 2 years out because i make it a habit to not "pack that pouch". I eat till no longer hungry, stop before full. Have I slipped up, absolutely, but most of the time, I do good with this one. I am insulin resistant/carb sensitive so I know that simple carbs (ie junky food) and even fruit triggers hunger and snacking. Crackers, Protein bars etc etc - i think I could eat a huge quantity of them so i just don't have them around. I KNOW I can't eat a huge quantity of lean meat and veggies, so that is what i keep around. So, for people who are still figuring it out and fine tuning their sleeve, be thinking about the long run. Here is a sad fact that nobody ever told me... I have to eat a pretty dang small amount of food to maintain my goal weight. I think this is why the surgeon sort of encourages high BMI people to be "okay" with a higher goal weight, he knew that at a normal weight/size my caloric intake would have to be very restricted. For me, I am okay with that because food was a bad friend to me and I don't want to use it the way I did before. I do go out to eat and stuff, but i eat an appetizer or share a meal or something like that. I think I have finally accepted that this is my life now. I have also found myself hanging out with people who are smaller eaters... they are out there... they just figured this out without having to have surgery. I love being with someone who eats like I do - my best friend Mary and I spent a day together. Protein Drink for Breakfast, some veggie soup, cheese and bread for lunch and another protein drink for dinner because that lunch was "a lot" of carbs. Yes, she eats that way too.

I want to comment on exercise and weight loss. In the short term, exercise seldom helps you lose weight because your muscles hold on to water weight. Everybody says the thing about muscle weighing more than fat... well... it is true that a muscular person will fit into a smaller size at the same weight but it takes a long time to build that muscle. What it is is water weight that people see on the scale. It is still worth doing though. I personally respond very well to vigorous excercise but there is something about my body ... not everybody does. I think we all need to find out own way - many people do much better on less excertion and just walking is healthier for them. I was warned this by my NUT that for some people, hard exercise makes them eat more and so defeats that particular purpose. High intensity is also a physical stressor - that is how you get stronger - you put your system in managable distress and it rebuilds stronger. I think it is important to think about that - does this activity take away from my energy or add to it? Holiday times intense exercise might make us feel better OR it might be just one more drain on our reserves that we don't need. I built a pretty decent foundation of fitness before I moved on to doing high intensity - I am old enough I need to be careful Now, i am having a heck of a time resuming it but it is all in my head. I get on my spinning bike and am exhausted in 5-10 minutes. I am walking, which i find very boring and hate, but I need to slowly build confidence. I am really wanting to get into cross fit or boxing or something like that next year but since I am still a wet noodle (again, i think more in my head than physically) that may not happen soon. I wanted to feel strong before resuming horseback riding, but i actually think i need to resume riding to motivate me to exercise... I need to do something to break the sedentary cycle because i like being active and just can't seem to get back on the track. Anyway, I did cycle for 8 minutes this morning and I am committed to doing at least a little everyday and maybe it will start feeling good again. Fake it till you make it.

Globe, which school in Seattle? If it is in the city, you can live with out a car. If you do need a car, you can get used. My son's car only cost 2500 and he has been driving it trouble free for over 2 years now. And yes, it is very expensive here but people get roommates, use public transport and other ways to manage. I live in a town called Woodinville that is north east of Seattle... you have to drive to just get to a bus stop out here. I understand the OVERWHELMENT even though i have never been through this exact thing, I have been through terrible times in the past, actually more than once, so I think I can at least sorta imagine it. What worked for me is to simplify and focus. What I mean is instead of thinking you have to solve everything, focus on the few really important things that you believe you can make progress on and hit them hard and with a positive "I can do this" attitude. This is just an example (obviously you need to choose those priorities) but you might decide to say the heck with getting to a number on the scale weight wise, you instead focus on maintainng weight and building health to fight the MS. You might decide to focus on education and de-prioritize other things. I know this isn't the same, but when I was about 29-30, my life was very unhappy. I had a job I hated but had to stay in it because my bum of a husband couldn't/wouldn't keep a job. It broke my heart - I always thought i would be stay at home or work part time but I made a very bad choice marrying my high school boyfriend. I had two wonderful little boys but wasn't a happy mother to them, i was morbidly obese (I might have been at my lifetime high then, I don't know because i stopped weighing. My stress and exhaustion levels were through the roof. I look at pictures from that time and I was very unattractive because I was so uhhappy and unhealthy. My highest weight of 332 was documented much later). I was so angry with my (now ex) husband, I had no real friends besides my family, i was lonely... I was a lot of things. I was driving to work one day and fantasized about running my car off the road into a telephone pole and THAT was my wakeup call. I couldn't fix everything or even most things, but I could do something about my work situation - so I took action that got me a new job that i loved within the company. Then, my confidence starting building, I started losing weight, I gave the bum an ultimatum... gave him a set period of time to turn his life around and grow up. Well, he didn't, so a few years later I threw him out. Basically, by fixing one thing - the one thing i could do something about, my career, I was able to create a chain of events that propelled me in the right direction. My life has not been perfect, but I thank God everyday that I didn't try to hurt or kill myself but rather took positive action. Oh, and since than I have a saying "I am more likely to be homicidal that suicidal" HA. That mindset has served me well... iinstead of getting depressed most of the time I am now able to get MAD at whoever (or whatever) deserves my wrath rather then it turning to self loathing which was my history. My thoughts are with you - no matter what you decide you know I care and support you. I write these things to just give you something to think about, may not fit for you, but I figure that my own little corner of hell might have some lessons for others.

If it were April 1st... i would call bogus on it. LOL At first I thought it said it would send a message to her phone to call her... you know, sorta like a monitored alarm system when the call center calls you back when it goes off to see if you are okay... We could set up a call center off shore and they call you to talk you out of it... "butter, everything is going to be fine, just put down the donut... and slowly back away" I kinda like the shock or skunk ass collar idea too, but then I would never get enough water in either....

protein bars contain really crappy protein....very processed and not bioavailable as a good whey protein.....but why not eat real food....a cup of yogurt....a couple of eggs....some chicken....shrimp....crab....nuts....beans...etc.... most protein shakes still have sugar and other yucky ingredients in them..... Why would you assume I don't eat eggs chicken fish,Greek yogurt and other healthy protein sources? Protein drinks are not necessary but have seen a useful tool for me to lose and maintain a great deal of weight. Premier is a quality brand, Syntrax nectar is also very low carbohydrate and sugar.

ice cream = crack Fudge, I find tempting but I CAN resist.