CowgirlJane

Brown it could be worse you could be dating...really hard to eat sleevie. Laura,i must be a mean bitch...18 year old that tried that would be invited to take on head chef duties or get a job and find his own dinner. My ex (step dad) would never tolerate that disrespect toward mom either. I understand you are a stay at home mom, doesn't make you their servant or doormat. So maybe they do feel they need something more from you (negotiable) doesn't change that they owe you respect first (non negotiable).i am apparently old school on some subjects and raising sons maybe I have a tough love attitude but dang...I am nobodys house slave. Food tastes not so great they still say thank you for dinner. Their future wives can thank me later.

Laura, that situation sounds very ugly. One of my sons was high maintenance, kind of like the stereotypical teenage daughter. I sense she is trying to tell you something important even if the words are mean and all wrong. Kids often don't know how to articulate what is in their hearts - they don't even know it themselves. I am sure she really DOES love you, but is going through her own crap.... or maybe there IS something between you that needs fixing. I am not sure how to get to the bottom of that, but be open to working on fixing it together... counseling? I hate counseling, but I don't know what else to suggest. It is so easy to get caught up in their drama, but the good news is they aren't teens forever. My son Jeff was a pain in the ass from about age 11 to 21... it was a rough decade, but now at 24, he is wonderful We still sometimes clash, but we seem to have developed an understanding that our ways of communicating is sometimes hurtful to each other and we forgive ourselves and each other for it. Lots of blood was shed before getting to this point though...

You ask good questions. This is a tricky one... I am careful about communicating my intentions because there are a million and a half guys who I swear would drive in from the 3 surrounding states for a hookup and that is SO NOT what I am looking for. I am careful, I really only talk with people saying they seek a relationship but avoid the ones saying they are looking to get married. The "casual dating" guys I assume really just want a hook up or FWB type thing. I figure as things evolve, we will discuss. I fully realize that it is easy to SAY you don't want a LTR, but you can fall in love. That is one reason I am being selective about even finding a playmate. Also, I want a playmate that shares my idea of play.... travel, weekenders, having fun, sharing each others stories without being joined at the hip. A supportive loving relationship WITHOUT feeling like we are on an inevitable course towards permanence. I think it is different at our age - no kids involved, no real reason for me to ever remarry actually. If it happens someday, wonderful, but I am simply not settling for "good enough" ever again. I would rather stay single. Mark, the wild man, has said that too many women he has met on POF seem ready to move in/get married by the 3rd date. He says he needs 3 years of knowing someone before chancing marrying again. I held my tongue because the jury is still out on him, not sure we will make 3 dates, but he was communicating an intention I can relate to. Frasier (aka pipefitter...haha) is just level headed and smart. He mentioned dating a few people from POF for say 3-6 months at a time and generally breaking it off due to their issues. He seems a gentleman and didn't get into the gory details, but, I got the idea - he has had his fill of the nuts and basketcases. He still has a 16 year old and home and that is clearly his primary relationship - good! He asked me about my dating history and I sorta mentioned my situation with Steven, again without getting into it, and he "got it" right away - using the phrase friends with benefits - and appeared approving. Meaning, not everyone wants to sleep around NOR get married right away but maybe they want to have a sex life anyway! He did want to know why Steven wasn't a long term prospect and again rather than getting into it I just mentioned the age difference. If we become close, I will disclose more, but I don't see a reason to share too many details this early in the game - but I sense he gets it and we are on the same page. So, for second date (or as he says, our first REAL date) I will dress a little nicer, a little sexier, but still not alot of skin and no cleavage. Well, it is winter for cripes sake but also because no reason to reveal my wild side yet. I am very stressed about shoes for tonight right now... oh to have such tough problems in life. I really really want to wear my new booties but I still feel like a newborn calf walking on hard surfaces so I can't wear them since I am sure not everything will be carpeted..haha. Oh dear, what shall I do? I think I will go with my more modest height blue pumps, not as sexy, but considerably more graceful and less likely to cause injury...lol Remember how empowering it felt when you were sleeved and food no longer dominated you? That is how I feel about dating, for the first time EVER. At this stage, I hold the cards and if any of them fade away, oh well, there are other fish in the sea... I just want to enjoy this experience for awhile. I don't want to get all wound around one person too quickly. My friend Priscilla suggested spending the summer dating men who do different things - boating, travel whatever and just enjoy being on their arms so to speak. That is probably too complicated for me - at the point I am really doing alot with someone - it will be just one, but no rush to get there. One of the things I like about Frasier is that he does alot of the stuff I like (international travel, weekend travel, hiking, boating etc) PLUS he has hobbies (he is a serious golfer and skiier) that I could no way keep up with. He gets it about my horse back riding - we had the talk about being okay spending the day pursuing our own passions and still reconnecting - I think he actually really liked that concept. Like I said before, jury is out on him, but he gives me great hope that intelligent life exists on the online dating pool....

Yes, very common. Don't worry about it, just keep following the instructions.... you will get there!

Well, here is another factor....the benefits good health is way more important that the issue of "loose skin". I had plastics, first to admit I wanted that improvement for the extra skin, but i would have been "ok" without plastics too. If I could have lost and maintained without the sleeve - I would have done it that way. If you can do it without surgery, that would be awesome, but it is really a separate subjct than loose skin. Don't borrow trouble from tomorrow, everybody is so wound up about extra skin and it is really a minor problem compared to poor health, low self esteem and a shorter lifespan caused by obesity.

I gained weight...haha... all pumped up with fluids. But you know what... doesn't matter. I am now down 160#, this works.

I estimate it would have been about twice as much but I never really got final quotes on everything in the USA. In my case it would have taken about 3 years so I could take the time off from work - one surgery per year. I paid several thousands less for "the works" than my quote was for just tummy tuck (or LBL depending on the USA surgeon) and breast lift/implant in the usa.

I have dived into the dating pool and am choosing to avoid physcial intimacy for awhile.... however, I am dating a number of people and admittedly let some fade away as i loose interest... I am a nice person and try to be straightforward, but it is awkward to have to tell someone that you just aren't that into them. I have also been yelled at; "what do you mean you don't want to see me? I am really into you" - as though my opinion doesn't count... and that was just after one date and a few phone calls. I really hate letting someone down, it's hard. It;s anyone's guess and who knows, he might be going through some crap in his own life. Sadly, this may be one of those "chalk it up to lessons learned." situations. i am sorry.

Daisy, that kind of sucks; some men are not the best communicators. I think your entire issue is living in the land of men you just don't care for. I would have a tough time finding someone for sure in a small town setting. Mark - the archectect seems to be an over-communicator but that is just another communcation issue, isn't it? What's with telephone guy? He is not an native english speaker? Isn't it weird he accuses you of cutting him off? Even if you WERE doing that, a man should never be so rude during the flirting phase. Remember, these guys should be trying to impress YOU! Well Daisy, i guess the main thing to remember is you don't need to find a bunch of cool guys, just one, right? He has to be out there. Georgia - congrats... woo hoo! You contribute alot, but especially inspiration! I also am one that has never succeeded at maintenance in the past. I feel a need to keep weight management as the CENTER of my life. I know everyone dreams of it becoming a "non issue" but I just don't think that a woman who got to be twice her "normal" size has that luxury. My surgeon told me that years 2-3 are nearly as important as the first year. What happens now is a predictor of my future maintenance success. I don't see this as dieting, but I feel the need to be ever vigilant. So, that for me means being aware and conscious of my lifestyle choices. BTW, many never obese women do the same thing. It is just the formerly obese that think they can just walk away from it and hope to maintain. Stupid office party today - I hate junk food and I know this crew, there will be lots of it. Family party tomorrow. My oldest son got double booked so he and his Gfriend won't be there. My EX wont be there even though everyone considers him part of the family. My other son will hopefully show up, otherwise I will spend the whole party explaining what the hell happened to my corner of the clan. Big families are a blessing, but they can be a demanding lot if people don't show up as expected... I used to love the holidays, not so much anymore.

Well since you bumped this old post I think it would be fun to give an update. I DID get to 150 by my plastics surgery in October. Now, in the heat of the eating season, I weigh 147 and remain a 5:2 evangelist. I am at my revised goal of 148.

Okay, since we have a couple of British ladies on here I have to mention that I have been watching on netflix some episodes of the original "shameless". I love William H Macy and he stars as Frank in the American version which got me interested in the British original. Anyway, I work for a multinational company, used to accents from around the world, but cannot for the life of me understand about 1/3 of what is said on that show. Coops, Kathy - are you familiar with it? Where the heck are those people from and are they actually speaking English? LOL This is no Faulty Towers (John Cleves). British TV is pretty good - I also kind of liked Being Human for awhile but that show troubled me in some ways - it was sad and morbid.

And to all your dirty ole ladies wanting to hear about my dating life...ha.. that's funny. So, I have a second date with a man named Frasier tomorrow. He is the union pipefitter guy. He is really articulate, witty, shockingly well traveled and seems pretty salt of the earth - or at least that is the image he portrays (my saying is you really don't know people's crazy for awhile). He exudes masclinity in a good way, and might be someone really fun to do stuff with since he is INTO everything. He golfs, boats, skis, travels - just a high energy guy. He did strike me as a bit dominant... no red flags but well you know. He is the type that orders your meal for you at a restaurant - old fashioned kind of manners which I can get into as long as it is just manners and not controlling. I tend to get along better with stronger personalities as I can steamroll people (not intentionally) and it is easier for me to deal with someone who is strong and confident so we'll see how that plays out. He said that he could tell I am "high octane" and gave me a very sly smile before saying "that can be a really good thing". Perfect gentleman, shook my hand good night kind of thing. Physically, he is good - 6'2", full head of brown hair, no facial hair and fit but with a heavier type build. I don't find his face super handsome but he is really young looking. He is 50, but could pass for low 40s easy. Many 50 year old men strike me as about 65... seriously. The man I met the other day - Mark - is a bit of a wild character - very very charming but I think he might drive me crazy. He leaves me the weirdest voicemails... like about matching upholstry and fixing his dryer... like, we met once, why would you tell me those things? He has lived around the world, is fluent in several languages, is an archetect and other things - sort of a renasaince man. His ex wife is Aussie and so he has spent alot of time down under. Anyway, I will see him again but next week some time. He needs a little jet cooling, this was mister unhook the bra comment and was wanting to get all kissy on a first date, he does it without being obnoxious, but like I said, needs some jet cooling... He isn't quite as tall and fit but is handsome and charming and certainly meets my minimum specifications. The final one is Scott who is okay.. but reminds me of someone I work with. He does the same basic job I do and although he promised to not talk shop, he keeps pulling me back to that. I realized that I find him kinda uninteresting BUT, decided to be fair and meet him again. He seemed a little nervous so maybe I haven't met the real person yet. What I did NOT like and I think may have also been nerves... I felt like he wasn't really listening to me.... like when ever I would try to reveal something about myself, he would change the subject. I think he just misses social cues, not sure. And I can't help but say, these 3 men are all right about 50 and Steven is better looking that any of them at 65... looks are NOT everything, but they surely do count toward initial attraction. Steven's body looks his age only without clothes because he is underweight... like I keep saying too skinny is NOT flattering when you get older. seriously, at some point it is just bony. I have profiles on POF and OKC. Right now, POF is coughing up the good ones, don't know why. Now, as near as I can tell it was posting my stripped dress photo from Thanksgiving that caused the uptick in interest. I think POF sends emails out as matches when you put on new pix...not sure. Anyway, they all 3 said that I look much better in person, but I thought my green striped dress picture was cute so I don't know. When I initially meet someone I dress casually, don't show too much skin, but definately wear something form fitting. I came to this "secret formula" from hearing guys talk about women during some initial "coffee dates". The socially inept will spend a great deal of time talking about the wrong things - that subject being one of them. Once they realize i am not overweight, but don't know I used to be obese, the heels start talking about all the fat women they met in unkind ways (btw, none of the men mentioned in this post did that - they are jerks). So, I figured they want to be able to see my basic shape so no baggy oversized clothes. I found out they universally don't like a woman who is way over made up for a coffee date. Too fancy of clothes, too much jewlery, evening makeup etc - It is uncomfortable. I show up looking good (well, at least I think so) but in that casual didn't try hard kind of way... I also wear at least 2-3" heels as I want to be sure I feel comfortable with his height (shallow of me I know but I am shopping for a playmate not a husband so I can be shallow dammit!!!). Steven later told me he was appalled at how I was dressed when we first met.... tennis shoes and purple jeans...lol.. but he is a super fashion conscious guy and he is right, that outfit was a disaster. He told me that I almost always dress so nicely (except when I show up in horse riding clothes) so could not understand why I didn't take more care - I got the point though, look feminine, look enticing but not like you put any real effort into it. What else - well, it is alot funner now that I am meeting people I can stand to sit across the table from. I really don't know WHAT made the difference but I changed my profile, removed some of the pix I originally had (got ride of all but one horse pic). So, one of the weird things is I would say around 20% of the men who contact me are under 30.. cougar town??? Ain't my thing but apparently a real opportunity here if anybody is into that.

Yes, I am Sheryl but I answer quite nicely to Jane so don't worry about it! I worked at a restaurant once with fellow waittresses Carol, Merrill, Cheryl and Sherrie - we were always mishearing each other's names...haha! Laura, seriously, how can you see yourself as heavy? I judge us to be quite similiar in size and I am HOT...haha... so by definition you are too! Really, I don't mean to be insulting, but have you considered counseling for body image issues? You look awesome and beautiful. Sarsar - love those pics! You are also quite a beauty!!! Susan, I didn't know you were a revision. My surgeon is an arrogant SOB and one of the things he said was that he "did a really good job" creating my sleeve. What he told me is that sometimes due to the scar tissues left by the crapband (big fat lie it is a completely reversible procedure - it leaves damage!!!) they can't make the "pouch" the same was a virgin sleever. I am not a big religous person and not sure I believe in devine intervention BUT, I think somebody was looking out for me when it came to my sleeve journey. I still sometimes pinch myself to make sure it isn't just a fantasy and I will wake up obese... What I will say is that eating low carb and 5:2 both help me keep that "tight" feeling. When I started going sideways... say about 8 months post op, I was hungrier than I am now. Some of it is mental, I am in a headspace now that I just don't care that much about food and I think low carbing helps with that. I worry that if I ever go completely off the rails, I won't be able to get back, but I do allow myself small quanties of potato or bread or alcohol but basically stay away from other junkie carby food.

When I met Steven, I poured my guts out to him basically on our 2-3rd date, before we even kissed. I warned him so much about my extra skin (my main parania) that by the time he saw it, he was like "geez, you had me pretty scared, it isn't THAT bad". Over the following months, we talked about my skin issues from time to time and his main compliment was that i knew how to dress and hide it. I eventually got over my mortification of having tummy and thigh skin....get in the way... if you know what I mean. He taught me a lot about being more confident in my own sexiness and don't apologize for being me. He always tells me that I look way better that most women my age, even with the skin, and I don't have to make excuses or give a care what anybody thinks. One of the great things about him is that he tells me that the only unscarred "perfect" middle aged bodies are the ones that haven't lived and he wants nothing to do with those high maintenance princesses. So, fast forward to what I am doing now. I don't intend to get physical with anybody until I narrow down who I really want to see. I am still shopping so to speak and think probably 6-8 dates is minimum before I feel the need to tell them anything. I have plastic surgery scars and I also think people deserve to know since it is part of my story, but i don't intend to discuss it unless I am seriously thinking about "picking" one of them to be my new steady. Steven advised me to date several someones for 2-3 months before choosing one to be sexual, and exclusive with. He said he has done that in the past with women and it is a good way to really find out a persons crazy and all that before you leap into bed. Nobody has asked me about my eating... I keep them busy with my charming smile and apparently enticing bosom. If anybody does ask, I will just tell them the truth, that I eat small portions of high protein to manage my weight and health. I have been told more than once that men meet women who look good from the breasts up, but are very unfit the rest of the body (and they post their photos in such a way to mislead so i am told). So far, the reaction I have gotten is more that I look better than they expect and so they seem more interested in that then what I am eating. I guess that's guys for you... If anybody annoys me on the subject of my eating, I won't see him again, but I will definately discuss it in depth if I am thinking to become serious with someone (by serious I mean sexual and planning on an ongoing seeing him) I'll keep ya posted.

I weighed 147.0 this morning. That is after two nights of eating dinner at restaurants. Last night even included 2 martinis (oh what was I thinking, on a week night even?) and my weight bounced down. What this tells me is I may be undereating on my normal days. I don't track, as i have shared before and I sometimes feel like I eat too little but it is sort of hard to believe, right? So, I guess my point is that I think 5:2 works best when you actually follow it, undereating on normal days is probably not a good idea. Today IS a fast day - no dates, no work parties. I do have a work potluck tomorrow and the bitches assigned me to bring dessert. Of course, if I bake something I will have to eat it... grrrr

Ok, on the privacy thing - I think we are all saying the same thing basically. What we don't want is people dropping in and lack of privacy. In the future, we may decide to admit someone new, because lets be honest things change, right? It would be a decision that factors in both their desire for 5:2 support but more importantly, the groups "feeling" about allowing that person. This group is about 5:2 but it is more about "days of our lives" and a deep sharing of the joys and tribulations of life. There are so few "safe" feeling places to do that. Brown, don't give up at the holidays. I am going to guess you are a carb addict like me. That means that not only does the junkie crap tempt you unreasonably so BUT also once you start eating it you feel like hell. It isn't a rational time to make big decisions about weight/eating etc. I also think that you should have your thyroid checked and really discuss this situation with a NUT/physician. Holidays aside, you eat little enough you should be losing. If you use MFP that seems like good evidence/history to bring to them. Susan, that part that is weird for me is to be the fit, attractive woman in dating. I am still not really used to it. The guy I had drinks and dinner with last night is from this area but lived in Australia for a long time and he is just kind of a character anyway. Well, a couple of hours into our date he says to me "I would love to unhook your bra"...I start to get offended and puzzled because he had been very gentlemanly and this seemed very out of the blue, and then he finishes the sentence "but I am worried the eyes will pop right out of that Indian guy's head, he has been checking you out." It was actually very funny the way he said it. And then he told me I had a rocking hot body. It feels good to be appreciated and noticed considering all the effort that has gone into getting to this point, but my whole life I have been "valued" by my intellect and personality and I guess I still think those things are more important even now. Globe - I have much to say about Seattle, but that question was very wide open. Job hunting here is 100% online just like anywhere else. Many high tech employers, many companies in the under 1,000 employees range. Are you on Monster.com or anything like that? Where to live depends alot on your work/school schedule. Due to the major bodies of water, commuting can be hell so you need to sort of plan location relative to your daily life to avoid the worst of it. If you ever want to talk things over directly I would be happy to. If you ever come here to check things out I would love to have you stay with me and I can show you around but remember I live 25 miles from downtown Seattle so not exactly a city dweller. Have a great day!

Coops, I see NO tummy pooch. Wear it proud girl!!!!!!

Daisy you know I share way too many details here..OMG...you all know about my sex life for cripes sake..and I think butter reads here....but he was cool about my nekkid pix so he is an honorary woman (that is a compliment BTW).... so I should be more territorial than anybody, but I value this little clan more than you know. I hate the idea of excluding someone who needs us. I am more concerned about any lurkers...but I personally would welcome newbies that we know we can trust our hearts with. That is just one vote..I will support the consensus. Susan, sometimes I find myself sorta fasting on normal days...it's addictive...give it time. However I do better if I eat more on regular days....undereating slows weight loss for me. So,another amazing "first date". I guess my plastics made a bigger difference than I realized. I am apparently as hot as Steven has been trying to tell me LOL. Tonight I am told I look way better than my photos...once again. What a weird feeling for formerly hugely obese woman. So all you luckily married to cool guys....enjoy. I go out and get to flirt but of course know that isn't love..... make love to your husbands ....the ones that literally loved you through thick and thin are worth a lot...

on page 5 of this thread there is a close up of my arm incision just 5 weeks post op. It has been 2 months now and I need to get updated pictures to share... watch for it. I had multiple procedures but my arm incisions are so much better then I feared. I almost chickened out on the arm because of the scarring but i a SO GLAD I did the arms. It changed my whole /look profile. I showed the scars to someone the other day and he said he could barely see them - he thought i had just somehow magically lost weight in my arms..haha http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/285839-two-weeks-from-plastics-progress-so-far/page-5

I so relate to this. I wanted to carry in a lifesize poster of my before pics...and tell all the scared people in the waiting room... "see, see... this really does work!" Another funny that happened to me is that while I was there waiting at my one year (or was it 18 months?) one of the ladies that worked there was talking with patients, and sorta eyeing me. I didnt want to rudely interupt, but she was one that talked to me alot about my presurgery jitters and reassured me. As I was leaving she said "Jane, I didn't even recognize you - oh wow, how you have changed" she remembered me as the nervous nellie that I was! Anyway, I am a sleeve evangelist I guess and really want to show people that it can be done. I can remember how much that helped me preop and also... that I sorta didn't believe it. When I saw thin people I assumed they started out pretty small so I guess i want to expecially show the higher BMI people that there is hope since I remember how hopeless I felt. ANYWAY - congrats again, you are an inspiration Laura!

Globe, the USA surgeons would have spread my work over 3 surgeries. They tell you lots of reasons for it, but I suspect one of them is the "aftercare" issue. I don't think my caregiver could have managed my care those early days post op with 4 procedures, but probably okay with 1 or 2 (depending on which ones) Anyway, there are pros and cons - each of us needs to think it through. It was a big deal to get 4 procedures done at once like i did.... really, it's a big deal. I am glad it is behind me, I completely believe Dr S was the right choice for me, but don't underestimate how tough it can be. I still maintain that the foreign surgeons are every bit as good, it is just a different path and not for everyone...

Laura you ARE a success in my eyes too!!!! I remember my one year surga versariy and my surgeon telling me I was there, I was done, I was a success. Well, that was about 25# heavier than I am now, but i KNOW what he meant. The change from weighing 300# plus to get down to the 170s was astounding. I looked like a normal woman my age. I can't wait to see him for my 2 year now that i have lost even more and have had plastics. I don't know why i so crave his approval, but I guess I do! anyway, I totally relate to your feeling!!! congrats!!!!

No message from Alex. I will message him at some point if I don't get something.

Oh, and I have a strange status. I don't have the thing that says * * HOST, but under my name it says bariatricpal host. I had volunteered, but never got an email or anything so I assume I am NOT a host. That is fine, I don't mind, it was just confusing.

Welcome Susan, reading this thread history will be like catching up on a soap opera - but worth it. I started 5:2 after I bounced up to 163 from my goal of 158. Then, it was working so easy, i stayed with it till I got to 150. Then, plastic surgery came along, swelling etc and i have been bouncing around a bit. This morning though, the big 147 showed up...woo hoo! My new goal is 148 and i want to have a bounce range of about 145-150, but always trying to stay under 148. The guy I had dinner with last night invited me out to a "real date" Friday night. I am FINALLY excited about someone I met. about time. Even if it doesn't work out, at least it is proof there is hope...