CowgirlJane

Almost noon and I feel okay. Did myself a favor and stayed off the scale. My tummy is swollen which is happening now that I am exercising and I don't need the scale being mean to me too. Bought ski pants so ready to take lessons. I am excited about it! Apparently every dude on POF can teach me. Mark says he will . Bruce who I haven't even met yet says he used to teach. Steven is actually a ski instructor but won't because he says I will hate him. He mostly teaches advanced and racing ( of course) but said we will go after I learn basics. Not sure I want to do that... but my instinct that skiing is a great way to meet fit and active guys is right

I am surprised to hear that people would have any weight loss surgery without first trying every diet known to man(or woman)kind. Seriously, try every healthy weight loss approach first, I know I did. When I was sleeved I had no doubts or regrets because I had no alternative, diets never worked for me over the long haul .

Laura I think getting drunk off your ass can be a fun bonding experience every once in a long while. This WLS is NOT the easy way out, for me it was the only way out. Don't feel guilty. Looking at that photos and 're-playing the words from my bariatric surgeon I judge your SIL to be like me.... advanced metabolic disease and will never be able to lose/maintain without a surgical"tool" It is sad but also"free-ing" to know that I lost the war and my ongoing battles (diets) were accomplishing nothing EXCEPT demonstrating my will to keep up the fight. Unfortunately I drank too much last night and am mad at myself. I went on another date with Mark the world traveler. We went to live music, multiple hotspots nightlife etc... very fun. I had 4 drinks over a 7-8 hour period but got way too intoxicated. I didn't have sex but did way more than I wanted to do so early on and I am not happy with myself. I also feel like crap this morning... what a damn light weight I have become. Anyway not going to make any decisions while my head is pounding but thinking about not seeing him again....as fun as it was this isn't the life I want....

I came back today to delete my"reveal" post but it has already been quoted and although it is TIM I wonder if it might also be inspiring for others..LOL. So like it or not, it remains.

Okay, here's a dose of keeping it real...haha. I was self conscious beyond reason, especially about my upper, inner thighs. I had carried alot of weight there and even post weight loss it was hideous in my eyes. It was bad enough that I was quite sure any man with intact vision would be ill at the sight. I came up with an ingenious solution.....thigh high stockings even under my jeans. I must have spent 20 minutes positioning those stockings with precision so the lacey top"covered" the offending spot. I had more pretty lingerie strategically hiding other horrors as well. So....first time we were together he peeled those stockings off so fast I didn't even have time to protest.. Oh no! my shields, disguise and security coverings hit the floor in about 2.3 seconds. I was momentarily shocked and nearly protested....but what happened next made me forget that I needed a disguise to hide behind. I am quite sure that all the verbal assurances in the world would have never approached how that unbridled passion made me feel. That feeling of being a desirable woman.... It was truly an epic NSV.

It's midnight here, we just got back from our annual Christmas musical at the 5th avenue theater... this year it was Oliver and it was not great. I had a whole evening planned involving us leaving at 4 ... and I hoped they'd take pix of me dressed up but as per the general lack of caring about things important to me, my ex didn't even get in the shower till. 4. No time for pix, missed our dinner reservations....Way more to the story...like how we were going to do this xmas eve day but at the last minute I had to change plans since he is leaving town for a week. It was important to my sons so of course I change everything. Sorry but I am not happy. Denise I get alot of emails everyday but few that interest me. How does it work having a hidden profile....I don't get it. I get a goodly number from the under 30 crowd which are sometimes suggestive. The stupidist one "I wish I was that horse, if you know what I mean" . I have not had that at all with anyone I correspond with though. Gentlemen across the board. Worries me that if I ever do find someone cool he won't be amazing in that department..haha. of course Steven was the same way....waited till I went after him. Tells me it works everytime....women hate men that are sexually aggressive but can't resist if they play it cool. I couldn't resist but I was deprived at the time. it helps to be tall dark and handsome. Going on second date with the wild man Leo named Mark. Jury is still out on him but he gave up a life of adventure to return home to Seattle to care for his aging parents. His dad just passed and his elderly mom drives him crazy but I am a sucker for a overbearing Leo type that loves like that so giving him a chance. My lil sis was a Leo and literally lit up a room when she walked in. Been talking to Bruce, solid blue collar man,haven't met yet but a delight on the phone. Moved back to Seattle from Alaska now that kids are grown....he raised a gaggle as a single dad...moved back "home" to find a woman and to be near his parents. I had the "intentions" talk already because he is so easy to talk to. http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=56750934

What is interesting to me is that I had many life changes in the same general time frame. I was not happier, but i think I had more day to day meaning when my kiddos needed me, when I thought my sig other needed me. I had a dying sister that needed me. I had a sick mother who needed me and when she passed, her husband with no family of his own needed me. i had a more important career job where I at least felt needed (probably false, but it is how i felt) Now, nobody really needs me and i sometimes feel like there is less purpose, less responsibliity and certainly more fun. That is not necessarily all a good thing, BUT it isn't all weight related, some of it is other life circumstances. Well, and I am kinda enjoying the more fun part! I do think I am finding what my new life looks like, why it is it's intrinsic value and contribution, but goes way beyond my weight.

I have had success making small changes and then monitoring. I eat low/moderate carb but even I find that mixing things up always help. I would be hesitant of adding alot of fruit though because it is quite surgary... so i would slowly add. I think alot of low carb veggies will bring in more fiber too, so maybe slight shift? For whatever reason, I no longer suffer from constipation.

So, the place I went there was no big long waiting period. All the delays were caused by me.... I think the value of "waiting" is ensuring you are really prepared, and really sure. I actually don't understand these hospitals that make people jump through hoops for a year, but, that was just not my experience. Anyway, if she isn't in your same program I don't see how you cut in line ahead of her. Having surgery a few months after deciding to do it is very reasonable....

I suspect that junkie food makes me feel kinda down. Part of the mood swing formula I think. Another reason to really avoid it. I am not so much overdoing it (ie maintaining some kind of sanity overall) but i am not used to eating crappy food so the 4-5 cookies I ate yesterday made me feel awful. I don't feel guilty or those kinds of things, just physically awful. Good news, 45 min on the exercise bike...woo hoo. It wasn't fast or high intensity, but i did it. I am anticipating a lonely week next week, more on that later but basically a bunch of plans got swizzled around and it leaves me on my own for much of Christmas time - for the first time in my life. I can do something about it, i know loads of people, but somehow I am not in the mood to solve it. I will be okay, it just feels weird. Usually have the overwhelment holiday stress and this year it is underwhelment. What I might do is rent movies and just wallow - now doesn't that sound kind of pleasant really? Perhaps a little nip of baileys in the coffee to take the edge off the cold? woke up to snow this morning - unusual for Seattle so we always love it... and look forward to it disappearing quickly.

Also - sometimes the loss is noticable in the face (not always in a good way) but it tends to sort of even out. Dont let it stress you out... sometimes my face bothers me but everyone tells me I actually look way younger, not older now. My face is my dismorphia, I am told I am pretty but i don't feel that way. Flip side, I am very pleased with my body so at least that part of my head is good and positive. Also, I once complimented someone on her amaziing weight loss only to find out she had stage 4 cancer. I felt absolutely horrible. So, yeah, compliments can be dangerous and i understand why someone might ask if it was intentional even though that sounds stupid.

I know they mean to be supportive, but the work "skinny" is fraught with emotion just like the word fat. First off, it is not who you are as a person. Fat is not a state of your humanity and skinny isn't either. I have known skinny people who are hurt by that label, they don't want to be underweight, they have issues with getting weight on. I don't like being called skinny now either, I am normal weight and size. I wonder if you can gently tell your parents you love their support, but losing alot of weight is a long journey and that the word "skinny" just reminds you of how far you need to go? Or something along those lines. I lost 160# during this sleeve journey and I did NOT do it thinking OMG...159# to go and i will be "skinny". Instead, i just kept working the sleeve, worked toward mini goals and kinda took it one day, week and month at a time. When your weight loss slows, as it will, I should think feeling the pressure tobecome "skinny" might become a headtrip.

so the target scam was just the red cards? cost of plastics in the usa is insane. I paid about 16k for all that work i had done including my clinic and hotel stay. I think the brutal recovery is a good reason not to..... Did you see that Kris gave her surgeon a B grade http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/286536-dr-alejandro-quiroz/ I hope this means it wasnt as bad as it looks.

Different surgeon different protocol. Test doesn't prevent leaks and from my observations seldom detects them. Leaks are often mentioned on these forums weeks post op not often found in test. I drank a shot glass of Water about every 15 minutes those first days. Do you have a info or guidelines from your surgeon or nutritionalist? It will be weeks before you can feel everything due to nerves being damaged by surgery. Strongly recommend you eat and drink by the clock and by the measuring spoon and cup. This can help you avoid overeating.

so wanted to also share the regularly scheduled speech from my surgeon. That the surgery is the easy part, the real work is the dietarychanges, the behavior changs, the emotional impact. He says what WE already know, that our disease of obesity is under control, but can so easily rear it's head. We need very little food, we need mostly "good" food and if we wander back to eating normally, we will be fat again. I am officially at the end of their program, but he encouraged me to come back in 6 months or a year or whenever I feel I need the support, medical advice or encouragement. I told him it was probably 5 years before weight can really be considered "stable" and he was like... "well, wouldn't bank on it even then". I also discussed my mood swings with himand he told me that i am doing great - he is regularly faced by patients crying their eyes out because they cant eat like they used to.... his point being that while I have struggles, my emotional health is good, and a little crazy is to be expected considering the huge changes in mylife. Not sure why, but his opinion is very reassuring to me. SherylJane against world, and holding up okay.

I had two reassuring things.... A friend has a plastic surgeon friend who lives cross the country. I wrote up my "worries" and in summary got back...."holy crap you had alot done at once,surgeon did good, but takes forever to heal. Give it another 8-10 months and I should be peachy. Patience grasshopper." It was my 2 year follow up with my vsg surgeon today. He inspected me thoroughly and was very happy with Dr Sauceda work (wrote down his name for future reference) loved how everything looked....balanced, boobs look natural etc. Good incisions etc. Was very pleased. Bloodwork is absolutely perfect...told me that the scary thing about having so much done at once is that if things go bad, it goes REALLY bad. Example, if wound seperation happens your body has trouble healing from it due to the massive healing involved. Dr Sauceda has a low complication rate and is conservative on aftercare etc so I picked well but maybe took a bigger risk than I understood. But, my VSG surgeon said that is why I am still not 100percent. Patience grasshopper. Anyway it gives me peace of mind. They both backed up everything Dr Sauceda said and gave him professional compliments. I have no complications just need time. Globe, I worry about you with the MS. I was SO strong, high endurance, I thought I would be normal by January but iwont be. Been corresponding with sweetpee, she had fewer procedures due to health constraints and this kicked her ass too. I think this is common and for some reason not openly disclosed by sisters who have gone before.

So I wonder if any leaks are found during these post op leak tests. Everything is really swollen at first. All these years reading these forums, the few leaks that do show up are always a week or several down the road. Don't stress about it.

I enjoyed the bucket of Prodiet hot cocoa and it is time to order more. Before I do, any other low/moderate carb Protein hot cocoas I should try?

Oh not too worried about FRASIER, I am pretty sure it was the dead stare I gave not once but twice after he mentioned things he wanted to do for me. Told me I am attractive but no spark. I don't have a spark feeling toward any of these POF guys so unrealistic expectations???

Oh not too worried about FRASIER, I am pretty sure it was the dead stare I gave not once but twice after he mentioned things he wanted to do for me. Told me I am attractive but no spark. I don't have a spark feeling toward any of these POF guys so unrealistic expectations???

I lost about 100# the first 6 months It took the next 8 months to lose the next 50# I maintained the 150# for 6-7 months before losing the final 10# I now maintain 160# loss.

I went through menopause in my early 40s. I blame it on the stress of my sisters horrible illness and death... but i don't know. I still think the reason I can be so emotional is because for so many years I buried my feelings in fat and food. I feel now like the deaf person that can finally hear...and it is sometimes just overwhelming. i am not a sad sack, most of the time I feel good - it is just shocking to me how I can be going along and then just... zing... I feel kinda low. It never lasts very long, but i have started to wonder if I am going crazy. I have stopped sharing this with my horse friends and others... they are questioning my sanity I think. I realize that people like me better as the upbeat cheerful Sheryl and that is me MOSTLY. I am learning to be a little more careful about who I reveal my whole self to... not everybody is ready for that I guess. One of the things I love about Steven is he seems to accept all aspects of me and in fact notices them before i think I am revealing them... but, that is the emotional intelligence that so few people have. Well, and it is easy for him, as a part - time friend, right? Low consequences, and besides he is crazier then I am. The hand numbness is new... started about a week ago. I think that is what was so discouraging. I am also numb in the lower tummy, but that seems more expected to me, but I tell you, it feels weird. I have been corresponding with sweetpea.... she too is happy with her results but has also found recovery to be rugged. She is way further out then I am and STILL has some issues. I know it is all normal, but I guess I was so optimistic and now very REALISTIC. Florinda - GT - I think you should also consider Sweetpea's doctor. He is in TJ but seems like one of the good ones. AVOID anybody with the name Yanez, there are 3 of them, I think they are related and I think they all do sucky work but somehow people still go to them.

Laura I love that kitty pic and need to steal it. I am a Gemini too...not irritable but emotional. Actually my friend Mary also asked me if I could be gointhrough the change so I must be telegraphing my pissiness. I havnt had a period in 5 years...damn well better be done. Steven is a sexist in many ways...but not a woman hater, there is a difference. He loves women and womanly things but surely sees us as a separate species....lol. maybe he is right, perhaps a superior race even.

i LOVE premiere Protein, but I find it can be upsetting to the tummy too. I have times when I just can't drink it... take a few months off, and then I can tolerate it again... I don't know why.

So, I have gotten a few PMs from people regarding the plastic surgery scary pix... people expressing dismay but of course not wanting to say anything mean publicly. somebody like Susan that has admin powers, please watch for some jerk to say something awful to her. Recovery from plastics is such a head trip, and that is even if you have good results... I feel protective of Kris and just hope that they look better soon. I am in admiration and a little jealousy of all your artsy types. I can drink wine and look at art with the best of em though - does that count? I am having a physical problem that is causing me emotional distress... numbness showed up down my left arm. It is most likely a delayed reaction to nerve damage/recovery from plastics. Surgeon told me it could take 8-12 months to resolve. I haven't cried yet, it isn't THAT bad, it comes and goes and doesn't interfere with life, but I am sad. I guess I knew this could happen, but I just want to be 100% again and I am not and it makes me sad. I LOVE my results, but, I gotta wonder if it is worth it. I have heard that some people who get facelifts have permanent numbness - it is enough to make you consider just how bad is it looking your age...sigh. What I am really feeling sorry for myself is that my EX is abandonning us at christimas. My boys are sad, I am sad. He is doing the right thing for him, but, I have decided I hate Christmas. baa humbug. Steven promised me that he would entertain me next week since I need a diversion from missing Christmas traditions. He is such a sexist, he actually told me that it is unfair that life is so hard for women - that we are just built too complicated. That he thinks being alone, going through emotional struggles is just easier for men. He might be right...but it is still a sexist thing to say. He also asked if I might not be experiencing hormone related swings, but I have been out of menopause for awhile so I don't think so but who knows. The thing I experience is being happy as a lark and then a few hours later, feeling sad. I am not irritable or any of those things, just sad at times - seeming to come from absolutely nowhere.