CowgirlJane

Denise - I hope Larry turns out to be a good prospect! My incisions are hurting like hell. They look fine, but somehow the intense skiing day plus farmwork I have just returned to doing triggered the nerve response. Times like this I regret ever having plastic surgery because I just want to get out and "do". A month ago I decided i was going to have a date for New Years Eve. Somewhere along the line I sort of forgot about working that goal - so here I am, no plans for new years eve. Funny thing is I haven't gone out for NYE in DECADES - so it is super stoopid that should bother me now, right? I think that is my problem, I have some sort of basic discontent. I am bothered that I don't "get" to do things - but those things weren't even important to me. Reason I didn't get a new years date - well - it didn't really work out too well with any of my prospects. That, and everyone has family in town etc. Steven went to the East Coast for the holidays. Why didn't any of my prospects work out? Well, each has a different story but bottom line I don't really seem to like the people i meet that much. AT some point, you have to realize the problem is ME not them. Anyway, it is dumb to be bothered by this and in truth, I am not bothered by this but i am sad this morning.

I hit goal back in Feb, keeping my weight under 158 (fluctated mostly 156-158 range). At some point after too many fun summer activities i realized the scale was consistently hanging out in the 160-163 range and I said - this needs to stop! I went on the 5:2 and quite quickly dropped back down under 158 - that 5 pound regain disappeared fast and stayed off. Then I had a vacation and a few other things that sort of took me off course, but I maintained in the 156-158 range for several weeks just doing my normal thing (well honestly, eating to a little excess on vacation but no gain so it wasn't too bad). Now that I am back, i went back on it and I can't believe how well it seems to be working. This morning I hit 153. It is my dream to be at 150 by my plastics on 10/14 and I think with 5:2 that is a real possibility! For those of you reading in the losing phase, this may not seem like much, but once you are in maintenance, and your body has sort of settled on a happy weight...hehe really the lowest it wants to go...it seems easy to go UP on the scale but really really hard to go down any further. There is something about the "fasting" that is different - again, it isn't just the calorie math - there is something else going on here. I took recommendation I read somewhere and try to go 18 hours without any food. for example, my fast days are Tues/Thur, so if I eat last on Monday at 7pm, I try to wait until 1pm on Tuesday to eat my first meal of the fast day. I don't know if I could have done this preop... I have a whole different mindset about food then I used to. I don't get that weak, I am gonna die low blood sugar feeling anymore. I "believe" that I can be well nourished and still eat alot less so I can do this pretty easily actually - preop, it would have probably been something i could hardly fathom sustaining for any length of time.

I had so much fun, just a beginner lesson and some practice, but this is something I could not have done 160# heavier. I am so thankful for my new healthier life!

I thought it was a great article, much better then much of the fluff written. I clicked on a link to find a bunch of other articles... some of them quite concerning really. Basically, challenging the premise that we will live longer due to obesity related illnesses being under control. Turns out that is more an "idea" that hasn't apparently been studied. Conclusion, WLS should be thought of as a quality of life improvement, jury is still out if we will actually love longer.

If you have read a bunch of blogs you must know that it is very inconsistent.... and that pretty much everyone stalls around 2-3 weeks post op. Also, if you lost weight pre-op, well, you won't have the shocking fast weight loss the first month. so, my advice is to just keep doing the right thing, rocking that sleeve and the weight will come off!

I want to maintain my weight under 150 while building muscle mass during 2014

This is why I am going to try speed dating. That is if I can get out of the funk enough to actually WANT to meet someone. I am starting to think the problem is me.... When Frasier said he didn't feel "chemistry" even though he had really pushed to see me often... like I was just warming up to the idea of him. I realize that i don't know what people even mean by chemistry. For me, they must meet some basic attraction standards, I need to enjoy their company - chemistry the way Frasier defined it (he told me he was very attracted to me and loved talking to me but was missing chemistry) sounds like something that i remember as a 15 year old - going gaga over someone. I think my give a damn is too busted to ever find that after a few dates with someone... It took me MONTHS to develop that kind of feeling of chemistry with Steven and alot of that is from a fairly deep sharing of our inner selves with each other - didn't happen from a star struck gaze across the room (even though I find him very physically attractive and did from the beginning). anyway, my expectations for speed dating are low too. I think I also need to de-emphasize my intellect because that is part of what I am quite sure kills the "chemistry" for the guy early on. I need to realize that even though i have zero expectations to feel this "magical feeling' for someone right off the bat, there are still lots of dreamers out there so I best be prepared to play along if I hope to have a boyfriend in 2014 to travel with and stuff...LOL. sheesh, Denise, you are right, it shouldn't be this hard.

My incisions are aching. I know I way over did it that I am still tired from Friday. Oh well, looks like no damage was really done, but it was a reality check on my physical and mental state I guess. I am going to spend a few more weeks working out before trying skiing again. Only one nearby ski resort is even open - the one closest to Seattle only has 11" of snow and so hasn't opened (usually opens late Nov/early Dec) so may not be much of snow year. That one has more flat terrain and I think less stressful place for me to learn. Maybe February? Georgia - thank you for your input and sharing your experience. I don't so much get the anger or short fuse - or maybe I hide it. For me, it manifests in anxiety and it is generally invisible to people unless they either know me well or understand anxiety. When I was doing that ski lesson the instructor saw that as I got worried (basically that long ski lift ride because they stop it everytime someone falls off - which on the beginner lift is often)... and then of course I fell exiting the lift.... and the mountain looked really really steep. He saw that I was physically doing things wrong that I had done fine on a shallower hill - so he recognized that I was panicking. It was very helpful that he understood I just needed to go really slow. He helped me some privately after everybody else left - damn shoulda got his number he was pretty cute and probably only 10 years older then me...haha. Anyway, what bothers me is that I go from feeling pretty good, pretty happy, to just feeling semi-paralyzed - this cycles pretty damn fast. I use posting on this board to be doing "something" when I should be doing real things but am stuck. Well, most docs won't prescribe xanax for an ongoing situation. It works great - just a tiny dose takes that edge off. No, my doc gave me some for dealing with surgery, but ongoing she wants me to take a daily scrip that works different. It is the daily scrip that scares me - i would be happy if I could get xanax for using say 1-3x times a week when I just get wound up. So, Saturday night I had the fun happy hour outing and met new friends (friends of my good friend Mary). Then, I was supposed to go on a date with someone I had met some months ago and have seen a few times. Well, I was running like 5 minutes early so called him just to check in and he was really irritable with me and told me that he couldn't meet for another hour. I just turned and went home. Found out later that he was still at work (he works as consultant in hospitatlity so weirdo hours) and I caught him at a really bad time. anyway, I didn't mind that someone's work day went bad and they needed more time to finish up, but I had zero tolerance for that annoyed tone with me. I reflect that I probably over-reacted. I think we are all good now, but we shall see. nice guy, don't really see a future with him so no biggie either way but I am trying to learn from all this. I think as a formerly obese person I am aware of needing to "stand up for myself" and not be walked on just because i am the fat chick, but flip side is that I really am an understanding person and shocked myself that I just said "screw that" and left.

Holy crap - I am really swollen up. My belly is tight and the scale said 155# this morning - yikes! I didn't eat enough to gain 5#, so I know it is the fluid retention but i don't like it at all. I put on compression garments and am going to watch the sodium today. I think my body is telling me that ski lesson #2 was too much, so I am waiting a few weeks before trying again. I want to talk about a serious subject - medication for anxiety. So, I was seeing a counselor and we were doing a technique called lifespan integration. You don't talk about your issues, but the counselor leads you through what i consider a guided meditation and your own mind works on your "issues". Sounds bogus, but I actually found it seriously intense and had to stop it in the couple months prior to my surgery as it was amping my anxiety. Post op, I felt to weak to resume it, so I had thought to start again in January. My gut feeling is that this therapy will work since sections we worked on I feel better about when I reflect on it (relating to some childhood self loathing issues) My PCP wanted to medicate me for anxiety pre plastic surgery but I refused and the counselor advised waiting and seeing a psychiatrist rather then having a PCP manage those kind of meds - but counselor also advised just giving it time as she really didn't think I needed meds and that it was normal to feel anxious. One of the problems I had is that I never allowed myself alot of uncomfortable feelings in the past - buried them with food and weight. Now, I don;t do that so it is like every emotion is in technicolor compared to how I was used to feeling them. Okay, it is almost January. I am not feeling as even as I would like, I feel anxiety more than I think I should. I experienced a mid level panic attack during my second ski lesson (meaning, I wasn't paralyzed by it, but it impacted me). Part of me wants to find a magic pill to fix this, to just feel good all the time, but I don't think that is realistic. I also had a very bad experience of going on a anti-depressant drug after my mom died and it creating nasty side effects (this was managed by my former PCP). I am a little scared of those drugs because what I found after mom died was that I was better off with NO anti-depressant versus the one they put me on. Anyway, I am uncertain about going down this path and not even sure I have a realistic view of whether it is the right way to go or not. I admit it, I am afraid of all those kind of drugs changing my brain, perhaps causing me to regain weight, or causing me to lose sexual response etc - all the stuff those brain drugs seem to do to people. I never took HRT for menopause, I am just the type that would rather not medicate if there are any viable options.

I recommend a low carbohydrate high Protein like south beach or Atkins. Many obese people eat way too many simple carbs which trigger hunger.

Florinda - I am sorry about the loss of your friend. Never a good time, but around the holidays just seems even harder. I had a fun afternoon yesterday. My good friend Mary and i meet for happy hour a few times a month at a place nearby. She invited me to join some of her friends - she hadn't seen in years - last night. They were the funnest people. I especially hit it off with one of the gay guys (he was there with his partner). He is from the south, into Nascar and demo derbies but is also the stereotypical well off gay man - smartly dressed, owns a bunch of collectible cars and vacation homes, "laughs with the girls" sorta dude. I really liked him - first time in my life I gave my number out to a guy I met in a bar...haha. The next demolition derby is Memorial Day weekend and we have a date for it. So here is a puzzle for you - why can't I find a straight guy who is fun and outgoing and not afraid to get a woman's phone number???

Here is what I think - many "normal" - never morbidly obese women struggle with some weight ups and downs. What is different is they whittle those few pounds back off before it becomes a lot of weight. I think that part of becoming a "vet" is that acceptance that the whole rest of our lives are going to be involved in managing maintenance - and there will be ups and downs. The test of our long term success is how we deal with it when it happens. Several of the people that have posted to this thread have been through this (or are going through it now) and give you really great advice and set the example for all of us - how to be in this for the long haul.

I have been called "athletic" by a couple of people recently. somehow that description of me just thrills me - a word I never imagined I would hear used to describe me for the first time in my life at age 49.

The hardest part about VSG surgery was the recovery period since it is hard to get in adequate hydration. I started out sipping Water from a shotglass, with a goal to finish it every 15-20 minutes. It was work..LOL. If you do get dehydrated, get a Fluid IV. In my opinion, the pain was minimal, but adjusting to life post sleeve was some serious work.

swizz - the holidays are almost over - hand in there! According to your siggy your current weight in pounds is 150. I commend all of you that have fasted this week. You are better women than me - I could not do it. What I have done instead is gone ultra low carb several days. I am still hanging out in the 149-151 range... but, I want to see 148 again dammit. January. Coops - congrats on the loss! Wow - you must feel great! I had a compliment today - I stopped by to look at some hay (need to buy some for my horses) on the way back from my second ski lesson. Some of the hay was in a hayloft accessible by a steel skinny ladder. The hayman had been talking me up about skiing, horses and whatever else but then said "I normally ask people if they are comfortable with the ladder, but you are so athletic, you'll be fine" Being called athletic - wow - isn't that amazing?!? Ski lesson #2 today about killed me. The Good: Only 3 in our class, older very experienced instructor - did ALOT The bad: I fell alot. I fell getting off the chairlift - well, so did my 2 classmates..haha... it was rough. And then the trek down was steeper then I was comfortable with, but i did really learn how to stop. The badder: The skiing triggered my anxiety - it started while we were on the ski lift.... watchng that big long hill..LOL. The anxiety basically caused me to tense up if I felt like I was going too fast or worried about hitting somebody or anticipating a steep section - and I would lose my form which of course just makes things worse. The instructor recognized it though and i have an action plan how to work through it. The best: I had a rough rough physical day and I am okay. I think I am finally pretty much healed from plastics... sometimes a bit of swelling but not bad.

That is really sad. my mother was widowed with 5 little kids - it was a nightmare. This was 1960 I believe and in that time, a "single" woman with kids was treated like a person not worthy of basic rights. She was evicted from the house they lived in, for example, as the landlord didn't think it was "seemly" for a woman to live there without a husband. sigh. totally set her up for being controlled by my dad, a man who's wife abandonned him and his 6 kids. Yep, that's 11. Then I was born...12. Then my little sister Linda (died in 2007) made 13. I was also thinking about not only how hard it is to lose your life partner that way, but then to lose the man you were engaged to due to an early death. I know this isnt the same - but my exhusband and my sig other EX are not alike at all except for ONE thing. They are both high potential, high intelligence, college educated white guys who really were not financially successful... so I have been the breadwinner my whole life. So, I realize that I have deep down a belief system that I somehow ruined their lives. I realize that it is quite likely that I just picked poorly and got two guys who for different reasons had the same net result as far as their careers/earning is concerned. So, having two men you loved die young - obviously has nothing to do with you, just bad bad luck... but i wonder if you didn't at times feel like I did. That somehow, I must have contributed to it. Anyway, it is great that you are putting yourself out there to find that last love of your life. I like being with a man, for several reasons but right now my biggest fear is getting sucked into something with someone and once again. Of course, it was alot easier for me to think of a guy's potential when I was in my 20s/early 30s then now. At this point, a guy is who he is... and will likely get worse not better...haha!!

Down 160# now - which is actually hard to wrap the mind around - that is a crapload of weight! Plastics to remove the excess skin Healthy lifestyle and so far maintaining. I need to get updated pix so I can post some kind of details in the success stories I guess. These days there are more and more people hanging around that are a few years out so not such an anolmoly....lots of success stories... yeah!

I hope you are able to get the surgery, but be sure you have spent enough time researching and being educated on life post sleeve that you know what you are getting into. I love my sleeve, it has literally saved my life, but, being emotionally and mentally ready & educated is really important

So, all the talk about families changing... that is part of my story why so many things just seem.. different.. haven't found a new normal. If I look back not that many years ago, the center of my world were my two sons, my partner, my little sister and my Mom. Passed away - My little sister (2007) and Mom (2004) Moved out/have their own lives - both sons over the last few years Lost interest in life with me - My partner, happened over about the last 6 years or so, kind of a slow splitting up So, while I have so many blessings in my life, it is very unsettling to have your whole boat rocked. Trying to figure out what my new life even looks like... full of opportunities but also uncomfortable at times. No wonder people have midlife crisis. I am very empathetic to all of us going through these kind of transitions. The underlying details may differ, but i guess some of the feeling is the same. Sometimes when I have felt a little blue, a little saying comes into my mind... everybody leaves. They don't always want to leave (like my little sister), sometimes it is just time for it to happen (like kids growing up) and sometimes it is somewhat inexplicable (like my ex) but, everybody leaves.... I had an awesome Christmas. I had a nice mellow evening with Steven on the 23rd before he headed to the north east to spend Christmas with his extended family. We have seen so little of each other last few months that it took us a while to reconnect but the nice thing about both of us is that we knew exactly what was going on (slightly stressed, a little irritated) that we got past it quickly. Christmas eve I did a fairly simple dinner with my sons and my older son's girlfriend. Then she and i baked some sweets - let her pick the recipes and I taught her to do a few simple things. We had a nice time. We went super lowkey on gifts which pleased me a great deal. I hate the mad dash of useless gifts. Then, Christmas morning my youngest son and i hit the slopes (other son was at girlfriends family). My youngest is an avid snowboarder and since snow is late this year, it was his first time up for the season. I took my beginner lesson for 2 hours and then practiced another 60-90 minutes after a rest. Not only was it super fun, but I felt so good that my body held up! I am a little sore, but not bad and I didn't "poop out" from an energy level perspective. I wasn't strong enough to get up after falling (had to take my skis off) but then again most of the other students couldn't either. There were a couple of students in that class that were absolutely awful... not like I was a natural, but I managed to avoid skiing into the snowfence or running over the instructor... repeatedly...lol My son cracked me up, he said "Mom, I noticed alot of guys that look about your age out there skiing alone. This is going to be a great way for you to meet someone once you are confident enough to get on the intermediate runs".... is that funny or what? Anyway, fun!!

Skiing was fun!

Merry Christmas!!!

Talked to Mark. He told me that he is very surprised - that I didn't seem that intoxicated at all, just a little tipsy. He said I was pleasant, happy, conversant and was walking and talking along just fine. He had switched to nursing along a beer the last place we went since he knew he was driving. So I guess that is all good. I still feel crappy about it, but I think it is more that stupid moodiness I have been suffering from.. making this bigger than it was. That loss of control... don't like. Anyway, I am apparently hosting a small christmas eve dinner, wasn't sure until just now. It will be fun, feels normal. Damn, another day of eating. May be a week or two till I see the one forties again... sigh. Christmas DAY my youngest and i are hitting the slopes. He will go off snowboarding whilst I take my lesson. If I have energy, I can ski after my lesson. Our plan is to bring snacks and stuff and i can rest in the lodge while he is snowboarding so he gets a full day in. I can go back out if I feel up to it. I am lookoing forward to it and the forecast looks like decent weather. Swizz, sarsar, globe, brown - several of you haven't heard from in a day or two or I know you are feeling kinda low. thinking of you. Merry Christmas!

I have been sleeved long enough to know better. I think the thing that happened was my "snack" was pretty light. Had some mussels and a bit of ahi tuna. I think needed to eat twice as much and drink half as much. The other part was I just got sucked into the fun of the music and everything. It is one thing to go out and have a drink and appetizers, it is another thing to go from one cool haunt to the next... I think I just got carried away and lost track of the impact - it was spread over so many hours that i just didn't realize I had over done it by so much. It was the last drink that really kicked me - like I went from pleasantly buzzed to intoxicated in a snap of a finger. Anyway, it is done, nothing bad happened, i just need to get over it. I am being a baby though - Mark called me Sunday morning and I didn't take his call as I didn't want to say something I would regret. He left me a nice vmail and I did leave him one in return (during SeaHawks game so I knew he wouldn't answer..haha) to let him know I was okay and all. I still have just a bad feeling about it all. Luckily my hangover was gone by noon and I had a good day Sunday. Lesson learned and at a relatively cheap cost I guess but damn, I am still a little torqued at myself. Now on the skiing, I took exactly one snowboard lesson in Germany back in Dec 2001. I had lost weight down to about 200# and was younger and reasonably fit. First lesson they have us standing on ice (down near the lift). A bunch of people fell, but mine was a slow-mo side wise that stretched the ligaments way out on my right knee. It would have been better had they torn so they could be surgically repaired. It hurt like a bastard, months of PT and elevation and surely no snowboarding. I have a bit of a fear of that sort of things so I am low confidence. I am trying skiing and am starting with 3 lessons. ITs a great deal - 3 lessons, including gear rental and 3 all day lift passes are cheaper then just 3 lift passes. It is an intro kind of thing. I think after the 3 I will be confident enough to use the chair lifts etc and can just practice on my own. I don't have anyone to ski at my level, everyone says I need to have someone to go with me, but my sons are way advanced over me and I figure you have to start somewhere. I guess this season I will be on my own quite a bit on the easy runs, who knows, maybe by next season I can ski well enough to join in with the easy going people who are experienced. It is a theme in my life these days that i need to be prepared to do stuff alone or not do them at all. That sounds like a whine, and it is and it isn't even the truth. I know that for example, men I meet on POF would love to go skiing and teach a beginner (or so they claim) but I have control issues...lol I don't want to do that with someone I hardly know. After my first few lessons, maybe then I would be open to that idea. I think it is an analogy for how I feel in general about meeting new people - I want to meet new people, i like expanding my horizons, but it takes me a bit to trust someone and feel "safe" with them and so putting myself in a place like a side of a mountain at freezing temperatures is not a good start. Denise - that must feel just wonderful to have the new grand daughter! This morning the scale coughed up 150.2 coulda been worse given that i ate cookies for breakfast one day this last week not to mention my Saturday night drinking tour of Seattle. Yes, dreams of cookies and carbs is how things have been for about a week so I am thankful even though i am a hair above my "new" bounce range. M2G - homemade toffee.. makes me crave it just typing it. I am an analytical type and so my feelings about food this time of year have made me go hmmmm. Sure, there is the whole Christmas sucks thing, but reality is I think I am experiencing physical cravings, not emotional ones. I was fine until the first in a series of carb laden parties and it is like once you are on the merry go round, it is hard to get off. I am doing "okay" and like many of you just deciding to hang on over the holidays, but it is no wonder I was always hungry when I was obese. EAting this way just really messes with your body and your physical cravings. Anyway, I am thankful for the sleeve, but also thankful for the support from you ladies. It makes me realize that we just have to keep working it. I posted in a thread about someone who has the answer - she is just going to do the sleeve diet and get the benefits without the inconvenience of the surgery. I thought, WTF? Like it never occured to you to even try dieting before? okay.... But then, it gets worse... I sense many of the respondants seem to imagine that there food/weight troubles will be over once sleeved. I wrote a big long post, my public service announcement for the day. http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/291512-gastric-sleeve-diet-without-surgery/page-2

While this diverges a little from the original post, I do want to make a point to all choosing weight loss surgery (any type by the way). The sleeve surgery was the tool I NEEDED to lose over half my body weight. It is the TOOL I currently need to maintain those losses. Don't be fooled though that it does all the work over the long haul. Over time, your success with weight maintenance becomes more about you then about the surgery - this is why over a longer horizon you do see regain (partial usually) with many people. I have lost weight using many techniques. Just a few come to mind: Lapband - lost about 70# in 2001, regained all plus a bunch more Weight watchers - lost 85# in 2005, regained about 45-50# of it over 5 years Nutrisystems - multiple tries, lost around 30-50# each time and always regained plus bonus pounds Hgh (can't remember, the hormone drops) - lost about 20# but felt horrible so could not stay with it and regained plus. That is just the last decade or so.... since I went on my first diet when I was 8, I can tell you about every diet, every medically supervised fast etc. The only think I did NOT do was take the pills because of risk of heart damage. To maintain massive weight loss takes an entire shift in your way of living. Accepting just how little food you need. Accepting that you cannot eat like a "normal" person who was never obese. Working out even when you don't really want to - and not to get into a dress or whatever, to do it forever, day in and day out.... for me, having spent so many decades at a relatively high BMI 40-50 range; it is difficult for me to maintain my weight now at a normal size. By difficult I mean that I must basically still follow the sleeve rules and way of eating, but allow myself a few more indulgences than I did during the losing phase. Don't mean to sound like a downer, just injecting a dose of reality. I could not have done it without the sleeve though, so I am an advocate for sure.