CowgirlJane

Denise - this guy actually said he wanted to go out again... it wasn't implied, he asked me if I was interested. I am a little stunned really by that whole chain of events... I don't expect to hear from him. Who the heck knows what the deal is - maybe he really isn't looking for a relationship and just lies and says he is? sigh 149 today, back into the right "decade". I re-joined a gym even though I prefer working out at home i need a turbo charge right now to get me going. I have done two group classes and feeling good about it. Going to meet with the trainer to get me started on some weights although I much prefer the group classes. Put my new horse in a barn - trainer rode her monday and said she was super good even after nearly 3 months off... yeah! I plan to ride her on Wednesday.

So, I had a weird dating experience on Saturday. I went out with a man who seemed cool, good looking, fun personality,good career...and we hit it off. His dating profile is that he wants a serious relationship. 2 hours together over dinner and not an awkward moment. He is an American citizen but English by birth and upbringing. He told me he loved our time together etc.all good I thought. It was cold so I took him up on his offer to drive me to the garage where I was parked. We had a good night kiss...and I admit I love to kiss and it might have been a bit passionate, but hands to self etc. He says...you are a great kisser and proceeded to dive his hands into my pants. I was startled to say the least. He stopped when I protested...and I thought..ok, just got carried away. So I texted him thanking him for nice evening once I got home...he sent a nice reply. Sunday morning I sent alow drama email just explaining that I don't jump right into a physical relationship...wanting to know someone...I am attracted but just want to go a little slower. I really thought he would ask me out again...but dead silence. WTF? How is it someone claims to be looking for a soulmate drop someone for not wanting to be fingered on the first date. WTF?

Sheryl, YES!!! You perfectly stated exactly what I am going through right now! I'm having a bit of a hard time with it but I know I will get through it and work through it. The hardest part for me, and maybe all of you can help me with this, is what do you do with these bad feelings? When something bad happens, what do you do? I guess I am asking, how do you deal with these things? How do we just let bad feelings go and continue on with our lives and learn to be happy and content? Any input would be appreciated! Well at the risk of you all thinking I am a complete wacko, I post alot of my bad feelings here. I have also started a brief "log" - not a diary but a log of how I feel. For example the day my son went back to college I felt wound up and bad. I wrote down how I felt...didn't fix it but kept it from growing. I could say to myself, it's normal to feel this....it's OKAY to be sad. It took the wind out of the anxiety storm that was brewing. I am curious what others do. I spent so many years burying feelings that this is a bit hard at times. I sense the key is accepting it as part of normal life. Like you need a little rain to have beautiful green forests...that sort of idea. How would you truly know joy without a little pain I guess...although I'd rather have 100 percent joy if I had my druthers.

That is a good article... the counselor I was seeing last year emphasized alot how important it i to accept bad feelings too. Not to wallow, but to let yourself experience them. Don't need to run, evade or always bury them. We are so ingrained with the idea that bad feelings are intolerable and yet the truth is they happen. I like that point of view and use that technique to say "it is okay to feel that". This is at times a struggle for me though because I apparently, unwittingly, have spent a liftetime numbing or burying them so a you all know, I often find it to be overwhelming. I hope that I am making progress on it... You know what is weird though - I thought I should go through all this during the weight loss phase. I think I was so wowed by my transformation, my feeling so much better physically that it just didn't come up so much. now that I feel normal being normal sized, it has left room for this next "growth opportunity"

Denise, it is weird... I think it would kinda freak me out BUT maybe the universe is sending you a message about this guy. MEET HIM!!!

Since plastics, I don't really need muffin top control but i feel the need to wear tight things around my midsection to support myself for exercise. I also still get some swelling (post plastics issue). Spanx just doesn't cut it, I need something a bit more targeted. Anyway, I am experimenting but decided to order a few things: http://www.herroom.com/rago-6265-pant-liner.shtml http://prettygirlcurves.bigcartel.com/product/pretty-girl-curves-latx-long-fit-cincher Will let you know how they work out, but most curious what others are using. I want to take skiing lessons and feel a real need for something to "hold me together" as I tumble down the mountain.

Okay, I got the next pair of compression capris from herroom. I like them too. Model Rago 6265 are very comfy, fairly light /med hold but perfect for wearing skiing or horseback riding or working out under other pants. They actually kind of look like capri pants so I wear black undies under them (they have the split crotch) so I can take ski pants off and jeans on in the parking lot and not feel like an exhibitionist. I would not wear them to the gym without something over them, but at home working out they are fine by themselves. Model Rago 6269 - much firmer control, fabric is slightly scratchier and it is sheer looking so definately not for changing in public...haha. I had massive plastics back in Oct, my arms, breasts and thighs are fine, but my lower body lift still feels like it needs support. I just feel better, can't explain it. It also keeps any minor swelling at bay. Anyway, I would recommend 6265 for most purposes and for me for working out, but I like the tighter ones for daily wear better I think.

If you were to ask my friends, family and even me - I think all would have rated my self confidence at average or above. I am not a self loathing individual. I think for a person who really hated their own body and self... well... I can imagine this would have been worse. For me, I had no disappointment, I knew I wouldn't be perfect post plastics (I am not) but much better (I am). I like my looks, I am proud of my body. It has still been rugged.... just sayin'

Ha, no my tummy has no trouble with booze. I luckily don't have acid problems - I did have reflux wearing those freaking tight surgical garments but now that it is behind me, I apparently have my old ironsides tummy back. Florinda, I wanted to say I am so sorry for your loss. I think sometimes losing a person like Larry is bigger then losing him. It's like it represents many losses, it's like it represents the unfairness that someone that is so young, and a GOOD guy - why him? To me, those kind of losses trigger some negative thoughts about life in general you know - like why do we try so hard when in the end... it comes down to this. I don't really believe that, but sometimes i feel that way. I know that feeling and I am truly sorry you are going through this on top of everything else. We are here for you.

Oh, and I should add... when I tell friends that I am 50-50 and not sure I would choose to do plastics if I had to do it over again they look at me like I am freaking insane. From the outside, it seems like a miracle. I have a tighter bod and perkier boobs than many 49 year old (or younger!) ladies who were never obese do. I get alot of attention from the opposite sex. I get all the things you think you want.... but i am still not sure it was worth it... money don't buy you love and a hot bod does not buy you happiness. just something to keep in mind. Having said that, i am basically an optimistic person with a good life, I am just trying to say it isn't really that much "better" post plastics or honestly even after losing the last 20#. I had hit a great healthy weight 20# heavier than I am now and can honestly advise people to really assess WHY those vanity pounds are so important. I am not saying don't lose those last few... I am just saying don't count on it really making jack difference in your life. Oh, and clothing size. I went into plastics wearing approx size 8-10 pants and a medium top. I did not get large implants because i wanted to stay med on top (I have a big ribcage and shoulders). I now seem to wear 6-8 no stretch pants depending on the brand. If I shop at H&M I definately need that. I went to that white house black market store and fit into their 2s and 4s pants. So, even size goals are just stupid really.... it is all just a head game. Be healthy, be fit, be strong, be happy

I am doing just fine... my results from plastics are amazing, all my friends are wowed at the incredible difference it makes to my looks - even with clothes on. My scars are healing so well - Really, I can't complain - very little pain, no complications. Even so, I am still about 50-50 on whether i would do it again. i have a hard time articulating to people just how hard it was to me. It disrupted my life. I believe that it triggered some emotional sadness (or perhaps just opened up a spot for it to surface?) due to the massive disruption in my life. Sitting on your a** for months as part of recovery is not a good feeling - it gives you a chance to be too inwardly focused. I lost interest in many of my passions in life and people around me can't understand it at all. In fact, it forces you to think about every little ache, pain and discomfort in your body as well as assessing your limits. It was sorta like being tied down to a weight for months when i had been flying so freely before that. I know this doesn't make alot of sense to people - but i have been PM'd by enough people who went through post plastics emotional rollercoaster to know this happens to MANY but they often don't want to talk about it publicly I guess. It is like losing weight, it feels so good to look good, but looks don't really make you happy. We all know that, but don't have any secret dellusions. Really. Also, I did NOT lose weight from plastics although many people do. I believe the reason I didn't was because I went into plastics at the weight my body wants to be at. People that go in a little higher bmi, a little heavier seem to lose. Of course we are all individuals so who knows - but I am just saying don't count on it. Anyway, I am back to working out, I start up horseback riding again this week, I did go skiing a few weeks ago - so - I am still working on the emotional healing, but I am getting there. 6 months from now i will probably be one of the plastics cheerleaders but right now ... I just say, you pay a very high price and that is even if you DON'T have complications and you DO have great results like I did.

I had an emotional rollercoaster ride of a weekend... lots of good, and then something that was a bit emotionally painful but in the end, I am okay. My weight is holding at 150, so I am officially back in my new bounce zone of 145-150 but of course want to shave a few more pounds. I have survived yet another holiday post sleeve and loving it! I got pulled over for doing 60 in a 45MPH zone - no ticket, just a warning and I couldn't find my damn insurance card. Know what I think - being thin and pretty (I was dressed up for a date) and smiling sweetly is why. See, another good reason to maintain your weight loss...haha. i had a serious talk with "Mini Me" - my coop - and we decided to use cruise control since she and i have developed a lead foot. It keeps happening... I am just cruising along and suddenly realize I am flying but this is the first time I was pulled over. It's all the fault of the car since i never used to do that when I drove my truck or mini van...haha.

OMG...you guys made me laugh. My mini coop is silver with black stripes and black tires. I needed a car but I treated myself to a fun car in late January -I had lost 150# so it was the mini to fit the new me. Now,the one bad thing is I have to rein in the speed...its so easy to fly along. Tonight I was pulled over for the first time...and didnt have my new insurance card. Cute cop was very nice and let me off with a warning and short lecture. Reminder to be more careful. Other unusual thing was I was in a nearby small town walking to my car when a woman stopped me to admire my awesome shoes...and then asked if she could touch them. I said yes...which led to much admiration of my high heel walking skills. it was all very friendly but odd in retrospect...a complete stranger prodding my shoes. Does this kind of weird crap happen to you too?

Kim and Georgia - that is exactly it. The biggest "ah ha" moment is really really really knowing that it doesn't end. There really isn't a "goal" or finish line. It is easy to say that, and think you "get it" but the reality is another story. I feel that as a person two years out, I understand this concept, but haven't lived it long enough to know that it is really deeply embedded. I don't yet have the confidence to know that I can maintain forever. I do know with absolute certainty i can do this one more year though!

This is a freaking riot... but I have to ask, now that everybody knows that you step INTO shapewear and peel it off like a banana - down, not over your head - is it going any better? LOL

Yesterday's fast day was a complete train wreck - however my anxiety tracking is so far working great. It somehow makes me feel better to just face it or something. Yesterday was a great day on the anxiety meter - no problems. I started feeling bad this morning and then I realized it is because my son is heading back to school today - I used to cry my eyes out when he left but it gets easier. It is always a sad day though because he is the person I am closest to. I don't think a child owes a parent that being their "friend" so I really try to hide it from him and make sure he knows he ha my blessing to live his own life. (Backstory is my younger sis and to some extent me, never really felt free from our Mom needing us and it isn't a fair thing to do to a kid). Anyway, it is perfectly rational and reasonable to feel bad on a day like today so again just acknowledging it keeps it from becoming an anxiety trigger. Denise - I think I found a creative way to meet fit, active men. I can't promise they are single.... Yesterday I walked into a crossfit place after work to check it out. There was a small class going on, and I was looking pretty good dressed up from work etc. 2/3 of the class stopped to look at me and it actually triggered that old feeling of "fat person doesn't belong here" until one of them came over and smiled and welcomed me while he was obviously checking me out and then tracked down the owner for me. Somewhere in those few minutes, including during my talk with the owner i realized they weren't looking at me like "what's that fat old lady doing here"... more like "checking out the hot mama"...LOL. It was good and another reminder that I don't need to apologize for anything - but a life time of obesity is hard to forget isn't it. I am not sure I am ready for CrossFit, but I need something intense to focus on right now. Crossfit is more costly then a normal gym, but it is cheaper then hiring a personal trainer (very small group classes). I talked to the owner briefly about my massive weight loss and recovery from plastics and he KNEW! I told him about my incision tingling holding me back and he accurately described alot of the nerve sensation. I feel like i met someone that can be a good fitness coach. Maybe I only do it for a few months and then return to my home gym (which needs improvement!), but crossfit is intense, but scaleable. Meaning that a rehab/recovering weakling like me works right along side a strong person just using different weights and modifying. It is all about getting strong which I need. I tweaked my back moving a bale of hay earlier this week - I really have gotten weak and it is part of my current "uncomfortableness". I am missing hearing from several of you - you know who you are!!!! How is 2014 treating you so far??? I think it is going to be a good year, I have a new horse (Mia the blonde bombshell), a great friend (Mary), my tummy skin doesn't sit on my lap when I ride my exercise bike anymore, I like how I look, I like my car (even after a year I love my mini Cooper), I have a good job (in spite of my dissatisfaction at times) and a good life. My kids are healthy and growing up to be good men and really I have a lot of good things in front of me... even if I forget that sometimes.

I am not actively looking for a new job... i am actively figuring out how to build and grow a new life though. I feel like losing all this weight has given me a new chance and I am working to live it and love it more than ever. There are so many dimensions to this.... but I am determined to NOT use food to suppress my feelings I am determined to be honest about my needs, my feelings and ask for what I need I am determined to make the best of things and so this is why I mentioned keeping my mood journal. What I am experiencing does NOT make sense to me. Steven suggested it was hormonal/menopause since he has gone through this with prior girlfriends (he is an old guy after all..haha) but it makes no sense to me since I have been post menopause for a few years. Anyway, it is something that seems chemical imbalance to me. I feel better just for having some sort of plan of attack, know what I mean? -I am signed up for a gun safety/learn to shoot class with my friend Mary -I am going to push through and try to learn to ski, even if not very well -I am putting my horse in a barn (temporarily) with a lit and covered arena so I can get riding again even though it is dark and cold out, as riding is my main "therapy". -I am joining a gym, I need a place to go everyday and it used to be the gym, so why not -I have my Mexico trip planned for early March and I am going to Orlando on business in February - looking forward to sunshine Steven is back from his relatives sometime today. I need to talk to him because he told me he really wanted me to start dating to find a "real" boyfriend. He would like our arrangement to just continue, but he knows I want someone to do stuff with - go places with etc and he just isn't the guy to do that right now. I have a couple of speed dating possibilities in January but I have to say that right now, I am just not excited about it. I want to talk to Steven because I would rather just let that situation "stay status quo" for awhile if he is agreeable to it. I realized one of my biggest "fears" is what if I do find a decent guy - crap. I don't want that kind of distraction right now. I am entering my 3rd year as a sleever and I just feel like I need to continue making me, my health, my weight and my lifestyle as #1. Steven is a skinny athlete type and so he isn't big on doing alot of consuming but so many of the guys I have "dated" are all about the food and I just don't want that right now... I am not very clearly stating my mixed feelings about this - but all you ladies know that men are time consuming and often expect your focus and attention. I guess what I am really saying is that I need to get career, house, home, my inner life sorted out. I am not as messed up as I make it sound at times,. I just want things to be awesome!

Well, the long pants I bought are very comfy and do not apply undue pressure anywhere. We'll see about the new ones. Thanks for the link - always good to check out new stuff!

Sheila, those are great photos. They were still smallish after clicking on, but i could see them! Here is what I have decided to do.. I have an appointment with someone who can prescribe meds but it is more than a week out. In the meantime i am going to keep track. I suspect that certain things are do are contributing to the mood swings. Right now, that is just an idea but I think it would give me some peace of mind to sort of track it. The part that puzzles me the most is how I can go from feeling just okay to feeling pretty bad quickly. I also think that one of the biggest contributors is that I am not well suited to my current job.... and that is a bigger problem that meds can't address...

You give some really great advice. for people considering plastics, know that it is really tough on your body - and the bigger the procedure the bigger the impact. I think it is reasonable to think of it as an event you should prepare for nutritionally and even fitness wise. I really loaded up on the Protein for 30 days before and about 60 days after my surgery. Kris, thank you for the reminder about this. What people don't realize is that MANY people lose their appetites and love the idea that they can lose weight during recovery. That may not always pay off. Now, in my case, I never did lose that appetite... in fact it was a little scary how hungry I was post op, but it all worked out fine. I did not have any wound problems, but I know they can happen after plastics. Do they think that your drains coming out so early contributed? Dr Sauceda allowed each drain to be removed based on the "output" but at some point the drains have to go if your body starts rejecting them. I think I had my last one almost 4 weeks which seemed like a lifetime (so inconvenient!) but I know it helped with swelling and stuff. Kris, the whole over doing it/not doing enough balance has been very hard for me. I have had NO complications - just normal post plastics stuff and i have still found recovery to be tough - not painful, not scary, just tough, tiring and LONG. Much longer than I ever guessed it would be... honestly. My surgery was Oct 14th and I still have nerve tingling type stuff going on - I am told that can last up to a year!!! I am thrilled with my results, don't get me wrong - but I think everyone should know that plastics are no joke, serious surgery. I am 50-50 on whether i would do it again and I say that as someone that got good results and no complications - to give readers an idea of how hard this is. My good friend always looks at me like I am crazy - like things have gone as well as i could have hoped and I have regrets? Well, it was just harder than I realized... not the surgery, not those first few weeks - I am talking about the really long haul here. I guess I had a dream that by 2-3 months out it would be just a distant memory... I have been too lazy to get updated photos to show my progress with you all... but I promise I will. Sorry to sound so negative especially since I have just finally turned the corner and resumed feeling mostly human again I should be a better cheerleader. Anyway, thanks for sharing and let me know if i can be of any support to you.

Kim, how I'd your Dad? Kris' latest update on her nightmare plastics. BTW, I never had this leakage and since I follow Dr Sauceda patients on Facebook, I can assure you this is not a typical event. I don't know how to reply. http://www.bariatricpal.com/topic/291243-lower-body-lift-one-week-post-op/page-2 Went out early with my son and my friend Mary. A drink and then dinner. Kiddo and I rented a movie which I slept through...Happy New Year!!!!!!!

Okay, I bought: http://www.herroom.com/rago-6265-pant-liner.shtml It was comfy and worked great going skiing. i don't need to hold extra skin anymore, but I am about 11 weeks post plastics and still feel like I need something holding me together. I felt like I could have used a bit more compression, but it was comfortable for stuff where you really need to move. Will use it for horseback riding too. Just ordered: http://www.herroom.com/Rago-6269-Mid-Calf-Pant-Liner.shtml It is supposed to be a firmer compression, so not sure yet, I returned this item http://www.herroom.com/felina-7643-essentials-seamless-hidden-wire-bustier-bra.shtml because my waist actually measured bigger with it on! It has such thick layers of fabric, it defeated the purpose.

My surgery was 11 weeks.... so, I am alledgedly cleared for everything

OMG - fast day and I am dying. It is only 1015am... i had a protein drink. I am not even hungry, I just want to eat. I know i need to get back on some sort of track but I am not sure I will make it given my mood. Even if I don't fast successfully, I will be "careful" today and that might be as good as it gets right now. I made an appointment with someone who can evaluate and prescribe meds. I feel a certain sense of "I just want to get this done" combined with dread having made the decision. Here is the crazy part, I feel crappy now, but I will most likely feel fine by the afternoon. Well, who knows, but in general that is how my moods have been. I am not sad about not meeting someone. In fact, if I were to be honest with myself, I have a dream state of what i want but I don't believe in it so i feel completely disingenious even looking/dating. That is how I feel at the moment anyway.

There's not enough historical data to do such studies yet, I would think. But this is one of those things I really don't need a study to prove. I'm going to find a little faith for a change. I agree with you butter - and besides it is too late to worry about it now... as frequently pointed out, there is no "going back" from being sleeved. It is disturbing to me though that even with the gastric bypass, there are not good published studies answering the question "do you live longer with WLS or without?" In the end, quality of life was the main motivator for me. I felt I was heading for becoming wheelchair bound on my old trajectory. Now, I feel like I have a good chance of maintaining a reasonably active life for a long time which counts for alot.