CowgirlJane

I think this is a really bad idea to timebox yourself...sorry but partial stomach removal is a lifetime committment. If you have a small amount to lose you will get to goal faster. Men lose WAY faster than women. Individual results vary enormously. I lost 150# over 14 months.

I count total carbs... I got that advice from both a NUT and a doctor.

I think that if I don't stay FOCUSED I will regain. Obsessive is when you are miserable, are emotionally unhappy and torturing yourself. I am happy that i am sucessful. I compare myself to a work colleague who is training for a triathalon. Focused. I am in a marathon for the rest of my life - to keep my weight under control at a healthy weight. It isn't obsessive, it is necessary.

Wtf? I lost 160#, did not happen overnight. Speed of loss is not the key, maintenance IS!

Okay, I can't type up an entire key note speech...haha... so this is the abbreviated version. Jim Loehr is a world renowned "performance coach" - athletes, executives etc etc. He said a few things that really apply to US - the formerly obese. He talked alot about how human speech is the thing that has allowed us to conceptualize ideas - words matter and words influence our neuropathways and can either help or hurt us in this journey through life. Basic idea is you have an inner voice that says things to yourself like "I can do it!" or "I suck" or whatever. That inner voice is coached by something he calls your private voice. That voice says things like "You always screw up". The key is that the private voice refers to you as "you". That private voice is established in most of us starting around age 6... and is built up over time by the people that influence you. Most often it is parents, perhaps a coach, a grandparent, aunt/uncle etc. If that person used harsh language, your private voice becomes what he calls your internal "terrorist" wracking havoc on your emotional life. Many top performers had a harsh or perfectionist parent, coach or other key person that implanted that "you are a loser" tone. They have hard evidence based research that shows that emotional, mental abuse - including a parent that was a screamer - is actually harder to overcome than physical abuse for a child. Parents usually don't mean to be abusive, they are just repeating what they heard... and what their private voice says to them all the time. I grew up in a household with extreme emotional and verbal abuse. You could not walk across the room without dad telling something horrible and negative - I was fat, ugly, stupid, lazy whatever. He treated all of us that way. I can remember him sitting watching me handwash dishes when I was a little kid... so little I had to stand on stool to reach the sink and him just berating me over not doing it right. It was like being parented by a spoiled brat 2 year old. No freaking wonder I sometimes feel negativity even though I am basically a positive person. So he asked those of us that are parents how we would feel about words, and even tone we used, we said to our kids in a moment of anger - was it good coaching or would you die of embarrassment if those words were shown on the jumbo-tron TV in front of everyone? Anyway, there is a way to fix this. Keep a journal for 90 days. All that is in this journal is POSITIVE coaching. That doesn't mean denying the truth or being all candy and kisses... for example. If an athlethe cannot perfect a forehand in tennis. Positive coaching might be "that forehand needs more work, but you can do it and i know you are willing to do the work to acheive it" or something like that. Negative coaching would be "you suck and are you EVER gonna get that right?" This journal should be filled with words that it wouldn't embarrass you if someone found it and read it. It should face the facts (ie no sugar coating) but be filled with words of love and encouragement not words of disdain and shame. Frankly, I hear alot of shame talk around these forums... even among vets. WORDS MATTER - they change your neuropathways. When you can start to change the words of your private voice - the words of your "coach" then organically your inner voice changes. When that inner voice changes you start saying things like "I can do this, I will do this" rather than "I am such a screw up" So, this journal is the private voice - so it is "you statements". The comments should be dated. They should be relevant and meaningful. So stuff like "you are a good person" while nice, isn't really the point. It needs to be about something real in your life. So, every morning you committ to writing down something that is a relevant, honest, and meaningful coaching to yourself that you wouldn't be embarrassed for others to read should they find it. Try it for 90 days and see if you don't start having breakthroughs. I was listening to this talk... and my private voice actually said "you always get excited about hearing this kind of thing, but then you NEVER follow through so what use is it? It's just a waste on you" I thought...holy crap, I just said that to myself, right now? While he was talking about it? I thought for myself my first journal entry might be something like "in the past, you have heard motivational speakers who excited you, but you didn't always take advantage of what you learned. You have the discipline to do this journaling and overcome the negativity. You can do this and it will make your life even better" Can you imagine how you might change your body image? How you might change your self love and acceptance if you didn't have an asshole for a coach but instead somebody who was caring and supportive while still holding you accountable? "You've done such a good job losing 1XX pounds, you should be so proud of yourself. You can and will continue to make good choices more and more of the time and you can meet your fitness goals" Isn't that alot better than "You lost 1xx but still look like crap - what the hell is wrong with you!?!"?

Ok, pre plastics I would about have a heart attack - NEVER EVER EVER look down when doing planks or pushups. I was embarrassed to even be in a gym class knowing others could see it. Just don't look since all that hanging skin looked a bit like a cows udder unless I had on industrial strength shapewear. In more intimate settings...OMG, certain positions were simply unimaginable due to that belly skin. My lover actually once moved my belly skin - I almost passed out I was mortified. Now, my tummy is flat whether i be on my back, in a plank or whatever.... It was no picnic but i am so glad I had it done. People who haven't seen me since pre plastics think i have lost alot more weight but really it is just the skin. I just look toned - all that working out finally shows through. One thing that helped me in deciding on plastics was to talk to people on the phone about it. I think it is easier to really dig into the dialog and questions that way... so anybody who is thinking about it, I have thoughts to share. I consulted with several local surgeons before going to Dr Sauceda and feel i have a reasonable handle on the trade offs (not talking money here - talking results and the patient experience). So if any of you are really thinking about it, I would definately be up for a phone chat - no matter what surgeon you choose I think there is a lot to know. Sweetpee on here is one of the few people that really tell the whole story about recovery, I feel that most gloss over just how long it takes. Today, my tummy swelled. It was not enough anybody could see it, but i can feel it and needed to put compression back on to feel good. My surgery was 4 months ago and I didn't have complications!!! This is considered normal, but you never hear people really talking about it that way. It was still totally worth it, but i think people should be better informed is all.

I don't obsess on the scale(occasionally get annoyed..Haha). The number is not an emotion it is a fact. Yes it varies daily but weighing most days keeps a tiny weight bounce from becoming 10,, 20 or 100. If someone is obsessive they should not do it. I dont journal food and I think most successful vets do. I don't because decades of journaling was part of my failure pattern. It was like jumping off a bridge to follow my NUT advice to listen to my body. She was right though..I intuitively eat pretty well without stressing on it and it works for me. I got a huge compliment from a senior executive at my company. Hadn't seen her in a year...she looked me in the eye and congratulated me on maintaining! It meant alot to me, including her observation that I not only avoided regain, I am trimmer then a year ago.

I heard a keynote speech today that floored. It was about business but applies to US ladies. I will share more and ask if any of you would try a 90 day challenge with me.....more to follow. M2g, I will not be with Steven long term...would be a disaster so I am enjoying and more importantly learning from the NOW. I was surprised it was mutual is all. I left out/deleted some of my post as TMI but he told me he could see my ab muscles and and fitness (I didn't ask but sometimes he reads my mind). I have decided that I have been given a gift to know someone who sees me and is honest with me (about the bad too) and is bold enough to say it. The gift is to see myself through kinder eyes then my own- honest but kind. This relates to paragraph one...changing our inner voices. More on that later.....

I need to weigh daily (or nearly) because that was a critical factor in past failure. .. Queen of DeNile!

Coops...I learned alot from a tv show called what not to wear. Shape is #1 - I have gotten pretty good at telling what will look good based on shape. Color etc is much lower in priority. So, bottom line, it's the dresses fault, YOU are gorgeous!

Ok don't judge me..lol.. Sunday afternoon I heard from Steven. He didn't want me to come over because he dislocated a shoulder, hitting a tree while doing crazy off track skiing that he promised he doesn't do anymore..Haha....as he says it's not like he is 50 and young anymore. He goes into hermit mode if he doesn't feel at his best....I am opposite I want cuddles and touch when I hurt. I didn't try to talk him into it but he invited me over. He told me how much I have influenced him...changing him...just that he would see me when he felt and looked like crap. He sees a counselor and told me about a bunch of little ways my words have influenced him. It makes me feel good because as little as I see him....he made it his mission for me to see myself as he does and I owe so much of my self confidence to his bolstering me up...and he has changed me too. One of the key things I used to try to hide bad parts of me. He accepts me, warts and all...and I have been practicing this behavior...honesty,asking for forgiveness, telling people how much they mean to me etc and it is astounding how much long time friends and family see me changing...e layer....but it is supported by a friend (Steven) who just brings it out in me. I never knew I was such a damn liar until I started telling the truth about my fears, emotional state..etc. Everything is NOT ok dammit but I can still be worthy of love even when I am not charming,full of smiles and jokes.

Somebody posted an article about water loading which really works. About two hours after a meal you start really slugging water. It not only gets you hydrated but it extends the time before you are hungry again. Constipation is a terrible feeling. If i feel a bit of a problem, I drink an herbal tea called smooth moves, doesn't work quite like a laxative, but gently helps. I suspect more water and more veggies will do alot of good. Question about friend requests on this site. I have a million of them. I think when we switched from the old to bariatric pal my friends got reset or something. anyway, I have yet to figure out the purpose of being friends on this site, I mean, it is not like facebook where you are essentially subscribing to their posts. What is the point of friending on this site?

Cheri, you don't have to be our cheerleader. I would like to say that vets who share their struggles ARE modeling good behavior. If ANYBODY thinks that getting the sleeve and losing 100# makes their life perfect, they are in for a rude awakening. Modeling the behavior of how you handle the adversity, keep taking care of yourself, and if you do have a regain, work it back off etc etc - that is what all the newbies (and many of us not so newbie) can really learn about!

nancy, you sound like a person that is hurting inside. I have been there, many of us have. I don't know if you are ready for the surgery - it IS hard work. I have been super successful, but I struggled mightily during the preop time. I was so anxious, I was so addicted to sugary/carby food. I hated my looks. I was in massive physical pain; feeling disabled. i couldn't enjoy my hobbies. Shopping - oh lord - clothes shopping was torture. I was hungry 24/7 - knowing I needed to STOP EATING but just couldn't. I was a basket case. The first surgeon I went to sent me to a dietician as part of the preop - she handed me this binder that just looked like another diet. He wanted me to get the gastric bypass as he thought I was too fat and had already failed at the band - so needed something more effective then the sleeve. I think my emotional reaction was a bit similiar to what you wrote. It was overwhelming. so, I tried some more crazy ass diets... again. I think I did nutrisystem (lost 30; regained 45 if I recall correctly) and that hormone thing - I felt horrible for the couple of weeks I stuck it out. Anyway, failure failure failure... AGAIN. And fatter than ever. So, I saw an ad for a 2 year program to overcome obesity without surgery. I lucked out bigtime that day I called. The director of the program happened to take my call. I told her my story and she was straight with me and said "with your history, you need weight loss surgery, your obesity disease is too advanced to have much of a chance without it". She said one thing that convinced me to go meet the good doctors at puget sound surgical and to consider the sleeve... she said "I know this will work for you because you never give up". she was right, as misguided as my weight loss attempts might have been - I never quit trying. Well, the rest is history... I am so grateful to have found this tool that really helped me. Having said all that - surgery doesn't "fix you" but it is an effective tool when you are ready to make huge life changes. sometimes a person has to hit bottom first, you sound like you feel a lot of despair - I don't think that means you will fail. Maybe seeing a counselor or somebody to talk things over with could be of help? Also, I read the thread you are talking about. Most everyone was quite supportive of you - I know it stings when people say stuff - but really, all of us are just strangers on a keyboard - don't let anything any of us say hurt you like that.. I used to get my feelings hurt all the time, and it never happens now. I think it is part of the "state of mind" when I was at my rock bottom.

So everyone reaches a point in the forums where they just can't keep reading/answering the same questions. There is even a search function but people don't work that way. Most feel a strong desire to ask their questions and share their worries as though they were the first to experience it. It is part of the support process. Many "vets" leave at that point when they are tired of what seems like repeats. A better solution is to realize there is a whole fresh crop of people eager to answer the same ole questions. .... they help newbies and I think it helps many of us to share info. It keeps us focused. I have been on this forum for years and honestly don't even open most of those type of post unless it is a topic I feel I can add something to.

I love 40-50s styles - thanks for the link Florinda !

oh, Steven did call me back, so he is redeemed.

Holy Crap! I am confident driving in snow I live in Munich Germany for 2 years! tonight, I was scared. On a crazy ass whim i went into Seattle tonight and ignored the weather forecasts that are usually wrong anyway. Way home, the highway I was on was at a STOP due to the snow ( remember, forgive us for no snowplows and lots of hillls). I was on the Eastside of Seattle coming down a serious hill on the Interstate 520. Shit. Dead stop... rolling at like 1-5 MPH. Anyhoo I was terrified as most cars were spinning out and i was coming down the hilll more or less sideways in a mini cooper with slick type tires. I called Steven (lives near that area), who true to character did not answer, and left him a panic stricken vmail. Then I got my freaking head together, put my mini cooper in manual mode and took that hill in first gear. I kid you not - navigating around the SUVs and other cars spun out or sliding downhilll sideways. At one point, i was considering this car coming toward me as we were both sliding down the hill sideways... wondering if I would make it! The mini cooper does NOt have snow tires and is rear wheel drive - this is NOt a snow car! The fact I could switch to manual mode and more importantly... dumb cow that I am, was wearing high heels and wasn't walking out... I was MOTIVATED to make this work, I switched to manual transmission mode and came down that hill very slowly, weaving around spun out cars.. Then, I got to my neighborhood... run up the hills and first gear for the downhills.... remember, NO snowplows. Made it home, although my driveway is a hill and my car was complaining ,,,, but we made it!

Oh Cheri - when it rains it pours. I am so sorry for all this you are going through. You are a huge success so don't let your current troubles ever take that feeling away from you. (((HUGS)))

Yesterday I wandered into a custom jewlry shop - mostly fine jewlrey, but she had some vintage costume jewelry. The earrings are from the 1940s that she retrofitted for pierced ears. The necklace is just so pretty and sparkly. i don't care for them together, but i thought they were quite the find.

Lots of different opinions but I am late 40s woman and I have heard this from other women too that too much exercise does not help with weight management. I do much better with mostly high intensity type workouts, no more than an hour maybe 4-5days a week. That is supplemented with generally being active, walks, hikes, horse stuff,house and farm work. I did not make good fitness progress doing workout machines at the gym. Long duration elliptical etc probably helped me get fitter but it was quitting that and switching to high intensity shorter duration that got me to goal...combined with low carb eating.

I will definitely explore fillers but don't know too much about them. I wish my neck wattle was gone....but I would feel uncomfortable changing my face drastically just because... Daisy I am so glad you mention the numbness because I have a numb belly button and it's weird. I really have to consider that numbness risk to the face carefully.

One reason I am content with a BMI in the upper end of normal range versus say 18-20 is that I feel that I look more youthful. Not just my face my whole profile. We are all different and have different tastes but to me skinny can look older in women. My friend is a skinny guy and he calls me betty boop because I have some roundness left at 148 that I would not have at say 125. Being the smart fella that he is, he assures me that my roundness/ curves are hot...lol. I am 5'5". Works for me, although I would l like to be under 145...but it is very individual and I know many WANT to get really thin. To each her own. What I do for my face is protect it from the sun (and have for years) use oil of Olay regenerist products (have for years), don't smoke, eat healthy, stay hydrated and picked a mother with beautiful skin. I worried alot about it too and when I was losing weight I really thought my face looked awful...a type of dismorphia really. I finally realized that the last time I saw my face non obese I was like 22 so I took some time to accept the late 40s face looking back at me. I am over it, love being healthy and am proud of my looks. If I EVER doubt myself I just have to look at some before photos..... Don't let these fears cast doubt. Being a healthy weight has so many rewards.

I am 49, everybody tells me I look younger than I did when obese.

haha And for hosiery, I was thinking either sheer (ie flesh colored) or the very lightest of black sheer. I like the idea of the black, but I worry about being in black head to toe. I have a silver little handbag/large wallet made for this kind of thing. It is a decent brand too, nice looking. If I can get earrings that have blue and silver that might be nice. I also have a thin silver belt, but i think I will skip that. And I too like the idea of the bracelet. I am not opposed to a necklace, but i just thought pearls are too... I don't know... old fashioned (although i LOVE Audrey Heburn even though she was a skinny bitch). I will try to get a pic of me in that dress if I can... I look like hell right now, been doing deep cleaning, moving furniture etc...