CowgirlJane

Well FYE I agree with you. I don't thing monetary success equates to a better human. I am not religious but I do think even Jesus had words about this. I am not looking for a guy to fund me, just himself. And I want him to have time to do at least s little stuff like travel. I didn't seek someone at the higher end of financial security but just that he is on the financial security scale is a huge move up for me. Disability for my brother and sister were hard but doable. In the case of my sister the brain aneurysm left here partially brain damaged. The middle age lady who still cares for and rides her horse supposedly has a physical disability but at our age - knees, backs and hips start acting up and many of us suffer chronic pain and still work. To be honest my rant didn't mean to focus on disability-it is just I have more experience with it due to family and others. My view is those programs are needed but we have too much expended and it is not sustainable. Our military situation is an even bigger problem. People who claim to be conservative only care about overspend on. Social programs. Liberals often only complain about military spending and I am saying it's all too much and not sustainable. Take a look at the demographics...the baby boomers retire and their tax revenue contribution will just keep dropping. We just cannot afford it and our legacy is massive debt. Denise I hope you can find a good way to discuss this dominating of your time. Did you resolve the CPAP issue? The scale continues to be kind still under 150 even though went out to eat with my son.

Warning - political rant so don't read if this stresses you out! Actually, I think David is the worst kind - you know how ex-smokers are just insufferable about tolerating smokers? Well, David was raised by a very dicey family. His mother was married SIX times. He left home at about age 13, had dyslexia, learning disabilities etc and is one of those "self made" types. So, that type tends to really disrespect anybody that didn't have that success. My story isn't as bad, but I was raised dirt poor too. My parents contributed $500 to my college education which to them was a HUGE sum. The rest was on me. It is very hard for me to understand people who mooch/live off the system as I have always worked, always. Even as a little kid, I pulled weeds, picked berries and babysat for money. Starting about age 7-8 we were expected to buy our own clothes and personal items - that was not funded by family income so we had to work if we wanted to show up at school with decent (KMart) clothes. It is very hard for me to accept men who mooch/live off women and I have had two of them now. My EX husband liked it, my EX sig other (the one I just parted with) HATED it but could not seem to change it even after more than a decade. This is a sore point for me, obviously. I am basically liberal but i have a very hard time with the idea that just occuppying space entitles every tom dick and harry to be supported by the taxpayer. We are reaching the point where too many people collect some kind of assistance - it will break our economic well being if we continue on this trajectory. I personally know of two women who had no work history and when there husbands died in middle age went on disability. WHAT? As far as i am concerned, anyone who can own, care for and ride horses is not disabled enough to collect benefits. I DO care about people and really don't want anyone to suffer but people need to take responsibility for their own financial lives too. I have a couple of siblings who are on disability - one of them following multiple brain aneuresms and the other developed the brittle diabetes and lost his business due to the illness. I think he could probably work at least some now that his diabetes is under control, but the way the system is set up that would be a disaster for him - he needs to be considered disabled in order to get proper health care. He needs to stay on it or he will die if his care returns to the same old crappy care he was getting before he qualified for disability. Our family also supports both of them financially as well. Anyway, I didn't mean to rant but even though i am more liberal than not, even I agree that some of this just isn't sustainable. Also, do NOT take my comments as being a slam on any individual that needs disability it is just an example of the larger problem - we need more people who work and contribute and fewer that take. I am all for supporting retraining and think that is a great investment - helping people get a new start helps us all. But, if you want me to really get started on a rant... lets talk about the military industrial complex. I am so sick of how much money we spend on security, war, weapons etc. (not to mention the human cost, but i won't eve go there). Even most of our "foreign aid" is actually at least indirectly military/defense related. It is simply all too much and not sustainable, in my opinion. So, this is going to be a tough topic with David because i respect different opinions, I actually agree with SOME of the conservative points of view but i cannot deal with the mean spirited based, science denying "Rush Limbaugh" or "Beck" or stupid "Michelle Chapman/Sarah Palin" style hate based conservatism that runs rampant. It might be a deal killer for me at some point, but I have decided I need to at least give it a chance because I think this is the closest I have found to a relationship that will please me in 2014. Remember, in upper levels of corporate america - these guys pretty much fall in the mean conservatism camp so I have plenty of practice ignoring it.

Da Shoes! the night of the awards banquet I was walking with my boss down to dinner and one of the men I work with catches up to me and says "I had to run to catch you girl, you can rock those heels". I loved it. I watched a u tube done by a pro runway model to learn how to walk in high heels and the key is to just own it. Tentative short steps don't work. We had to catch shuttle busses from our hotel over to the other hotel where the big closing dance party was held. I wound up being on my feet for hours - I should have sat down more - but it did make it easy to leave the party at 10:30 as my feet did start hurting. If I had sat down instead of stood/walked for hours and hours I could have worn those shoes all night. 1030 was a good time to leave. Remember this event had no "spouses" so was at least 85% men. The booze was flowing and the mood started to become very alcohol induced festive about that time - like I could sense the change in the vibe. I was chatting with a couple of guys I used to work with - one of them was my employee 10 years ago. It kept me "safe" and I didn't get hit on over and over like I did last year. I am finally figuring out how normal women deal with these social situations. I did pick up a really cool guy "stalker" but that was earlier in the week. LOL. I really liked him but of course no work with pleasure and he lives in like Kansas. My boss noticed him too as he came and chatted me whenever the opportunity presented and managed to get my phone number too - but again, he is in Kansas so no real problem. I do own a pair of Guess booties that I still don't feel comfy walking in - fear of falling. They aren't that much taller and they are fairly comfy but there is something about the foot angle that is just hard. I suspect that is why i like them - the steep angle makes my huge feet look better...haha. I have another pair of bootie/shooties that I bought before I even knew what a shootie was - more than a year ago. They are a black and white floral pattern with sheer black panels on part. They are pretty wearable but to my eyes a little more cutting edge looking than a girl from the country wears around here. Nobody would look twice in NYC etc but around here, they look weird. I only wear them occasionally but Steven is crazy about them because they have a sheer portion which turns out to be the thing that gets his interest. Speaking of Steven, it is his birthday today - turning 66! I am forbidden to celebrate it in anyway which is probably one reason he blew me off again and hasn't called. I am thinking about dropping something small off at his house - can't decide since he asked me to not do anything. I imagine he isn't thrilled - I know that turning 50 later this year is kinda of a yikes thing for me. Anyway, I am not telling him today about my decision due to the birthday, but soon.

You guys are doing great - i think really getting the hang of it. Just to be clear, it is okay to talk about the problem if you WANT. Just avoid writing the negative coach. A positive coach can still openly discuss the issue or problem. You have taken on alot living alone and don't always feel competent or capable of keeping up. Trust that you can do it, you are successful at whatever you set your mind to. you can keep a good balance in your life while maintaining your farm. You have many options but know that whatever you choose, you are capable of creating a good life and maintaining your living situation the way you like - in fact it will be even easier without a roommate.

Denise that would drive me insane... The 24/7. This is what's so hard about taking a risk with a new man ... only to discover he wants that or is a right winger...haha. Really if the guy i met starts gay bashing I won't be able to handle that. I met David via Match. I deactivated my dating profiles back when I got disgusted with the process but match is paid through March. I never found anyone decent on match so I just ignored the emails until one came from David. I liked his profile, he wanted to talk rather than email constantly and he just charmed me so I thought what the heck, let's meet. That was before my trip - we had a nice time but again low expectations. Since then he has been checking in and the reason I took that photo before the party was his request. He has an engaging personality and is very attentive but in short non smothering bursts so far so good. We'll see how today goes. It's pouring rain. Ah the age thing...yeah I know. I found another post 60 guy who looks better than most 50 year olds. ED was never an issue with Steven so I hope that holds true with David. Seems like something that is not asked about before the physical step though. ..so take chances? Like I said, staying with Steven is more comfortable but I decided after the super bowl weekend th a t I am ready to give up the best sex and best confidante in exchange for a reliable person who wants someone close and who can do the things I want like travel and stuff. Steven feels very close to me but he can only partially translate that to actions and deeds and that will never change. He is still supposed to fix my truck tailgate and I think he will as just a friend. We have been good for each other and no regrets I just can't let this "chance" go by without at least getting to know David. Florinda those were the shoes i bought for my date night outfit but i didn't like them with the skinny jeans. They were perfect with the dress though. I will dig up a photo. I have been curious what you specifically do there, can you share that info? Don't feel fat. It happens to me sometimes and then I remind myself that it is a mental space it's not fat. Why does merena mess things up?

A heartfelt response is always appreciated...and I read the post the first time so re posting it didn't make it any less insulting. And my pix and story are well documented on this very forum so saying based on the photos you've seen results from Mexico aren't as good is a slam. But whatever. I did save money going abroad but my main reason was better nursing care and being able to have more procedures at once - two factors that were important to me personally. Lots of reasons for choosing a surgeon and I most clearly understand the pros and cons of in country vs abroad but it is a generalization about a specific nationality to say that results from Mexico aren't as good. It simply isn't true.

I am feeling really positive. I came back from a week at a business event that involved lots of food drinks and dinners out....and salty food on the plane too. But returned at 148 so confidence is good right now!!!

Oh and I had 5.5 pounds of skin removed and it totally transformed my shape and appearance of my body in a very positive way.

You mention that photos of those of us that had plastics in Mexico show that results are obviously not as good but I shouldn't take it personally. Well I disagree - my results are great and it is kind of hard to not take that personally. If I were rich and could afford the nursing care I would have needed on top of the higher cost USA surgeons I would have happily stayed local but saying that my results aren't good because I went to Mexico is frankly untrue and unkind and smack of nationality based judgement on surgeons. And I got great care both there and follow up at home.

Well have a date for Monday with the Republican. .haha...so guess my plastics didn't scare him off yet. My son broke up with his long time girlfriend. I know it's for the best but sad. Taking him to dinner tonight. Sorry you are blue. Damn menopause. Know what I hate the most? Unreliable and sometimes zero production of vaginal fluids. ..makes everything -- horse and bike riding included uncomfortable. I just hate it.

Oh and the really important thing - I am STILL under 150 in spite of dinner out, and post travel swelling in my lower belly. It is so WEIRD, but I think a week of eating a bit more told my body to lose weight. So now, I need to eat less again and keep all those little fat cells guessing..haha. My next mini goal is to get to 145 and kind of stabilize there. I don't care too much about the weight, but i want to get to that lower body fat % of 25% and I think I need to drop a few pounds to make that happen. I was so impressed by Sarsars pix - maybe you have some advice for us? I still cannot figure out why my bodyfat % is in the 28-29% range given that when people see me they always notice that I am quite muscular for a woman. The surgeons tell me I don't have much fat, but clearly I have more that I should to get to 25% which is my goal for 2014.

okay, isn't life funny. I just QUIT looking for someone to date, do stuff with etc. and I seem to have finally met someone that might, just might fit the bill. He actually excites and attracts me AND appears to meet my "criteria" too. I have been seeing Steven more regularly again and he seems more comfortable with "us" right now but we both know it still doesn't meet what I want for 2014. I want someone who is free to travel and do fun stuff... but that doesn't want to necessarily sign up for the lifetime plan. Okay, don't judge me too hard but I am picky. Looks and fitness are important. Interest and ability to travel (ie availability and financial means), high intelligence and verbal skills, being a vibrant and outgoing and energizing kind of person - a really appealing personality type. I have come to find that not many meet that criteria and when they do, I suspect they have their pick of 30 year olds - know what I mean? So, I met someone who fits and I think I have passed his criteria. He is socially very adept, but I did kinda felt like I was being tested/evaluated... haha. Like, I have this feeling I am old enough to look respectable among his social group, young enough looking to still be reasonably appealing and what he really emphasized is that I am conversant and can talk business etc. I have eaten at fine restaurants yada yada. Yeah, I had a feeling I was being screened for how I would fit in with his financial services industry peers. He is really well off, is 61 but really active and fit. Owns a vacation home in Hawaii, is passionate about boating (sold his but charters them regularly), is not retired yet, but basically financially independant. He is a financial advisor/retirement planner and has done really well... slowly transitioning his business so he can retire but bottom line he has financial and time means to do the stuff I want to do. I am not looking for someone to buy stuff for me, so I am not money focused like that, I just want someone that is secure for himself, as it just removes a whole layer of problems in finding a playmate/travelmate. He busted me already on the plastic surgery as he noticed my arm scar on our second meeting. He guessed the weight loss surgery based on the way I was eating combined with the plastics. He is good with all that and told me he admired that I changed my life. We'll see if that translates to a 3rd meeting... one never knows.. but he did reveal that he had cosmetic surgery on his chin/neck wattle which is of course one reason he looks more like 50 or so not 61. After so many years of living with someone who treated me like I am invisible, it is so nice to find someone who actually SEES me (he has this in common with Steven). I think there is potential here and even though the timing isn't ideal, I feel like I need to give it a chance given that he seems to be a somewhat rare find for a middle aged woman like me. anyway, the only thing I don't like about this guy is he is a radical right wing republican which isn't my cup of tea, but since I haven't found perfection and he is the closest I have encountered - I may have to overlook the rants about Al Gore (global warming isn't real) and Obama (who's goal of reforming healthcare is a communist plot kinda thing). I am used to this nonsense in the senior levels of corporate America so it kinda rolls off me even if I don't agree. I btw, am fairly middle of the road but will probably vote for Hilary Clinton if she is on the ticket next time kind of voter. I realize my primary resistance is that I don't want to peel away from my comfortable space with Steven - I feel like I can talk to him about anything and of course have strong feelings for him even though our relationship is very limited. I know that is holding me back so I have decided to tell Steven this is happening and to at least give this a chance - even though it is too early to know if anything will come of it. I really want to spend 2014 having fun, going places and I am so sick of the process of finding someone it feels good to meet someone that sparks a little fire in me AND meets some of these other criteria. I know Steven will be supportive of me because it is what he wants me to find for myself too. It might still be a long shot, but I want a chance, even just for a little while, where I actually have places to wear a LBD and where a $30 bottle of wine is considered a budget choice. Through work, I have had many glimpses of that world but have never really lived it. I don't know why this is something I care about but it is more like enjoying the freedom that MY hard work and career have brought me. I have just never had a mate or even DATE that is in a position to enjoy those things with me. Well, that was a long winded wander through my current thought process. I hate that I sound so superficial because i really am not - but I am practicing raising my standards though since it has not worked so far in life to just accept a guy without "judging" his financial/career situation. I will not make that mistake again.

You are thoughtful and insightful, and know how to make good decisions, so think about your options and choose the path that is in YOUR best interest.

Well, I never did find earrings that I thought were spot on for the dress and I did wind up finding a vintage necklace that I liked. the new profile picture is of the dress as I was heading out the door for this party. Anyway I got tons of compliments that it was a beautiful dress that makes you go va-voom and killer shoes. Several of the other ladies wore lower cut dresses and everybody was sleeveless so I felt that the sheer neckline was appropriate and modest enough but the dress still had a bit of sexy to it. It worked and I can visualize wearing it to other events too. thanks everyone for your ideas and thoughts. I hope to be getting out to more plays and all that where I might actually wear it.

In the past you have gotten all fired up after a big motivational event like the Mega meeting, only to quickly lose momentum to make change once daily life takes over. You have shown tremendous focus and committment in many areas of your life and have accomplished so much, now is your time to embrace positive change even further. You have the ability to be a change agent in your company, your family and most importantly to yourself. You can continue building on the excitement and make 2014 an even more productive and satisfying year in all aspects of your life. You can start by committing to 90 days of follow up.

You did a great job summarizing it! Here is the key thing to the exercise; never write the "critical or harsh private voice/coach". Always write just the positive. We are actually trying to retrain the brain neuropathways here! And, if you don't have a negative statement to turn around, that's okay, STILL write a positive one. You may already have a good positive neuropathway established, turn it into a beautiful paved interstate! It must also always be specific, relevant and acknowledges your reality. so no "you're okay, I'm okay" stuff. It is very specific like a real coach would encourage you with out denying the truth of the situation. Imagine how that positve statement would look later if someone read it, would they think "what an effective, compassionate coach" or would you be embarrased? He also mentioned that this method has worked with huge ego people... they practice humility while patting themselves on the back. The speaker said people they interact with start noticing a difference within months - they are still high ego, but get better at showing appreciation to others because they did this daily practice. I am not sure, I may want to write mine by hand. I will try both, but often hand written things just stick to me better. I often use dry erase markers on my bathroom mirror. Words mattter.

Drum roll please... came back from the big meeting - a week of dinners out, lots of snacks and adult beverages at 148.9 What is more astounding is that Friday included eating at Epcot center, flight delays stuck on the tarmac for 2 hours in Houston, buying a boxed dinner of salty chips cheese and pepperoni. I expected to be up 5 just due the salt but instead well within my bounce range. Before going on the trip I visualized maintaining....now I need to visualize detoxing from the carbs.

Coops my dress was just right. Some ladies had more low cut ones etc. so this hit the mark. I did get lots of compliments but here is a funny.... 4 of us were complimenting each others cocktail look and B says to me "I tried on that same dress and it gave me a huge butt" without thinking I said "oh no, does my ass look big?". They assured me I just looked curvy. I have fairly narrow hips so the shape of this dress works for me.

I was banded for 10 years and had the same fears. Look at my signature and profile to see my success! You too can do it. But it is work. I used the lessons from that "failure" to help create my success. I am so glad I took that leap of faith! !!

Thanks ladies it was a fun night. I got a lot of compliments. I was among "friends" and got lots of approving comments. ..especially as the drinks flowed. I left at 1030 not even buzzed ..on best behavior. So I think it is exciting you are getting PT certified but I am very disappointed in my experience. I still have a hurt muscle on my right thigh. ..so only light workouts. No progress toward my 25 percent fat goal...sigh.

I am new to phone app so not sure how to rotate photo.

[ATTACH]41429[/ATTACH] Me in my cocktail dress. Not enough time to do hair up do.

Still in Orlando...short message. Today I talked to someone who lost 100#. I admitted how much I had lost AND my age. Skinny mini girl in the group of us talking says "you have been so tiny the whole time I have know you and I can't believe you are 49!!!" Me..not tiny...and I told her I love her for thinking I look younger..Haha. you know that compliment meant way more than the interested guys...though I picked up a tall dark and handsome stalker this week (totally my type)... too bad he lives somewhere in the Midwest..teehee. Good week, embrace the compliments!!!

We are all answering your question but just consider that maybe we have experience with the process and are trying to share that. I have a friend on this forum that is a couple of years post op and is still quite a ways from goal but still working on it. I have other friends who were very slow losers and took them quite a bit longer to reach goal. It would be sad for you to set a date and be disappointed that even though you'd lost alot you were not yet at your ideal, (but maybe he is???). I followed instructions,I worked out and yet my losses still weren't as fast as some yet faster than many. I am sorry but I have read these forums long enough to know that not everyone is amazed in 3 months. I am not sure if you can see my signature but I have been at goal for a year and am over 2 years post op. What does your surgeon or NUT say to expect? Mine had a formula with sort of a range of where most of their patients fell after 3,6,9,12 months in terms of excess weight loss percentages.