CowgirlJane

Daisy, I am not the judge of what is normal, but dating someone for a month and then moving in sounds really really fast to me. I would feel suffocated. I may be completely off base, but it puts a different perspective on his clingy ex girlfriend. Like, they were probably inseparable until the breakup so no wonder she seemed so clingy and needy. I am not sure if he just has different expectations or what. You need to follow your own gut and heart about what kind of relationship YOU want - I totally agree on that one! Don't bother posting on the plastics thread. I have already been accused of being a cyber bully (wow, the conclusions that were leapt to when all I did was take issue with the blanket statement that results from Mexican surgeon were worse based on the research conducted by looking at photos). I never intended to send anyone into a tizzy and I think more fuel is not really ideal. "They" feel I was trying to bully them into silence about their plastics journey which is weird since I never even implied such a thing, but... whatever. So, I am hanging in there. Luckily I have good friends and so have been able to talk through some things. You know what, it is just same ole same ole life but right now I feel like i am standing in a little canoe, a little off balance and waves are washing over the bow... it is that feeling. I think we all know the solution. First step, sit down and paddle..haha I have the second meeting with the new personal trainer this evening. My injury is hurting this morning, I rode last night and of course didn't feel a thing as it was fun. We did alot of speed stuff, it was a physical ride. Then, I stretched and all that but a night of inactivity and I am sore. At least she seems to have a good idea of what the problem is. Basically, I am strong but some of my small muscles are under developed. The young PT didn't have the education to recognize that as he increased the load, the strong muscles were incorrectly taking over. She wants to decrease the work load significantly and focus on finding all these small muscles that are hiding and get them on par with the stronger muscles. If it works, it will likely improve backpain etc. It is kind of a weird thing though to be working at such a low intensity/low weights but since i am injured I don't have much of a choice do I. Have a very happy day everyone - I am off to the office for some important meetings - it's good - keeps me very focused.

I have had some recent things in my personal life that needed to happen, but are still stressful. On top of that, the personal trainer at the gym had me WAY over do it so I am rehabbing that injury and so exercising less intensely. I don't think I am eating more, but the scale says otherwise. (I don't track and haven't since about 3-4 months post op so I am not 100% certain). Yesterday was superbowl madness - I treated myself to some nuts and two beers - no chips, no nachos, no chili - really just some nuts and beer and i am up several pounds. I know it is just temporary but you know, sometimes i just need to vent. argghh This all started with a particularly carb filled day a week or so ago and I think that I have just been letting carbs sneak into my world. Dang it. In general, maintenance hasn't been that hard for me over the last year, but I am just starting "year 3" and I suspect new challenges are emerging. The key for me is constant monitoring (ie weigh daily) and immediate adjustment. So glad I have all of you to vent to because you all would understand.

I waited till 2 years post op....at goal for awhile... I had a vodka and soda Water....teehee. In truth soda pop, diet or not is TERRIBLE for you. I strongly encourage anyone to just break the habit. Eating clean, real foods is just such a good thing. Signed, Former Diet Pepsi junkie (and it never made me skinny)

And the worst thing is I always told myself I just need "time" and I am starting to fear that is not the case.

Ok I am spewing negativity. .. so don't read it if today isn't a good day for it. I had such a great week last week and now I am home to reality. My oldest son is getting depressed and of course having a hell of a time getting quick treatment. I feel sad over ending things with Steven. I feel stressed over work...but good things are happening there. My old horse is lame. My young horse is challenging me and right now I don't even feel like riding. The personal trainer caused me injury and I have started working with a different one to rehab. Yeah I get to pay just to get back to where I was. My old cat needs surgery. My house projects feel insurmountable. I am overwhelmed. I am lonely. Good news is I still weigh under 150.

A good list, and I guess my comments are more clarifying rather than disagreeing. On the topic of exercise - you are right that plenty of people lose just fine without it. I think that you will be a little sad though to find when you get to goal that you have lost so much muscle mass that you can eat so little in maintenance. Exercise does not really cause you to lose weight so much as it increases your fitness/ups your metabolism/preserves lean muscle to make life time maintenance more realistic. Most of us DON'T NEED plastic surgery. In my case, even after losing 160# I didn't have skin rash or any medical need for plastics. Heck, spanx or other decent shapewear kept things together for me just fine. I wanted plastics because it was important to me to look "normal". I truly believe that it will help me with the mental/emotional aspects of long term maintenance. Plastics were really really hard but I am glad I did it. I would also say that people at the beginning of their journey shouldn't even think about all this. As time went on, i got more and more comfortable with the excess skin and if I had not been able to do plastics - I would have been okay with that too. The honeymoon period is real... but it is debatable how long it lasts. I lost about 100# my first 6 months. Took me another 8 months to lose the next 50 - so it took me 14 months to lose 150# to goal. I stabilized and maintained that 150# loss before I decided to lose 10 more. I was well over 18 months out and it wasn't that hard to lose those 10. It is very true though that the fastest weight loss/least hunger occurs in those early months so TAKE ADVANTAGE. It also means that you shouldn't give up just because you are more than 6-12 months out - it is still possible! As far as eating - eating the right things is so important, but so is portion control. The idea is to learn to eat to absence of hunger, not until full. That was a foreign concept to me, but has really paid off! I still after all this time, eat off smaller plates and use appetizer sized utinsils at home. One thing you don't mention is the head trip that this whole journey is for many of us. Some get depression, some find their whole worlds turned upside down.... others maybe a smaller impact. Be prepared for major ups and downs though. As that fat sheds, hormones are released which can cause mood swings. You may find that friends and family get tired of hearing about your weight loss, you may find many things out about your relationships during this journey. Don't make big decisions if you can avoid it if you are going through that wild emotional ride. Mostly... keep your eye on the prize - life at a healthier weight, enjoying doing things you could only dream of when obese. It is so worth it!

Thank you all for your words of support. Most days this is all very do-able, but every once in awhile...we all struggle a little. 2bFit - plastics are hard. I had mine in October (lower body lift, breast lift and aug, arm lift and small thigh lift) and while I am recovered, I still get a bit of low belly swelling after intense exercise or ironically, after alot of sitting. It isn't too bad, but it is uncomfortable and i hate it. Luckily no leg swelling. I am told this could last a year because the lymphatic system is still rebuilding the drainage paths! I am sorry that your scars are so disappointing. I didn't have the long thigh lift (the one most people get). I have mixed feelings about that decision. On the one hand, the work I had done got rid of the absolutely unreal ugly upper inner thigh skin/saggy pockets i had going on with very minimal scarring. Flip side, that my thighs still have some loose skin. I would have that whole skinny legs thing going on had I done a more extensive procedure there, but it is all tradeoffs. I think all in all I made the right choice. I do have scars on my arms, my lower body lift (breast ones you can't even see) but they are improving week by week. The funny thing is I hardly notice them. I thought i would be weirded out by the scars but I feel so much better about my body without the skin that the scars just seem irrelevant to me. I know you can get back on the program. We all have setbacks - and that is the difficulty of maintenance... the "carrying on" even when we don't feel like it. One of the reasons I got plastics was that I wanted that "feeling" of having a normal body and hoping that helps me with maintenance. This week, I came home from a great business trip to some real "issues" in my private and work life. I am feeling the stress and I am feeling lonely and at times overwhelmed. I am tempted at times to comfort myself with food. Food doesn't make a very good friend though so I am reminding myself to pet my doggies and talk to my real friends instead.

I get alot of messages from people who are preop and fearful because they have so much to lose or because they failed with the band. I also get alot of plastic surgery prospects. All good - love supporting people - but sometimes their emotional states seem pretty fragile.

You feel worried and anxious about some things in your life right now. Your son is depressed and needs help, you are ending important relationships and you are overwhelmed with work too - it really is alot. You know that you are capable of managing your own destiny and WILL get through this. You just need to tackle things one at time, focusing on what's important. #1 Son, #2 Career and #3 Everything else in sequence. Continue to make brave choices that support the life direction that is in your best interest.

i didn't have the same procedures, but did have multiple procedures done at once. My main advice is Protein, rest, and ease back into activity carefully to avoid any seronomas or incision tension. Follow docs orders and don't push too hard just because you feel good one particular day. I found that very hard, to spend so long hunched over (I had the lower body lift) and needing to take small steps (small thigh lift) and to not reach overhead (arm lift..haha). I am glad I was so careful though, I think it paid off. full full recovery from major plastics takes a long time. What I mean by that is you are told that 6-8 weeks and you can return to normal. I think that depends on what your "normal" was but it took longer than that for me to do very high intensity things again like my farmwork or boot camp style workouts and the gym. Just a reality check since we all heal differently. I would also mention that some people get kinda blue after plastics. For me, it was the inactivity that started making me batty. for some others it is unrealistic expectations - like you have MASSIVE improvement and then you can notice what is still not perfect. I lost alot of weight and so I still have some extra skin on the side of my chest (ie sideboobs) and since I knew that would not be fixed by the procedures I chose to have done - I am very satisfied. It is one of those things that others don't even seem to notice, but i do. I am not going to have that fixed as I am better than "good enough" but I think that it is important to expect amazing improvement, but not perfection. Best of luck to you on this exciting journey!

Congrats!!! I will always remember that first "reveal". My dear friend was with me and she actually cried with joy at the transformation. Of course i was hunched over like quasi modo so wasn't feeling too lovely BUT, flat tummy...oooh la la! No more folds of skin tween my thighs. well, and just everything was so much better. I am so happy for you! I had very little pain and hope that is your situation too. My biggest "pain" problem was skin irritation from tape and compression garments.

I picked a sleeveless dress with a fairly high neckline. I am thinking of skipping the necklace because I would feel like June Cleaver in a close fitting string of pearls and not sure what else would go with it. The neckline part of the dress is lacy so I think it is simple and enough of a statement itself. Thinking of dangling earrings and my hair up. Cant afford diamonds so considering some kind of dangling earrings that are NOT fake diamonds but something else. I have dark hair - lady at Macys suggested black dangling earrings since hair will be up ... will still be noticable. when I put my hair up, I always let loose some curly tendrils. Shoes - well, I have black and I have some cool blue ones that might be just a pop of color. Then I have some pretty hot shootie bootie shoes.... but this is a work related event, so maybe not. Ideas? This event is a big deal, high visibility so it is important to me to look good, but very career appropriate and I NEVER go to cocktail parties so have no idea what is hip. Help!

No, really nothing wrong except for making the blanket statement that Mexico docs have poor results and then not Man-ing up to it when called out. There is a post on the vets forum by someone 5months post op though... an ask the vet type post.

I weighed about 272 when I was banded in March 2001. I never got under 200# and regained after I had to have Fluid removed due to issues with reflux and vomiting all the time. I revised to the sleeve in 2011 and weighed 308. I have since lost 160# and am at a normal BMI weighing around 148-150#.

You do know that is exactly the typical timeframe for a stall... right? http://www.dsfacts.com/weight-loss-stall-or-plateau.html#.UwPAa4WhbjU

Can I suggest you start reading and posting in the veterans forum? Lots of people have found themselves in your shoes a few years out and that group is really geared to the special interests of people at least 1 year post op. I am guessing you know the answer ... go back to basics, but the vets forum can really provide support. Good luck!

May I ask what you mean about "understand you"? The weight loss? Lack of dating experience? Or?

I have a group of online horse friends... all lifelong athletic and trim ladies. They were thrilled for me BUT have zero understanding of the ups and downs and emotional journey. My feelings were hurt until I realized that they had no reason to understand it. They had always been trim. They were like "crap, get over it, nobody cares". Then I just reset expectations. I share my joys and sorrows HERE and basically don't talk to most people in my real life or horse life about it unless they ask me. Even then, I stay reserved about it. Why, because they just don't care. They don't want me to be depressed, they just want me to get on with living life. Being normal size is not something in their world is worth celebrating, know what i mean? I had a long term relationship. I had lost 125# and he hadn't said a word. Not a negative word, not a positive word. Now that hurt and then I realized he didn't care either because we really weren't still in a relationship, i just didn't know it yet. So, I share that so you know it could be worse....

Okay, I did something I normally avoid - tangled with someone on a forum thread. Over in the plastics forum this man named scout has been posting about his plastics stuff - cool. Then he makes a statement that Based on his research (ie photos) that results from Mexico aren't as good. Well, I took issue with that since the way I read it, mine and other "mexican patients" would be part of that research he drew his conclusions on since I have shared photos on that same forum. Not just me, lots of other people too. I probably could have been more diplomatic... however, it got construed as I somehow think he should stop posting and everybody has to defend his right to tell his story. I am like... WTF? Tell your story - why do you need to bash somebody else? I just think if you are gonna dish out those kind of sweeping negative generalizations about choices others have made (as if reading forums is real research anyway) you better be ready for someone to stand up and call "Bull" on it. Anyway, I was pretty much done after I said my peace but he has his little gang that apparently think I am somehow a rabble rouser because I didn't let that remark slide. I can't help but notice that he singled out Mexico in particular when obviously people go many places for plastics. I made that observation which of course he turned into me calling him racist. Actually, I am not sure race has anything to do with it - but it is that whole America is better thing that so many subscribe to? I was told I should start my own thread - I have no interest in bashing someone else's choice so why would I do that? That I should have worded it that "based on my research I chose Mexico". I still say Bull - somebody specifically says that results from Mexican surgeons aren't as good and I just don't think that is based in fact and is a generalization based on a specific nation or country where the surgery is performed. Truth is, there are some pretty bad results out there on the internet and by volume, most are from the USA but of course that is because that is where most of the surgeons are for our purposes. Doesn't mean that USA surgeons deliver substandard results. sheesh Of course, I should have never posted since you never really change anybody's minds anyway. As the saying goes... walls have ears and ears have walls.

I think you should put it out of your mind the best you can. I am sure it bothers you way more than him. I once read that women will never achieve equality till the day they can walk down the street with a big gut and bald head and still think they are hot stuff. Yeah, it's a joke but there is some truth. Confidence and self acceptance, self love ARE sexy. Woohoo BTW!!! BethinPA, on 17 Feb 2014 - 09:21, said: Cant wait to hear..Haha So I made a huge deal out of my excess skin before the nekkid phase. Then he was like....I dunno, women your age,have had kids etc., just look that way. Obviously I had more excess skin than a typical woman but it was clearly a bigger deal in my head than it was in reality. Well, we got to the nekkid phase this weekend, and the extra skin didn't appear to bother him a bit! It was so hard for me to bite my tongue and not ask him if it bothered him, because I didn't want to plant that seed of thought in his mind. So I'm faking it until I make it in the confidence department!

We have reached the point in winter where I just can't take it anymore.... I NEED spring and summer.

Today is the day! Hope all is going great and you have a smooth recovery! That is an amazing estimate for surgical time - under 3 hours! Wow, and cool. Keep us posted. So, i had several procedures at once and the LBL was the grandaddy... take the surgeons advice seriously about slowly returning to activity. It is a big deal surgery but OH SO WORTH IT! It is astounding how much difference it made to my looks even in clothing - and bye bye spanx!!! woo hoo

Well, I am not sure why anyone ever thought you should stop giving updates. I didn't say it and certainly never meant it. I also never called anybody a racist. What I did say is that a statement was made that results from people who get plastics in Mexico aren't as good, based on research and photos seen. I take issue with that remark, as my photos (and many others) who had work done in Mexico have been posted on this very forum so it implies that our results are part of that "research". Drawing a conclusion based on the country (I may have used the word nationality) that the surgery was done is a sweeping generalization that is inaccurate. There are good and bad surgeons everywhere. End results also vary a great deal depending on the patients starting situation and other factors. I am very happy that you have had great results - but so have many others. There are plenty of good reasons to stay "in country" for medical care and there are plenty of good reasons to go outside the country -whether it be Mexico, Costa Rico, Thailand, India...etc. A blanket statement that results from Mexico are "worse" or not as good or whatever is what i took issue with - that's it. That's all. Don't read anymore into it. So, for anyone who thinks I am trying to stop people from talking about plastics - I certainly apologize as that was never my intent and I am not really sure how anybody drew that conclusion. I and many others have shared results too and I always appreciated hearing people's stories as I have learned a great deal that way myself. As I frequently say... carry on!

Couple of things. You have lost a massive amount of weight already. I personally went through emotional rollercoaster at that time and I think it is largely due to all the hormones being released from the fat into your body. Makes you a little more emotional and all that. Also, fat often serves as a protective layer and as it starts to shed, your emotional angst might be surfacing. Be gentle with yourself, but seek help if you are really feeling out of control. Also, I am not sure why you had the idea that food "should" make you sick. All of us can eat anything... we have to make choices. Choices about what and even how much to eat. My saying is "just because you can, doesn't mean you should" - and frankly it applies to alot of things in life. I still work very hard to eat to "absence of hunger, not to the point of being full" Early on, I followed the NUT guidelines very closely. When I hit a long term stall at about 8-9 months out, I realized I needed to go lower carb and change things up exercise wise. I suspect guidance from a good nutritionalist would help you too. Not all of them are good by the way but it is worth trying. Food as an addiction is powerful. I used to think it was "all in my head" but i have learned there is a very significant physical component. when I eat "clean" - ie low carb, avoid sugars, no junky food - amazingly I don't crave junky good. for me personally, I would now say that it is 80-90% physical response to what I eat and maybe 10-20% "in my head" You are in the phase of the journey where you are facing all of that and it isn't always easy - so seek support. I would also say that your post would be even more responded to in the "post op" forum as the vets forum is really geared to people that are a year or more out and the challenges faced there. Hang in there, don't give up - you have made amazing progress already and just need to find your way back on course to protect your losses and to continue making progress toward your goals. You can do this.

I read that article on psychopaths as CEO. Interesting. I decided to look up the Hale text and am happy I scored 5 out of 40 which is a normal non psycho. However I took some other tests and I "May" have symptoms of general personality disorder. What's interesting to me is that when you look up General personality disorder it doesn't appear to be a diagnosis. So I wonder... What I notice is some of the thoughts indicated as problematic are mostly post weight loss....I am more aware. I think in all honesty that childhood trauma has been well managed by me but probably causes some of my internal feelings. Like I think I am more prone to emotional swings...like feeling great and then kinda low very quickly. They don't last long and most of the time I am even/in the middle. People around me don't notice it since the down feelings are usually gone in an hour or less. I think I also have feelings of emptiness sometimes. I get alot of private messages of people asking advice. The one this morning, I don't even know how to answer as she sounds emotionally out of control. It was alot. She also asked a million questions...not about WLS but about losing weight. Actually the right questions....including what are the best and worst things that happened in life as a result of weight loss. Like that is so complicated.....the good is overwhelming but how do I explain that I feel things more intensely and though it is getting better it has been uncomfortable at times. I had a phone call with someone considering plastics and she was emotionally out of control, crying etc. I feel like my mood issues are minor compared to what it seems like some others experience and yet it impacts my life negatively so I want to fix it if I can.