CowgirlJane

My port area was very bothersome for a couple of weeks after the band removal. There was a hole where it used to be that filled with Fluid and that took awhile to all rearrange. It did go away though!

I think it is much healthier to focus on getting healthy - pay attention to your consumption of food, is it the right mix of Protein /carbs etc, staying hydrated, becoming more active. Those are the things you can control and amazingly enough, over time, they lead to the scale showing results. You cannot, simply cannot focus on what the scale says one morning - or day to day. She is a harsh mistress and in over the short term lies and cheats. I have had times when I overindulge and the next day shows a loss or a day like yesterday that I hardly ate (due to other reasons) and yet I am up a pound. Does that mean that the sleeve suddenly stopped working for me? No. It is one of the many mysteries and you just cannot let it become so emotional, so important. The scale is really only relevant on a weekly or even monthly basis. Now, I do weigh more frequently as part of my accountability to myself plan, but, I don't worry about a pound or two since that is quite literally how the scale bounces.

Had a long phone chat with someone considering the sleeve. I hope I helped..but doesn't it feel like a bit of pressure? I mean we in this group are pretty darn successful but no guarantees. .. I still am amazed at times myself at how well it worked for me. I went out to eat alone... at my favorite restaurant tonight because I just could not eat today but realized I was craving their shrimp skewer. Wonder how many calories 5 med shrimp are? Honest I am not doing this on purpose. ..just no appetite. I hate it... feels like disordered eating.

Premier Protein now has strawberry... very sweet but I like it. Same stats - 30g of protein, 160cals and I think 5grams of carbs (love the chocolate, hate the vanilla).. Anyhoo... all flavors were $4 off a case today! The premier Protein Bars are also on sale... I think 3.50 off per box. They are high carb though... I also found a new AmyLu product in the fridge section. "Chicken burgers" with cheese and lots of flavor in them. 150 calories, low carb at 2 grams and a whooping 22 grams of protein. I consider THAT a protein bargain! I buy a couple of other protein items at costco regularly - sandwich meat (love the pastrami!), AmyLu's chicken maple Breakfast sausage ( 90 cals, 14g protein and 2g carbs). I also buy an italian sausage that is very low calorie, but i don't remember all the details anymore.

A more recent find is the salmon burgers from the freezer section. 170 cal/2 carbs/20g Protein - I usually serve them on a bed of lettuce/salad The sausages I couldn't remember are the 5th street grill turkey Italian sausages. A big link sausage has 100 calories/1carb/15g of protein I use a rule of thumb for protein - I want it to have at least 10g of protein per 100 calories. I want the carbs to be low also... no hard and fast rule, but ideally under 5-10 total carbs. That is my idea of a "protein bargain"

If you don't feel ready, I would trust your gut on that. If you fear failure again - well - I suspect 100% of us had those same feelings. If you feel fearful of the surgery itself - well, lots of us had that too. I do think a person has to be in a state of mind where getting control over their weight is a very high priority. This surgery demands alot from us... I am not talking about the first few weeks - I mean the forever. I was banded in 2001 - well besides the fact that it was not a good "tool" for me, I also really did not understand what it would take. By the time I was sleeved, I got it and I was just so OVER food as anything other than food. This whole regaining your health thing has to be somewhere in your top priorities and you have to really keep your eye on the prize to get you through tough times.

I think you look great. My surgeon told me that once you hit about 28 BMI - you really have addressed the "health issues" of being overweight. It is so tempting to constantly compare ourselves, but I feel strongly that we need to come to peace with our looks... for heaven's sakes before having plastics for skin removal. When I did my research, the people who were most unhappy with their results were ones that actually never had peace/comfortable in their own skin after weight loss. The thing is, everyone has flaws... we just see them more in ourselves than in others.

Cathy, now I can see the photo of the banksy... that is what I hate about this site and using mobile devices, you miss like half the info. That is very cool! 144 today - first time in my life I have lost weight from being "down" or troubled. I am making myself eat - I am not trying to lose weight this way, it is just that when you have to force yourself to eat, not surprisingly, you apparently eat less. Georgia - I don't know if I am getting better or worse. I thought i was getting better but yesterday I went to a half day seminar - very small group, very interactive. I was fine during it... participated, was engaged, wasn't super social but hanging with things. Got home, and was paralyzed and basically went to bed at 3:30. I had to get up to feed horses and made myself eat a protein bar but it was all I could do yesterday. It scares me. I have never gone through anything like this - when my little dog died I felt like this for 2 days but then the fog started lifting and I was okay. Even after Linda died, I was able to make myself stay living and doing. I think that part of it was the kids needed me to "fake it" and keep going. Living alone, it is like, what does it matter? It matters to me, I hate being like this, but apparently that isn't enough motivation to make me get moving. What I have noticed is that as my counselor is trying to make me name how i feel, I think grief and anger are two things I recognize. Problem is, they aren't very useful emotions as they seem like they are about things in the past that just "are" I felt alot better after seeing Steven on Sunday but #1 That is not a solution; regardless of him or anyone else. This issue is from within and needs to be solved by me and I cannot, will not fall into the trap again at looking to someone outside to somehow make me feel alive. and #2 He is not great at this "being there for you when things are rough" kinda guy. That is why he doesn't want a regular girlfriend, he just sucks at that and doesn't want to do it. I don't mean to say he is unkind but he just tends to pull back when things get "sticky". I am intentionally avoiding him right now because I have a way of saying things I later regret when i am in this mindset - which I think he finds as a relief frankly until i am myself again. He is actually the least of my issues right now. my core feeling is that of being alone, even when I with others. It is a sadness that i feel like I have to somehow resolve before having another really substantial relationship because I need to be myself before I can make a choice to connect with an emotionally healthy man. Steven is not that emotionally healthy (in a well rounded kind of way) but what he has going for him is he KNOWS it and has created boundaries around his life that recognize it. It sucks for him, in my book, as he will always be alone except for a million superficial relationships (I don't mean with women, in general), but that is what he thinks he wants so not really my problem, but I want better for myself. Florinda - how are you doing in Germany? Did you get the tests you wanted? Brown - how are things? Haven't heard from you in ages. Everyone else? Exciting/good news from anyone? I am forcing myself to do fun things. I am signing up for a dog training class with a friend and we are going to a workshop at the end of May to learn to do cowboy mounting shooting - you got that right - killing ballons from horseback using old style guns loaded with something other than bullets.

I weighed 308 in November 2011: 300 on the day of my revision to sleeve 12/11/11 I hit my personal goal of 158 in Feb 2013 Today April of 2014 I weighed 145. I feel very successful with the sleeve after 10years of poor results with the band....never got under 200# when banded.

I thought banksky was another "cuteyfied" English word....like brekkie for breakfast etc. I ate 3 meals today...feeling normal. Like, it's cool to lose 5# in a week but I know it is the wrong way and can lead to bad things so it felt good to be hungry and eat without feeling ill. Counselor today told me she thinks I am not depressed but hit with overwhelming grief. Maybe. I just want to come out of this soon...but today was ok sorta anyway.

Say what?

Not sure listening to us will help any with her stress... and I agree with your decision.

I am not sure I now know which post we are talking about

Now I don't know what post you mean. Who is zelly?

I too love your positive spin on a painful incident! I had to have my hip joint injected... not fun... but here is my NSV out of it. They made me put on a huge pair none stretching hospital like shorts. I had to tie them and hold them up.... but I bet that when I was obese I wouldn't have even been able to get them on... and it would have been very humiliating. So, my friend asked how painful the shot was. Yeah, it hurt, but I was very focused on being so exposed during the process of the injection...LOL... totally took my mind off the pain.

145 this morning. Ok, since I feel off the emotional cliff a week ago I have lost 5#. Hey, we would all love to loss 5# but, i don't want to do it in a "disordered eating" way. i am forcing myself to eat and often feel kinda sick when I do. I am even having troubles with protein drinks... everything is just gross and unappealing. I would worry something was physically wrong with my tummy, but it is maps exactly to a week ago when I started feeling clinically depressed so i am quite sure it caused by that. I have never in my life been the kind that "can't eat" when upset so it is weird. I will observe that being perpetually under fueled does not feel good and I suspect it is one reason some people have a hard time breaking out of depression. I wanted to go for a hike yesterday and I had barely the energy for an easy walk with my dog. I know this and it is why I make myself eat even though I don't want to. So even though I feel clinically depressed my counselor and many of my friends think it is just plain ole grief. Whatever it is, I can't take it anymore and so yesterday I started on the half dose of the drug Escitalopram (Lexapro) yesterday. It is supposed to be less likely to trigger side effects compared to some drugs in the same class.

You may certainly quote th a new thread.. Kim, you are an artist and him saying otherwise seems like a lashing out. I am sorry though, it must have hurt. I had a horrible day that ended ok. And Sat was pretty good. I am severely mood disordered right now...don't get me wrong...but coping.

Are you talking about the reason the vets need a forum? I have overwhelmed with PMs lately all saying more or less "tell me exactly what to do so I can transform like you did" I openly share my photos with the intention of inspiring and I do look different...but I am also a bit taken aback because we all know that it is both very simple and very hard.

Chimera I read what you wrote and wantee to reflect. Not all of it applies to me but I was neglected, verbally and sexually abused. What related to me was that feeling that someday the hurt would be gone, I would grow out of it or that my amazingly good life would at least overshadow it. I have forgiven and I don't consciously carry around or dwell on all that history but it is undeniably part of me. It is like that knowing that everybody dies, it's inevitable, but you still can't believe it when it happens to someone who you love. I know and accept my history and most of my life I have been able to harness it or ignore it or coexist with it but right now I feel that it must somehow be what is making me feel so lonely. Worse than feeling lonely is the feeling like it's not ever going to change. I told someone I know pretty well about my rough patch. I made plans with her Sat to do an all day thing...a strategy to force myself to pretend to be living. Anyway she told me I am one of the happiest lively most optimistic people she knows, how is it possible that I feel so isolated. I don't think I am faking any of that as it is my basic personality and when I am engaging with people or activities I like I feel quite good.....but you can't spend 24/7 that way. What I think some of us face...whether it's midlife or a childhood trauma history or some other reason is how bad it sometimes feels inside. I guess I buried alot of hurt. My counselor said that it was unusual I didn't do much grieving for loss of food during weight loss phase...and that I lived for so long in a relationship that made me feel so unloved.... and now I am sorta stripped naked in many ways. Nowhere left to hide.

147 this morning. I didn't go out last night but I did go to lunch with my son and his girlfriend. I did that partially to get out of the house and partly because I realized I hadn't been eating. Last night I scrubbed my pick up and horse trailer. Exhausting to get rid of the winter build up. I bought cleaning supplies at an auto parts store. .and I realized I have become a character. The 4 people working there were all talking to me about horses, trucks and removing that green crap that grows over the winter.lol my dad was a character, I think I an becoming one heaven forbid Florinda glad you are safe in Germany. Why is it important to re run those tests? Isn't the next step to get out of Dodge?

I am so sorry about the drama Denise. It is hard for me to wish for a miscarriage because of my own personal feelings about life, but this seems like a pretty unpleasant situation - with no real good ending. I can't help but put myself in this lady's shoes though... men do share some responsibility for preventing pregnancy too. I have noticed a "willingness" on their part to not even bring it up... not even to think it should be discussed. I KNOW I am past fertility based on two blood tests taken a few years apart but why the heck should he (Steven) believe me... but he did.. from day one and has never given it a second thought - although he at least did ask me if it was something we needed to be worried about. I am under 50 still and frankly most women my age can possibly get preganant - though I agree with all of you, why the heck would they want to? Given risk of Downs Syndrome and other issues... anyway, so sad. And I just hate drama - you are a tougher chick than I am Denise cuz I am quite sure I would be just done with it all. That goes to show that you are ready for a real relationship and I am not! Hang in there, things have a way of working themselves out and getting all wound up and worried doesn't fix a damn thing. I am forcing myself to do a horse even tomorrow that I don't even want to. My new horse Mia has been wild and energetic so it will be a challenge. I haven't ridden her in over a week because I just don't have it in me ... I have been riding my old horse a few times. I am hoping I can muster the emotional energy to do stuff. I got asked on a date for tonight. I think it would be fun even though i am pretty much done with dating... but... I am not sure I can fake it through being happy to be there in my current state of mind. I am better feeling than I was a few days ago and haven't started meds yet so I don't know. I do know I need to get out and DO things even if it means forcing myself. My best friend's mother died last night. It was an intensive 2 week period from diagnosis to death. If you are gonna die of cancer - that is the way to do it. She was 87, lived a good life - a good woman. Even though it isn't my grief, it has brought up some unresolved trauma. Because I have been closely involved in 3 deaths of family members I wind up supporting people going through this but apparently at a high cost to myself. I am starting to suspect that this event may have been the trigger for this week's slide to depression although that makes little sense to me. Counselor thinks I am just now starting to face my food addiction (or lack thereof of my drug of choice). That is hard to imagine given that my WLS was 28 months ago, bt what the heck do I know.

I am Over 2 years out and it sometimes comes up especially when i was dating. I often order an appetizer instead of a meal and I have gotten a few "remarks" about it. I generally say the truth which is "I eat low carb and small portions to maintain a fit weight". That always leads the other person to compliment me on how good I look and/or for him to mention that he wants to lose 10# kinda thing. Totally shifts the topic away from food onto fitness. I did date a foodie type person for a short while and he was really bothered that I didn't eat full meals. That was easy to solve. ..I stopped going out with him.

Hmmm...follow advice of a great nutritionalist. Mine told me 3 things that have proven to be true.. Small portions, eat to not hungry, don't aim for "full" Don't graze Know that you set your own limits.....while the honeymoon period is real....if you keep working that sleeve you can still lose after that first year. I was still overweight at 12 months....took me longer to lose 160#

I am with sweet pea.. go easy. Really easy

Sorry to hear this Florinda - take good care of yourself and get better! Keep us posted on how things go.