CowgirlJane

Just want to share something amazing. I told Tino about what happened starting in March...weight loss, anxiety, depression, no appetite... and that starting Saturday feeling a little relapse. I told him about taking the meds. His reply? "I wish I could take what troubles you and carry it for you because I can handle it" I can't begin to describe how good that made me feel. Of course no one can carry your woes for you... but what a loving response. It gave me a little boost to not feel quite so alone. I might have found a good one in spite of myself.

Hey Chim - do you have time to get together this summer? I would love to meet for a walk or a coffee or something. I am out in woodinville and I think you are in West Seatttle. We can find something reasonably in between! I also discovered, thanks to Tino, that Dukes on Alki has an awesome happy hour menu - yummy seafood with a view!

I am lonely - I used to be part of several very active "hives" if you know what I mean. My work life was a busy hive. My kids and their friends running through the house. My extended family... All of that has changed. I have good friends but I work remotely in a much quieter job. Kids have moved on. I live in the country with my animals. I live a peaceful life that many aspire to but it is killing me....haha. When I was in a whirlwind all the time, I craved the peace and time alone and now i have too much of that. I am used to being in the middle of the action and I feel so lost at times without. A part of me thinks I will be a better person when I get used to it and another part of me thinks "nope, my nature is very social and I like being in the middle of the whirlwind" Talked to Tino - haven't seen him in a week. He said to me "it is ridiculous we haven't been able to get together, but it is real life." That is how I feel too so it felt good to talk. I am not really ready to tell him about my emotional struggles and that I am still in mourning for some things I can't even really articulate. I have told him that I am not that far out from my major life changes and still getting used to it and he seems pretty okay with that. I don't mean to be disingenious in the least, but it is hard to explain something like this... there is a whole life story behind it I think. I am sorry I haven't been responding to all your posts, I have been very self centered lately. I suck.

We tend to be biased around here. Most of us spent a lifetime of dieting, exercise and while we maybe could lose weight we couldn't maintain. For many of us, the sleeve (or other bariatric surgery) has been a lifesaver. Look at my before and afters... I am less than half the size I started.My life has fundamentally changed. Is it right for everyone - NO. Is it a viable option for morbidly obese - ABSOLUTELY. It still takes alot of work and effort, but here is how I put it. I work LESS HARD at maintaining 140 pounds now than I worked at (unsuccessfully) staying below 300#. This tool really does help.

Why do they need original surgeon to treat the nutritional issues? Why are they not treatable? I guess I just don't understand. I am awaiting a very detailed nutrition analysis myself.

So glad you posted here. So many vets DO disappear so our little veteran group hopefully encourages a few more to stay. It is unexpected to me how much I value the support even 2.5 years out.

Oh, I never answered "how much have you lost" unless it was to a fellow WLS patient. I reckon it is nobodys business. i would usually either ignore the question or say something like "alot, but I am still working on it". I have in more recent times said something about being half my former size because anybody can look at me and see that it is true. The therapy sessions ...haha... are more around people being freaked out that I look so different -my older sister who thinks I might die of starvation since I no longer have a "healthy reserve". I explained to her that layers of fat do not keep you safe from emergencies or contingincies. Well, unless there is a great famine. -a work colleague who simply could not accept it was ME. I held up my name badge, and made a joke out if it - yes it's me! That same crazy woman about had a mental breakdown two different times (she doesn't see me often). Third time she was actually kind of snotty and I started to realize that my weight loss triggered some kind of issues for her. -Lots of compliments which in some ways got harder as i got closer to a normal size. Now, it is a joke among my friends who give me a genuine compliment "skinny bitch". Now, a friend said something that struck me in a good way. She said "you looked beautiful before but now you are a total knock out". Now THAT is a compliment! -I get asked about sizes which I hate answering because sizing is so inconsistent. Some stores really inflate their sizes (White house black market is ridiculous) - so I don't claim a size until I am about 90% sure I will wear it no matter what the brand, but I hate answering this one because I guess it is so inaccurate. -A male friend who told me I should stop losing right now because I am officially a skinny chick and look great. Any skinnier and I will become a bony chick with no ass. Okay, that made me laugh. I have tried to keep a sense of humor and I have to admit it is alot easier to see it with humor and grace once you are at goal than during the losing process...

I didn't feel human till about 12 weeks... seriously. My appetite came back in full force around 8-9 months an I had to learn to control it by eating low carb. This is temporary, you will feel better in time. Take advantage of the distaste for food, use food like "medicine" - this is that time where the surgery helps you the most in letting go of the overuse of food.

What you are experiencing is completely normal. This explains some of the reasons behind it... http://www.dsfacts.com/weight-loss-stall-or-plateau.html#.U5XZeygn-Uk

My younger sister died of breast cancer at age 39. One of the things I observed during her illness is that she oddly often had to comfort others. I felt during my weight loss (I was also high BMI so big transformation) that I needed to somehow make others comfortable with it. Well, needed is a strong word, but it seemed like others who cared about me felt a real need to talk about it alot. I decided to accept it as part of the journey but I completely understand where you are coming from. People who know me more casually had a very similiar need - to somehow deal with their "shock"? I have often wondered if they did a similiar denial thing that I had done - which was to not realize just how huge I was until I was trim? I don't know, but really, there were a few people I almost felt like I needed to comfort them as they were so disoriented by how different I look. As time passes, it does go away and people seem to forget just how big I was. Even my sons are shocked when they see a "before" pic as they don't remember me being that huge.

Kelly, that is statistically true but not necessarily the case for every individual. I am 2.5 years out and lost 10# this spring...

You are right Georgia and I get so dismayed... disappointed at myself. I have so many good and exciting things in life. I am blessed in so many ways... and yet I feel like hell right now. No good reason. I find it to be self indulgent and small minded and I really dislike this is happening when there are people with real big problems who aren't sitting around feeling sorry for themselves. The trouble is, I can't seem to use force of will to stop it. I am being diligent about taking those meds, good news I am still getting stuff done. Saturday I had a horrible day and I decided that if I was gonna be miserable I would at least accomplish something. I grocery shopped, had my eyebrows done, vacuumed and steamed my carpets and planted some flowers. I hated every minute of it but at least i didn't spend the day in bed numbing myself with Netflix or something. Sunday I played and had a good time but everytime I was alone.. I felt the wolf at the door if you know what I mean. Today, I am working and I have a clear plan of what I need to accomplish at it isn't quite 8am and I have made good headway so far. At least I am focusing which is much better than what happened to me before. I don't think this has anything to do with the PS. I think I have always had this lurking thing and I hid it/self medicated it away with food. I don't know why it took so long to emerge, but I suspect that I was "exercising" much of it away during the weight loss and early days of maintenance. Now, I am facing and feeling it which I tell myself is something I need to go through so I can resolve it as an issue in my life, but i don't really know anymore. At this moment, I can barely stand it. I feel empty inside and I have gotten used to not feeling that way so it is almost harder to bear even though it isn't as bad as it was a few months ago - well not yet anyway. This is the very reason I don't want a "real" boyfriend right now. Tino wonders what the hell happened to me - why I don't want to come out and play - and truth is I am not sure I feel safe enough reveal this to him but today I am going to have to tell him SOMETHING as he deserves to know that I am not blowing him off or moving on. He is used to talking to me everyday and seeing me every few days and right now I just am not myself. I just wish I didn't feel the desire for affection, companionship, sex and other things that come with a boyfriend which is what draws me to a man like him anyway. I am rambling pointlessly ... so I will shut up now. Least I still have a sense of humor.

I would ask for lots of before and after photos. I have heard of many lipo disappointments...

I feel on the verge of a relapse to depression. I am doing everything I can to ward it off. I don't understand this, it feels like before that it is something that has taken over rather than it being related to or proportional to events in life. I am making myself eat and taking things to help with sleep since that is how it began and I realize the physical pain of low blood sugar and exhaustion gets mixed up with this. This is so crazy, I know it isn't worse than before but I guess being free from this for awhile even a hint of it returning makes me feel terrible.

For most of us it is shockingly easy to stop losing and even regain. Adding back carbs for example. When I hit my goal I was in the 8-10 size range. I now wear a size4 pants. I get alot of remarks that I look really great but I think I got more interest from the opposite sex a bit heavier. I think I seemed more accessible? Not sure what to make of that or that it matters - just a puzzle.

I forced myself to eat which made me feel better. Grocery shopped, cleaned carpets and waited for shoer...mia lost a shoe Friday. Horse shoer was reason I couldn't go on boat with Tino yesterday. I am riding my older horse today..I cannot stay home alone again today although I feel better so far. Tino has 2 of his daughters and a bunch of their friends on the boat today. Gabby the daughter I met asked about me but I told Tino we need to get to know each other before it involves family etc. A day on the boat with young people having fun is however the best cure for any lingering sadness.

I hit goal of 158 in Feb 2013 which was 14 months post op.. I maintained ok, and was really active but by mid summer I noticed the scale in the low 160s to many days. The day it read 163...I said "regain" and started5:2. It worked so well I got down to 150. Then I had plastics where 5.5pounds of skin were taken but due to post op swelling I weighed in the 155 range for months. I am now 140-142. I had though about making g 135-140 my bounce range but I am happy here so 140-145 it is! Point of my story is that although leveraging the honeymoon period is how I lost massive weight -that first 150#, you CAN maintain and even lose a few vanity pounds later. For me maintenance isn't much different from the losing phase...just eat a little more. I still eat small quantities, Protein and veggies first kind of diet. Carbs still make me gain weight...so I limit them.

I finally had big talk with steven and I am shocked it impacted me so much. Took forever because he has been generally unavailable.

Having a bad day. Not eating. ..I need to eat as it will make my energy better. Having a little broken heart resurgence which is stupid.

Well... Since everyone gave up guessing after professional cowgirl I will have to tell you...I am a Project Manager.

I am a weekend cowgirl but actually pay, not earning money from that endeavor!!!

I cheated... you are a speech therapist or something similiar

Yah know, I am pretty open but I also don't feel the need to tell every tom dick and harry about WLS. Example, I started dating someone and I told him about my weight loss and plastics (scars still visible as i am only 6 months out). He said "did you get a lapband?" I said no, and he cut me off and said "oh you did it with willpower" and then started to talk about something else. Well, I did do it with LOTS of efforts even after the sleeve. I felt like I should have had him rewind...whoa whoa ... but he was off to the races talking about something else and I decided... who cares? I eat less - its how I stay trim. At 2.5 years out - is my surgery even that relevant?

We are all different, but I am insulin resistant. What that means is that my formerly carb heavy diet made me fat. A high Protein plus veggie diet changed me metabolically - I can eat more calories in a protein based diet than I can in a carb based diet. I went from an apple shape to a normal shape - and I credit that to eating high protein/low carb. I avoid most sugary food (including most fruits and all fruit juices), bread, Pasta, rice etc as they make me hungry and not feel good. I do eat alot of veggies and berries. I am not worried about health problems from eating high protein since I was nearly disabled and heading to early death with a BMI over 50. Now I am slim, wear a size 4 and lead a healthy active (and high protein) life.

Sarah, I think you know everything that comes with plastics, I will just be here to remind you that you heal slower than you think, to take it easy. If in doubt, don't lift it. If in doubt, rest. If in doubt, give it more time. I am on a facebook page with a bunch of Dr Sauceda patients and it is just about universally true that the ones with complications are the ones who were feeling so good, bragging about all the stuff they were doing fairly early out. People like me who whined and moaned about how awful it was sitting around, feeling sorta blue about it, watching hundreds of hours of tv and movies etc... they are the ones that did not have complications. I had more procedures done at once - but the Lower Body Lift is the root of all this. It really takes alot out of you - and that lasts long after the stitches are removed and the wound looks healed. The internal healing is slower because all that fascia has to regrow and repair. I think the same would be true of a tummy tuck.