CowgirlJane

I am doing okay. Just grinding through what needs to happen when someone is terminal. Cleaned her house today.

Kelly, not sure if this gives you any comfort, but I was about 3 months out before I started feeling human again. Eating took such effort, it was a little depressing actually. I wasn't horrible nauseaous but didn't have much of an appetite and was slightly "off" feeling. The opportunity here is it is a time to really change your emotional and mental relationship with food and for me it really got better. At times it was frustrating because I emotionally wanted food but it made me feel crappy to eat much at all. By the time I was say 6 months out, that seldom happened and some of it was learning how to eat right, not eat too much, to eat slowly, to reduce acidic and spicy foods etc. If you do not start feeling better soon, please follow up with your surgeon and NUT since I don't think it is your fate to always feel this way. This should be temporary.

Remove part of the stomach does create malabsorbtion. ..I agree with Lisa it is false that sleevers don't need supplements.

My losses dropped to about 2-3 pounds a month before I got to goal. I had to make big changes to get to goal - I worked with a NUT to figure it out. Lots of us that were very high BMI never do get to a "normal" BMI and I think that is okay too! This is a time to really think about what you really want, what is realistic to maintain and all that. I started at 308, I weigh about 140 now. Is my life that much better then it was when I weighed 160? No it really isn't. Plastics helped alot with me seeing myself in a "better" light but I noticed that people who don't reach a certain "self love" even with the skin are never happy with their plastics either. Like, I still have extra skin on the side of my torso, sorta the "side boob" thing. I have very little if any "extra fat" it's all skin and there is no practical solution to it... but I don't mind too much, I still love how I look. If I ever get bummed about it, I just look around at other 50 year old women and realize that I look pretty damn good even compared to those who were never super morbidly obese like I was so "get over it cowgirl"!

Swizz - Steven can sound like the bad guy but he really isn't. When we met he made it very clear he was a terrible boyfriend and at the time I wasn't looking for a "boyfriend" and I can only say he was key in me transforming how I see myself. He made me feel like a beauty queen when I was 20# heavier and pre plastics. He will always take no credit for that, telling me I feel that way because I "am" beautiful and sexy and desirable woman. Funny that I have NEVER EVER felt that way in my life and it gives me a self confidence in that aspect of my life that I think normal women have in their 20s. I cannot explain how big of a deal that gift is to me. After losing weight, if men looked at me I assumed they were thinking how disgusting I looked or that I was dressed wrong, or my face looked saggy and old or something like that. It was Steven who fundamentally helped me see myself as a woman with assets that men should be knocking down my door to get a chance at. Okay, maybe a little over the top, but you know what I mean. The problem with Steven is that we got attached, I am not sure he is capable of "love" in the way most people think of it, but he actually gets pretty torn up by things in our "relationship". It is like the stress of not being able to do something you know you should do - that brings out the worst in me and I think it does in him too- that inner conflict. I finally just said "enough" because no matter how good the intentions he will never be able to make me feel satisfied in even a "limited" relationship. It was great, but it needs to be over. What that does is open up space in my heart for something else. He is also anxiety provoking due to his "issues" and he doesn't even realize that he dumps a crapload of worries on me everytime we talk lately. I always think I am pretty good about handling that, but ya know, it really rubbed me wrong when he told me I wasn't allowed to talk about death, illness or anything sad when I know that he constantly vents to me about shitty things in life. Again, he isn't evil or have bad intentions, he just has pretty severe issues in spite of his many assets and charms. So, no regrets, time to move forward. I am still a little messed up myself, but I think I can be honest about my own "emotional"issues and find eventually a guy who is more emotionally healthy and can deal with me just fine since I am not batshit crazy, just a little off kilter at times..haha. We all got issues of some sort, the key is "can you live with it" Okay, here is what I want to really talk about though. Swizz, I don't know your whole story but I have realized a "delayed reaction" to the weight loss and not overeating myself. It manifests in different ways, but I suspect similiar underlying issues. During the weight loss phase I remember people who went nuts missing food. I didn't. I was so "over" food as a friend or comfort or whatever I would have been happy if I never had to eat again. I really felt that way and in general the weight loss phase was a determined march and satisfying progress. I hit goal in Feb 2013 and my anxiety really started amping. I fixated on being scared of plastic surgery and my nightmare of a relationship with my EX ending (nightmare because I wanted so badly to feel like a desirable and loved woman and he just ignored me). I still loved him and in truth I still love my EX now - he is a good man - but of course I am unwilling to live with a partner who treats me like a sister or a roommate - I want to feel loved like a woman by a man (see the Steven connection here?). Even so, tremendous stress, pain and anxiety. Then, I had the plastics, and EX moved out and I thought well... sadness then I move on. That is when I realized that I had self medicated that anxiety with food for heaven knows how long. Then, I switched to exercise as a coping mecanism which is somewhat healthy but what do you do when you can't peddle a bike long or fast enough to calm your soul? Then, I thought I was just a "medical phobe" and scared of surgery but once that was over I didn't really get better over the long haul. I had an anxiety attack one time skiing, I had anxiety feelings happen just from being alone - like no reason to be anxious, just nothing to focus on. Anyway, bottom line, it amazes me that here I am 2.5 years out and finally know comprehending the emotional impact that this has had. I no longer desire excess food and in general it gives me no comfort at all. How sad is that, even if I overeat I don't feel anybetter. up a creek without a paddle... So, it has forced me to really face my underlying anxiety. It took me forever to find a counselor who doesn't think I am nuts, but thinks I have a lifetime of pain and denial that I need to find a way to cope with. I am the classic, put your "shoulder into it" kinda person. If I just work harder, try harder I can solve it.... well, maybe not this time. One aspect of it is that I have so little tolerance for feeling "bad". I am learning slowly that I can feel bad/sad/lonely etc without it turning into something to be anxious about. anyway, my counselor thinks that I can be on this low dose of meds temporarily and wont need it for a lifetime. I just need to learn certain emotional skills that I didn't use before since I self medicated with food. Anyway, I due wonder if what you are describing are some similiar unresolved issues? It might be just fine that you have gained a little back, not the end of the world. They key is finding a comfortable balance in life - right - being thinner does not guarantee happy now does it? I would hope for you that you find a way to get to the bottom of this because life always has sucky things in it, the key is how to keep living a good life even with people and pets dying, relationships ending etc etc. my heart goes out to you.

Divorce rate is high due to complete transformation and the emotional rude this takes you on...not due to the surgery per se. Let's face it alot of morbidly obese people feel trapped and isolated to some extent. Losing 160 plus is liberating and it changes you. A strong marriage grows stronger one with issues tends to break. Oh advice on food resentment. ..get over it. Everybody will seem to be feasting around you. When you get to goal and feel and look great you will realize it was so worth it. During the weight loss phase though it can be rough. I looked at alot of success stories and before and after photos for ongoing inspiration.

Lisa, It isn't the same but I had a horrible loss of my sister from breast cancer that spread to her bones at age 40. We were raised like twins, super close, lived near each other all our lives, talked daily - very bonded sisters and best friend. I thought we would grow old together but instead I saw her destroyed by the cancer and even the treatment at times. Horrifying and traumatic beyond the loss. We looked alike so seeing her turn into a 95 year old in front of my eyes hit me to the core. I did daily care too. Anyway I am sharing my story so I can tell you what not to do... get depressed and anxious and lonely and gain a bunch of weight. I did that and it didn't work out for me I highly recommend some type if therapy for the trauma aspect... I did EMDR ..Google it..but also talk etc therapy if that's more your thing. I didn't do the grief therapy nor did I accept that I had anxiety. Apparently food works to bury anxiety and pain for me so I didn't feel it so much until I stopped over eating. I am suggesting that you get help with these overwhelming emotions rather than burying them. I love coffee but reducing my caffeine was one aspect of improving my mood situation. Get decent sleep. I went through a grieving recently (post sleeve goal) and had trouble eating like you are describing. I didn't turn to liquid calories like you have but lost unplanned weight. It was a little concerning and my docs were worried that my eating pattern was a downward spiral. I took it seriously and started forcing myself to eat small quantities of healthy food - dense Protein and veggies several times a day. I started noticing I ate better out with friends. ..so i did that a few times a week. Had a Premier Protein once a day. Over time my eating returned to normal and I am maintaining a healthy weight. My anxiety is much improved. Your physical and emotional health is intertwined.

“Transformation is not a future event. It is a present activity…That is why you must bring everything that you have to give in every moment…And it doesn’t have to be perfect, it’s not about perfect, it’s about effort. When you bring that effort every single day, that’s where transformation happens, that’s how change occurs.” – Jillian Michaels I really embrace the idea of transformation as a present activity. I focused heavily on the physical condition and now a bit on other aspects of my life needing some transformation.

How are you doing? Dr Sauceda did amazing work on me. I have the best body since I was 22, I am 50 now! The next few weeks and months might be tough. I can't say I ever regretted plastics exactly but those early weeks I questioned if the time off from life was worth it, but it definitely was.

food was like the bad boyfriend...he drew you in, but really did not make life better. He lied and chested and made you feel like crap. Click on my profile to see my transformation ... excess food never made me feel this good.

I am so sorry but what a blessing this was discovered now before progressing! I admit I don't know anything about your condition but I feel the "fight", I believe you will make it through this challenge.

My surgeon who has an excellent track record does surgeries in a clinic and are out patient. I had to stay one night due to my sleep apnea but it was a good experience. My view-no reason to stay in hospital with sick people!!!

2.5 years out and the sleeve has saved my life. I am transformed. Look at my profile and signature for pictures and details.

Main thing I did different was find a surgeon with a structured follow up program and really leveraged it. I was a professional dieter but still learned so much from my NUT surgeon and whole team post sleeve. When i had the band in 2001 it was like... "eat less, good luck!"... I clearly needed more.

Obviously, can't know everything from a single post, but I think finding a way to build a good life (and that is a continous process for married people) together is far better than starting over by divorcing. It's a rough world out there for single people - well at least were I live where women outnumber men by a great deal. Anyway, I personally would not have been angry about someone smoking because we all have our own "crosses to bear". I don't like smoking but i recognize that I am terribly flawed myself and that asking for perfection from somebody else is not realistic. I completely agree with the idea that the only person you can change is yourself... Since I am single and hoping to find someone for a relationship, I would not rule out a smoker (as long as they were very good in their habits) as I dated a smoker who hid it so well I had been seeing him a few months before I even found out. So, it didn't really bother me since his hygene was so perfect. I personally would rule out an unfit/over eater person because i am working so hard to maintain a massive weight loss and I don't want to be around excess food and sedentary lifestyle influence. I wouldn't divorce someone over it, but it is a showstopper for me as I seek a relationship. Smoking is a huge health issue but so is obesity. My 40 year old, non smoking but very obese niece passed just this week from "natural causes" attributable to her super morbid obesity status.

I think the veteran forum has been a great place to collect thoughts from people years out. I think any fantasy I ever had that weight management was something that had an end point has been utterly shattered. I am doing good but my current life stress has definitely brought out some food issues I didn't realize I have still... Anyway you can get back on track. It's the same way you originally lost weight ..One day at a time...

I didn't lose hair after my band in 2001 but in fairness I didn't lose much weight either. I lost hair several months post sleeve but I started with a crap load so wasn't a problem. I can understand the concern but please don't decide about wls based on TEMPORARY hair loss. Look at my profile pix. ... I look so much better even if I had gone bald...lol

I think at 8 months out is more normal to start feeling a return of hunger. If this doesn't self correct within a few weeks, I would have it checked out by your surgeon. I went through this more than 2 years post op. In my case, it turned out to be emotional issue related - but I lost 10# in about 3 weeks and I was already at goal so wasn't trying to lose more. It's all sorted out now, but what I found out in the process is that once you get on a "bad path" it really can become a problem. Meaning, if you get on a path of eating too little and it negatively impacts your health, it can be hard to get it corrected and restore your health.

Don't worry... losing fast is awesome at this phase!

So, I want to let you know, I am doing okay. Life sucks right now, but I feel sad for reasons, not depressed or anxious. It helps that I can do things to help... like visit Betty, like deal with some business she can't do. I am trying to learn more about myself from these experiences. My counselor asked me point blank if my life only feels important when I am helping/supporting/doing for others. It is a good question, one I am not sure the answer. I mean, I have lots of fun, probably more than most women my age, but I sometimes feel adrift. A crisis or somebody needing me gives me focus - and my mother was exactly like that so it is something to think about. I also notice a complex relationship with food emerging. I am not really overeating to deal with stress, but i am eating a different pattern so I definately still have some degree of food addiction. I am simply observing right now, trying to learn more about myself in hopes I can then address it rather than bury it - sort of what Kelly brought up earlier. Kim - thinking of you, losing my mom was just so sad. My best friend lost her mother recently and it made me feel bad for her too. I loved their attitude - her mom was like "I am old and this is what happens when you are 86". I hope I have that kind of grace when I am facing it. Still such a loss.

Uhhh..yes... and no freaking ED issues, amazing tongue, told me how hot I am, ladies first, really appreciative and yes well endowed, 6'2" athletic, full head of mixed but mostly dark hair, broad shoulders, narrow hips, and no huge gut... dammit. .. why did I let him get away??? (That was a joke )

It is apples to oranges. Took me longer to lose 168# as a middle aged woman then it's going to take a young man to lose say 100#. You can't think in terms of other people just maximize your own results! !!

I think you are onto something. I thought I had mastered this but clearly I have not. I have suffered huge losses - I was so close to my mom and my younger sister - when they passed in '04 and '07 respectively it did turn me upside down and inside out. I am not turning to food for solace now - but rather forcing myself to eat since I know i must. I learned my lesson on that one, skipping eating makes you feel like crap and actually contributes to depression. Well, as I force myself to eat i notice myself "Wolfing" down food and I don't know why. I never do that! I mentioned it to my counselor and she asked me how I feel, what is my emotional state and I told her I honestly don't know. I don't feel anything. I suspect that the wolfing of food (which makes me feel like crap too BTW) is me trying to burying those feelings with food in a different way. I am now being very deliberate... and it helps alot if I eat with other people. This goes back to the lonely thing or rather the thing where if it is just for me, some how preparing and enjoying nice food doesn't matter. I ate with my best freind last night and tonight I am taking kiddo out to eat after we go visit Betty in the hospital. I am working very hard to maintain a normal relationship with food and eating even if I have to "force" the situations. Wow, how did we get so messed up? Here we are a group of competent, sufficient and successful women and we resort to this and can't even tell someone how we feel. BTW, the best thing that happened out of all this is I am really done with Steven. I don't hate him or anything but his inability to even listen to how heartbroken I am just made me realize I cannot deal with someone who is just so emotionally unavailable. It became all about him - I am in the middle of a freaking nightmare and he wanted to talk about a couple of mere aquaintances who died recently that upset him. He told me he couldn't stand me talking about illness or death and I wasn't allowed to even refer to it - WTF? How can someone tell me that I am not allowed to speak about something (I had hardly even discussed it at that point so it is not like I had been dumping it on him for hours or anything). I asked him to leave my home and he got very angry with me and broke up by text. I was done anyway and thank goodness he did it so it saved me from having to say the words. Yes, it is a loss but I am okay with it. I am sure I will grieve it a little, but I had gotten over him before and I have to honestly say I never believed it would work when he suggested we try "starting over" which is probably part of the reason it didn't stand a chance....I just didn't trust him with my heart and I think for good reason. Sigh. Too bad the sex was just soo good - like best ever in my whole life kind of thing. Just a chemistry between us. That is the main thing that just drew me back over and over and i think the same for him actually. We were a lousy couple outside of that.

It is hard for me to visulize what you are talking about. Did you try swiping the screen since there are usually pages and pages of apps and maybe the particular page you are landing on is blank?