CowgirlJane

Never is an overstatement. Insurance changes, who knows what the future holds.

In my youth I way undervalued girlfriends...now I see all that way different and I love my women friends. They don't break up with you when life gets serious, they are fun and you can leave them unattended for awhile without risking being replaced. I have male friends too but it's the girlfriends who really care about me. The man I did a few dates with, even if it doesn't work out, I hope he becomes one of my friends. That is what tells me he is a good prospect, that I feel that way.

I love it when an old thread is revived. My current perspective versus 4 months ago. I am in the dating world so have some recent experience with how weight/looks impact perceptions. So maybe every guy fantasizes about the swimsuit model and every woman dreams of a man with a full head of hair...on his head..Haha.. but we dont always get what we want. And if you got it, wouldn't you wonder if he/she considered themselves in a separate league? Isn't it better to find a person you want to roll around with..imperfections and all? A person who is equally mad about you?

Par, first I want to say I welcome your input. I was one of the people who really objected to the rule change about the guys room and ladies room somehow being off limits to each other - so in my book, your input is welcome. i would have even posted this in the mens room at one time...as I am genuinely seeking advice. Having said that, I hate Tom Lykis if he is who i think he is. One time I heard him talk about how gross women are after age 40 (f* that, I am better at 50 than EVER!) ... and how he could not imagine having sex with a woman (referring to someone's wife for crying out loud!) after she had a masectomy due to cancer. His shallow sexism will never be acceptable to me (what an ass), but YOUR point, I get. Many of us could probably use more "cookie" I have never been promiscuous and don't intend to start now, but, I am also a genuine, sensual woman. If I am really into a guy (which I am right now!) I am not into playing games. Heck, if I didn't care about sex I would stick to my platonic friends (girlfriends and male-friends). I enjoy the company of men, and have many as friends, but "boyfriend" situations seem to be fraught with complications I would just as soon do without... but i am not quite ready for the convent yet, so I risk heartbreak and drama to find that special stuff with the right man. I have a strong personality. I work as a project manager and those of you that know what the means, can guess that I am high drive, goal oriented and "damn the torpedos" kind of person. I am fun loving, full of smiles and laughs but also... intense. I believe that often a person's strength is also their biggest fault. What has happened to me in the past is that men are attracted to my highly verbal, intelligent, goal oriented and driven personality complete with all the energy in the world... and then.. well you know. The thing that people don't realize about my "type" is you can say "whoa there cowgirl, slow down" and I am not offended! I am pretty tough, I can take genuine feedback. My girlfriends think I am the life of the party and aren't scared of me...haha... cuz they know I am a sweetheart and genuinely care about them! What makes this guy so special to me ... besides the great kissing, the hot looks, serious intelligence and common interests... is that he seems to get all that. i just don't want to mess it up as I feel like I sometimes have in the past.... unwittingly. I dunno, this whole dating thing seems like it should come with a manual. Right now, I want to call him, but, I won't because everyone tells me that isn't cool and to just let him come after me. I am like... come after me! (oops, I am not supposed to say that, right?)

Haha...I totally understand living vicariously, in many ways superior to the real thing. Just to clarify. ..This isn't a relationship yet... who knows where it will go.

I am not a sexual turnip. Buse bar (or something like that) is supposed to work well but I haven't tried it. My goal is to be OFF meds ASAP. I am learning better coping skills and have eliminated anxiety provoking people from my world... Both of which help loads. Florinda do you have a posse of good girlfriend s? I have been seriously nurturing those relationships last few years and it is paying off big time. I am so much more content these days. Even so I miss my kisses cuddles and sex so trying again. I met someone who is quite literally a rocket scientist. physics degrees and a career designing stealth war machines. He is also fit, affectionate, engaging and fun...and we have many shared interests. Early days...and I am trying hard to not get hopes up. ... but I really like him. He ran huge programs so he understands my personality type and we have actually discussed that stuff. He likes to dance, travel and rides horses and is a great kisser. I kicked his ass hiking and he loved it... told me it motivated him to workout a little harder. 12 hour date ...but I didn't want it to end. Like. ..hard to find such a combination! We almost have talked ourselves into going paragliding. He is afraid of heights and I get anxious in those sort of extreme trust situations. ..but I think we might challenge ourselves to take the leap! We shall see but it is fun for the moment anyway.

A few times I have happen that after about 3 or 4 dates the guy says he doesn't feel chemistry even though he thought I was sexy fin smart etc. I used to think that was code for sex did not show up soon enough but I think i do something that doesn't make them feel drawn in. It takes me a long time to feel bonded with a person so i don't really know what people mean by chemistry. I totally agree with being myself but there is something to flirting and stuff to help the process along.

Due to genetic differences in how scars heal....surgeons tend to cherry pick their very best "afters" which is why I like seeing posts shared by patients who might not make it to the surgeon website.

Bkr...that is exactly what I do ...get all aloof on people. I have a friendly outgoing personality until I meet someone I like and then I "choke". I have some wonderful girlfriends and have tried to listen to what they say about me for clues about "the best of me" and trying to emphasize that. This is why I picked hiking. My best friend told a story about me involving me laughing like a kid as my horse was being naughty over a water crossing. I thought. .yes..that is a good thing about me I am fun and easy to be with in the great outdoors. I am myself and fun loving and don't slip into the "business" mode that I am prone to do in some social situations. Decades of working almost exclusively with men has trained me to be comfortable with them as long as it is no attraction or interest.

Lexapro decreases your sex drive and response. I take half a dose 4 days a week. My PCP says that is such a low dose it isn't therapeutic but it has virtually eliminated my anxiety which I believe was at the root of my "moods" so I beg to differ. My sex drive did drop but since I had plenty it has been ok. I am certainly NOT flatline emotionally. If i up the lexapro I get euphoria and a bigger issue with sexual response so I am pretty happy with my current dose.

Dee..sounds like you are doing great! It will just keep getting better. 8 months post op and I am more thrilled than ever.

Ok Florinda then for me I see even more red flags...if he is still at home he really has no reason to be pissy. I stand by my comments that he will get worse not better. If he is cold distant and low interest in pleasing you sexually I say he will make a horrible husband and a lonely partner. I lived that. ..good man cold fish type and it broke my heart and made me feel undesirable as a woman. Turns out it was his issues not me but that was not how a loving relationship should feel. Denise I could not help but notice you didn't mention your feelings and attachments to Bill. do you love him and want to be with him? I never expect a partner to do everything with me...so I would not think dancing is a show stopper but reading between the lines (perhaps incorrectly) seems like you just aren't feeling it.

I have posted scar pictures on this forum - I am about 8 months out. What I will tell you as someone who has looked at alot of photos post plastics is that how you heal is largely genetic/how well you heal.

Florinda, I can't really give advice about your BF because I don't have the larger context. Is he working since moving to Seattle? What I do know about men is that they are crappy crappy crappy partners unless they have their own centers, their own strength and their own "world" where they feel valued and respected and all that stuff. We live in these modern times and yet our gender specific traits still remain - men need to feel ... well not in charge maybe, but they need to feel strong and as respected leaders. You haven't known him very long, he moved to Seattle with you (not sure that was his plan already or if he did it for you) and then due to your circumstances you had to leave right away. Men do NOT tolerate crap that women often do and he might be feeling a bit put out. Some men seem to lack the communication gene so they won't or can't even admit that they are pissed or put out by something. I guess my other thought is you have only known each other a few months and in my experience guys NEVER get better ... just worse over time. Is this guy really the one? If he is cold, distant and not dying to make love you to often right now - heaven help you 5 years from now. Just saying.

Ha another zombie thread arisen from the dead! Well 2.5 years later and 160# lighter (i now weigh 140) I love my sleeve! As a tool it has worked well for me and enabled success beyond my wildest dreams.

I am doing well. I have developed a mantra or personal slogan " I am not so much afraid of dying as I am of not living." So through all this I continue to make sure I am living and not just zombie walking through it...not numbing my feelings etc. I lost a friend over it in truth but it was a friend that needed to go anyway. I am a happy cheerful and fun person much of the time but anyone who can't handle authentic grief and deep feelings loses their place in my daily life.

I think you should make the decision about bill, is it a good relationship you want to continue? because the other guy might turn into nothing. ..

Forsythia I didn't have to do a mandatory pre op thing but I chose a surgical practice that requires 2 year follow up. It made a big difference. Your attitude that you want to LIVE and enjoy life and that is more important than any food is the mindset that will achieve your goals!

I also think that there is something about the disease state of obesity...I took lots of it D and was always deficient until I lost weight.

You will be fine by yourself 5 days post op. The hardest 2 things...in my opinion. .is getting your fluids in and watching other people eat while on liquid diet..ha! You might actually like being alone about the time that gets annoying.

My opinion is that it is less about intelligence or thoughtfulness and more about emotional "blockage". Let's be honest, even if your doc gave you ZERO instructions, there is a big world wide web out there... lots of sources. I thing that people can get just so emotionally wound up in weight, food, fear of failing etc that they aren't "at their best". while I was well prepared, educated (both self and by surgeon/NUT) for the sleeve I have in the past been just plain STUPID about maintaining my health. Let me give you an example - I did weight watchers for years where you count points. I knew better but like i lot of people I got caught up in sort of trying cheat the system - you know, super high Fiber things calculated low points, that type of deal. Stupid, yes, but I did it. There is something about being "ready" to really change that can be elusive. Some of us didn't know if we were ready but tried anyway. Others thought they were ready but really weren't. Some are in such a state of mind they don't even recognize "ready" as a concept.

Stay calm. Food and weight does not deserve the emotional attachment we give it. You can do this ...you've had a very small regain just like normal people do. You know as well as I do that one day of eating right doesn't always show up as a loss. In this for long haul. ...

So, I find myself in an interesting situation weight wise. I made my goal of 158 in Feb 2013 - and have been pretty determined to stay UNDER that. Most of the time I have been in the mid 150s, but got down to about 150 by Feb 2014 and was content there. I had an (unplanned) loss of hunger/desire to eat and lost another 10 pounds this last spring - actually over a period of about 3 weeks or so. It was a bit worrisome and alot of effort went into finding out if anything was "wrong" with me so I had tests, bloodwork etc etc - turns out I was lonely and didn't like eating alone. ha (I come from a big family and had never lived alone until pretty recently and then a chain of events occurred... and I guess my emotional state killed my appetite and drive to eat) At the time I didn't care that much about how I looked because I felt like crud. Side note - any of you that are feeling crappy, consider that maybe you are not eating often enough (sustain blood sugar) and not eating enough healthy carbs (sustain energy). I certainly did not do it intentionally, you get used to eating so little (due to the original loss of appetite) that it becomes the new normal and it is hard to get restarted. I was very motivated to feel good again, but I can see where it would be easy to stay in the bad (under eating) cycle. Now that I feel good again, I realize, I like how I look at 140! I was shopping at my favorite discount store - Ross - and was buying shorts in the misses section. I bought the two smallest they had (without going juniors)- non stretch name brand size 4 so I guess that is really my size now - and it made me realize there was a time when i don't think Ross had shorts big enough to fit my 26/28W butt. I like being this size even though I need to regain some muscle mass/strength as combined with my gym injury back in February with this little "episode" I have basically given up my strength and fitness routine and I am committed to returning to it. I am still active on my farm and with my horses, do a little hiking etc, but I have lost fitness ground. anyway, I am alot better, my appetite is back and my son - 6' tall big eating son -is home from college. I have gained back 2 pounds in the last 2 weeks and find my appetite to be not only increasing but the Dave's killer organic bread, red potatoes, Peanut Butter and ice cream back in the house (all my weak spots) have been calling my name. i also have been hanging out with a new friend who is a big eater - very food oriented which helped me when I didn't want to lose more weight as ate together a few times a week, but now.... more of a challenge. So, I recognize I am at a cross road. Returning to intense exercise is likely to trigger appetite even further. I need to get a handle on my environment changing (kiddo back home mainly). I need to decide how committed I am to being this new weight as I suspect it will take 6 months before it is a comfortable maintainable weight (new setpoint?) I do feel like it is a great weight for me Healthwise and all that. My measurements are great, clothes fit great all that stuff - it is a question of how hard will it be to sustain it. I am 2.5 years post op and think I am just approaching the typical "bounce up" time frame. Trying to make conscious decisions about managing my weight, health, food and exercise rather than just letting it happen willy nilly. Suspect many vets have similiar decisions to make, where to maintain, are those last "vanity" pounds worth it? Is it just vanity or is it really a healthier weight? Is it realistic to maintain here or will I find it pretty similar to maintaining at 150? My main thing is that I want to be deliberate so I don't wind up on a regain cycle ... i guess the thing many of us fear a bit.

Rosy thanks for sharing your perspective. We were sleeved about the same time, wondering if the veterans forum might offer support as you continue to "work your sleeve"

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