CowgirlJane

Every program is different, i didn't have those requirements. I wish everybody could have "my team". The preop stuff was very hard, and they were so encouraging and told me the exact truth which is complying with eating "rules" is very hard when you are hungry, driven to eat 24/7 and it is not a predictor of long term success. I was very motivated, and post op my results showed that! (I lost over 160# and have been maintaining under goal and at a normal BMI). The fact that preop liver shrinking diet about killed me and was very very hard for me just goes to show that the surgery is the tool I need. Good luck! do your best and be kind to yourself.

Well, I just couldn't stop... 3 more... 4. new nickname among my close girlfriends (this is a compliment!) - skinnyB*tch which cracks me up everytime 5. I get to ride in the small spot/seat/scrunch location instead of being the huge person that everyone else had to accomodate for 6. I can climb in and out of the bed of my huge Dodge Ram 3500 truck bed, one foot on that big tire and then swing my leg over. No more needing a freaking step stool to get in and out! Sometimes... it's the small things...

After months of ideal weather the rains have returned. I had missed some doses of lexapro too due to side effects. Been not sleeping well. That combo, I am starting to feel "not good". I am not depressed feeling but I feel a shift starting maybe so time to get in front of it. Yesterday my son and I were both talking about living somewhere with less traffic and better "winter" weather.

The reason this "set people off" is because there is another thread going on telling us all to stop being "b*tches". The problem is that when a thread like this is started us readers don't actually know what triggered it. There is a certain fatigue about being called names just for answering questions. People ask for advice, I give it, they don't like it and therefore i am bad. However, that is a rare occurance and most people are gracious and grateful for the advice and help. Truth is some people are rude. some people give what i judge as not ideal advice (based on my own personal experience). However I think the wisest course is to take the good and just let the "negative" pass by...

The reason this "set people off" is because there is another thread going on telling us all to stop being "b*tches". The problem is that when a thread like this is started us readers don't actually know what triggered it. There is a certain fatigue about being called names just for answering questions. People ask for advice, I give it, they don't like it and therefore i am bad. However, that is a rare occurance and most people are gracious and grateful for the advice and help. Truth is some people are rude. some people give what i judge as not ideal advice (based on my own personal experience). However I think the wisest course is to take the good and just let the "negative" pass by...

I think it is important when considering plastics or any cosmetic procedure to consult with surgeons who had experience working on "massive weight loss" patients. Maybe not all of you fall in that category - but i did. I am down over 180# from my lifetime high. Your body changes with extended periods of obesity. It is different than the needs of someone who has a little middle age 10# extra on them. I did hear about that procedure being useful for the turkey neck issue, but i think it depends on how much extra a person has. I plan to consult on face stuff - not a face lift, but things like injections as I have lost that upper cheek fullness as a result of weight loss and it makes me look older (I think so anyway).

Kim, I know that grief. As much as we hate to experience it, i think it is better that it comes to the surface now and you have a "crazy day" rather than it festering forever. It is so hard to lose someone you love, even if they are older and it was expected. {{{HUGS}}} I wish that my idea of having the single and dating ladies private group (like this) had worked as I really have things to talk through and frankly it bothers me that the handful of us "dating" have tended to monopolize the chat here at times. The group didn't work out because people simply could not work out the navigation.... people that use their phones to navigate this site can't find stuff. Only reason this works for me is that it is a single thread and i can find it under "content you follow". I had a super fun weekend but too much wine and party. I am up to 146 this morning, so going to at least do some version of 5:2. My goal is to get back down to 140 over the coming weeks or months. Friday I worked like a slave around my place, but it felt good to get some stuff done - cleaned gutters etc etc Saturday I went to a birthday party with Theo - someone he knows - sort of part of his larger circle. Met his two best friends, met her baby horses (foals) which was cool. It was not good weather for an outdoor party but we have had such a glorious summer, can't really complain. Sunday Theo came up to a party with my friends at Mary's house. She lives up against 3,000 acres of wilderness so we did a horseback ride (Theo rode my extra horse) and then had a salmon and wine lunch and sat in the sunshine all afternoon. Luckily the weather was much better and after the morning clouds parted we had a lovely day, not too hot, just comfy. Monday I met Mary at 9am to evaluate a horse she is looking at. I felt a bit... dehydrated... i think some people call it hung over. I think she is going to get that horse on a trial period. Then, later had a phone call with Theo that disturbed me and i am processing it. Here is the good news, instead of letting that uncomfortable phone call send me into anxiety, I worked my butt off around the place. I have my garage almost cleaned out, I loaded a bunch of branches in my utility trailer to haul away etc etc. I am still on half a pill every other day of the Lexapro and feel like it really helped me. Unfortunately, I am having bad side effects now and am doubting if I can continue it. I take a tiny dose but if I take it during the daytime, I fall asleep. If I take it at night, the stomach ache keeps me awake. I am grateful i am seeing someone who actually believes me. My PCP says that the tiny dose I am on can't possibly be helping me or causing these side effects... and yet they are.

Love clothes now! Can "out hike" many people I just feel normal. I lost over 160#and am maintaining

Well my insight into this topic is that my over eating certainly had a strong component of "messed up childhood" in my youth- I had the whole usual list of suspects (mom that used food for reward, dad who was a force feeder, emotional neglect and verbal abuse from parentd and sexual abuse by another relative) Heck I was obese by first grade. At some point I genuinely believe it became less about that and more about the physical disease of obesity. By the time I was sleeved in my late 40s I think it was like 2-5% emotional. As a brilliant woman on this forum once said "turns out I was just freaking hungry all the time" So that is what I meant by just a shadow of the original reasons even remained and all the talk in the world didn't change that I was physically hungry. We all have our own journey and I don't mean to discount another's experience in the least. I am just saying that for me the "reason" is old news and I am about every breath I take TODAY not what happened decades ago. I have that attitude largely because I tried the path of trying to heal inside and while I think it did help, I was still super morbidly obese! I am quite sure that the loss if appetite thing I went through this spring, a year after I hit goal, was some of this old stuff coming up. My counselor is into more modern thinking about all this and again rather than focusing on the history focused on the now. Example, she helped me learn that it's ok to feel bad and how to rebuild some resilience around that. I honestly think it just makes it worse to dig up the dregs of old hurts. What I do think is useful is to recognize how patterns repeat in our lives like as an example I used to pick friends and that had a way of neglecting me...hmmmm. now I am much better at recognizing when someone is playing a role from my past. My counselor asked me once to think what I " get out" of relationships with people. I ask myself that question constantly now and it makes me so much more aware of healthy friendships that I should nurture and the ones that perhaps I should let die away

Doc bree I love that story. My sisters neighbor had sugar gliders. He turned a whole room of his house over to them but they didn't strike me as too lovely dovey...

Coops.. I have heard that.normal people casually date several for say months before they zero in on one guy to develop a relationship with. I have never done that. I am not looking to marry but I am not looking to spend 3 months in a torrid tryst and move on either. Seems like too many people my age do that over and over again. ... so the point is to keep things light until you get to know them, then narrow down to the one that the relationship forms with. Good idea but just not something I do. Partly it's time limitations and partly because it interferes with my bonding. Well that's the point. Don't bond too early but I realize that is the emotional state I seek. I don't fall in love that easily and for me a real risk I just lose interest pretty early on. If i always have the next one to think about I just don't seem to find a connection so I am not currently following her advice. Theo and I crossed a big threshold. .. I met his 2 best friends and went to a B day party of someone - his friends mother- where I met a bunch of his general "people". He thanked me about 3 times for it since i spent the day wuth strangers including one of his ex girlfriend. .haha but I had a great time. Every woman there was either currently or previously into horses. I felt like I was dropped into a crowd of my people! Ruby who recently turned 91 told me she finally stopped riding when her last horse got old and died...dammit! Fun and welcoming crowd. Today, theo meets several of my friends which I am a bit nervous about too! I know they will like him but still... Denise I don't know about counseling. .. I see her about 1- 2x a monthto overcome my anxiety and she has really helped. The dating coaching is a side thing. I was thinking about what you wrote and it seems like you would enjoy having bill as a b friend alot more if he didn't smother you. I really like seeing someone 1-2 a week supplemented with a few, but not daily, calls. Would you feel the benefits without the resentment for taking over your life if it was more like that?

Disagree was wrong word. For me the reading of eating disorders books doesn't help, endless discussion about the cause of any food issues doesn't help. In my personal case, that is ancient history and I am simply left with some shadows of that past. I don't need to understand it I just need to live and act differently. Salt in my wounds never did help me heal, living a good life seems to.

Well... I actually didn't see it this way in the beginning but now that it is pointed out.. The original post violates the forum rules. I am admittedly biased because this thread is full of experienced sleevers who post useful helpful info and advice to others quite regularly. Not to say any of us are perfect but I am often amazed at how quickly some jump to being offended rather than considering the possibilities there is something to learn. I am forever grateful for those who came before and shared their learnings ... and not just the rosy stuff. It's easy to see why most of them, and in fact most from my "era" are gone from the general forums. After a while you start feel fatigued by constantly wordsmithing every sentence to avoid offense. What cracks me up as I was once called out on THAT. You know, speaking in gentle terms while still conveying a strong meaning. I don't recall the insult that was tossed at me that time. Hey Ann, there is something about the tone of this that reminds me of our good friend terror or whatever her name is on a different forum. Knows all about how bad everyone else is...With little reflection back in the mirror. Anyway, I never want to hurt offend or put down anyone, we are all in this together but I am tired of the word bully and similar being thrown around when someone doesn't agree with you.

I got so much done around my place. Washing windows gutters and siding...that sort of thing. I feel like another layer of coming alive is back that I even care about these things. My ex was a negative drag on home projects but I go to my friends homes and this stuff is attended to. I feel empowered to tackle myself now just wish there wasn't a 3 year backlog of basic home projects to complete.

I don't have 6 I have 1. Florinda mentioned having 6 lined up which would stress me out but my counselor says I need more than one.. haha

Moon I disagree. I think you hit on why talk therapy often doesn't work. I spent 2 years I'm talk therapy in my 20 s dealing with childhood stuff. Btw I have a slew of siblings so have others to talk to as well - none hidden. For people like me I believe all that talking just kept the trauma and pain fresh without offering any resolution. Talk therapy was for me like a regular picking at the wound and dumping salt on it. After my sister died I did EMDR which was very targeted to trauma and was very effective for that but not the grief. So at this stage. .. I got it that it is all part of my history but it isn't my now or mu future. My counseling Now is very focused on daily life choices and how do I break old patterns of behavior. We never talk about how those patterns were set because it doesn't matter. So that's my situation but for people who have buried alot maybe talk therapy or Roth and other books help. It has been my experience they never offer a way forward that is clear and actionable.

Ross Dress for Less ..5.99 bras! I became a believer the day I tried tops on with a good fitted bra and they all looked so much better!

I recently switched to eco drink which is a powder you mix with water. Pills hit my stomach like rocks so before this it was gummy vitamins. I think the ecodrink is a better choice and I get it at costco.

Miss Mac. That is one of the best posts I have read recently. Thank you.

Oh. And how can you keep 6 dates straight haha. My counselor wants me to date several men casually but that is so complicated. .haha. I see Theo about once a week and with work, kiddo, horses, dogs, girlfriends, meetup group dances... I don't really have time for more. Lately funerals and hospitals and dealing with Bettys "stuff" and family have taken a lot of time too. Maybe next month I could visualize dating more.

Florinda - First date is never a problem for me either. In fact, I keep my profile hid and i pick them... It is the finding men you WANT to see again, that share some common interests/goals, etc. At my age - added dimension of acceptable level of fitness, and physical abilities (ie, can they actually go on a hike or horseback ride etc). And then there is sexual ability... again, something more age related .. Steven met all that but, and he "wants" me, but on his very limited terms. He tries to change because he doesn't want to lose me, but that leads to conflict because by 66 he is set in his ways and always F***s it up. So then, I find someone like Theo who is awesome, great looking, youthful, fit, energetic, smart etc... and I think wants what i do in a relationship. Then, I start understanding his lifestyle and wonder how we can "fit together". I start work at 5-6 am; talked to him this morning at 11 - he was waking up to his morning cuppo coffee (he is retired). He is a neatnik, doesn't like dogs etc.... my polar opposite on a few topics like that. When I was young, I never worried about all this stuff... but I have gotten smarter I guess. Or dumber maybe. On the topic of "narcissim" - well, my feeling is that when you get grounded in yourself it helps you clarify your true needs and wants versus that less mature seeking someone to fill the gaps in your life.

Mich has hit on a key thing. The sleeve has a larger capacity and usually tolerates all foods. I asked my NUT why band to sleeve statistically lose slower and not as much. Her reply was that band patients often learn to tolerate fullness up the esophagus. I had the band for 10 years and it really took a while to learn what the stop eating signal is after it was removed. My opinion is that to be most successful with the sleeve you need to learn to stop eating when you are no longer hungry. ..do not seek "full" Mich, not sure how close to goal you are but the good news is you have lost some and are maintaining! I watched my weight go up and up over the years and so trust me maintaining in the 180s would have been awesome for me too...and still a success! I lost over 160# and maintaining at a normal BMI after my revision.

I hope you know I agree and feel you are the sweetest woman who offers outstanding advice on this forum! However some of us are sometimes to terse and are hurtful without meaning to be. I ask everyone to cut each other some slack... no matter what you weigh we are in this together!

You have a great and positive attitude. I love that and am sure you will have much success!

No... I am all the way on the left coast...WA state. Just suggesting a way to evaluate your options. I am not kidding. .. my NUT was amazing and alot of them Strike me otherwise. .