CowgirlJane

Well, I had a chance to simmer down. The part that ticked me off was the reference to becoming possessive - clearly projecting past experiences on to me since I have done nothing to even register on the possessive scale. I went to my party alone and had a great time. I admit it would have been fun had I brought my "date" as the party was off the hook good time with great people and he is lots of fun in social situations. The guy I have been seeing - talked it through and I am going to keep doing activities with him - we enjoy many common interests, but my view is that his baggage needs to be checked at the gate and I don't think he is quite ready to do that, so looking for new prospects to expand my dating circle. i do admit I was very impressed with how well he seemed to handle our follow up chat because i really did call him out on some stuff I hate dating - the process of getting to know new people. I know some find that exciting, but i don't really. I know that what makes more sense is to casually date/do activities etc with a nice mix of people and over time, things will fall in place. I just have a hard time doing that so it is a new skill for me to learn! Carry on.

Thanks! I live on the eastside. I have lots of friends and a busy social life, I was feeling isolated because I wasn't used to living alone and I work from home. My son is back from school and I am doing okay. I am almost 3 years post op -December- and haven't done the in person support groups really. I found the one at overlake very helpful preop though!

Welcome to the boards! I am near Seattle...there are quite a few here from the area. So far we haven't done a support group meeting. Many of the hospitals support groups allow everyone to join. Example I know the group at overlake and i am pretty sure Swedish are open to everyone. I had my surgery at PSSC IN Edmonds - great experience, but I never got into their support group. Where are you going for surgery?

Kim I think grief and lonely lost feeling IS so normal - you lost your mama! If it goes on for months without getting some what better . .. then maybe it's a concern but I think accepting sadness is healthy. Let your heart and soul process the loss.

Barn party was off the hook fun. Me and several others stayed the night (if we didn't have a designated driver). It was so redneck awesome! I went alone because I was just too annoyed to even want to see theo. Before i headed out I finally called him back and laid it all out for him. I admit he continues to impress me as a person, the way he managed that conversation. Anyway what had pissed me off the most out of all of it was the implication that I would become possessive and stalkerish. He also worried about distance..He is an hour away. I told him I appreciate him pointing out the practical issues around long distance stalking, next time I will look for someone who is more conveniently located for cooking the rabbit in their kitchen (Glenn Close movie). He laughed and admitted he had been a real jerk on that point since I did not deserve even the implication. Anyway. ..I wasn't bitchy but I let him have it. He still wants to see me and said he likes that I say exactly what's going on I think the ship has sailed for me though. I want to be desired as a woman and he ain't bringing it and perhaps is too old to have that drive? I think i will always doubt his interest in nr. My friend beth said she was getting ready to go cougar before she met her current awesome boyfriend. ..suggested I consider that. This is not actually about sex this is about being wanted in a man - woman way, passion and all that. Anyway I am fine. Lovely weekend... I have home projects today and then if I can muster the energy going to a B day party of an acquaintance - lady I met in meetup group.

I am irrationally annoyed with theo right now. Actually I am annoyed with the entire dating experience this week. I posted the story in the ladies room but basically everything felt pretty comfortable, low drama and nice balance... seeing him approximately weekly and having a great time. In a single phone call he managed to make me feel undesirable and unwanted. I know that wasn't his intent but I am cranky about it and not sure what to do.

I am thrilled for you sarah! I had 5 .5# skin and no lipo. Dr Sauceda said I didn't have enough fat to lipo. Actually I heard same in my usa consults. I have seen photos of Sarah and way smaller and leaner than I so it does make me wonder! Kim, you are blessed with a MIL who makes it happy hour all the time! I am sorry for your grief but it is so normal. Losing my mom was devastating. Don't expect too much of your self. I had a tough week and Friday was a bad day...but I ended it going dancing to live music for just 2 hours and it really put my put of sorts mood back into sorts! Here is the funny, I missed the second 1980s theme dance and several people asked after me. I am not sure what to think...The 80s called and I missed it? Actually I think i sort of look like the 1980s dropped me here all the time...I don't think that's necessarily a compliment! I think my hair just screams the 80s (naturally curly rock and roll hair) so it doesn't matter what I wear.

Meg, that tore at my heart. Meanness sucks. As a famous man (Toby Keith) sang..." How do you like me now??????"

Story...that is NOT normal. If you said that you didn't care about food..or it was too much bother to eat... at your phase I would say "normal, take advantage of this short lived experience to change your relationship with food! " but what you describe is not typical. If your surgeon ignores these symptoms consider your PCP.

The seatbones thing...ouch. It is funny because i still had extra fat when it first showed up. When I lost the last 10# this spring, I could barely tolerate sitting in a saddle and had to buy this fancy cushion thing. Even my office chair, I sometimes use a pillow! It is getting better, i think it takes time. It is a nice problem to have though!

I suspect there is a predictable pattern for some of us. It starts out sorta emotional abuse frankly.... like I never weighed 110# in high school like you were "supposed to" so therefore I was a fat unattrative person (which I wasn't, but it is what I believed). Truth is, there are genetic and other reasons I was always gonna be thicker than some girls! Then, over time, the disease progresses and becomes more physical than emotional. I conducted an experiment on my genetic related son... he was prone to "chubby" through out his youth. I never let him diet. If a doctor suggested he needed to lose weight, I coached him to simply try to cut back a little bit and wait for his height to catch up. He is 22 and is a big guy in the sense of being over 6' tall and could stand to lose 25# to be a lean machine BUT he never ever became obese. He had the genetics to become obese, he has the same bottomless pit hunger that i have had most of my life but his weight doesn't yoyo around, he is active, he eats pretty healthy most of the time and I think is set up to keep from weighing 400# someday. It is more that moderation approach. My goal is to keep him from ever having the obesity disease which truly changes your body.... and makes it darn near impossible to maintain a reasonable weight without surgery. and when his brother (who was lucky enough to have genetically thin parents) every teased him about his weight - I made it very very clear that it was an off limit topic. Very few topics are like that, but body shaming is simply not allowed under my roof and he got the message. Anyway, I hope that people in general are less ignorant these days - body shaming of any type is horrible to a person at any age, but to a child or teen it is absolutely devastating.

Ok, further evidence that my tiny dose of lexapro works. i had missed lots of doses due to the flulike side effects... and as each day went by I felt myself sorta slipping... last night I took my half a pill dose and in spite of the weird dreams, and feeling physically ill - I actually feel normal today. I am pissed that i gained 2 more pounds..haha... but other than that feel good. I am gonna take 1/4 dose tonight and see if that helps. My doc has me experimenting like this. One thing I really appreciate about her is that she BELIEVES me that I am just so sensitive to these drugs - this applies to herbal remedies too. I have often gotten strong side effects or even OPPOSITE effects of what is expected. It makes me scared to try medications so I appreciate someone who believes me... and is a little worried to have me try other drugs because other than the sexual side effects I am told that small doses of Lexapro are normally tolerated very well compared to other drugs. I have personal experience of going nuts about 10 years ago when a doc put me on Prosak (after my mum died I got depressed). anyway, today is good, but I am so hungry. I am having a hard time doing the things that in the past helped me contain my appetite and i am not even sure why.

Well, I think an underlying message here is how lack of "acceptance" enabled some of us to eventually become huge. I was a plump kid and did balloon up pretty obese. I slimmed down in high school - not to a normal high school girl skinny - but to around 160. I wasn't huge, but I felt it. When I started college, I hit nearly 200# and decided I would kill myself if I ever saw 200# on the scale so I dieted down. I never accepted that I was "okay" just how I was. In college I got down to about 140 and was trim and compact since I worked out obsessively. However, I never felt comfortable in my own skin. when I think back over the many stages of life... if I had been more "okay" with my body even if a bit overweight I would have saved myself alot of grief and physical damage.I truly believe that self loathing contributed to becoming morbidly obese. The crazy thing for me was I had high confidence in other areas of life. I realize that at my core, I just didn't feel accepted as an attractive, worthy woman. When I was looking good (college) it freaked me out actually. I would say that period of being hot and young was the unhappiest time of my whole life in terms of daily living. I felt so weird and uncomfortable the whole time. Thank goodness none of that bothers me now. I am oblivious to what strangers think of me. My friends marvel at my confidence and self acceptance. I have skinny minnie girlfriends who wont wear shorts because of their awful cellulite (invisible to all but them naturally). Of course, they have never had the experience of having a BMI over 50 - and I guess looking like a "House" to realize how great it is just to be freaking normal. I will wear shorts, skirts etc. I try to dress flattering, but I dress for ME not for anyone else these days!

And thank you sara and everyone for the kind words. It is not so easy to find a great guy. I realize I put limits by insisting on fit and attractive which isn't as common as you might hope in the 50ish age range. I keep telling myself I need to get over the"attractive" thing....the fitness requirement is hard enough to find!

He isn't gay, men just lose their sex drive. This isn't really about sex but I guess I want to feel some of that being desired feeling. It helped me to write it all out and reflect on it. There are some other things going on in life that I think made me over react to this situation. I am realizing I am upset about other things and I think I have let that emotional state cloud my perceptions...and worse dwell on this. In fairness, I think the man I am dating was trying to express his fears and angst. He is deep inside a wary and untrusting person...very socially adept so you wouldn't guess it but, deep inside reserved about people. I didn't react negatively during the conversation and so he has no idea that I feel sorta "discounted". Still not sure what I will do but I am putting this in perspective. I am not all that attached and I need to think how I will feel months down the road being with this kind of person.

I am over eating. It's the bread and emotional distress. I think I need to ask the kid to hide the bread for a few weeks while I get under control. Coops, my SIL had terrible hotflashes and had to resort to hormone replacement. She really didn't have a choice as it was so awful. Wondering how everyone is doing. I can't tolerate the lexapro anymore. Even the tiny dosage gives me flu like symptoms, a stomach ache and knocks me out eventually. I don't even care about the sexual response side effects. I have tried taking it different times a day etc and it is hurting my life to feel sick for hours. So, I have been missing doses. I posted yesterday about being so frustrated with dating over something that happened with Theo (women's room) but I think it is more my emotional state. Last night I dreamt that Steven called to tell me he was in love with someone else and I woke up devastated. I don't even see Steven anymore, the dream was a ball of irrational emotions. In reality if that happened I would be a. Skeptical and b. Happy for him as he is mister "i dont need anyone". EX emailed me that he suspects his cancer is back and going for more tests. I am hugely upset by that news but wonder why he shared it...more transparency than when we were together. I actually think that email, it was full of other stuff to, is what set me off combined with being off my meds. Anyway this is all recent..like last few days so I am not in a depression but rather not feeling great. Fall weather has arrived, I suppose many factors. Key thing is I need to turn it around right now. Good news I have been getting stuff done around my place.

What you have all said resonates. Why do I not want to discuss it - because I HATE drama and I hate that whole "you said this, what did you mean" kind of crap. I am the type that normally just gets over little stuff and just let it roll off me. I think the part that got under my skin is that I want to be desired and I was already feeling that part was falling a little short which was why I brought it up in the first place. Actually, a specific comment when we were driving back from the horse party is what set this whole thing up. I made a flirtatious type remark and he said something like "alot of men would like that". Well.... I was thinking, why do I care what " a lot" of men would like or not like- it was him I am interested in! I didn't say anything at the time, but it is what triggered me to bring up the intimacy topic - and I did NOT bring up his remark because I don't like doing that. It is however part of the background for me. I do think he is bringing baggage from past relationships and I have mine. I was in a LTR with someone for 15 years... the last approx 10 completely lacked intimacy... we lived like roommates. I thought it was because of my obesity but it wasn't. That relationship has been over for quite awhile but apparently my hurt over the constant rejection can still rear its ugly head. I can live without sex, but I cannot live without affection. i would rather be completely single than be in some sort of relationship with someone who doesn't make me feel warm and appreciated. I am not sure why the implication that I would be like "all women" and get all possessive and weird bugged me so much. I don't really have baggage on that one except to say that I feel disrespected by the remark. Anyway, I am not sure what I am going to do. I will have a fun time at the party no matter - it is a great group of people and he is alot of fun to do stuff with anyway. I am tempted to text him and tell him that I wasn't honest and that I actually want a weekend off from seeing him but that seems very rude and not my character either so still thinking about it. I also think the larger point is that I really hate "dating" in the 50s. Apparently, alot of men over 50 do have dysfunction issues like Dorrie mentioned, and they don't exactly advertise it. Add to that the amount of jaded ... woo hoo... I mean everyone is just so picky about everything - including me. It is nothing like I remember it from my youth when people wanted to fall in love, wanted to take chances and risks of getting hurt, when people actually had some PASSION. After my EX and I split I saw someone over a year who is considerably older than me who was a terrible boyfriend on many fronts, but he did have alot of passion and sex drive and made me feel very desired and wanted. I wish I could bottle some of that magic and hand it to a somewhat reliable guy... haha Like I said, I normally get over little stuff pretty quickly, but this all happened Monday, it is Thursday and I am still a bit riled up about it.

I don't know but I have been at goal for awhile and still have alot of aches and pains. Losing massive weight helped my health so much, but didn't solve this issue.

Linda, I think you were in the thread where I shared my childhood fat name. My eldest brother tormented me with the name "House" because I was as big as a house. I often felt it referred to my broad shoulders etc too.... what i intepeted at the time as a very masculine build. What is interesting to me is that now that I am thin and i meet people who didn't know me as obese - they label me as an athletic build. Nobody seems to think that my defined muscles or "T" shaped body (broader shoulders and narrower hips/waist) is ugly - people think it is a great shape. Why is it when I was a kid that nobody could build me up, but had no problem tearing me down? So, what you should know is that my eldest brother is now about as wide as he is tall. I hope for his sake that he is able to lose some weight as I really worry about his health, and you would be proud to know I refrain from commenting on his size, shape or weight or make any mention of who looks like a "House" now.

Here is what i think. Statistically, people experience some weight regain 2-3 plus years post WLS. We have lots of anecdotal stories to go with that and i believe it happens with all the surgery types. Those of us that keep a positive mental attitude (ie don't just give up, all or nothing thinking, or beat themselves up too bad) generally find a way to whittle those pounds back off, or stop the regain at some sort of "reasonable" amount. It is the story of nearly woman over about 40 that i know... they battle with at least some weight (maybe it is only 10#, maybe more). It is part of life, we must accept it and have a plan for tackling it. I was happy at my goal of 158. I was estatic when I got to 150. I didn't plan to get to 140, but once I was feeling better I started liking it. I have regained up to 145# and while i am okay with it, i liked it better 5# lighter. If that little feeling of disappointment creeps up - I pull out my collage of before, during and after. I realize that even if I wind up back at 158 somehow, I still look and feel damn good! So, I think this battle of the 12# or 20# or whatever is really really normal and we can all support each other in ways to work it back off... and more importantly support each other in learning to not let it be too distressing either. If I keep gaining I will likely be one of those posting this type of topic... you have my permission to throw my own words back at me.

I will be 3 years out in December. I can eat anything although some things make me feel icky. I seemed to have developed an intolerance to a formerly favorite food - ice cream gives me cramps now. Well, it has been a good trade off ... I am maintaining in the low 140s rather than well over 300#. Ice cream really wasn't good enough to justify being twice the size i should be... Like others have said, food slips lower in priority. I get hungry, I like food, don't get me wrong, but I no longer have that drive for it.

My girlfriend told me that if my pants fall off in public... she will laugh and laugh. There have been a few times it was a legit concern. I generally wear clothes that fit well, but still have that old habit of buying things with a bit of extra "growing" room that sometimes rears it's head. Someone called me a "tiny thing" which is a foreign idea. That isn't so much funny except if you know that my nickname (given to me by my oldest brother) was "House" in reference to my size and shape. Lovely, huh?

I started out like RJ described but after I list about 120-130 I needed to get stricter on carbs to get to my goal. I don't track calories.

I don't have any new tips.. it's the same old stuff.... going back to the basics. My hunger is best managed when i do the following: 1. Protein first, followed by green veggies/salad with very limited carbs. That means no junk food, no fast food, no rice, no Pasta, very limited on healthy breads and fruits. I know they are good for me - but they make me hungry. I do eat berries everyday. 2. Small quantities, stop eating before full, just to absence of hunger 3. Stay hydrated. Water between meals 4. If you have even a hint of acid reflux, take a PPI, - extra acid can feel like hunger 5. Stay busy and build a happy life not around food. I am single and intentionally won't date a "foodie" - I need food to be for sustaince not as a main source of entertainment. 6. I think exercise IS important, but an active lifestyle is too. Choose to DO instead of watch. When you decide what to do for a recreation day, pick things that keep you in motion. The thing about the sleeve is that it does restrict your quantity, but if you consistently eat a to "full" you start to lose that tight feeling. IT can be found again, but it takes some work. Also, it is possible to pack too many carbs and calories into even small portions so what you eat is important too. Hang in there! you can do it!

You are rightfully nervous as you are embarking on a life changing event. The surgery itself is a "temporary" worry. Most of us get through it with minimal and very temporary discomfort and woes. The hard work and rewards are the weeks, months and years that follow it. I argue if you weren't a bit nervous then you clearly have no idea what a major endeavor you are taking on! I will be 3 years out come December - one of the best decisions I could have made for myself!