CowgirlJane

I have been seeing someone for I don't know...6 -7 weeks? anyway, it has been going pretty well - we really have a great time together and he likes doing active things so our "dates" tend to be fun stuff like kayaking, hiking, horse backriding as well as wine tasting and all that. Really, everytime we have had a very good time together, never run out of things to say etc.. I have had the feeling that even if it doesn't turn into a serous romance, maybe I have made a new friend and that isn't so bad either. I haven't been seeing anyone else even though we aren't really that serious yet, mostly because i am pretty busy and just get ... defocused ... if I try to date several people casually. I am not good at it. This man seems like a good, responsible, fun, great looking, fit and very intelligent man but there are some things that are red flags for longer term compatibility - example, he is an extreme neatnick and I have animals and live on a small farmette... sometimes there is dog hair and dirt involved. I sort of felt like since we are having a good time, to not overthink it and just let things fall where they fall. So, last weekend, we spent too much time together.ha. I went to an party of people he knew one day, and then he joined me on an all day horse ride and luncheon and wine after party hosted by my best friend (there were 8 of us which is a good crowd for a riding based party!). We had a great time both days - and the horse party was especially FUN and he loved it and my friends. At my friends party, we were invited to a party this Saturday by another friend which I enthusiastically accepted for me; leaving it open for him to decide if he wanted to go. (this becomes important later) I noticed, or rather became bothered by the lack of physical affection and I guess because we spent 2 days in a row together (as opposed to our more typical seeing each other about once a week) so I brought it up when he called me on Monday. Upshot of it was he communicated some things to me that made me just so tired of this whole dating thing. I need to be fair, he didn't exactly use the words I am about to use....but this is how my brain heard it. "I am just not that into you, don't think we are a long term prospect. Women get possessive once a relationship turns physical so not sure I want that with you either." WTF? I have never called him except to return a missed call. We see each other once a week, not exactly stalker like behavior in my book. I realize he didn't directly accuse me of being a crazy psycho woman, but it made me feel that way - sort of the statement that "all women" do "X". Example, he said he hates it when women want you to account for your time. I don't recall EVER asking him what he did yesterday or whatever even though he always volunteers very boring information about doing yard work, or going out with his best friend etc. I don't require or desire a blow by blow accounting of a persons day...sheesh.. I got stuff to do myself you know! And, I am not sure he has already decided we aren't a good long term prospect or not, but he made me feel that way. He says his reason is that we live an hour apart, but for dating someone once a week I find it hard to believe that is really the reason. And besides, if I were a stalker crazy b*tch you would think that the distance would be an advantage. I frankly have reservations about our long term prospects too so I can't exactly get upset by that but it was very discouraging. I mean, why is it that middle age adults feel like they need to have all the wild emotions of a teen love - what is wrong with growing a friendship and seeing if it turns to love? The conversation ended with him saying that he really likes seeing me and wants to keep doing that. WTF? i freaking hate "dating" - just when I feel like things are going pretty well, easy and low drama and fun and then I suddenly feel really "undesirable" as a result of a single conversation. I am a pragmatic person, I realize I may not find "true love" at this stage of life but I want many of the benefits of a relationship and one of those benefits for me is the intimacy and feeling desired and appreciated as a woman. I feel right now, right this moment, that I am not going to get either the "true love" or the "true lust" benefits so what the heck am I doing? Should I move on and look for someone who actually might want me? I realized that my reaction is perhaps disproportionate and I decided I wanted to think on it for a few days. I dodged his calls as long as I could and when he finally texted me asking me if we were "on" for the party I realized I didn't really want him to come with me. I think I am a little "out of sorts" emotionally and want more time to decide if I want to still see him. Anyway, I finally called him back and in spite of my intentions, damn if I didn't agree to him joining me at this party. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? I don't know why I couldn't say the truth of how I feel. So, I am not mad at him, I am just disappointed that it doesn't feel fun or happy to me right now and that I really dont feel "wanted" or desired. I am mad at myself because I decided what I wanted to have happen - at least this weekend - and I didn't have the guts to say it. This is just a vent, I am not sure what I will do now and I suppose it doesn't even matter that much as I feel that some sort of "switch" was flipped inside me and I am just not looking forward to seeing him now. Maybe I will get over it.

Denise, cardio and staying busy helped me manage my anxiety for a long time, but it eventually blew up. In fact, I almost want to say that "sweating it off" in the end made it worse. I don't have the answers, but I stopped formal exercise after I got hurt by the personal trainer last winter. My anxiety is much lower, largely due to the help from the lexapro, but also because i started facing it rather than being the hamster on the wheel running it off. I have restarted exercise for exercise sake, but not using it to burn off the extra juice.... I am no expert but I read that that sort of "seeking exercise endorphins" can make anxiety worse. Experts recommend yoga, mediation and that sort of thing instead. What I hate about anxiety is that it isn't about anything in particular so it can't be solved in the way I normally tackle problems..

So, I started lexapro a few months ago - really helped with anxiety. Even on tiny doses, I am having bad side effects so we had the big talk about what to do next. I am bravely going to try to wean off and learn other coping skills for anxiety. I am not going to start the weaning until I feel less anxious about feeling anxious...ha. She told me that is classic PTSS - you get so wound up about anticipating anxiety that is more anxiety provoking than anything else! Anyway, she thinks I am ready because i have coped with a lot very well this summer. I want to be off that damn drug, but I am scared. It is making me rethink if i should do 5:2 becuase like I mentioned... I suspect, not sure, but suspect, it impacts my moods.

Love what everyone has said. I have been successful beyond my widest dreams. Read these forums, model yourself after others...and the. Just do it. That is my tip, persevere. Work that sleeve. There is no perfection there is just doing each and every day (paraphrase of Julian Michaels)

That's a scary thought! All I need is another self absorbed intellectual with so much baggage he'd have to pay the overcharge at the airport....

Dee - I think that one step at a time is a good approach. I have also been drinking too much wine, I am not sure why exactly. Well, some of it is alot of partying and socializing. I have had both the best summer ever (fun, friends, activities) and a pretty freaking rotten one (death, sadness, that mournful feeling of a whole life just ending in a trainwreck - Betty). So, then maybe the glass of wine also becomes a "decompression" from the pain which is the bad part. Anyway, I don't get drunk and don't feel like an alcoholic, but there really isn't a good reason for me to have a glass or two everyday. I don't wish to quit, but I can cut back and feel good about that. I am now doing that. I personally feel that dependance on junky food is actually worse. I work very hard to keep soothing foods out of my life (ice cream, cakes etc) because they make me feel physically horrible and trigger over eating in general. I am blessed that since the sleeve ice cream makes me "dump" - it is hellish and I tell you cured me of reliance on my favorite "sedation" - ice cream. I know how stressful travel can be - especially when you do it alot like you do (I used to). when I was obese I used business travel as an excuse to basically eat whatever whenever since time zones and plane schedules makes for an even more "disorganized" view then my daily eating life was (it was disorganized already, travel made it worse!). I don't have a good answer, but when I travel now, I put on my "be tough" mindset because it is so easy to fall into overindulgence when I am lonely, stressed and overly tired. Anyway girl, I hope you can turn your work life into something happier. I really believe that having a life you love is one of the keys to success over the long run... and we are likely to live longer too!

It's 10:30am, I am starving...haha, but did get in an intense 30 minute workout on top of my farm chores... got multivitamins in but haven't choked down the calcium yet. Okay, a good but hungry start! No shame on the scale, I say use whatever accountability works for you. Reason I don't food track is my NUT figured out I had been "tracking" on and off since I put myself on my first diet in 3rd grade. Lots of shame and failure associated with it, even more than the scale so it triggers bad feelings. I say find an accountability method that keeps you "out of the shame zone"!

So, those of you (and all my friends by the way) who told me I should have just dropped him - not even pursued the becoming friends thing were spot on. We have been hiking (and maybe followed by going out for dinner or wine) weekly; clearly platonic, clearly just friends - but comfortable. i haven't had time to meet new people from the dating site, but had told him I was, I have been going out dancing with the social group I am a member of, and specifically UNinvited this guy to social events that might be perceived as a date....like, we are not an "item" - crystal clear. Saturday, he felt the need to give me the whole "You are the most intelligent, articulate, fun person I know. I have such a good time with you, and love that we can discuss the universe and I always get new ideas and thoughts from you - but I am just not into you." i point blank asked him why he felt the need to repeatedly reject someone. Screw him, I am done with it - get over yourself dude. I don't think he is open emotionally enough to allow a friend in his life, much less a romantic interest. He claims it is to protect my feelings (like apparently all women fall in love with him and he doesnt' want to hurt them). I call bogus, I think it is simply self defense and he actually cares little about other people's feelings. It is astounding.

5:2 check in - I weigh 146.5 this week; my goal is to get back to 140 (where I was declared a skinny chick - ha); my stretch goal is a new bounce range of 135-140. My weight this morning is a miracle considering the excesses of last week (work related workshop, with every evening out at dinner at fattening type places and wine, no exercise, snacks all day - I tried hard to control myself, but it was not pretty). I wonder if I will actually bounce up, you know how the scale can sometimes be a delayed reaction. anyway, my goal is to get back to 140. My stretch goal, if my body cooperates, I want to maintain in the 135-140 bounce range. I don't like to timebox weight loss goals (that is my old way of all or nothing thinking), but I visualize I can get to 140 by Halloween. I don't track so I don't count calories, but I have a pretty good internal counter and focus on carbs. If I eat the way I have planned, I will land in the 500-600 calorie ballpark and total carbs around 20 on fast days. Basically, protein and veggies - no wine, no bread, no potato, no milk in lattes etc. I don't have a problem with desserts and stuff too much, it is the "alledgedly healthy" carbs that sneak back into my life. If I feel weak, I need to up carbs so I do that whole listen to my body deal which still astounds me it works since it lied to me so much in the past. I need to do all this without slipping into a mood issue. One reason I stopped 5:2 is I started to suspect that it was contributing to mood instability, so this will be an interesting experiment.

Sarah, if I ever gave the impression I like meeting new guys to date...I am a poor communicator. I hate it. I just want to see one man... and see where it takes me. Some one to go out with, travel with, share some aspects of life together. I am astounded to say this but so far...my peter pan, Steven is the most emotionally available man i have encountered. Remember I intentionally sought him out as a temporary playmate - I didn't want to get into anything serious so viewed it as just a temporary thing we met April 2013 and we split about Easter this year although we do still talk sometimes. Since then I have met guys so into their own baggage they aren 't even open to an easy going, see me once a week kinda thing...and I suspect alot of it is low sex drive. Theo and I evolved into just hiking buddies and I come to find i am on a long list of women that he just doesn't feel that "chemistry" with. Here is what I think, alot of guys that age want to feel 18 again and they they think there is a perfect woman who will set tbem on fire...guess what... we don't carry testosterone in our handbags so it ain't gonna happen...grow up. Theo is just an example...but he tells me we have so much fun together, he looks forward to seeing me, I am funny, fun, easy to be with and what he likes the most is we have terrific meaningful conversations...like he doesn't have with any of his friends....but, there is no chemistry. I took it personally until I had a conversation with a tall blonde beauty about 5 years younger than me and she ran into very similar thing. She said she was about ready to give up and go Cougar until she finally.... after 2 years of trying...met her current guy. Saturdayy night, i was out dancing and a 29 year old was hitting on me...for a split second I considered it myself. Actually, I get hit on/ flirted with alot but they are generally not appealing to me and I think I need to examine my internal selection criteria. Or just give up. Or give up and see Steven when I want some affection. Sorry I am venting and annoyed right now, but I am doing fine on other aspects of life. I know why someone wrote a book called "My third husband will be a dog" I was talking to my oldest son yesterday about life. He has had some big upheavals lately. anyway, I had a great, fun summer, but flip side is it was absolutely terrible dealing with Bettys illness and death. It has been a rollercoaster for all of us... and remnants of the sad remain at times, but grief is normal and it is part of life.

Ok....ding ding ding. Do you think this was a hint? Part of the program was explaining to us the goals of my the habitat restoration and how we could volunteer again. They mention how there are future events scheduled or if a group wants to schedule something they can. That was part of the big group session. After we were done and he was talking to me individually about my cute lil mini Cooper car he mentioned that volunteer groups can be any size and in fact one dedicated young lady came out a few times and worked by herself with him. He told me to contact the scheduler by email if I was interested (so I do know how to reach her). At the time I was very task focused ... thinking about who I could recruit to do this with me that I missed the possibility that he might have been hinting an appropriate way for me to contact him again. What do you think?

I love travel! Ever place has something unique, cool and interesting even if it is just a small town, friendly people etc. My challenge is finding people to do it with. My bestie can't afford travel and so many others simply lack that right attitude!

Good luck on the job Kelly!!! I am thinking of all of you and particularly worried about Swizz....hope you are ok. and a, haven't heard from you in ages..how goes it? I am exhausted. Had an incredible week at work. Combination of way too long hours with exhilaration of finally being part of a meaningful project again...like I used to be. Anyway, I feel a shift inside that is good... a restoring of a passion toward my career that I used to have. I want to retire at 55, 5 more years. I am energized by the idea of going out in a blaze of glory. Flip side is I don't feel well...I am not sure what all the problem is but under the weather. Going to bed early tonight. I am supposed to go hiking with Theo tomorrow so hope a good nights sleep will cure what ails me.

Well, other than showing up at His work I don't know how to find him....that is a bit stalkerish for me!

Over the years I met with many different NUTS and the only good one was the one who I was blessed to have on my sleeve journey. They are not all awesome. Nobody thinks you are incompetent, I agree she probably feels concerned about your emotional state. Its a very emotional time, I remember it well. Don't lose faith in yourself, you can do this.

I had my band removed in a separate surgery...the port spot was very sore and weird for weeks...

I had the gas pain and felt like I had done 1000 signups due to hernia repair. No pain from the partial stomach removal.

Curious why you all chose those type of fillers. Local PS told me fat injections is lowest risk and most natural results.

Yeah we have been doing some hiking together...stuff like that. I don't see it going anywhere and I guess the only downside is it takes up time from dating and looking for an actual boyfriend. I should probably try to arrange a few more first meetings and try again, but I don't relish it... so I seem to be comfortable with my "wanting a relationship" but never quite finding someone...complacent anyway.

Ankle weight won't prevent excess skin.

Sorry Sarah, I forgot..dgl licorice is what I took last spring when eating made me nauseous...now I can eat anything again! Kelly, when you struggle is exactly the time you should be posting. I went through this with the band....feeling kind of failed so undeserving of support...don't go down that path! So good to hear from so many of you. Hell week...I didn't get home from work till 10pm...dying.

My sleeve surgery was December 2011, I went from 308 to my goal of 158 in 14 months. I have been maintaining and currently weigh about 140-145. Even after all this time, fear of failing again remains my #1 concern. The thing is that weight management is not like a single shot to the moon...goal is a somewhat arbitrary milestone...there is no end to this thin g. The way you maintain is more or less the same way you lose weight. The point I am trying to make is that everyday you just make the best choices you can for the stage you are at, you are not going to be perfect. The people who are most successful are persistent,learn from the mistakes and just keep on doing it. What other choice do we have? Oh yeah, I could weigh over 300#, be aged before my time, risk early death with a side trip through disability.... You are wise to explore this topic now because it is easy to get sucked into old"all or nothing" thinking about healthy eating. On a diet or off a diet...No...it isn't like that. Every day, the food choices you make is your "diet" and it is either one that supports or contradicts good health. Believe it's possible to improve your health, manage your obesity and live a healthier life but your fears are valid and I think missmac hit it on the head to view it as a fight for your life....(hopefully without becoming a nutcase over it..Haha)

I went to Dr Sauceda and had great results. He will do skin removal on people who have bmi that puts them overweight still (not everyone gets down to the bmi of 25 or less!) And some surgeons won't. Google his name and his patient forum on OH should come up.

I So far take nothing for acid. First few months post op took proselec to prevent issues. . But knock on wood. .haven't needed since.

Well it is hard to say but I switched doctor too and really my sleeve surgeon used to do a lot of bands and now does more revisions than bands.