CowgirlJane

Haha.. good genetics and youth are two keys you don't mention! In all seriousness, time helps too. My face for example does not have nearly the neck wattle that i noticed when I first hit goal. I really don't know the value of many of these items to be honest, but I exercised ALOT, including strength training, during the weight loss phase and it does not prevent lose skin. It does however make you look better because you are firmer under the skin. Of course, I lost alot (about 160#) , am middle aged and have lost and regained weight a few times in life so I guess I am pretty happy my extra skin wasn't worse than it was! It still required plastics to regain a normal shape. Before, when I did planks or pushups, there would be this huge hanging skin that really bothered me.

This is a very good post, but i want to make a small counter argument to one set of points... I was somewhat of an emotional wreck preop, I was very worried about failing again, I felt like death warmed over (physically and emotionally)... I went through some wild emotional rides over the last few years... and yet I somehow managed to perservere and am maintaining a 160# + loss so far. I have become something closer to the real me... I think for me the message is that even if you are a perfection puppy, a wounded adult, someone whose life is a mess, who lacks support at home - you can still be successful. I think the key is being open to change, learn from mistakes (and successes!) being resilent, taking personal responsbility, and realizing that you are fighting for your very life.... this is important. This is critical... treat it as though your very future depends on this! I also sort of had themes by year. My Sleeve was Dec 2011. It was a miserable year for me as i was very conflicted about the decision to revise from a failed band to a sleeve. 2012 was the year of focusing on weight loss - that meant limited going out, staying very very very focused on my goal. I hit my initial goal in Feb 2013. 2012 theme was "determination" 2013 was a little bit of a "crazy" year. I started facing some emotional issues, I had plastic surgery which was quite a lot to deal with, I made huge changes in my life (outside of weight loss). I had a 5# regain and then in the process of losing that, and getting even under goal - I learned new things too. I did not intentionally chose "crazy" as my theme..haha.. but in hindsight it kinda was... 2014 - my theme has been "stabilize" - not just weight, but other aspects of life. No more big changes, have fun, enjoy life, get at peace with myself. It has worked well - when i look back at my headspace compared to 1-2 years ago...wow, what a difference. 2015 - I haven't figured out my theme yet, but i expect it will be along the lines that "the world is my oyster" and really exploring exciting opportunities for the future... we shall see

My social life is killing me these days. It is really cool that I have developed a network of people who want to get out and do stuff!!! Flip side, I can barely keep up with the monster I have created. Its a good problem to have. Yesterday had dinner with a lady who was a dear friend years ago, but we have drifted apart. It was so fun to see her again and we have plans to do it again, but all this eating out, going out.. not the best for my skinny jeans! Good thing I am going to dance the night away tonight. 3 bands identified to hop from place to place to see! I have a date with Kevin, but i have also somehow invited other friends (I don't think I actually did that, more like i have been trying to get them to join me for weeks and NOW they finally decide to crash my party!) Anyway, it will be a good test of if Kevin has a chance of fitting my lifestyle how he adapts to my posse - my band of merry ladies (and a few guys). I have been fretting over booking a vacation to somewhere sunny and warm to use up my vacation days (we cant carry them over to next year). It hit me this morning that i need to follow my mantra for 2014 which is "stabilize". That is the theme for this year, so I will do a staycation instead and finish cleaning my office, dejunking my life even further. I have made progress on clearing the clutter of my EX of making my house more a home. I have corralled his crap enough that i can park in my garage again - that sort of thing. I will use my staycation to continue that theme of self improvement - of making my life match my desires. I have loved having a theme this year to make decisions by. I am thinking about possible themes for 2015...

Beni and RJ both nailed it. I too started at a BMI over 50 and that is no "little weight problem". Statistically very few people with such an advanced state of obesity are able to lose and maintain a significant weight loss. I know..I tried for decades. If you are on a laptop, click my profile to see my before and after. Look at my shape before....huge waistline. A heart attack waiting to happen. You can tell by looking at me..I simply was not well.

Well, I am lucky that my bariatric team educated me very well. I also read the boards. Well and I was a band revision, so not my first rodeo as the saying goes. I was quite well educated and realistic by the time I was sleeved. My"surprises" - I never dreamed I would turn out looking so good..I was truly transformed which never happened with the band. Also, I didn't struggle as much with the emotional issues around restricted eating during weight loss phase...however..the emotional adjustment post goal has been epic. I was warned but did not really understand how fundamentally my life would shift...many dimensions to this topic. Shifts needed to successfully maintain, getting used to people noticing me, finding my sense of style, figuring out how I fit in socially etc etc. Anyway I am nearly 3 years post op been at goal for awhile and feel I am finally on solid ground again.

I haven't felt judged at all. People either like me or they don't. The ones that do are pleased as punch that I have finally found my real body under all that fat (and excess skin). I was most worried about arm scars preop, but post op they don't bug me at all. My LBL scar probably bothers me more than any, but it is easily covered by clothing so just not a problem. Frankly, I think self confidence and knowing your own value and hotness simply overshadows all these little worries.

High intensity exercise does trigger more hunger. I think the exercise is worth it, but you need to learn to :"manage it". I find the right balance of Protein and carbs before and after (mini meals) are the way to address this. PDXman and Fiddleman are two guys that used to post regularly that had lots of knowledge on this - I don't really. What I will say is that you can "Eat your way through" ANY exercise program. Football players work out HARD and yet many of them are overweight....

My arm scars are standard placement. Only can be seen if I wave bye bye! However, I go dancing, including swing dancing with arms up... and nobody even glances at scars - they are not very visible. I have told a a few dates about them, and they all say they didn't notice till I pointed out.

How much do you have to lose? I lost over 160# and i have to tell you - I was quite strict during the weight loss phase. That meant low carb, no drinking, limited sugar etc during weight loss phase. I am in maintenance now, and do socially drink but am still pretty restrained on my eating - that is what I need to do to maintain. My stats: highest lifetime weight (2005) 332# Preop weight: 308# (surgery Dec 2011 weighed 300# day of surgery) Initial goal achieved Feb 2013: 158# (lost 150 in 14 months) Lowest weight: 140# current weight: about 145#

This collage... the 2nd photo is me at goal, with no shapewear. A bit of a melted snowman effect. What a difference plastics make and I get constant comments about what a great body I have (compared to other 50 year olds anyway!) I love ALL my results, but the arms made a huge difference!!! I had the "small" thigh lift. I sometimes wish I had gone for the full/long thigh lift because then I would have tight thighs like my arms. Flip side, I do wear skirts and shorts and no scar is nice... tough decision. all in all, I am happy ... estatic really!!!

My arm lift probably made the biggest difference to my comfort dressing in stylish clothing. I could hide the tummy skin under spanx but the arm skin made me look heavy. I love love love my eesults. I year post plastics and I wear sleeveless all the time..people don't notice scars unless I mention it.

I effing hate the rainy season. We have the best summers EVER but it is starting to suck big time...

Makes me sad to hear of so many people who have been hurt....not supported by loved ones. I feel so blessed that every soul I have talked to about my WLS and plastics (skin removal reconstruction after massive weight loss) has been either enthusiastic supporter or good sense to remain silent. What the heck is wrong with people? ?

Denise, have you tried the Lexapro or Busebar anxiety meds? Even though I couldn't handle Lexapro over the long run, a tiny tiny dose addressed my anxiety and helped me get off the crazy train. I don't think I suffer from true depression, but I get the blues when my anxiety amps up too much and i can't sleep or relax. Anyway, i didn't gain weight on Lexapro except that once I got mentally healthier i started normally eating again, so regained about 5-7# of that unplanned loss I had. I didn't try busebar, but according to my online reading, those two drugs are lower side effects, easier to deal with than many of the old drugs. Life in day to day anxiety SUCKS! Life is so much better with that monkey off my back. Other things just start falling in place... I would also strongly encourage limiting contact with anxiety provoking people. For me, it is my EX. Good guy, but we had a very unhealthy relationship and every time I saw him, my gut would wrench. He is in close contact with the boys - so if he comes over I leave and it helps me alot.

Life is such that most "western" women are a little overweight - and not just the middle aged ones! I think a bit of self acceptance goes along ways. It is so hard when you used to be obese. I get into that whole 10pounds = 100pounds problem in the brain, no what I mean? All or nothing thinking. You know what made me feel good last weekend? i have regained about 5-7 pounds from my low weight and Steven was so compimentary to my looks when I got "skinny chick" size... down at 140 this spring and summer.. I felt a little embarrased for him to see me. Isn't that dumb? You know the first words out of his mouth - you look great, better than ever! I kinda realize he always says I am beautiful, but it reminded me to not be so damn hard on myself! I saw him again yesterday evening... I really cant figure out this guy except to say I think he is also very drawn to me, his life is just high chaos so he lacks consistency. I don't have a real boyfriend, or anyone else I am ready for intimacy with, so I am okay with what is going on... playing it week by week as things go. Kevin, the guy i met in the parking lot is nice guy. We had a fun date, going dancing again. He is already driving me a little crazy though... daily texts and calls... offers to come over to my house to fix things etc. Love it if he were my boyfriend, but we just aren't there yet....and i feel a bit smothered by the daily calls etc. He is also a big complainer I am finding. That gets old.... we shall see. So, pics from my very fun dance night last weekend! Bling belt with non cowgirl clothes - got lots of compliments on it.

I won't be there if the weather is nice...weekends are my horse riding cowboy chasing time.

Well, the good news is, it is a temporary problem. I have been at goal for awhile and people don't seem to remember I was obese. When old pics are pulled out, even my own adult kids don't recognie me! Whatever you tell others, i do think self honesty is important. When I had the lapband I kept it a secret (well so i thought) and i rationalized it as "not being REAL bariatric surgery. Like I wasn't REALLY obese, just overweight - ha. I told my partner and my sister. About a year post op I over heard my sister at a big campout telling a whole group of her friends about my surgery in a very disapproving tone. Clearly my "private" approach didn't work and I trusted her completely with that info, I just didn't realize she was bitter and jealous about it and had a good laugh at my expense when i failed miserably. However, 10 years later, with the sleeve I told everyone in my life. Heck, it was life or death... I was becoming disabled. People cheered for me!

I wasn't poking fun either - I just see WLS as serious life changing, life risking stuff. I have had wonderful results and no real issues and yet i too would not get WLS for 40-50# to lose. That is my opinion and everyone is free to theirs.

Denise what dose are you on ? Sleep aid low dose much lower side effects according to what I read. For just anxiety and depression I was told busebar combined with lexapro or similar often works. It takes weeks to tell if the drugs are working and I didnt gain weight on lexapro. Lexapro did reduce sex drive but I didn't care, better than anxiety. Reason I went off it was I started getting flu like symptoms from it. If I took too high of a dose (normal dose) I would get a little euphoric so low dose treated my anxiety really well. Another thing that worked is eliminating anxiety provoking people and situations from my life. I am doing great so far off the lexapro as long as I limit my coffee...high doses contributes to anxiety for me. So, for example, having coffee with one of my anxiety provoking sisters is an activity I avoid..ha

I love wearing dresses, i find them comfy, easy to wear etc. I often wear them when i go into the office. I can wear heels and my calves are toned so look not bad for a middle aged lady! I generally wear skinny jeans and a "top" when i go out because that seems like a more normal, typical way of dressing at least where i live. Recently read dating advice that women should wear a dress on early dates, look feminine, show off legs etc. It is all part of that initial visual attraction. Not so much to look crazy sexy, but rather to emphasize the feminine and so forth. I am very curious other's perspective and experience on this. i have a "going dancing" date on Friday night and i would love to wear a dress, but was planning on my jeans since that just seems more "appropriate" - like a dress seems like its trying to hard or something. thoughts? Maybe I am kind of interested in this guy that i am thinking about it!

Ok. . I feel that relief from the 24/7 physical hunger gives me the luxury of thinking of these deeper topics. I feel like I am peeling an onion. ..The layers of deeper self awareness.

okay... this is a vent!!!! I love that both my grown sons are back home with me... such joy it brings! I come from "big family" and living alone just seems so abnormal. My whole life I have been buried in people and had to seek solitude...more recently, I have had to work to seek companionship and it has been hard for me to live alone. I love that they are here. My EX shows up alot because he is very close to his step sons. That is mixed for me because I care for him so deeply but we are NOT good for each other so I often leave when he comes because I want him to have good "man times" with my boys. He often shows them how to do man stuff like replace a light switch..okay, I am being a wimp, but we always had a real division of labor in my world and I miss not having a partner around who can do the little stuff that puzzles me. I really really value that since their dad is a complete loser and I so appreciate that their step-dad is a real man and steps up to the job of teaching and leading them in their lives. I am blessed that he still shows up even though we haven't been an "item" for a very long time. But I digress... what I resent is that I can't eat like a man. this is so hard. Suddenly, there is bread, there is delicsious rice blends, there is deep fried, there is pizza, there is beer. There are CARBS!!!! They don't make the male members of my family fat, but they fatten me up like a steer at the stockyard. I am pissed, annoyed and just plain irrate. However, I sure as heck like weighing in the 140s more than in the 250-300+++ range.... so, I remind myself of that and persevere even though i feel like I have been eating like a farmhand lately! GRRRRR Vent over.

Denise. ..it just isn't that good. We both KNOW THAT. Wine, on the other hand.

I can't have candy around. Boys are under strict orders to hide the crack....er candy.

I did alot of first dates online too. Had a couple of guys I even saw for a few weeks etc. I am not entirely certain why I really didn't like it, but most of the time I would not want to see them again. Boring, weird, or just not quite right.... how about the guy that 10-15 minutes in pulls out a deck of personality cards and proceeds to give me a personality test. Of course I gave false answers since no way I want to date someone who does THAT weirdness in the first few minutes... I feel like I managed to connect (ie ones with 2-3 dates) that just had issues. Hell, I have issues but please be over your ex, and not full of dread of women while you also pursue a relationship. Anyway, I know there are great guys out there too, but the whole online thing just put the wrong filters on for me. I feel like meeting someone face to face is more natural to me. My "attraction" or interest in them is the whole package, stuff you can't see from a photo. More importantly, I am practicing social skills. I figured out what I was doing to keep from getting asked out. As soon as I recognized it, things have really changed. I went out Sat night with my meetup group - dressed the same as always (although i did figure out a new make up trick or two) and everyone wanted to dance with me, buy me drinks and ask me out. I didn't want to see any of them, but suddenly it is like i have found the "key" - haha! So, I am practicing this social skills. One of my girlfriends told me that her number one mistake is she waited to be chosen... instead, I am much more actively engaged in "choosing" who I want to see.