CowgirlJane

@@OKCPirate I think you have hit the main points. for me, I chose to make my profile private so nobody could contact me unless i initiated. I was getting to many contacts that were inappropriate - some sexual, but mostly way outside the location/age/fitness/characteristics range of what I was looking for. I felt that they weren't even reading my profile, but just looking at my photos. My experience was I found a much better "quality" of matches when I initiated. I decided that while men do like to pursue, it is also true that "nice guys" are more likely to want permission to pursue versus the aggressive/looking for sexual conquest only guys. I have been seeing someone for a month. I completely deleted my profile because I was becoming jaded and recognized that was not good either. Man I am seeing was my "one last meet and greet" and we hit it off fabulousy. I hope things continue to work out, but so far so good. I am careful to let him know I am very interested while letting him take the lead. He calls and texts me daily still and I just let him know i think he is wonderful.

I used to get Sunday afternoon dread. I learned that it was the emotional weight of knowing I had to face work/people on Monday morning. It also came from my childhood history of Sunday being the very worst day of the week. So, I went to counseling for awhile and one of the things i learned was how to mitigate this. For one, I had to learn to "accept" feeling bad sometimes. I would wind up into anxiety over nothing but the bad feelings. Learning to accept bad feelings without wallowing in them was a huge step forward. It was also me being kinder to myself. A key anxiety trigger for me is that feeling that I "should" be doing more than I am able to. It took alot of work (and ongoing) to not let my mind get spun up into that. I also learned to plan fun or at least social things for Sunday. If I need a chore day, it can't be Sunday because I was prone to lonliness and sadness that day that i wouldn't feel on another day. I remember a couple of years ago being wound up like a top on a Sunday. I did a hard workout and still felt intolerably anxious. I decided, for the first time in my life, to take up my friends who always offered to "support me" and started calling. I finally got ahold of a friend who dropped her plans to spend the day with me horseback riding and we had a great time. Throughout the day, i got back texts and calls from friends who couldn't free up, or got my message too late, expressing care and concern. I called or texted everyone back over the next day or two and that whole experience made me feel very well supported. I will always remember that day - going from feeling so bad to feeling well cared for and pretty okay and all it took was to ask for help. Much counseling has been useless to me - but counseling that focuses on specific behavior practice has been very helpful.

I have found that photos really help me "get my head straight". I am getting a lot better ... alot better.. but i sometimes see my flaws rather than my beauty. Photos help me... I see things more objectively that way. I also think that anyone who has lost enough weight to require these procedures need to have realistic expectations. Example, i will always have a little bit of back skin. I love slim fitting/body con clothes and i always need to check the back fat (well it is skin but looks like fat) muffin top over the bra. It bothered me alot before but now I think "what a great problem to have" - I mean who would have ever guessed that i would be wearing those kind of clothes!!!

@@Kindle you summarized my meaning exactly, using it as an excuse. I can assure you that potato is my favorite food and I eat very little of it now...since I understand it contributes to my hunger and weight gain. I went on a biz trip this week and did a few dinners with someone who lost about 100# and probably has 75# to go. One thing she brought up was having to learn to like new foods and flavors. She said she was raised on hamburger helper Mac and cheese and cold Cereal and had been raising her kids that way. I admired that she was slowly developing a taste for salad, veggies, seafood etc. She told me it intimidated her to try some of those things but she would sample something of mine and really like it. I think that "try" attitude goes a long way to finding a new path and making lasting change. I hear ya! Like you, I've been chided on here for being too perfect when it comes to following my surgeon's instructions. I think those people make themselves feel better and try to rationalize their choices by saying "no one can do it". Like you, I say f***k em. But I've been dealing with those types my whole life...I graduated from high school and college with straight A's, and some people were sure it's because I must have cheated...teachers pet, suck up, brown noser, goody two shoes...heard em all and proud of it! @@CowgirlJane I know which kind of posts you are talking about. It's not the ones that choose to be selective about how they eat postop in order to be healthier. Its not the ones that do get physically ill from certain foods. It's the ones that try to use the "I don't like it" excuse for making bad choices postop. The ones that are too lazy to look up and try new recipes. The ones that want it to be easy. In essence, the ones that will fail because they won't change....But will continue to whine about it.

@LumpySpacePrincess@LumpySpacePrincess that is an eloquent and empathetic view- thank you. I don't watch tv much and avoid "trainwreck reality" shows like the plague so haven't seen this but your response reasonated. My dad was a mean, volatile alcoholic, but I am quite sure he didn't want that life. I am quite sure"Penny" would love to have a normal full life but she doesn't even know what that looks like. It doesn't excuse or enable the behavior but empathy allows us to care about the human while hating the behavior.

I reached a state of acceptance with my loose skin but I needed it gone for a way different reason. I saw it as keeping around the 3X pair of stretched out sweat pants. Just didn't fit my life. I didn't really feel shame but I did dress to hide my arms etc. I am 18 months post plastics and I make zero effort to hide my scars. I luckily have healed well, but you can see them. They are my badges of courage. I went dancing last night and felt like the bell of the ball in my sleeveless cute top and skinny miss me jeans. My boyfriend at the time said "scars prove someone has actually lived a life". I doubt he knows how profound that was to me. My scars prove I have transformed my life into the one I want to live..I AM living a full life now. You don't need plastics for that, but I used to be MORE than twice my current weight and that was alot of excess skin and emotional baggage to carry around.. The skin removal was highly symbolic for me. So I did not get the long thigh lift and my butt is pretty skinny. I thought about fixing those too but I am not driven to do it, my imperfect ass seems completely acceptable in my universe so I think I will keep it.

At one point I was so disappointed that my breasts looked, but especially FELT so unnatural. My boyfriend said "oh no, they feel natural. You just forgot how young breasts feel but I HAVEN'T!" That was perfect and with the perspective of time I n ow know he was right, they turned out awesome. Thing is, once the swelling goes down and your brain adjusts,I think you will have a more realistic view of yourself. You must have looked at hundreds of before and after photos, are your results that far off?

I genuinely want everyone to find good health and get weight under control. I had a lapband for 10 years - not a good experience and I suffered alot and was still obese. It was a terrible life altering experience. I have been sleeved 3 years, good experience but it still impacts my life. I lost 100 percent of my excess weight with the sleeve and could not have done it without...so I understand the feeling of wanting something to help get out of this cycle of gaining weight. What I didn't understand is that diets don't work as they are a temporary alteration in habits and permanent change is needed. Even post sleeve, I have to work at maintenance. I chat with others that are even more years out than I am and the struggle with regain, acid reflux is a real issue across the board. Statistically, most people have some regain a few years down the road. What I am trying to express is the serious nature of getting this surgery and to be sure it's really worth it. I am really pleased the OP is considering options. Around here we have these lifestyle programs that go like two years where you get coaching on how to live a healthy lifestyle. They aren't cheap but you learn the things you'd better learn post sleeve or you will regain anyway....and you leave with your anatomy intact. No risk of leaks, reflux, ulcers etc. Good wishes for much success!

Thank you for sharing this. I did NOT experience this emotion but i have been... i will say it... appalled... at the many posts over time that clearly express downright hatred and disrespect toward obese people. I don't notice what other people eat, i don't wonder who is fatter versus thinner than me, I don't judge obese people as failures. I did not understand where that venom came from, but your insight gives me another perspective to think about. As I reflect, i am wondering if obese people have become invisible to me which is just antother way of marginalizing people because I was just trying to remember last time I encountered a very large person and I can't think of it. Maybe that is even worse, i don't know.

LL - you funny... I skulked out of there like a criminal so lucky to have departed with the gear i arrived with..haha My favorite restaurant has a "one holer" restroom for each gender. I have used the mens room before when the ladies had a line - but that is a lot different then being in a HUGE restroom with maybe 20-30 stalls (unoccupied when I arrived I might add)

Just a caution to the original poster, some foods are much denser than others. 4 ounces of steak is still a big portion for me 3 years out. Just go slow, eat until no longer hungry and don't push it. Eating "small" consistently is one of the secrets to long term success.

Kim, i didn't know this when i was obese because i buried my feelings - oddly not so much in the food itself, but the obesity - but I thrive on touch. My dogs provide affection. Especially my little dog gives me that feeling of someone who pets me whilst I pet her. I know that probably sounds wacko, but it soothes us both to just be in contact. I know you have just had a terrible loss and when my previous Papillion Ziva died in April 2012 i didn't want another lover lapdog EVER. My partner (now my ex) insisted we at least meet the pup nobody else wanted - that was offered to me In June 2012 and it was the best decision EVER to take that wild child home! Fast forward to 2015 - part of what I find so wonderful about Scott is he "gets" my attachment to my 7 pounder like he has to his hunting dog. They are so bonded; she is is girl just like Suzy is my love. I know you aren't ready for a new pupster, but be open to it in the future. dogs can fill a hole in the heart and soul... okey dokey.. speaking of scott. tomorrow is our one month anniversary. We met tonight after what seems like a long absence, because his daughter is visiting in town and we decided we are not ready to introduce her yet - but tonight she was at grammys house so we spent some time together. I loved that he asked the "kids" that work for him what you should do for a one month anniversary (wow, he noticed!) and the consensus was take me to a nice dinner. We had an amazing wine tasting and then sushi meal. And lots of romance. Here is the thing.. and I guess I needed to go through all the dating to get this.... He isn't tall, he isn't super hot (like Steven) but I am so drawn to him. His eyes are beautiful, he is beautiful to me - his heart is so into me, and he treats me like a princess. He thinks I am the hottest girl on the planet. My friends adore him (hmm... i wondered if they like him better...haha) They see he is a good man. Keep fingers crossed that we make it another month.

i did not read the whole thread... but you have got to be freaking kidding me! This is not an insult to the original poster, but bariatric surgery is for those of us suffering from the disease of obesity. Surgery helps us CONTROL and manage our symptoms (ie we lose weight) but we are always people with the disease of obesity. Once you have been morbidly obese, your body is changed permanently. This is no joke, it is serious business. It is relatively safe, but people can DIE. People can have complications that ruin their lives for months, if not YEARS. For someone like me, it was worth taking the risk and it paid off big time. I lost like... 160 pounds, not 20-30 - no complications, but it is still hard at times. i am so thrilled, I would do it 100 times over, my life is so much better now but OMG - I was DYING of obesity not just a bit chubby. Seriously, no disrespect intended, but this is the WRONG PATH for someone who is just a little overweight.

@@kelbug1990 I thank you so much for posting this. I hope that anyone who uses the search function for the "molina" finds your encouraging story. I have been so scared that the sleeve is just another of those experiments, but so far so good! (I was a BioEnterics lapband to sleeve revision and have done just awesome) i am happy for you that you have found success and RELIEF. I used to be scared of the bypass, but now i see it way differently. There is a reason it is considered the gold standard.

I browsed a couple of the dueling threads and my take on all of this is that there is quite a bit of truth on "both sides". I remember a time when I was very emotionally vulnerable over the topic of weight, food and weight loss surgery. I had failed miserably with the band and it was humiliating. I lurked here for months and then posted quite selectively - it is very true that sharing certain things leave you vulnerable to perceived or real attack. I remember very small comments would sting a bit. It was over time that my "emotional self pain" decreased and those same remarks were not experienced that way. However, as my mother used to say "It takes 2 to Tango" On this forum, it usually takes 3-6 to really throw down good..haha... but drama is pretty easy to avoid. Just don't engage.

I had alot of weight to lose so I had to keep the momentum strong for a long time. when i was eating 2 Quest bars a day, my weight losses slowed way down. I am not sure why - the extra carbs? The tastes good triggers me to eat just a little more other times? The processed ingredients? I don't know. I only had 2 a day, but it felt like they had just a little too much "Draw" for me. I felt like I wanted them like a candy bar substitute. I do have bars in maintenance but i intentionally choose ones I don't care for as much - I really only eat them if i am very hungry and need something fast. I get the premier Protein ones from costco and they are high protein and don't taste that great. The box lasts a long time...

I think the main reason the ladies and mens room are often read by other gender is because the post shows up on side bar under recent posts and trending topics. I can NOT tell the forum until I click on the post. If ladies and mens rooms topics were removed from that sidebar I would never"accidentally" read or reply to a post in mens forum as I would not seek it out.

I would echo others...that sounds pretty normal to me. One thing I try to do is be very active in addition to exercise.

I went a few times...once preop and once post. Otherwise all online. I try to pay it forward here!

So.. Atlanta has been amazing. If I EVER relocate (not likely) - it will be to here. The food is epic, my work colleagues here are so genuine and welcoming and while the weather was crappy when I arrived... tonight I did an 1 hour and 15 minute walk and saw so many people out after dark, sitting in outdoor patios, etc... love southern nights! I am here one more day, then take a late flight home. I will be dead on Thursday, but worth it! Hard to believe... but Friday is my one month anniversary with Scott. He still calls me everyday. I still feel like I have known him for years, not weeks. My friends adore him - ha - whats there not to like? If I were not such a self confident woman I would worry they like him better than they like me .. Actually, I LOVE that. I trust my peeps instincts as they are not subject to "sheryl's way of rationalizing things". He keeps telling me there is plenty to not like - I just haven't found it yet. Keeping fingers crossed. This week has been one more reminder.. I eat every meal with colleagues. I eat less than other women and I am eating way more than MY normal. I expect to go home with a gain. I don't feel resentment, I feel grateful for the reminder that I can't eat like normal people and maintain my figure. Some of my pals that I haven't seen in about 18 months (last time I was down here) remind me I look so amazing. It is like that boost you get when you first got to goal. i think i needed that. How are all of you doing - I don't mean weight - I mean how are you FEELING? I feel damn good and thank my lucky stars for it!

@@LipstickLady how did you like the Korean bbq?

I am a PSSC patient and think they are awesome!

I never did email notifications. I go to "content I follow" and can see all posts I have replied to and who/when latest update. I am in rainy cold Atlanta. Weird weather that Seattle is nicer..Haha! I am beside myself with glee these days. Things are just good!

Kim, I am so sorry

@@Hoven that's exactly right. My point is most people prefer the taste of a milkshake to a Protein drink..does not make us picky eaters. I know it can take some adjusting but sometimes people state they don't or won't comply because they are picky eaters...and I find that aggravating because sometimes you just have to do what's necessary for your health. I too am a selective eater since my sleeve 3 years ago...I want high quality foods prepared well - that is not what I am ranting about. Some people DO have food limits but Blerd that is not what I am talking about either. Also I have never seen you use it as an excuse. Haven't you all seen the question from a self proclaimed picky eater that they need food suggestions because they don't really like (fill in the blank with list of healthy foods). Requests on how to prepare or otherwise work them in, I embrace...that is someone seeking a solution not excuses.