Dooter

I bought a pair of 20's on a whim today and thought I'd just keep them in reserve and try them on every now and then for encouragement. Well...I WAS ENCOURAGED!!! They fit!!! I could NOT believe what I was seeing. My mind still sees 349 pounds, not 285. I'm pretty sure my wedding dress was a 20. I'm going to pull it out soon to see if it fits again. I might wait 10 more pounds for that though....
 
Wow. I'm still in stunned disbelief!! This is......just....I I I I I...don't have words. I'm giddy!!!
:lol:

I bought a pair of 20's on a whim today and thought I'd just keep them in reserve and try them on every now and then for encouragement. Well...I WAS ENCOURAGED!!! They fit!!! I could NOT believe what I was seeing. My mind still sees 349 pounds, not 285. I'm pretty sure my wedding dress was a 20. I'm going to pull it out soon to see if it fits again. I might wait 10 more pounds for that though....
 
Wow. I'm still in stunned disbelief!! This is......just....I I I I I...don't have words. I'm giddy!!!
:lol:

I bought a pair of 20's on a whim today and thought I'd just keep them in reserve and try them on every now and then for encouragement. Well...I WAS ENCOURAGED!!! They fit!!! I could NOT believe what I was seeing. My mind still sees 349 pounds, not 285. I'm pretty sure my wedding dress was a 20. I'm going to pull it out soon to see if it fits again. I might wait 10 more pounds for that though....
 
Wow. I'm still in stunned disbelief!! This is......just....I I I I I...don't have words. I'm giddy!!!
:lol:

Love and respect yourself NOW and live your life and have fun TODAY! Don't "wait until you're thinner." GO..... NOW!
 
 
 
"GET ON YOUR BIKES AND RIDE!" --Freddie

Love and respect yourself NOW and live your life and have fun TODAY! Don't "wait until you're thinner." GO..... NOW!
 
 
 
"GET ON YOUR BIKES AND RIDE!" --Freddie

Love and respect yourself NOW and live your life and have fun TODAY! Don't "wait until you're thinner." GO..... NOW!
 
 
 
"GET ON YOUR BIKES AND RIDE!" --Freddie

Love and respect yourself NOW and live your life and have fun TODAY! Don't "wait until you're thinner." GO..... NOW!
 
 
 
"GET ON YOUR BIKES AND RIDE!" --Freddie

Love and respect yourself NOW and live your life and have fun TODAY! Don't "wait until you're thinner." GO..... NOW!
 
 
 
"GET ON YOUR BIKES AND RIDE!" --Freddie

Ok folks- I'm going to expose my inner nerd a little here, so don't go telling anyone that I'm not as cool as all that, ok?
 
I finally broke the 300 lb. barrier and am soooo excited to be in the 200s again. Ok, I'm only at 296, but that counts. So as I lift my eyes to look across the span of the next 100 lbs, I'm feeling a little like Frodo when he and Sam finally get into Mordor and look across to Mount Doom. (After all the spider trauma, of course;) ) All they see is a vast wasteland filled with threatening foes waiting to take them down. But, on the other side....Frodo knows that freedom from the burden chained around his neck awaits.
 
I know the freedom from this weight is coming. It just looks so daunting right now. Such a loooooong.....rocky....journey. But I'm ready. I know it's not magic, and it's going to take hard work. But when I get there, the relief will be soooooooo SWEET!!!!! I can't wait to cast it into the fire!!
 
Nerd moment over. Carry on.

:lol: :lol:

:lol: :lol:

Hello VST...
 
So last night I was really getting down on myself because I knew it was time to challenge "me" with better eating. I've been going through a lot of emotional dramas lately and I've found that my eating habits have been downright stinking it up. Well, I'm tell you this! There's no way that can become a habit because quite literally I've gone through far too much to slip back into the old me. No way no how!!
 
So last night I made a pact with myself... I have a 60 challenge coming up. It's called the Insanity! Challenge. I don't know if any of you know what this is, but here's a link if you'd like to check it out. Anyway, upon completion you send in your before and after photos to Beachbody and they will send you a prize T-Shirt with the Insanity! Logo on the front, and "I earned it" written across the back. Heck yeah!! Are you kidding me? I'm so going to wear this every chance I get this summer. I know I'm physically capable of doing it. It may be tough but I will DEFINITELY do it!!
 
My motto has always been "Every day is a new chance to start over". I believe this with all my heart, and quite honestly is the sole reason I got to where I am today. My attitude always kept positive that I will get to my goal and I got here. Whatever that means... but now I'm wanting to work on my fitness level. I'm taking it to the next step now, and I'm excited about it. HOWEVER... I cannot do that if I keep eating junk! Last night I decided I needed to do the flush to get those sugar demons out of my body.
 
I know some of you have heard of my Basics Bootcamp? Well, I've tried to start it a few times, but haven't really been able to grasp on. So, I needed to do something a little deeper, hardcore and unforgiving. That's right... the dreaded liquid diet. AUUGGHHHH!!! I've been avoiding this like the black death but you know what? If I don't do this I'll likely just waste more time getting back on track.
 
So...
 
Here I am nearly 21 hours into this. I'm doing 2 full days of liquids, which ultimately translates into a total of 62 hours without food. I'm drinking 64 Oz. per day of water, 4 - 8 Oz servings of G2, Unjury Chicken Soup 3x (which translates to my Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner) and for my 3 Snacks I'm doing an Atkins Advantage RTD. *Whew*!!! Once the two days are up, I plan to do 3 days of super clean eating which every meal will consist of lean protein and green veggies. After that I'll go back to my mindless sleever rules and stick to good healthy meals.
 
Right around lunch time today I already began to miss food!! I felt a little panicky and I heard that voice in my head saying "Oh it's okay... you've done good today - think about what you're going to have for dinner..." So I decided to leave a status on Facebook to get it out of my mind! I must do this!! I need to detoxify my body and brain from sugar and I'd really love to drop some water retention if I can. If not, oh well - but I have to get over this sugar.
 
Wow... I feel better already getting all my thoughts out. If you're still with me (because I know I can go on forever if I really wanted to) thank you for listening and reading.

Ok folks- I'm going to expose my inner nerd a little here, so don't go telling anyone that I'm not as cool as all that, ok?
 
I finally broke the 300 lb. barrier and am soooo excited to be in the 200s again. Ok, I'm only at 296, but that counts. So as I lift my eyes to look across the span of the next 100 lbs, I'm feeling a little like Frodo when he and Sam finally get into Mordor and look across to Mount Doom. (After all the spider trauma, of course;) ) All they see is a vast wasteland filled with threatening foes waiting to take them down. But, on the other side....Frodo knows that freedom from the burden chained around his neck awaits.
 
I know the freedom from this weight is coming. It just looks so daunting right now. Such a loooooong.....rocky....journey. But I'm ready. I know it's not magic, and it's going to take hard work. But when I get there, the relief will be soooooooo SWEET!!!!! I can't wait to cast it into the fire!!
 
Nerd moment over. Carry on.

I will go to the gym.
I will eat the right food.
I will drink my water.
I will keep doing what I'm supposed to.
 
(Long sigh....)
 
Now if my body would keep its end of the deal...... (kicks the dirt)
 
 
 
Pity party over.

I will go to the gym.
I will eat the right food.
I will drink my water.
I will keep doing what I'm supposed to.
 
(Long sigh....)
 
Now if my body would keep its end of the deal...... (kicks the dirt)
 
 
 
Pity party over.

Dear Food,
I know you think I'm stupid for talking to you because...well, you're food and you can't hear me. I just want to tell you that it's been quite a ride these last 42 years. We've had our ups and ups and ups and ups and downs and ups and ups. It's time for our relationship to change. I'm not breaking up with you, because I still need you to live, however, our relationship has to change now. And really....believe me when I say...It's not you. It's me. I'm the one with the problem, so don't ever blame yourself. You're really sweet. And salty. And delicious...OH WHAT AM I SAYING....how can we ever part?? NO!! We must part for a time. Two weeks- no more than five, I promise. When we come back together- things will be different. You must hide your sweetness from me. Don't tempt me further with your refinements. I want to see the REAL you....the one with all the vitamins and minerals and protein...yes...I said protein. Hey, I told you things were going to change. And for pete's sake, stop bringing your friends around! But don't worry...you'll always have a place...sorta...close to my heart...
 
 
 
 
No, I didn't have a mental break. I start liquids Monday. (siiiigh)

I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly dreaming I am a man.
~Zhuangzi
 
 
I've always had crazy dreams full of intricate plot, color, surround sound, and sci-fi material but last night was a doozie. Let me explain, I almost always know when I'm dreaming. You see, when I was a little kid I had really, really, really intense dreams (I still do but as an adult they don't bother me) and one day I decided that I was a 'big girl' and didn't need to cry for my mom or dad. So after I would wake up from such techno-color dreams I would mentally envision myself on a white horse (yeah, I was horse crazy) galloping through a meadow with kitties and puppies and whatnot (so trite!). I would slow my breathing and forcibly calm myself down (breathing helps everything, I swear!). I only learned as an adult when I was being taught meditation that I had been doing a version of that all those years. Kinda neat, huh? Anyway, I remember my dreams almost daily so it became an automatic defense until one day I was in the dream and realized that I was dreaming and was able to calm myself down while still asleep. That means that even 'scary' dreams are pretty hilarious when you know that they're not true. Typically I only have the traditional 'nightmares' when I'm either stressed or sick as I think it sort of short-circuits my ability to influence that aspect of my mind.
 
So last night I'm minding my own business all snuggled into my comfy bed and I kept waking up in a full on clammy sweat. It was like I had just run a full marathon at Olympic breaking speeds. Yuck! I don't really remember what I was dreaming (which is odd for me) but I remember a feeling of being confined and powerless. There may also have been a panda bear. (Yeah, it doesn't take a degree to understand that first part!). I think being powerless is my greatest fear so it's not surprising that it would cause my sleeping brain to freak out like that.
 
Dearest sub-brain, I realize that you're obviously nervous about my upcoming future but it'll be okay. Seriously. So, take a chill pill, relax, and let the poor human have some nice, uninterrupted sleep tonight! Otherwise I might go batsh@$t crazy at work and start throwing cakes at customers like I was a monkey at the zoo.
 
Well, except they don't throw cake.

I don't know why I'm freaking out right now. Maybe because it feels that for the past two months I've been living and breathing VSG surgery and right now I'm in the Insurance Limbo From Hell. Until I hear back from them there is nothing I can do. I really do not like not being in control of my fate. The longer the limbo stretches the crazier the ideas are that pop into my head. On top of work shenanigans (we're super busy) and relationship stress my mind is blowing everything out of proportion. I know that this is what's happening, but still. I've been so busy lately that I feel like I haven't had any time for a healthy outlet that's not work, VSG related, or sleeping! Obviously I have enough problems without having my imagination working overtime!
 
Tonight I was talking to my mom and she said that my dad (who had VSG about 1.5 months ago) is now a terrible cook. He was cooking her dinner but she asked him to stop because it was (in some cases) inedible. Cooking has always been a big part of my family (and obviously a big part of the problem!) and my dad and I LOVE to cook. I adore combining different flavors and just feeding people. I get great enjoyment out of it. This is why I went to culinary school. I have a career based on my ability to bake! So now I'm freaking out that somehow after surgery I will lose my ability to cook/bake. That not only will a huge chunk of my stomach be cut out, but also my culinary ability. I mean, what happens if instead I gain the ability to make anything explode? Next thing you know I'm in the CIA and working in some cesspit and using vanilla extract to blow stuff up only to later be snuffed because I know too much. Okay, so that probably wont happen, but you get the point! It's so stupid to be so worked up over this and to invite trouble before I even have surgery!!
 
Today at work somebody told me that "I'm the spoon that stirs the pot" and that work is so much more interesting and fun when I'm there and that I put other people in a good mood. It made me feel warm and fuzzy...but sad, too. At my last job people were thoughtless and backstabbing and didn't really like me so it really surprises me when people tell me how glad they are that I work with them. I think the correct word is 'baffled'. I worked in that toxic job for so long that I think I started to subconsciously believe that I wasn't a good person. I was stressed all the time and hated life. I've been so happy at my new job but I'm thinking that I need to do something soon to stretch my wings. Teaching would do that but dang, that's a scary thought! Intriguing, but scary!
 
I think right now my emotions are going in every which way and I'm trying really hard for them not to impact upon my relationships. I just want this done and over so I can move on. I LIKE being cheerful and fun. I want to go rock climbing so badly I can taste it! I don't like feeling so discombobulated and out of sorts!!
 
Sheesh, I thought my emotions would be on a roller coaster AFTER the surgery, not before!!

Ok folks- I'm going to expose my inner nerd a little here, so don't go telling anyone that I'm not as cool as all that, ok?
 
I finally broke the 300 lb. barrier and am soooo excited to be in the 200s again. Ok, I'm only at 296, but that counts. So as I lift my eyes to look across the span of the next 100 lbs, I'm feeling a little like Frodo when he and Sam finally get into Mordor and look across to Mount Doom. (After all the spider trauma, of course;) ) All they see is a vast wasteland filled with threatening foes waiting to take them down. But, on the other side....Frodo knows that freedom from the burden chained around his neck awaits.
 
I know the freedom from this weight is coming. It just looks so daunting right now. Such a loooooong.....rocky....journey. But I'm ready. I know it's not magic, and it's going to take hard work. But when I get there, the relief will be soooooooo SWEET!!!!! I can't wait to cast it into the fire!!
 
Nerd moment over. Carry on.

Ok folks- I'm going to expose my inner nerd a little here, so don't go telling anyone that I'm not as cool as all that, ok?
 
I finally broke the 300 lb. barrier and am soooo excited to be in the 200s again. Ok, I'm only at 296, but that counts. So as I lift my eyes to look across the span of the next 100 lbs, I'm feeling a little like Frodo when he and Sam finally get into Mordor and look across to Mount Doom. (After all the spider trauma, of course;) ) All they see is a vast wasteland filled with threatening foes waiting to take them down. But, on the other side....Frodo knows that freedom from the burden chained around his neck awaits.
 
I know the freedom from this weight is coming. It just looks so daunting right now. Such a loooooong.....rocky....journey. But I'm ready. I know it's not magic, and it's going to take hard work. But when I get there, the relief will be soooooooo SWEET!!!!! I can't wait to cast it into the fire!!
 
Nerd moment over. Carry on.

Dear Food,
I know you think I'm stupid for talking to you because...well, you're food and you can't hear me. I just want to tell you that it's been quite a ride these last 42 years. We've had our ups and ups and ups and ups and downs and ups and ups. It's time for our relationship to change. I'm not breaking up with you, because I still need you to live, however, our relationship has to change now. And really....believe me when I say...It's not you. It's me. I'm the one with the problem, so don't ever blame yourself. You're really sweet. And salty. And delicious...OH WHAT AM I SAYING....how can we ever part?? NO!! We must part for a time. Two weeks- no more than five, I promise. When we come back together- things will be different. You must hide your sweetness from me. Don't tempt me further with your refinements. I want to see the REAL you....the one with all the vitamins and minerals and protein...yes...I said protein. Hey, I told you things were going to change. And for pete's sake, stop bringing your friends around! But don't worry...you'll always have a place...sorta...close to my heart...
 
 
 
 
No, I didn't have a mental break. I start liquids Monday. (siiiigh)

Ok folks- I'm going to expose my inner nerd a little here, so don't go telling anyone that I'm not as cool as all that, ok?
 
I finally broke the 300 lb. barrier and am soooo excited to be in the 200s again. Ok, I'm only at 296, but that counts. So as I lift my eyes to look across the span of the next 100 lbs, I'm feeling a little like Frodo when he and Sam finally get into Mordor and look across to Mount Doom. (After all the spider trauma, of course;) ) All they see is a vast wasteland filled with threatening foes waiting to take them down. But, on the other side....Frodo knows that freedom from the burden chained around his neck awaits.
 
I know the freedom from this weight is coming. It just looks so daunting right now. Such a loooooong.....rocky....journey. But I'm ready. I know it's not magic, and it's going to take hard work. But when I get there, the relief will be soooooooo SWEET!!!!! I can't wait to cast it into the fire!!
 
Nerd moment over. Carry on.

Good morning my beautiful family ,
 
I hope you all have a relaxing, spirit filled day. Take some time to talk with the Lord, he's listening!
 
 
Spiritual Vitamins: Proverbs 16:9
 
"In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps!"
 
Vitamin S: Surrender
 
When we first begin our journey we're excited! We decide the amount of weight we will lose, how long we think it shoulde take us to reach our goals by day, week,
and month. We lose wonderfully at first, (hooray) and then we stall. OMG!!! Now what do we do? Do we panic? Stress out? Are we failures? No, we are human!!
What we must realize is that we belong to God and he, in his infinite wisdom, will help us get to our goals if we would "surrender" our plans to him. " God intervenes
without controlling, and cares without hurting." Be still in your spirit, do not be anxious for anything and watch God move!

I had some cream of mushroom soup. It was delish! I pureed the hell out of the mushrooms instead of straining them - good choice. A little fiber goes a long way haha. I ate probably 1/2 to 2/3 a cup of soup slowly and stopped when I felt full. I'm quite satisfied with the meal and so far, my tummy has not had a problem with anything I've given it. I even had part of a protein shake today at lunch - It wasn't my favorite thing - but it didn't come back up or even give me any trouble. Just kinda sat a little heavy at first. It became easier as I continued on it.

So my family wants me to write a cookbook of all of my recipes. I have a lot of custom recipes that they absolutely love. Most of them are ultra healthy but don't taste like it. Even some of my desserts are quite healthy I think I'm going to do it.
 
I might also do a cookbook for small portions with the same recipes and others that i come up with. Might be a lot of fun
 
I love love love to bake - but don't really eat anything I bake, other than a bite or two - then I give it all away. Holidays are fun - I send so much stuff to family and friends. I like the fact that I can still do that - and I'm going to work on altering some of my more...rich recipes to be more healthy and smaller portions.