Caribear

Figured I'd post a couple of pictures...they are not good ones at all. I don't think the side shot is accurate. The shirt I'm wearing flows out so it looks like my belly is making it do that, but it's really not lol. I figured I need to keep pictures posted somewhere so I can visualize my progress. Anyway, these pics are me at 225.

So I am now 3 weeks post op and waiting on my first fill. Went to see the doctor yesterday and asked if I could accelerate the fill but I need to wait for the port to fuse is scar tissue. The concern for me is that the first two weeks were great and I even lost 10 pounds but now I am into solid foods and my appetite is coming back, which is my main issue anyway. I did very well on the liquid Optifast 800 and am contemplating staying on that until the first fill to continue to loss since I have 3 weeks to go. I have lost just under 70 pounds since I was first saw the doctor to decide to go to lap band and it is noticeable in my face and upper body that I have lost weight. I want this to be a lifestyle change so I am trying to determine how to cope with the next 3 weeks until fill #1. I know that often it takes several fills to get it right which means 2 months between each and I have set what I hope is a reasonable goal of losing 70 pounds by Christmas of 2012. I have a secondary goal to join a gym and go once I drop below 300 which would be right around next holiday season as well.
 
For me this is as much about changing how I think about food as it is about losing weight. My spouse is in shape as is my child, but no one in my family was growing up. My spouse does not want to understand the mental hangups I have and my weight has been an issue in our marriage so I know that I have to deal with this part on my own. It makes it difficult, but I am someone who likes a challenge. I was very open with everyone who knows me about doing the lap band; I think I was to force the issue on myself that I cannot not lose weight since everyone knows that I did the surgery. The procedure was a snap, I did not need any pain pills and was back at work in several days. So far so good, just now that I am not having issues with solid foods and need to wait three weeks for the first fill I am in my first challenge phase where I have to learn how to make good decisions about food. I have done well so far and after a couple of parties I am still down 7 from surgery date so I think I will be able to weather the time, but I need to stay focused and hopefully writing this down will be helpful for me.

Hi! I'm Maggie. I'm having lap band surgery January 10th. This has been a year long "pre-surgery" journey for me leading up to the surgery with disappointing insurance requirement changes and hoops to jump through, but its all a part of the journey.
 
"Is that a Fat Joke?" is what I've named my blog. I often make fat jokes/comments about myself, especially at work. Co-workers will always say, oh stop! My response is always, "it's ok, I know I'm fat- it's not a big secret to anyone". Kind of hard to hide 300+ lbs! Through this journey I hope to obviously not only take control of my health, my body, the physical number on the scale, but also to gain control of dealing with why I feed my emotions with food. This surgery is afterall just a tool, certainly not a fix-all, fix-quick solution. Although I like to make people laugh, today I am making the committment to STOP hiding behind "the fat jokes"........So this skinny girl walks into a bar. I'll keep working on my material!

OMG! I put on my drawstring scrubs to go to work this mornin got out of the car and my pants started falling off! For those who dont know, scrubs are what people in the medical field wear to work, and drawstrings fit the waist because you have to pull and then tie them
current pant size: XL new pant size: Medium........Its been almost 1 month on Jan 1st and people can tell already !!!!!!!!!!!!
 
 
So happy ......Oh and the pictures I took over christmas, look great, I dont look like a "chocolate puffy marshmellow" I look normal!
 
 
Great Day

Well, it is just 12 hours before I go to the hospital. I have gotten past the bout of nerves that I had yesterday and I am now excited and looking forward to this new journey. I am drinking my final protein shakes that I have to drink. I will have some jello and broth. I wonder if I will even sleep tonight. I have an hour drive to the hospital so I will be getting up at 4 to get ready. I have decided to wear some slip on workout pants and a tee shirt to be comfortable. I am contemplating just wearing slip on crocs so I don't have to worry about ties or anything. Well, I am going to go for now but I will keep you updated tomorrow.
 
Take care everyone,
Jen

THE BEAST HAS ARRIVED. With all the holiday hustle and bustle, I find myself having difficulties eating the proper foods and making it to the gym. I was only able to go one day last week because of dr appts and being sick. I never thought I would say I miss exercising.
 
Sunday I went to a Christmas party at my friend's house. She is a fabulous cook and there was food galore. I stuck to my convictions pretty well, but did find myself munching on the stuffed and bacon wrapped dates. They were so delicious. SHAME ON ME. Yester was not much better with eating because I had errands to do in town. And because I do not want my family to feel left out because I am dieting (or should I say finally living), I am still baking and preparing foods for my family beause I don't want them to feel deprived because of me...the good thing is that I am only making half as much of the goodies...no double batches this year. When it is gone, it is gone, and I will not be helping myself!
 
Today I am happy to say I am managing to get into the swing of things and get back on the wagon and am feeling pretty good about things. I am even going to make it to the gym this afternoon. NO EXCUSE NOT TO GO!
 
This is time of year is among my favorite. I love the festivities and the gathering of family and friends and good times. I have discovered that I am a social eater and therein lies the BEAST. So much of our lives (me and my family/friends) i surrounded by food and drink, and since my hubby is Italian, the theory is EAT, EAT, EAT, or in Italian, Mange, Mange, Mange. That is how I came to become almost 300 pounds...that and because they are easily insulted if you don't eat (is that because they are such wonderful cooks?)
 
Anyway, this is my way of venting and releasing my frustrations. I am going to need to stay focused, and remember my motto, "hunger is a figment of my imagination".

Well wouldn't you know it, it's time for Round 2 already! Of course the days seem to speed up right before surgery, especially with the holidays and all the prep that entails as well.
 
I have my Christmas gifts shipped off to family, got finished today with E's gifts and stocking stuffers. I hope I will feel well enough on Saturday to wrap gifts! It's actually something I love to do. I should've been a Macy's gift wrapper during the holidays. Well, back in the mid-nineties after graduating from college my boyfriend (and now ex-husband) and I took a year long hiatus and traveled around the country in an old beat up pop-up VW bus. We ran out of money when we hit Portland, Oregon and decided to look for work asap. I found a job at a great gift and card store called Presents of Mind (if you are ever in Portland it's in SE on Hawthorne St- still there!) and I was there during the holiday season. They had a gift wrapping station with the coolest selection of quality wrapping paper and ribbons of all kinds, and I loved it when a customer wanted something wrapped. I am a little OCD about some things, and I seek perfection in my gift wrapping technique and presentation! Well, it has carried on through the years, and I truly enjoy wrapping each gift I send my sister with care, always coming up with a different bow or ribbon configuration, to make each gift look like a unique confection. I must say, I do a pretty good job! It helps that we are adults and she truly enjoys turning over each gift and delighting in the color scheme, the preciseness of the scale of the bow......okay I am getting out of control here. I think you get how much I like wrapping gifts!
 
There is one gift for E that I am going to wrap tonight. I got him an air chair.....for those unfamiliar, it's like a hammock chair, but made out of canvas and sewn to the shape of a semi-upright chair, complete with armrests, footrests and drink holder! It will be perfect for him to relax with a book on the back porch in his air chair come spring.......Anyway it's in a big box that I don't want to deal with maneuvering post-op, so I'll get to that tonight. Plus some last minute decking the walls....I LOVE Christmas and even though it's going to be spent this year in a Percocet stupor with no homemade cookies to nibble on, cocktails to imbibe in, or parties to attend, I'll love it anyway as long as I can rest on the sofa, enjoy the beautiful tree, listen to some Christmas music, and watch E open his gifts from me.
 
So wish me luck as I go under the knife for the second attempt at getting that Band. I thought about but never followed through on homemade Christmas cookies for the nurses....a little bribe for some extra TLC couldn't hurt, right? But alas, I ran out of time. My main concern is that my body doesn't give Dr.Schneider any trouble this time but if it does, I hope he is prepared and I stabilize and the banding is a success. That's my Christmas wish. What's yours?
 
I wish you all a season of peace with yourself; who you are, where you've come, and where you are going in life. If you've got that, everything else you could want, it will follow!

I am 17 days post op. I have a 10cc band. Dr. Fox put 1cc in my band at the time of surgery. I am feeling some restrictions (tighting of my chest after small meals (less than 3/4 of cup) that last 3-4 hours). It appears my band is open a little during the day but after 8:00 pm is really opens as I can eat a lot more at night. I was told I still may have some swelling that is causing the restrictions. My first fill appointment is scheduled for January 4, 2012. I have not decided if I am going to get a fill or not. I have views many of what I feel are horror stories resulting from fills. I have lost 13 pounds since my initial appointment with True Results on November 18, 2011 (surgery date 12/2/2011). I am at 181 pounds and my goal weight is 145 pounds. My incisions are healing very well. I have learned soo much from reading this forum. This site has definitely been my support through this process.

I was doing some Xmas shopping today and I realized how addicted I was to fast-food. I never thought twice grabbing a couple tacos or cheeseburgers and down it with a big gulp of mt.dew while I did errands in town. Some days I would have fast-food twice in one day! So today I was in mourning, just the thought of not having fast food saddens me. But fast food is how I got to be so overweight. Each bite I took added numbers to the scale, inches on my hips, and more chins then I can count.
This is a whole new world for me. I need to accept the fact that I'm not the person that I once was. This will be a long road for me and it's not going to be easy. BUT, it will allllll be worth it when I'm able to love myself again and embrace life.
And besides, I might be able to buy myself a new car with all the money I will be saving from not buying tacos, cheeseburgers, and big gulp mt.dew's!!

I know how to eat healthily.
I know that when something tastes good, I will continue to eat, regardless of whether or not I'm full.
I know that when I lose weight, I look great, I feel great physically, I am more confident and out-going.
I know that my husband loves me regardless of my body size.
I know that my husband finds me attractive regardless of my body size.
I know that I can make changes that are good for me.
I know that I can break bad habits.
I know that I have never learned to maintain my weight. I am in a constant state of weight change, either gaining or losing. I am hopeful that the band will be the tool (along with my NUT) to help me learn to maintain my weight.
I know that I allow myself to let my weight hold me back. I have avoided seeing friends and relatives because I am ashamed of my appearance.
I know that food is not medicine, and it is certainly not a panacea to cure all that ails me. Eating won't cure depression, sadness, loneliness. Food will not cure a cold, a headache, a stomach ache, or anything else.
 
I know that I am worthy of being healthy and happy.

I quit smoking over 12 years ago. I didn't want to quit smoking; I quit because my husband had serious heart problems. If he didn't quit, his doctor said he would live 10 more years. My husband stated point blank that he would not be able to successfully quit if I was smoking.
 
I recall feeling panicky at having to quit smoking. In my nicotine addicted mind, cigarettes were paired with so many activities and I couldn't imagine enjoying any of them without a cigarette. Before we quit, I wanted to go on vacation because I couldn't imagine relaxing at the beach without smoking. I wanted to go our favorite steak restaurant so I could have a post-dinner cigarette with a glass of port in the lounge. I wanted to go to Atlantic City and play the slot machines. It took me many years to realized that my pairing of pleasurable activities with cigarettes was a component of my nicotine addiction.
 
Prior to being banded, I started having those same panicked pairing of activities. Could I enjoy a meal at a restaurant without overeating? Would I enjoy holidays without overeating? Could I go to a theme park and not gorge on junk food?
 
I am still learning to live with my band. But I am confident that I am unpairing pleasure from food addiction. Thanksgiving was a wonderful day and meal. I savored the few bites of cheesecake (low fat/no sugar) that I tasted. I enjoyed our office holiday lunch and ordered a drink and an appetizer. Because I ate slowly and chatted while I was eating, I finished my meal around the same time as the people that had three courses. I went to Disney and ordered kids meals; I was satisfied with the portion sizes and saved a lot of $$$.
 
I know that overcoming a food addiction is a process. However recognizing that I have one is a good beginning.

Just wanted to let everyone know that I found some fantastic silverware for lap banders. I went to Bed, Bath and Beyond yesterday and they pointed me to some appetizer spoons and forks. They are classy looking, silver, and come in a box of 12 for $15 each. The size of the utensils will help with keeping the bites small and the looks of them are nice for the dining table. If worse had come to worse I would have just eaten my food with a baby spoon that had Peter Rabbit on the end of it, but thankfully that won't be the case now. ; ) So, I wanted to let you know about my find. Also, they have adorable little tasting plates and bowls that are just right for our portions and they look fantastic. I bought a couple plates, but I plan to go back and get more. Hey, I am going to be eating like this forever and I want something nice to eat off of and with.
 
Take care,
Jen