KhadijahRose

<p><font class="Apple-style-span" face="'comic sans ms', cursive">I've been overweight for as long as I can remember. I've closed my eyes every night imagining myself fit, healthy and confident and awaken (thank God) to the sadness that is the truth of my physical self. So unlike my dreams.. In high school I played basketball and volleyball which checked my weight although I was always the largest on the team and all of my uniforms were snug. Never, ever did I feel comfortable playing in front of so many people and never did I go under 225 while playing sports. When I began high school I was a decent 215 (for my height that's good) but after indulging in the school store and eating pizza everyday for lunch ( including the snacks and pop I would drink through out the day) no practice or sport play could counter what I was doing to my body off the court. Then there is, and has always been, the interpersonal struggles with depression, self esteem (or lack thereof) and just the daily struggles of looking at the truth of your physical self and not being content with what you see. I continued to gain weight gradually through out HS and by senior year I was about 240 but I still looked&nbsp;OK&nbsp;(thanks again to my height of 6'1). Then I met the love of my life and we moved in together. I was 18 at the time and&nbsp;reckless&nbsp;beyond all bounds! I could not be tamed and neither could he, we were on a relationship&nbsp;roller coaster&nbsp;and at times that roller coaster would drop so far down that I would eat, eat and eat my way back up. As a result I gained 60 pounds and hadn't even realized it until his brother (who'd been one of my good friends since junior high) said </font></p>
<p><span style="font-family:comic sans ms,cursive;">&quot;Wow Miaa your face is round&quot;.</span></p>
<p><font class="Apple-style-span" face="'comic sans ms', cursive">As you can imagine I was mortified and thus began my new exercise routine. I used the treadmill everyday for 30 minutes, added to that I cut carbs, sweets, caffeine, chocolate and bread altogether. I lost about 60 pounds in 4 months time and got all the necessary compliments that come along with such express&nbsp;weight loss. I felt wonderful and wanted more but I somehow became complacent and inconsistent with my workouts and as the weight crept up so did the depressive feelings. Yet, with my marriage and the prospects of graduation (of college) around the corner I felt happy most days. &nbsp;And I continued in this way for years. The birth of my 2 children increased both my weight and my happiness and my husband (though fit as any man can possibly be) never said a word about my weight, in contrast actually!, he would always say how beautiful and attractive I looked despite my protests. &nbsp;But now as my daughter turns 1 and I am struggling despite my constant purchasing of beachbody programs and weight watchers, with getting below 300 pounds. It's wrecking my body. I have horrible back pain, headaches and trouble sleeping. I've had gestational diabetes and have been told that I'd probably get type 2 later in life because of my size. I'm tired and I pray this is what will get me to my goals!</font></p>