new chapter in life

So here I am--almost 3 months post op. Ive had 2 fills & Im just not feeling it 100%! Everyday I ask myself is it me? What is it about me that I dont feel it? I started off at a great momentum losing weight, but I havent lost a pound since January.
So, today & tonite Ive been thinking really hard on it & trying to be totally honest with myself. Have I exercised enough? No
Have I eaten something I shouldnt have? Yes--but not like I did before the surgery!
On the plus side---Ive stayed away from diet coke. Ive avoided what I call the useless foods---chips, candy, bread, carbs, starches.
I think we all must go thru this at some point---for me part of the problem is this time of the year. The weather keeping me indoors, and then the dreariness really sucks!! And Im so tired after work, I dont have the energy to go work out.
Ive not lost the faith & committment to this lifestyle change, just slowed down a little!
 
 
I need to recapture my excitement & momentum that carried me thru to the end of January. ugh
 
OOHH!!! there goes my excitement & momentum running up the stairs--better go catch it now!

Well--my pants are getting pretty loose now, but I refuse to buy new ones cause I have so much more weight to lose.
So---at least for my work pants-which are work issued ugly pants--I decided I had to break down & get a belt. So since I need a plain black leather belt, I just went to JCP & the mens dept. Well when I found the right belt size, I realized that its length was almost as tall as me!!! YIKES!! I AM NOT BUYING THAT!! My waist is almost as round as I am tall???? DENY DENY DENY!!
I hastily changed that plan & decided that I will risk a walk down a camera monitored hallway & have my pants fall to the ground to the amusement of everyone!!
Americas Funniest Home Videos here I come!! lol

Well--my pants are getting pretty loose now, but I refuse to buy new ones cause I have so much more weight to lose.
So---at least for my work pants-which are work issued ugly pants--I decided I had to break down & get a belt. So since I need a plain black leather belt, I just went to JCP & the mens dept. Well when I found the right belt size, I realized that its length was almost as tall as me!!! YIKES!! I AM NOT BUYING THAT!! My waist is almost as round as I am tall???? DENY DENY DENY!!
I hastily changed that plan & decided that I will risk a walk down a camera monitored hallway & have my pants fall to the ground to the amusement of everyone!!
Americas Funniest Home Videos here I come!! lol

Well--my pants are getting pretty loose now, but I refuse to buy new ones cause I have so much more weight to lose.
So---at least for my work pants-which are work issued ugly pants--I decided I had to break down & get a belt. So since I need a plain black leather belt, I just went to JCP & the mens dept. Well when I found the right belt size, I realized that its length was almost as tall as me!!! YIKES!! I AM NOT BUYING THAT!! My waist is almost as round as I am tall???? DENY DENY DENY!!
I hastily changed that plan & decided that I will risk a walk down a camera monitored hallway & have my pants fall to the ground to the amusement of everyone!!
Americas Funniest Home Videos here I come!! lol

Well--my pants are getting pretty loose now, but I refuse to buy new ones cause I have so much more weight to lose.
So---at least for my work pants-which are work issued ugly pants--I decided I had to break down & get a belt. So since I need a plain black leather belt, I just went to JCP & the mens dept. Well when I found the right belt size, I realized that its length was almost as tall as me!!! YIKES!! I AM NOT BUYING THAT!! My waist is almost as round as I am tall???? DENY DENY DENY!!
I hastily changed that plan & decided that I will risk a walk down a camera monitored hallway & have my pants fall to the ground to the amusement of everyone!!
Americas Funniest Home Videos here I come!! lol

Well yesterday was 1 month since my surgery! And my first fill was on Jan 4th--I got 4cc's.
I kind of panicked at first cause when I ate I didnt get that full feeling I thought I was supposed to. But Im measuring my food & sticking to the program. Ill just wait till my next visit in 6 weeks & see what happens.
Ive been doing my workouts (not weights yet)---treadmill & elliptical & working w/bands---I feel great! Im down 25 lbs since my pre-op diet started on turkey day. Just losing that 25 lbs has made me feel like a new person. My clothes are loose--even my shoes are!!
The only thing that has thrown me off is going back to work---I was able to be off almost a whole month--using vaca, holiday, sick & then my disability time (thank you God!)---so I go back to work & its like all my insecurities came flooding back!! I felt like my clothes werent loose enough--that I had gained back alot of the weight!! I just have to get over how I feel when Im at that place--and how my co-workers make me feel. 2 days back at work & I felt like this LARGE insignificant, invisible, useless person again. Hate that!!!
So, to go along w/my physical transformation, Im working on my emotional & mental too---I have such low self-esteem & low self-worth its crazy. To do that, Im forcing myself to get out of my comfort zone!! Im not sitting idle on the couch,watching tv for one. Im signing up for water aerobics & ready to try archery again!! All the things Ive wanted to do---Im doing them!! Archery, fencing, horseback riding----Im all in!!
This surgery is my ticket to places!! And Im taking over the workplace!! lol

Well yesterday was 1 month since my surgery! And my first fill was on Jan 4th--I got 4cc's.
I kind of panicked at first cause when I ate I didnt get that full feeling I thought I was supposed to. But Im measuring my food & sticking to the program. Ill just wait till my next visit in 6 weeks & see what happens.
Ive been doing my workouts (not weights yet)---treadmill & elliptical & working w/bands---I feel great! Im down 25 lbs since my pre-op diet started on turkey day. Just losing that 25 lbs has made me feel like a new person. My clothes are loose--even my shoes are!!
The only thing that has thrown me off is going back to work---I was able to be off almost a whole month--using vaca, holiday, sick & then my disability time (thank you God!)---so I go back to work & its like all my insecurities came flooding back!! I felt like my clothes werent loose enough--that I had gained back alot of the weight!! I just have to get over how I feel when Im at that place--and how my co-workers make me feel. 2 days back at work & I felt like this LARGE insignificant, invisible, useless person again. Hate that!!!
So, to go along w/my physical transformation, Im working on my emotional & mental too---I have such low self-esteem & low self-worth its crazy. To do that, Im forcing myself to get out of my comfort zone!! Im not sitting idle on the couch,watching tv for one. Im signing up for water aerobics & ready to try archery again!! All the things Ive wanted to do---Im doing them!! Archery, fencing, horseback riding----Im all in!!
This surgery is my ticket to places!! And Im taking over the workplace!! lol

Well yesterday was 1 month since my surgery! And my first fill was on Jan 4th--I got 4cc's.
I kind of panicked at first cause when I ate I didnt get that full feeling I thought I was supposed to. But Im measuring my food & sticking to the program. Ill just wait till my next visit in 6 weeks & see what happens.
Ive been doing my workouts (not weights yet)---treadmill & elliptical & working w/bands---I feel great! Im down 25 lbs since my pre-op diet started on turkey day. Just losing that 25 lbs has made me feel like a new person. My clothes are loose--even my shoes are!!
The only thing that has thrown me off is going back to work---I was able to be off almost a whole month--using vaca, holiday, sick & then my disability time (thank you God!)---so I go back to work & its like all my insecurities came flooding back!! I felt like my clothes werent loose enough--that I had gained back alot of the weight!! I just have to get over how I feel when Im at that place--and how my co-workers make me feel. 2 days back at work & I felt like this LARGE insignificant, invisible, useless person again. Hate that!!!
So, to go along w/my physical transformation, Im working on my emotional & mental too---I have such low self-esteem & low self-worth its crazy. To do that, Im forcing myself to get out of my comfort zone!! Im not sitting idle on the couch,watching tv for one. Im signing up for water aerobics & ready to try archery again!! All the things Ive wanted to do---Im doing them!! Archery, fencing, horseback riding----Im all in!!
This surgery is my ticket to places!! And Im taking over the workplace!! lol

So, today I am feeling a bit weird. Weak. Stoned (as one of my bandster friends said). Or like I just took some antihistamines. I think this is because I did not eat nearly enough yesterday. Not just protein, but anything. I wasn't hungry. I'm not hungry today, but I'm making myself eat. Frozen fruit pop, stock with protein added, jello. The doctor even said I can do yogurt at this point but, as I'm not a huge fan I would prefer not. I also did not get enough water in yesterday, so I'm having to remind myself to drink, drink, drink. Which leads me to the letter G.
 
G stands for Gas. Yes, gas. I have gas. On surgery day, the gas was really noticeable. It made me feel like someone punched me in my gut (another G). As the days progress, the gas gets less, but it is still there nonetheless. Thus, I make a point of getting up and moving frequently. This results in some rather significant belches, followed by my utterance of another G: "That was glorious." I'm not saying this to anyone in particular, as I live alone. I'm not even saying it to my cat, who is very sad that she cannot climb up on my belly for cuddles. I simply say it because each large belch really is glorious.
 
The not so glorious end of the gas is the farting. When I feel a fart come along, I must extricate myself from my bed and go to the bathroom because, more often than not and my apologies for the TMI, the fart is accompanied by diarrhea. Granted, this could be worse. My bathroom is only a few steps from my bed and the diarrhea is not of the sort that results in an RBA (raw, burning a**hole). So, as it is right now, I am accepting of the farting.
 
Yet another end of the gas is the third G for today's installment: Gurgling. When I walk, I gurgle. When I lay, I gurgle. And when I drink, I gurgle even more. I have a veritable symphony of gurgling going on in my gullet. I should start laying some notes down on staff, that's how musical my insides have become. I am like Pooh Bear. There is a rumbly in my tumbly.
 
Tomorrow, I am hoping for less gas and more feeling like myself. But for today, I will continue my Will & Grace marathon and enjoy the cacophony of sounds emanating from my abdomen.

Today is my 2 week anniversary post op. Since I started my pre-op diet on Thanksgiving day, I have lost 21 lbs! Not too bad for the amount of time. When I break it down, I've lost about 11 lbs since surgery (I think?!).
Ive been doing really well w/the pureed foods---I cheated yesterday & today w/some soft proteins--just some low calorie, yummy lunch meat. It was nice to chew again!
The best thing I've been doing for myself is going daily to the fitness center & walking on the treadmill---I do a little over 2 miles at a nice even pace & get that heart beating--even break a sweat. And then I take the dog on about 2 walks a day. You cant overestimate the importance of exercise---I have a sedentary job & after 26 years of sitting on my increasingly fatter a**, I really need to work on getting my metabolism going again.
Ive never had high blood pressure, but my regular Dr told me today that its at an even better level---Im looking forward to my next cholesterol test too! Get off those expensive pills...sheesh!
 
The band--the experience--its all that I make of it. I refuse to contemplate the idea of going thru all of this and then failing!! Not even an option.
Good Luck to us all!

Today is my 2 week anniversary post op. Since I started my pre-op diet on Thanksgiving day, I have lost 21 lbs! Not too bad for the amount of time. When I break it down, I've lost about 11 lbs since surgery (I think?!).
Ive been doing really well w/the pureed foods---I cheated yesterday & today w/some soft proteins--just some low calorie, yummy lunch meat. It was nice to chew again!
The best thing I've been doing for myself is going daily to the fitness center & walking on the treadmill---I do a little over 2 miles at a nice even pace & get that heart beating--even break a sweat. And then I take the dog on about 2 walks a day. You cant overestimate the importance of exercise---I have a sedentary job & after 26 years of sitting on my increasingly fatter a**, I really need to work on getting my metabolism going again.
Ive never had high blood pressure, but my regular Dr told me today that its at an even better level---Im looking forward to my next cholesterol test too! Get off those expensive pills...sheesh!
 
The band--the experience--its all that I make of it. I refuse to contemplate the idea of going thru all of this and then failing!! Not even an option.
Good Luck to us all!

Today is my 2 week anniversary post op. Since I started my pre-op diet on Thanksgiving day, I have lost 21 lbs! Not too bad for the amount of time. When I break it down, I've lost about 11 lbs since surgery (I think?!).
Ive been doing really well w/the pureed foods---I cheated yesterday & today w/some soft proteins--just some low calorie, yummy lunch meat. It was nice to chew again!
The best thing I've been doing for myself is going daily to the fitness center & walking on the treadmill---I do a little over 2 miles at a nice even pace & get that heart beating--even break a sweat. And then I take the dog on about 2 walks a day. You cant overestimate the importance of exercise---I have a sedentary job & after 26 years of sitting on my increasingly fatter a**, I really need to work on getting my metabolism going again.
Ive never had high blood pressure, but my regular Dr told me today that its at an even better level---Im looking forward to my next cholesterol test too! Get off those expensive pills...sheesh!
 
The band--the experience--its all that I make of it. I refuse to contemplate the idea of going thru all of this and then failing!! Not even an option.
Good Luck to us all!

Well, in about 1 hour I am due to check in at the hospital. My surgery is set for 8:15. I havent really allowed myself to get nervous---up till now! Yesterday I was in a cleaning frenzy & it kept the thoughts at bay. I did tell my husband the following: I will be telling the anesthiologist that he cant let my face start on fire, cant let me wake up during surgery. If I contract some weird bacterial illness, I will not wake up in 6 mos w/out any limbs & be happy that Im alive!! (I obviously read too many weird stories & obsess on strange things!! LOL) I also told him that if something went wrong, he was not allowed to date for at least 2 years & couldnt even think of re-marrying before 5 years. He has to focus on the cats & the dog!! LOL
Im not really worried about those things--they just kinda make me laugh & maybe not focus on the things that I could worry about. I do worry about what if even this type of extreme weight loss attempt Im not successful at? I've not done well at the other attempts, and I have heard of some who arent. But then I tell myself if I follow the diet & do the exercise, it'll take care of itself.
Im looking forward to horseback riding, having my picture taken w/out thinking twice about it, exercising at a higher level than now, wearing summer clothes, going shopping for clothes in a normal store/normal section, riding a roller coaster, fitting in an airplane seat----the list goes on & on for me!
And not to be too TMI, but a better sex life!! lol
Im looking forward to the improved me!!
Good Luck to all my fellow December Bandsters!

Well, here I am Day 1 of the liquid pre-op diet. Yes, I know, I can't believe myself that I'm starting the day before Thanksgiving. But, oh well, I wanted to get the surgery as soon as possible. Which, BTW is on December 8. I'm so excited.
 
So far, I've done well. I just drank my 2nd Optifast shake. They taste great. I'm drinking my water and had my coffee this morning.
 
Will write more as the day progresses.