Well yesterday out of pure want to i tried on my wedding dress from 2009. I put on the slip that wouldn't stay up with out a fight, i put the suckeriner bra thing on that i didn't need extenders for any more and i gracefully stepped into my wedding dress that was about six sizes too big. As i thought back to my wedding day i thought about before the wedding the scared feelings that excitement then i remembered thinking what am i going to look like in the pics? I thought omg call off the wedding im a cow. But i said oh well im not going to change in one day so lets get this over with. Needless to say i hated all the pics of my wedding that had me in them.
And now here i am about three years later in the same dress thinking damn i wish i would have been this skinny the day of my wedding. And that makes me think should i sell this dress and buy a new one with the money i get from the old one and do it again lol or maybe just take all the pictures again. But here is the thing that was me. And my husband married me for me not for what i looked like but me. Im still the same person there is just less of me. And my husband seems to love me just as much as he did the day we said "I DO" so sitting in that dress made me realize that i was happy about the wedding and the wedding pics after all. So i pulled the dress off and i hung it up and that is where it is going to stay if for nothing else but a reminder that even fat i was still beautiful to someone.
Its so easy to think that once you are looking cute that you were just ugly before and that everyone saw your ugliness but you. but really your only as pretty as you make your self out to be. I know most all Americans don't see it this way but this is how it should be. It really doesn't matter what you look like on the outside what matters the most is how you are on the inside. You can be the most beautiful person on the out side but if the inside is nothing but rotten it make you not look so beautiful after all. Any ways i realized that im the same person i have always been nothing really changed but my outside shell. And that is something to smile about. And now im not treated like an ogar but treated like the person i always thought that i was but no one could see but me and my husband who made it very clear that i was always beautiful to him. And once i stoped hatting myself and could see that the more beautiful i have become no one is ugly because they are fat and no one should hate themselves because they are fat that should love the person that they are. And if at the end of the day you can love the fat you as well as the new you then its a good day.
So for that i want to say thank you to the most loving man i have ever met.
