Matt Z

First and foremost you need to tell him Everything you need and want to, doesn't matter if he wants to hear it or not, you NEED to tell him how you feel, stick with I statements. I feel this way when this. I feel this way when that. Keep them pointed at you, so he doesn't feel attacked and shut down before you can even get started. Do not be afraid to tell him that he's going to end up pushing you away. You said he's overweight too, odds are he's jealous of your progress, how you are (I'm sure) feeling MUCH better, more energy, more attention from others. He's more than likely upset that he feels he's being left behind. But all of that is on him not you. You are not and will never be responsible for anyone other than your own reactions. If he's upset, that's for him to figure out why, is he upset that you are losing weight? If so... that's not your problem or fault or responsibility to fix for him. My wife and I have been married for almost 22 years now. I've known my wife was bi for 23+ years. It wasn't until a good 5 years into our marriage that she finally "saw" it as well. I got fat... almost 400 ish (sitting at 190ish now) I knew that I wasn't providing her the things she needed to feel "complete" or "fulfilled" sexually. I handled the Male side of things ok, but I got a lot of "not now, I don't feel good" etc, I constantly felt like I was being pushed away. When we started opening our relationship up, we talked.... a lot. Who wanted what, why, what were the rules, boundaries, etc. We had long, very embarrassing discussions. But in the end, we both knew where we were and what was needed to keep each of us "happy" together. The idea wasn't to replace, it was to fill in. I could never be a woman, even with things being hidden by fat and having breasts... I'm not woman and never will be, so, in my mind, how can I be mad at her for wanting what I can't provide. So rules in hand we started to go out and meet people, together. I pushed her to go dance and be playful and to have fun. At first she was afraid I would be left out, and I knew I would be. And I was. But she had her time, I got some time too with a few but for the most part, it was all for her. Then I lost the weight. The wife was never really THAT big, she did hit 170-190 ish at one point, but that was because the whole house was eating like crap. I lost weight and so did she. We started working out together. We started getting more attention from others as well. My big issue is that, she reacts to me the way I would react when I was big. I was unhappy with myself, super self conscious, hated myself and lashed out a lot. She was reacting to the old me, not the new me. That spun some new deep convos, one we still work on. We met our current girlfriend back in October. At first she was really into the wife, but also interested in me, but as she was more gay than bi, it was the wife she was found of, but that slowly changed, our GF had some issues with past trauma from other GFs, so I because this shelter, and the roles that my wife and I dealth with for years, reversed. Now she's the one that feels left out or pushed aside, not that she is, just that, that's how she feels. So more and more long awkward open convos and things are so much better. I think the take away is, open up and talk. Drop your most uncomfortable information right in his lap and let him deal with it. Most men were brought up not to express ANY emotion or weakness. I've worked hard to push past that, I know that if I"m upset, I'm allowed to be upset. I cry, I get emotional, I get sad and pissed. I get needy and want to feel loved or want to feel desired. I know that a lot of my control issues come from lack of control and other things from my past, but, the 3 of us talk often. We sit down and discuss things. We have gotten to the point where one of us can request "private time" with the other and no one gets upset about it. It's been very VERY hard. All the body issues I face, control issues I face, jealousy, envy, etc. All gets sorted when talk. Not to say that you'll talk and it'll end up great for the 2 of you, but as some have pointed out above, sometimes we change and no longer fit with our spouse. And there really isn't anything wrong with that. Humans grown, change and evolve. You've made a drastic evolution. Why is he upset? Only he knows for sure. Good luck and congrats on the loss! You look like you feel MUCH better!

As stated above, square inch for square inch Muscle weighs more than fat. So as you reduce fat stores and increase muscle mass, you can see weight gains. That's why I've pushed so hard for people to stop tracking weight as a specific number and start looking at the trend. I've tracked weight and body fat my whole process, not really caring about the numbers exactly, but what I was doing and which direction those numbers moved. The more I work out for muscle, my body fat drops and my weight gains. When I focus on cardio, my weight drops, sometimes body fat does as well, but not as fast as when working out for muscle gain. This is because larger muscle mass requires more energy in rest than smaller muscles do, so, bigger muscle mass, larger fuel requirements, faster fat breakdown. Plus,our bodies get used to what's going on and start to level off. Check into Intermittent Fasting if you haven't yet, really get me through some serious stalls.

This is very important. I'm starting to creep up on 200 again, but I've been working out so my body fat is dropping while the weight might increase.

I'm in a similar boat, started the whole ordeal at around 400 lbs. I've been floating right around 190 for the last year or so now. I never thought I'd see 250 again, let alone be sub 200!! Congrats!

Big tip, Stop worrying about weight loss right now. Focus on your intakes. The rest will fall into line. It sucks, but it's worth it... so worth it. Get those habits instilled now. That said, this is normal. It will pass, just work on your water and whatever, this will pass.

I figured it would be nice to have a section where we could just confess to some of the potentially dumb things we've done, pre or post op. Just so others can see we are all human. I want this to be kept as civil as possible, where people can own up to things without anyone else chiming in with anything negative, we all know what we did wasn't "right" but I'm sure we ALL have done something we shouldn't have. I'll start. I cheated on my pre-op diet a few times. I also like to find loop holes and exploit the crap out of them. I drank beer for a week+ on my pre-op, because it didn't say I couldn't. I only stopped after I was forced to, because my wife asked my surgeon and of course they said "no"... boo. I also ate a whole slice of French Meat Pie at my Dad's 60th birthday luncheon. I cheated on my post-op diet/puree stage a bit too. I ate rice cakes and protein chips or other veggie chips. Not a lot, but it happened. I "pureed" a steak and cheese sandwich once. I ate a few fried ravioli on my puree stage as well. This past weekend, I had a beer. My wife and I took my parents out to dinner at a local casino, it's Restaurant week, so we found a good looking location and went out to eat, part of the deal was that you got a draft beer with your meal. So, I had a shipyard summer ale with my grilled chicken parm sandwich (only ended up eating 3 bites of the chicken and none of the bread). I did all that thus far and nothing bad happened. I understand the changes are to ensure we stick to our diets, but understanding that we are all human and WILL either slip up or just stray from our diets on purpose like I did. It's good to see that, it's possible to still live and be able to enjoy a few things we "shouldn't" without any negatives happening. So, what's your WLS confession?

You'll want to hold off for a year or so, to make sure you've got your weight stable and have all the good habits set in. You'll be able to drink again at some point. But it's going to be different. For me, I cannot drink harder liquors now, I get way too drunk, way too quick and end up not being pleasant at all. Beer, I can put down like 1 an hour or so but have to watch because they do creep up on me.

Chat room hasn't existed in years... fyi.

The band didn't perform up to advertised / reported specs. Ended up with some minor issues and struggled to keep the weight off. Revised to Bypass, dropped the rest of my weight and have kept it off for over a year now. Coming up on 2 years post revision in March.

Let me rephrase. I feel down right Fantastic overall. Stairs... not even a second thought. Walking, hiking, hell... running. No concerns. Buying clothes that fit in a "normal" store in the "normal" section without having to pay XX fees... I almost cried the first time. My wife and I are enjoying my new found energy, we go out dancing all the time now. I just feel so much better than I did when I was heavy. SO.MUCH.BETTER!!!!

I had my removal and update to Bypass done at the same time. I'm so glad I revised!

Check into Intermittent Fasting. It's broken me through so many stalls. When I hit my hard stall at 230, I thought I was done for sure. I'm sitting between 180 and 190 now.

Better photo to highlight the losses, since you can see my side view better. I feel pretty damn good. Migraine and anxiety disorders causing a feedback loop that triggers each other, but that's another story. I can do so much now it's amazing. I just love going out and doing stuff. I don't mind when people look at me, I don't instantly think they are all "omg that fat guy is gross". I've gotten lots of looks and smiles now. I feel like I did when I was 18-20... less the back pain LOL

Close to 400 in the first, 180 in the second.