Corey Coffey

how do we deal with loosing those close relationships, like siblings and family? all because we decide to do something about our weight once and for all? What are we suppose to do stay morbid obese just for them? And then if we manage to take the weight all down and keep it off, how do we deal with the loss of those once relationships esp. blood like siblings?

It depends on what you are doing. if you are working out every day, and you are done with the fat burning phase, you are going to need some carbs to get you thru your day without crashing blood sugar wise. It also depends on your overall health status, (diabetis? do you need to take any meds like insulin or metformin?) Follow your Doc's guidelines if you are needing any meds because sugar levels going to low can be bad. But to high and well you know. Nobody is a one size fits all.

That is a very hard thing, what the other poster said about never dating someone who was obesee, now that they where at a healthier body weight(goal weight). We have worked so hard to change our bodies and improve our health, that sometimes it might seem taboo to date someone who is obese, for fear that their eating habbits will pull us back to unhealthy ways. Every person has to come to their own resolutions about their bodies and weight, in their own time and way. Bariactrics is not a fix all, it's just part of the bigger solution. From my own personal experiences, it is very difficult to stay on the diet/task at hand when you are the only one in the house with restrctions on diet. And sometimes there is resentment on both sides. I wish sometimes that my husband could feel the distain I feel when I've gained weight and my bras don't fit or my jeans are to tight, it sucks. I know that going backwards will literally make me go backwards. Sometimes I think the spouses who are not surgically intervined need more therapy then we do.

I regret my Lapband 100% because after a year it stoped working and now here I am six years later and i'm just a big as before. Time to revise, To what I have no clue. my advice: Look at your other options such as bypass or vsg(formerly called stomach stapling) This balloon thing that is a sham and only a temporary fix.

do you think maybe it's fear? Maybe you are affraid of the unknown? Yes the eating pattern is different especially just after surgery, liquids in small measured amounts because well you have just had surgery. When your band is working properly, you will be able to eat small healthy meals and the weight will come off(trust me I will). but when your band is giving you grief. you will know it, pain when eating, frequent stuck episodes or even weigh regain. If you are a woman, be careful you can get to tight during your period that can lead to problems. (to tight, shoulder pain, frequent puking ect. The signs of complications are not widely talked about. Loss of restriction, shoulder pain ect. difficulty with our bowels or even band failure. Do your homework before making the final decision on to Lapband or not. It does not work for everyone some times the Doctors don 't know what they are doing, and sometimes the body just will not play along. If I where you I'd research all of your other options, RNY has been around the longest and the sleve is still "new" in comparison. Me honestly I should have done RNY, but I was scared shitless about a major insision going down my abdomen. But now I don't care most of the weight has come back and I just wan this thing out. Then when I heal i'll see about the big cut.

Not having support from your spouse/loved one(s) can absolutely suck. They may say they got your back but they may silently sabotage you in other ways. My family has done the following to my efforts since I got banded almost 4 years ago. -dinner over at my little sisters (did I mention she is also morbidly obese?) she had NOTHING out for me that was lapband friendly. I asked her before coming over should I bring something for myself that we can all share maybe that is band appropriate? Her response "No I got it covered you are traveling a long way don't worry about it". We get there and there is absolutely nothing I can eat everything is Pasta, or fried or dried out meat or stuffed She then says to me WHY can't you eat that? what you don't like my cooking? I respond to her Phoebe it's not that I don't like your cooking it's just hat none of this stuff will go thru my lapband/internal outlet I could get stuck or stretch out my pouch. I'll just have tea. She flew off the handle at me and said "you have turned into a fucking stuck up bitch since you lost the weight just eat it!". I had one bite of overdone ravioli puked and went home. -Friends/family that use to love to go shopping with you will no longer once you are down to the smallest size in Laynebrant/Avenue. Or they realize that you look like a supermodel because you took time and effort to have surgery to help you with your weight loss goals. That is what hurts the most I think when sisters and friends distance themselves from you because of your changing body, I think it brings out some of their own fears about the obesity and it goes way beyond looks. -My husband has become slightly insecure within our relationship. I lost 78 pounds within the first year, the guys at his job started to notice and they said something to him. One I'd never leave him I love him to much beer gut and all. -he will insist we go out to eat at places that are not really good for me and sometimes he refuses to buy groceries. Its almost like he wants me to fail. This I don't understand because if the shoe was on the other foot I'd do everything under the sun to help him reach his goals. I know some marriages do not make it after banding because the change in the surgical spouse is too different from the non surgical spouse. -I had to tell my friends and family to basically bug out because I am not going back to my old ways to make them feel better about themselves. And that is the part that hurts is that friends and family they should love you fat or thin. I guess surgery sometimes shakes up the family tree in ways that are not good. wonder how do we deal with it?

your article enduced tears. It hurts to know that WLS for some does cause huge difficulties in their relationships. I wish that more surgons offered counseling for married couples and their families whn someone goes thru a transformation like this sometimes it can be shattering. I choseWLS and my spouse did not. My siblings do not understand my process and think i've become "stuck up and self centered". Obesity is a disease and WLS is a tool to fight that disease. I aplaude your efforts.

if you are not comfortable w/ your surgon for whatever reason, you have the right to find alternate care. Sometimes the lapband is not for everyone(complications ect). Your insurance co. should beable to point you in the right direction for alternate care in terms of keeping your band, or removal. you can also talk with your primary care MD. Maybe he./she can give you a referal for alternate bariactric services. As with any implant removal might be needed for your health.

you are doing this for your health, deciding to have surgery that is the hard part. Welcome to the fray girl, you will be fine

This is such a reminder that WLS is not a fast process, we did not put on all this excessive weight overnight. For some the body gets to a point where it starts fighting our process. I think it is a visual reminder that if we get into a rough patch(band giving us difficulty, family, emotional, speritual,) to take time and deal with it. Weight loss is a whole body process including our family and sperit. For me it's been a long process and I only have around sixty more pounds to loose and my body is fighting me tooth and nail where the first 78 pounds just seemed to "slide off" like a pair of to big jeans. Sometimes our physiological process can be hiding underlying disorders. Talk to your surgon if you are struggling. They had to go thru medical school and they should be somewhat knowledgeable if other bodysystems start to go hay-wire. Keep chizzling away there is something unique under the obesity, a healthier you. ---C. Coffey

The lapband is good for PCOS because you can't (should not) eat the things that will increase your glycemic load(bread, rice, sweets, pasta) And if you stay on your metformin, you may stand a chance of spontaneous ovulation. Wommen with PCOS have a high m/c rate so if you do get pregnant be sure you an be put on crinnione (progesterone) to help you keep your pregnancy. Your thyroid should also be tested. As I learned that PCOS and thyroid disorders go hand in hand. The weight loss i know is a struggle no matter how you do it because of the insulin resistance. But if you stick with it th weight should come off. Talk to your surgon about how to have a healthy pregnancy if banded. --Kouri

You guys asked some great questions. I wonder for those of us who have had subclinical hypothyroid then get banded and have pcos, if the thyroid can just tap out after fast weight loss? I dropped almost 76 pounds in six months my first year. Then things just stalled. I'm almost 3 years out and I can't get the last 50 or so off. I'm pissed and frustrated. I'm not doing very well with my thyroid either I feel menapausal and i'm only in my early 30's. not to mention the Water retention and the mood swings. I just want to get back to normal. When they regulate the thyroid does the weight loss take back off or are we just "stuck" in limbo?

when you are obesee/morbidly obesee it is difficult to look at yourself sometimes period. When we take the step and have WLS then change happens sometimes it is hard to physically "see" our "new" self. I've lost almost 100 pounds with my band and to my husband and friends and family I look "totally' different. Yes I'm still considered plus sized (i'm currently a size 16/18 14/16W) depending on what the item is. That's a far cry from the 22/24 26/28 I was almost 4 years ago when I thought about doing something about my weight. Getting rid of my baggy clothes in the begining was fun, my husband went and bought me new smaller things. Now as I'm "exiting" the true wommen's sizes in the store and going elsewhere. I feel strange, forgien and kind of scared. I don't know why I feel this way. I guess I still see my fat self. I zone in on my arms and bobs(still huge) and my legs. My husband says I'm volumptuous but to me I still see F A T. This is the part of the journey that no one talks about. And I wonder can I go another 50 pounds and get into a weight that is below 200 lbs? How will I feel? I notice that the guys look, some of them even stare. It makes me feel so self concious. I'm working on it. Weeding out the clohtes that are so big even a taylor could not help them, and agreing to having some of my nicer clothes taken in to show off my shape. That is hard after living in boxy clothing for so long to think that I have a shape is shocking. And my husband encourages this bad behavior(bless his heart). I stalled out for almost a year and it sucked I even regained weight, then the weight came off I stoped seeing my WLS surgon because I was discusted with myself. I basically snapped. Come to find out something is not right with me in the endocrine department and that can kill weight loss. So back to more doctors and hopefuly a rebound of my metabolism so i can maybe see what ife is like below that 200 marker on the scale. 170 are you an illusion or a reality? ---Kouri

it depends on the style of gown and the undergarments worn underneath. Also the sample gowns have been tried on by many brides to be, so they are not as "tight" as a New gown from the manufactuer. Fibers stretch with waring just like a pair of levis the same is true for formal attire. Whatever you choose remember it is easier to take a dress down the let it out. So with that in mind if your bust is say a 14/16 but your hips ar fitting into say an 18.20. Then go with the larger size the seamstress can take it down for you no problem. Happy dress shoping and enjoy your special day.

hi, yes the dark Patches you refference is part of insulin resistance, have you been tested for PCOS? (polycystic ovarian syndrome/disease)? that is a classic marker of the disorder. following a low carb diet and adding metformin does help IF you have insulin resistance. Your doctor can test your A1C, thru a fasting suggar test. Does anyone in your family have Diabetis? or had gestational diabetis durring pregnancy? They say lapbanding works for PCOS I took of 74lbs w/ metformin, low carb and lap band. talk to your doctor. best of luck.