omamilam

I have not always been fat.  It just kind of sneaked up on me one pound at a time.  I am the classic yo-yo dieter for the past 30 years gaining back the weight I lost plus some. I was 120 in college and haven't seen that on the scale in what seems forever. I'm not sure if I want to be that small again. I worry  I may look anorexic at 54 years old at that weight now, maybe 140 would look nice on my 5'5" frame.  

I want to be able to shop in the smaller sizes in the store and not have to wear plus sizes anymore.  The trendy styles just don't look good on a fat person.  I want to look sexy in that little black dress and feel good about myself and how I look.  Looking HOT for my hubby is more important to me than him.  He loves me the way I am no matter how much I weigh.  Right now when I look in the mirror I look big but when I get back pictures, I look enormous. I can't believe it is me in that photo. I ask myself, "Am I really that big?".

I am retired/disabled due to an auto accident.  I walk with a cane and use a mobility scooter for long distances and events.   I have become so heavy my knees can not support my weight anymore.   It is difficult to exercise due to my back injury.  My back pain seems to be worse with the recent extra weight gain.  

I am concerned about my face getting lots of wrinkles after weight loss.  Having sacking skin is also a big concern.  I know I will never be able to wear a bikini again but at my age it would be just weird.  

I am looking forward to finding the thin me again.  A part of me can't wait yet another is still a little scared.  What if I don't wake up from surgery or be one of the few statistics that die from complications?  I have a low threshold for pain and a high tolerance for pain medication. It sucks cause I know there will be some pain involved.  Yes, I'm a big fat chicken.

The other most important thing for me to lose weight is that I want to get rid of some of the many medications I have to take to survive.  I take 9 in the morning and 8 at night plus insulin.  I want to be cured of diabetes and this surgery is one way to do it.