Mrs.Prisses

Today I went to lunch with co workers for the first time since being sleeved. Its the first time eating in front of anyone besides family and close friends. We went to this swanky, high end place in a very pricey and exclusive part of town. (Think mid-west Beverly Hills type scene). Lots of noses in the air and foods with no prices next to them. I would have been more comfortable at Chili's
 
*sidebar* Last week we had a meeting at work with a taco bar and I was able to eat my half taco unnoticed. There were like 20 people in the room. THIS lunch, however, was very intimate. There were 7 of us at a table in this mood-lit room. I was being very quiet (which is SO not me) because 1- I was freeezing cold and 2- I knew what was coming. There were 2 people there whom I am sure do not know about my sleeve. Anyone who knows me, though, knows that I don't mind sharing. The other people who knew (one was my boss and one my best work friend and one who is getting R N Y) had told the secretary (who was at the table as well). Keeping up? That's 4. One of the 2 who did not know...I don't really like her so I had no interest in speaking to her at all...and the other (who sat right across from me) I don't really mind so much. BUT he is a loud, gaudy guy so...make your own inferences.
 
So...We all sit and ponder what to order. I noticed that there were many foods on the menu that I am allergic to AND that I just can't have yet (raw fruits and veggies). What happens? I was forced to order the most expensive menu item AND ask for a substitution! Now, my co workers all look at each other like "Uhm hum...HERE goes Mrs. Prisses...BOUGIE!" But I really had to order the best thing for my sleeve. It doesn't help that I am the only...ethnic one...at the table (of maybe 4 in the whole establishment). Mind you, I am not so bothered by this...I am very secure in myself and can hang with any crowd. Here comes the part that bothers me...
 
Everyone orders dessert first (none for me, thanks)...Then orders the meals. They SCARFED down their food...FAST! I mean these people didn't conversate between bits or anything. They ate like some starving Ethiopians! So...here's me with my filet and roasted asparagus with wild mushrooms...looking around like "Uhm...stop watching me eat!" And here is the guy across from me like "Oh you don't like your food?" Then the waitress "Oh, is there a problem?" and me again "No, its wonderful thank you." And I have to tell the guy all about my sleeve just to keep him from going on and on. Now...I didn't HAVE to tell him but I felt so awkward and icky...
 
What I did learn; 1- no pressure or situation will MAKE me over eat again (YAY)
2- nothing can embarrass me more than having attention drawn to BAD eating habits, so its fine to get looks and comments on "eating like a bird" (but weird because I am STILL fat so it just ends up looking precocious.)
3- Always order off the appetizer menu
4- Thank GOD for giving me the visual of what it looks like to eat like a wild animal...and that I will never do it again!
5- There are going to be many awkward moments, and that's okay. I am doing this for me...not ANYONE ELSE!

It' s VALENTINE'S DAY. Big romantic deal. My hubby is sweet and all...but someone brought these cupcakes to work...and they looked REAL good... Here's the deal;
I have been sleeved and have changed my life. I live an active lifestyle and make healthy eating choices.
I exercise regularly and take vitamins and drink water.
I live a healthy life now...
That being said; it is VERY unhealthy to sit and obsess over a little ball of dough and some icing...and sprinkles. So I ate half a cup cake...AND?

I am a recovering faker. VSG Ready- I, too, have put on airs in order to keep those at bay who may threaten me in some way. That threat me be emotional, like potential rejection, or mental, like if they find out I am this insecure surely they will stone and flog me. But, I learned something while buying mascara. Want to hear it? Here it goes;
 
Usually I put on my make up, maybe some hair, and then sit in front of the closet for an hour thinking about what to wear and what it will say about me. I don't want to look unprofessional, but I don't want to look out of date, but I don't want to look matronly, but not like a trend follower... and on and on. So one day as I am sitting there going thru my usual, this commercial came on for Falsies Flared Mascara. Now, I don't consider myself a superficial person by any means...but, I do place value on MY OWN outward appearance based on how I feel about ME that day. In particular, I value having a pretty face and nice hair because it distracts ME from the obvious (I won't dignify IT with a name...you know where we are, you know what it is). So, on this day, this commercial came on and I thought "Dang, that stuff gives you 'wings'? I need lash wings!"
*sidebar* All of us have SOMETHING we use to distract from SOMETHING ELSE that we don't find desirable about ourselves. Many of us here are natural caregivers, sweet and cheerful people with strong personalities. But, in efforts not to be the "jolly fat girl" or the "Big mean black girl" or the "Mammy, advice giving and enabling black woman" we mask our natural qualities (even if they align with those characters). Sadly, too often we feel so different then we look that we misunderstand or over exaggerate how others see us. Its time for us to see ourselves as we are- Created fearfully and wonderfully by God.
So, I go to Walgreen's to buy the stuff that gives you wings and its like 8 or 9 dollars. Being the frugal lady that I am , I had to ponder; "Is this worth 9$?" Then I thought back on all the fast food meals I bought, all the money I spent on clothes that were "slimming" (yea, put on the fat suit then buy clothes that cover it up), and I thought about how messed up I was making my mind. Eat for comfort, lie about who you are and how you feel about it, then hide try to hide it, then be sad and angry about how OTHERS treat you? Psyco big gurl say wha??
To make a long story short, I did get my mascara...but I started putting it on to ENHANCE who I am, not hide me. I do still wear make up and sometimes hair...but because it makes me feel good to put that kind of time in on myself. I am sleeved and losing so I am having an even harder time finding clothes. But, I don't worry out what people think. If I FEEL good, then I'm good, dangit! And you know what else? Sometimes, I AM an angry black women, and sometimes I am in a jolly a$$ mood. So what? I now wake up everyday knowing that I am not perfect and I will say something real stupid today. And I will probably lose my keys, or trip over the corner of a rug...and I'm just fine with that.
God didn't make no junk and HE made ME. He loves me unconditionally and knows the number of hairs on my head (and in my weaves)! I honor God by accepting me and accepting that I change daily and it's not always perfection.
I hope that all of you feel me when I say- You are HIS and HE ain't make NO JUNK!

Today I went to lunch with co workers for the first time since being sleeved. Its the first time eating in front of anyone besides family and close friends. We went to this swanky, high end place in a very pricey and exclusive part of town. (Think mid-west Beverly Hills type scene). Lots of noses in the air and foods with no prices next to them. I would have been more comfortable at Chili's
 
*sidebar* Last week we had a meeting at work with a taco bar and I was able to eat my half taco unnoticed. There were like 20 people in the room. THIS lunch, however, was very intimate. There were 7 of us at a table in this mood-lit room. I was being very quiet (which is SO not me) because 1- I was freeezing cold and 2- I knew what was coming. There were 2 people there whom I am sure do not know about my sleeve. Anyone who knows me, though, knows that I don't mind sharing. The other people who knew (one was my boss and one my best work friend and one who is getting R N Y) had told the secretary (who was at the table as well). Keeping up? That's 4. One of the 2 who did not know...I don't really like her so I had no interest in speaking to her at all...and the other (who sat right across from me) I don't really mind so much. BUT he is a loud, gaudy guy so...make your own inferences.
 
So...We all sit and ponder what to order. I noticed that there were many foods on the menu that I am allergic to AND that I just can't have yet (raw fruits and veggies). What happens? I was forced to order the most expensive menu item AND ask for a substitution! Now, my co workers all look at each other like "Uhm hum...HERE goes Mrs. Prisses...BOUGIE!" But I really had to order the best thing for my sleeve. It doesn't help that I am the only...ethnic one...at the table (of maybe 4 in the whole establishment). Mind you, I am not so bothered by this...I am very secure in myself and can hang with any crowd. Here comes the part that bothers me...
 
Everyone orders dessert first (none for me, thanks)...Then orders the meals. They SCARFED down their food...FAST! I mean these people didn't conversate between bits or anything. They ate like some starving Ethiopians! So...here's me with my filet and roasted asparagus with wild mushrooms...looking around like "Uhm...stop watching me eat!" And here is the guy across from me like "Oh you don't like your food?" Then the waitress "Oh, is there a problem?" and me again "No, its wonderful thank you." And I have to tell the guy all about my sleeve just to keep him from going on and on. Now...I didn't HAVE to tell him but I felt so awkward and icky...
 
What I did learn; 1- no pressure or situation will MAKE me over eat again (YAY)
2- nothing can embarrass me more than having attention drawn to BAD eating habits, so its fine to get looks and comments on "eating like a bird" (but weird because I am STILL fat so it just ends up looking precocious.)
3- Always order off the appetizer menu
4- Thank GOD for giving me the visual of what it looks like to eat like a wild animal...and that I will never do it again!
5- There are going to be many awkward moments, and that's okay. I am doing this for me...not ANYONE ELSE!

The last couple of days have been tough. Yesterday I was sorta hungry but in looking back on my intake, I was right where I was supposed to be. I had my vitamins and fluids too. Normally, I get home and have so many things to do, running around with my two boys that I don't have time to be bored but the schedule has been good this week, therefore I have had some down time.
 
Well, I was bored. TV doesn't interest me much. There are only a couple of programs I care to watch. I was too tired/lazy to work out so I sat there with my thoughts. I have that problem somtimes, I am bored stiff but to lazy to do anything about it. That was yesterday. Ultimately, I ended up reading for several hours.
 
Although I slept well, I still feel tired. Now I feel bored at work instead of bored at home. One of my big motivations for surgery was to lose the weight and find that source of energy inside. I'm down 36 pounds in five weeks and I do feel better but I am not yet seeing an increase in energy.
 
Let me know if you find my motivation some where, because I seem to have misplaced mine. LOL

I am a recovering faker. VSG Ready- I, too, have put on airs in order to keep those at bay who may threaten me in some way. That threat me be emotional, like potential rejection, or mental, like if they find out I am this insecure surely they will stone and flog me. But, I learned something while buying mascara. Want to hear it? Here it goes;
 
Usually I put on my make up, maybe some hair, and then sit in front of the closet for an hour thinking about what to wear and what it will say about me. I don't want to look unprofessional, but I don't want to look out of date, but I don't want to look matronly, but not like a trend follower... and on and on. So one day as I am sitting there going thru my usual, this commercial came on for Falsies Flared Mascara. Now, I don't consider myself a superficial person by any means...but, I do place value on MY OWN outward appearance based on how I feel about ME that day. In particular, I value having a pretty face and nice hair because it distracts ME from the obvious (I won't dignify IT with a name...you know where we are, you know what it is). So, on this day, this commercial came on and I thought "Dang, that stuff gives you 'wings'? I need lash wings!"
*sidebar* All of us have SOMETHING we use to distract from SOMETHING ELSE that we don't find desirable about ourselves. Many of us here are natural caregivers, sweet and cheerful people with strong personalities. But, in efforts not to be the "jolly fat girl" or the "Big mean black girl" or the "Mammy, advice giving and enabling black woman" we mask our natural qualities (even if they align with those characters). Sadly, too often we feel so different then we look that we misunderstand or over exaggerate how others see us. Its time for us to see ourselves as we are- Created fearfully and wonderfully by God.
So, I go to Walgreen's to buy the stuff that gives you wings and its like 8 or 9 dollars. Being the frugal lady that I am , I had to ponder; "Is this worth 9$?" Then I thought back on all the fast food meals I bought, all the money I spent on clothes that were "slimming" (yea, put on the fat suit then buy clothes that cover it up), and I thought about how messed up I was making my mind. Eat for comfort, lie about who you are and how you feel about it, then hide try to hide it, then be sad and angry about how OTHERS treat you? Psyco big gurl say wha??
To make a long story short, I did get my mascara...but I started putting it on to ENHANCE who I am, not hide me. I do still wear make up and sometimes hair...but because it makes me feel good to put that kind of time in on myself. I am sleeved and losing so I am having an even harder time finding clothes. But, I don't worry out what people think. If I FEEL good, then I'm good, dangit! And you know what else? Sometimes, I AM an angry black women, and sometimes I am in a jolly a$$ mood. So what? I now wake up everyday knowing that I am not perfect and I will say something real stupid today. And I will probably lose my keys, or trip over the corner of a rug...and I'm just fine with that.
God didn't make no junk and HE made ME. He loves me unconditionally and knows the number of hairs on my head (and in my weaves)! I honor God by accepting me and accepting that I change daily and it's not always perfection.
I hope that all of you feel me when I say- You are HIS and HE ain't make NO JUNK!

Today while preparing for a meeting at work my bosses boss came up to me and inquired; "I heard you had surgery. What does that do for you?" After hearing my spiel, she asked if I was interested in speaking about the journey toward health. (I work for a nation wide fitness company who has many other ventures on the fringe of what it does). My initial reaction was not shock or offense...even tho I wondered who had been talking about me. It made me feel good that she noticed how much weight I lost, but, made me feel even better because I would LOVE to shout to the world that you don't have to take morbid obesity sitting down! In essence, I think that what the devil meant for harm (gossip) was turned into a great opportunity (as God often makes it).
I didn't wear any makeup or hair or any jewelry today. I didn't have much in my closet that fit so I picked basic black pants and a button up top. Nothing about me today stood out in any manner. To be noticed because I am pursuing health, weather its negative attention or positive, says something to me.
Today, I woke up with my mind on 1000 things. I asked the Lord to guide me thru them all. I may have skipped the "Prisses" today but I managed to focus on what is real.
Today, keeping it real went right.

Alright so now I am officially a blogger, right? First things first, I will map out my journey;
October 5, 2011- I attended a seminar about weight loss surgeries at KC Bariatric (which is far off in Lenexa Kansas)
October 20, 2011-I had my first meeting with Dr. Kowalski (that's my surgeon)
October 25,2011- I had my EGD which was required pre op
November 2, 2011- I went to the nutrition class, the physical therapist, and took the post op education class
November 7, 2011- I had my physical which was also required
November 18, 2011- I paid my program fee to the surgery center (skipped the cable bill, too)
November 19, 2011- I had my psych eval...they found out that I am only a little nuts
November 21, 2011- I had my f/u psych consultation where the previous findings were confirmed
December 12, 2011- I got insurance approval (and I was glad it was on the phone because I would have kissed the lady
December 14, 2011- Started my pre op hell diet
December 18, 2011- Had my pre op labs done
December 19, 2011- Met with Dr. K a second time (decided that I will call him Dr. K because he will be looking all up in my guts, may as well be friends!)
December 26, 2011- HAD MY SLEEVE INSTALLED
That's it.
Here I am January, 20, 2012 36 pounds lighter and ready to blog about it!

Hey Everybody,
So it seems my freedom with food is slowly but surely coming to an end (which is a good thing I'm sure, but scary non-the-less...). My pre-op diet is approaching soon... Nov. 28, a week and a half from now. I don't know why but it seems like I am dreading this the most. Maybe its because I have my old stomach still, and I know I am going to be hungry. I am mentally preparing myself the best I can, but I'm not sure what to expect. I've never really done a true fast like this before.
 
I've been looking for recipes online to help mix up the shake flavors... any suggestions out there? I'm open to whatever will get me through these upcoming two weeks. My dad who had the lap band done about 5 years ago has committed to doing the fast with me so maybe it will help having someone else going through the same thing.
 
Also, I've been reading people's posts about who to tell about surgery... to tell or not to tell?... that seems to be a big question??... I don't know either. I have told my parents, my 2 sisters(one of which was more critical than the other... as expected... she's a physical therapist), my 2 best friends, and another friend who has had the surgery. This seems to be the only people I want to tell. My family thinks I should tell my overly critical grandmother, just so she will know what is going on, but truthfully I don't want her to know. I have heard enough from her about my weight throughout my life. I just want to show up at her house one day and be skinny. lol. I don't know what is best. Any thoughts on this too?
 
Well... those are my ramblings for the day... let me know what you think!