bjstrans4mation

Today I went to lunch with co workers for the first time since being sleeved. Its the first time eating in front of anyone besides family and close friends. We went to this swanky, high end place in a very pricey and exclusive part of town. (Think mid-west Beverly Hills type scene). Lots of noses in the air and foods with no prices next to them. I would have been more comfortable at Chili's
 
*sidebar* Last week we had a meeting at work with a taco bar and I was able to eat my half taco unnoticed. There were like 20 people in the room. THIS lunch, however, was very intimate. There were 7 of us at a table in this mood-lit room. I was being very quiet (which is SO not me) because 1- I was freeezing cold and 2- I knew what was coming. There were 2 people there whom I am sure do not know about my sleeve. Anyone who knows me, though, knows that I don't mind sharing. The other people who knew (one was my boss and one my best work friend and one who is getting R N Y) had told the secretary (who was at the table as well). Keeping up? That's 4. One of the 2 who did not know...I don't really like her so I had no interest in speaking to her at all...and the other (who sat right across from me) I don't really mind so much. BUT he is a loud, gaudy guy so...make your own inferences.
 
So...We all sit and ponder what to order. I noticed that there were many foods on the menu that I am allergic to AND that I just can't have yet (raw fruits and veggies). What happens? I was forced to order the most expensive menu item AND ask for a substitution! Now, my co workers all look at each other like "Uhm hum...HERE goes Mrs. Prisses...BOUGIE!" But I really had to order the best thing for my sleeve. It doesn't help that I am the only...ethnic one...at the table (of maybe 4 in the whole establishment). Mind you, I am not so bothered by this...I am very secure in myself and can hang with any crowd. Here comes the part that bothers me...
 
Everyone orders dessert first (none for me, thanks)...Then orders the meals. They SCARFED down their food...FAST! I mean these people didn't conversate between bits or anything. They ate like some starving Ethiopians! So...here's me with my filet and roasted asparagus with wild mushrooms...looking around like "Uhm...stop watching me eat!" And here is the guy across from me like "Oh you don't like your food?" Then the waitress "Oh, is there a problem?" and me again "No, its wonderful thank you." And I have to tell the guy all about my sleeve just to keep him from going on and on. Now...I didn't HAVE to tell him but I felt so awkward and icky...
 
What I did learn; 1- no pressure or situation will MAKE me over eat again (YAY)
2- nothing can embarrass me more than having attention drawn to BAD eating habits, so its fine to get looks and comments on "eating like a bird" (but weird because I am STILL fat so it just ends up looking precocious.)
3- Always order off the appetizer menu
4- Thank GOD for giving me the visual of what it looks like to eat like a wild animal...and that I will never do it again!
5- There are going to be many awkward moments, and that's okay. I am doing this for me...not ANYONE ELSE!

So I had my blood work done yesterday and my gallbladder ultrasound. Tomorrow I start my pre op diet. Friday I meet with the nutritionist. I'm so excited but also super nervous. I'm so ready for this.
 
I've been telling my daughter who is three that I'll be having surgery and I'm going to get smaller/Skinny. So on a daily basis she asks "mommy are you skinny yet" lol.. I say no not yet and try to explain to her that I will be normal size or the size of her aunt or my mom (who are both average size) then I will be "skinny".. she looks at me all sweet and concerned and says "but I don't want you to be a skinny mommy I can't love you if your skinny". She is so confused I say I'm going to be smaller/ healthier and she says "but where is the rest of you going to go? I will miss you".. I just keep telling her she will be able to love me more and longer because I will be healthy and alive alot longer now. It makes me happy that she loves me no matter what but also sad that she has no idea how much more fun we could have if I wasnt so big now.
 
I am even more sure that this is the right choice for me.

Today while preparing for a meeting at work my bosses boss came up to me and inquired; "I heard you had surgery. What does that do for you?" After hearing my spiel, she asked if I was interested in speaking about the journey toward health. (I work for a nation wide fitness company who has many other ventures on the fringe of what it does). My initial reaction was not shock or offense...even tho I wondered who had been talking about me. It made me feel good that she noticed how much weight I lost, but, made me feel even better because I would LOVE to shout to the world that you don't have to take morbid obesity sitting down! In essence, I think that what the devil meant for harm (gossip) was turned into a great opportunity (as God often makes it).
I didn't wear any makeup or hair or any jewelry today. I didn't have much in my closet that fit so I picked basic black pants and a button up top. Nothing about me today stood out in any manner. To be noticed because I am pursuing health, weather its negative attention or positive, says something to me.
Today, I woke up with my mind on 1000 things. I asked the Lord to guide me thru them all. I may have skipped the "Prisses" today but I managed to focus on what is real.
Today, keeping it real went right.

Tip of the day:
 
 
When you want to binge and don't care what goes in your mouth. Just remember how far you have worked to get where you are. Feeling this way? Change your attitude... Do a positive thing for yourself. Take a walk, read a book, do some crafts. Get your mind off the food and back on track. Remember a moment on your lips is forever on your hips!

I was sleeved Nov 8th 2011. So I'm about 2 months out. Since surgery I've lost 23 pounds. I feel that is slow loss, my Doc says its right on track. They expect me to lose 5 - 10 pounds a month. So I'm not discouraged, I'm in it for the long haul. Learning how to eat and lose as a lifestyle. I'll admitt I HATE excersise and hope I can lose weight without adding excersise.
 
What I am excited about is the loss of inches. In those two months I'm down two pant sizes and that really feels good.
I'm getting comments about my weight loss,which at times is a trigger to eat more, but i'm learning.
 
I'll take the slow weight loss and the fast inches lost. Feeling good about the sleeve. I can eat what I want, or should I say I can eat what it wants. Sometimes I feel deprived from carbs, but I'm determined. Eating the protein first, then the veggies, theres typically no room for carbs so I'm good.