pendulum

I had RNY 2/9/17 (horrible surgeon/experience) Dr Michael D Williams in Atlanta, Ga- truly incompetent staff, zero follow up, lied to me many times. Anyhow...I had the laundry list of issues (stricture, bleeding ulcer, anemia, lost 90 lbs in 3 months (not 6 as told), 175 in 7 months. I am now down 250 lbs and find myself anorexic. I have either puked up, gotten stuck on or burned out on...everything.... I have spent hours and hours in the grocery store trying to find anything that sounds...'okay'. I am afraid of food. I don't like going to restaurants or potlucks (ugh, even thinking about it I feel anxious). I live in a major metropolitan city, but being a MALE on Medicare...it seems there is no support (I am told "there is simply no call for males with eating disorders). I have gone from being a compulsive overeater/binger to an anorexic. I have to MAKE myself eat/drink. My 'sobriety' is me getting in (MINIMUM) 113g protein, 64 oz water, 2250 calories. I have to make myself 'mindless eat' to get in calories. (it is no longer 'food' to me...it is 'nutritional opportunities'. not 'good' or 'bad'. it is substenance for my body. period. I am told if I lose 6 more lbs we will talk 'reversal'. In order to be considered for 'skin surgery' I need to GAIN 10-15 lbs (as it will take OFF 10-20 lbs). I am 6'5" 205. HW 450, SW 381, GW 208 CW 205. I am 6'5" btw. Anyone else? Life kind of sucks...still very weak, I don't work out as I am concerned I am not getting enough calories/protein. My hair is thinning, again. sigh.

Yep- been seeing one BEFORE the surgery (btw- HOW DO I CHANGE MY PROFILE??????? (I tried with ZERO success).... this was done eons ago before all this... RNY 2/9/17 HW 450 SW 381 GW 208 CW 205 My challenge is finding a PSYCH who deals with Food Issues that takes MEDICARE. I am hitting MAJOR walls...(ugh)...

Yes. My binge eating has now 'morphed' into anorexia (worse, I am a male and been told 'men don't have/get eating disorders). Every day is a struggle- if I lose 8 more lbs I am told I will have a reversal (RNY 2/9/17). I am nauseous 24/7. Eating is a chore. I struggle daily with getting my protein (rarely), calories and hydration. An endo said I have 'irritation' in my pouch, 2 anti-nausea meds did nothing. A (wonderful) lady suggested changing my anti-dep meds (the current can cause 'weight loss' (NOT what I need). Hope to have found a new psych... (I work with a LCSW, I have PTSD and another disorder). Do not like being around food, at all (was a chef, LOVED food- now? blech). Anyone else?

Phone/kindle charger EXTENSION CORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (you never know where those dang plugs will be!) a NON-white pillow (if it is white, its easy to 'blend in' and get left behind... Don't over pack (remember, when you get there, you will immediately take off those clothes and care wear them back out... $$$ for the vending machine (kidding!!)

Could not agree more- I even complained to the insurance company (they then LIED to them). They got my surgery (looking at the screen, after handing me the stack of what they did- she got it WRONG (I worry that their data integrity sucks), got my gender wrong (calling and asking for Mrs. _____? really?? (I am a single gay male over 50), then REPEATEDLY got my name wrong over and over again... this is why I have made it my mission to please ask folks to NOT USE Dr,Michael D. Williams MD in Atlanta, Ga... A year out, ZERO follow up, I am now anorexic. I can't prove he screwed up but....bleeding ulcer, crappy service, never phone calls/emailed returned. horrible horrible man, incompetent staff.

As you know I have my consult on Dec 1. I had a good talk with my Dad tonight (short version, friends are in favor/support of the banding, my dad/step mom (aka my mom) are NOT in favor). I finally had a good heart to heart with Dad tonight (background- he has been very very supportive over the years, to the point of severe enabling/.co-dependency) basically he has 'saved' me so many times in so many messes. I loathed to say it but I am, to some degree, spoiled. My folks helped me buy my home/condo (he did a lot of remodeling for free, she was my realtor), they have helped me with the car disaster, etc...etc...etc... I was severely molested by my mother and her boyfriends growing up. (I think my dad has always felt severe guilt for not seeing what was going on (or trying to raise a family and missing what was right in front of him). I turned to food as a way to 'hide' (if you are fat you get ignored (and if you are told you are very ugly/unloved at a very very early age it sticks with you). I don't think I have spoken to my mom in a year? (no biggie) Anyhow- Dad made a comment tonight (again he doesn't know the diff tween banding and bypass) he said "I am just looking for another crutch". I also realize I am concerned about my psych eval. (I went to culinary school, wrote a cook book, etc- my relationship with food is VERY convoluted lol) I also know I am seeing them for Thanksgiving and lap banding will be the "elephant in the room" (I DO wish my consult was BEFORE tgiving not after wards!!!). After talking about the major home remodeling they are doing (to sell the mansion they live in)...and their dog, my dog....her job/slow sales, my job/the large company I work for....oh- we are eating AT HOME (so they don't get to pick apart what everyone else is wearing/eating/etc).... so I guess I am trying to 'arm' myself.... as usual I know you will give some amazing feedback, from your hearts, and bands thanks (in advance) I realize I DO want their support in this... I honestly don't have any friends outside of work (and I tend to keep work and non-work separate....)

Thanks Lorena (a dear friend at work is a 'Lorana' btw... I really like what you said....my new mantra (for the folks will be) "let me get the info' (I do need to ask about how much this will cost (as I am dealing with student loans as well right now). and I AM gathering info (and support I really like what you said about the satiety thing... funny how folks do NOT hear all the success stories, just the 5 bad stories... I am also doing my psyche history for the doctor right now and the dates are startling...I went to eating disorder treatment center 22 years ago! I did OA several times, Weight Watchers when I was 19 (and the only male and person under 25...ugh, back then it was about diet soda and artificial junk) and I have gained it back. and I have gained it back. Whats the point of trying to lose a 'pound at a time" if it will just come back.... keep the encouragement coming...it is MUCH appreciated! penndulum

Wow, Dibley- do you know how much cautious HOPE this gives me? I taught a dear friend (single, wealthy, charming, clueless and knew how to nuke and 'maybe' boil water) how to cook awhile back (now he has the most *amazing* wife and daughter (Fiona Jane). He would buy the food and I would teach him an array of recipes for his repetoire (a great dessert, risotto, a 'Breakfast in bed' dish, a slow cooker dish, etc.. so there we are, sitting in his 23rd story condo deck, amazing view, great company....eating and all *I* can do is be thinking about what I will cook NEXT, not be in the moment with food, but worry about the next meal. I get so annoyed that I am always 'what do I have get from the grocery store next' mode (never mind I have a fair ammount of food in the house/frig). This sounds boderline 'too good to be true' looking forward to my consult.. and thanks to ALL for all this great information. (not to be too balanced, but what percentage of bands are 'amazing', 'average' and 'horror stories'? (I am assuming this board is a lot of 'amazings'?

A funny aside- one of the reasons I went INTO culinary school was a mad crush on one of the professors... (sigh).... who later had Lap Band Surgery...(I never saw the reason, but was interesting to see inside someone else's head... his band recently failed after 6 years and he had it removed and another surgery done... and there is the old adage, 'never trust a skinny chef'. Culinary school was one major binge for me...sigh/wow

again I can hear my fathers voice... "but you said people 'eat around the band' (someone mentioned there is a cake batter flavored Protein powder) or the folks that gain the weight back..." I just noticed Tgiving is thursday and my consult is NEXT thursday...wish I could flip flop them!

THANK YOU for this one... I will be spending the day with my folks, and due to family politics we are eating (just the three of us) at their place and I can GUESS what the topic of conversation will be... My screwed up life (single, working retail, wieghting 400 lbs, student loans) pick one. (at least with going out we are in public and we can talk about our surroundings/the food/the drive/weather... I can talk about the amazing house (but be careful, they are having to redo the decorating she chose and that is a sore spot (as is the Co$t of it so.... my weight is a better choice but this gives me a nice 'stepping stone'. thank you!

Was just talking to my dad and realized something- its a non-addict talking to an addict. (do others consider themselves food addicts?). He was talking about 'if I let myself go I could eat and eat...but I don't' or 'I could easily weigh 300 lbs but....'. I don't think he really understands. "You can lose a lb a week...." (yes and what happens when it comes back?) History question- long term (10 year) success with the band? is there? (I am assuming yes) but worth asking.

Actually I have the surgeon several times for an earlier appointment but he is out of town and has a waiting list I gather (a good sign, I would almost be hesitant of anyone who could see me 'tomorrow' he is the ONLY person my endo recommends (and my endo does research for the Mayo Clinic and is a 'doctors doctor' that is good enough recommendation for me. I agree, about seeing him earlier, but oh well...

okay/....(playing devils advocate/my folks) why not do that BEFORE banding?

Its also helpful for me- I am doing my 'pre-consultation history' (can NOT remember years to save my life but...) helping to nudge those old forgotten memories....and move me forward. if we all had a dollar for the "today I will lose weight, start exercising, this week will be MY year, this month, this year, NEXT year, THIS birthday, I'll show THEM...." would be all put Bill Gates to shame?

I was born premature (in the incubator a month) the maid put sugar on my scrabbled eggs to 'fatten me up' (I remember my mother called me 'butterball' (charming). I was also molested sexually as a child so I turned to food to 'hide'. I was always a bit of a loner/outsider. I remember when my belly went from 'flat' to sticking out past my chest in high school. (I also remember being put on antidepressants in high school). Then I got TALL/big (I am 6'5"). I did a 30 day treatment center for my weight, I did Protein tablets 2 meals a day in the 80s. I remember going to weight watcters and being the only male, or under 30 (it was like a hen party...ugh). I am now 400 lbs and trying to look at starting the path (consultation is Dec 1). Every time I got down to the 'magic' 300 I would freak out and gain the weight back (I thought, when I hit under 300 I will be "happy" and people will flock to me and I will be "hot"..never happened.) my belly is my armor. it has done such a great job I am now a loner, jaded, and afraid to make friends for fear of being hurt.

just got a call from my well meaning dad....he is sending me an article about a lady who "looked at the band surgery and decided she could just lose the weight herself and lost 75 lbs".... how do I....combat this discussion (over and over again with them...sigh)... anyone else? my folks are amazing, and supportive, etc....

So I got the article from my Dad from their local cutesy paper..."Shedding pounds the old-fashioned way".... his note was ""if you would PLEASE read EVERY word" The lady started at 475 is now 318 lbs. She was looking at BYPASS not lapband (a big difference in my mind, I would never consider the bypass, period, but that is just me...). She was also (in her words) "just fat" no high cholesterol, high blood pressure, apnea, diabetes, etc. (in my case apnea, type II diabetes, depression, cholesterol). She is also doing (it doesn't say OA but she calls herself a 'compulsive overeater' and goes to 'meetings' 3 x week (read OA) I once got a 1 year chip in OA. It didn't really work, for me. (nothing against that group). The article is VERY rambling, I think/guess it took her 5 years? to lose the weight? It also sounds like she went up and down.... and.... I feel like this is an apples and oranges thing...... one I go to my consult I will just bring back the solid info and go from there... I think they think they can whittle me down on this one.....nope.

Thats what I need to hear- if you were to do it again- would you? why/why not? I want to hear about the hard and challenges.... one of my biggest/worst character flaws IS my laziness...and lack of will power... tell me more?

Wow, brutal but true.... as they have had the "we don't want to see you die" conversation with ME.... (and with dads health I don't want to go before he does...(I would also like to be in a heatlhy, stable relationship before he leaves us too but...) keep hammering me folks- thanks.

smile- my dad even DID make that comment "if I ate what I wanted, I would weight 300 lbs!" maybe if I ask how the weather is? as to NOT telling, me being Mr Big Mouth has already let that cat out of the bag so..... (at least I am considering the surgery) one day at at time I guess.....

<sigh> thanks.... I just keep getting hammered by them...then he ask "so have you lost any weight?" (why does it sound like an accusation?) I also told him I am STILL going to the consultation... if nothing else to get information.... they have helped me out with several financial crisis in the past and I can't just walk away from them...I really really want their support in this but....it is MY decision. This board is such a huge help, thanks.

SPEAKING of which.... just got a call from my well meaning dad....he is sending me an article about a lady who "looked at the band surgery and decided she could just lose the weight herself and lost 75 lbs".... how do I....combat this discussion (over and over again with them...sigh)... anyone else? my folks are amazing, and supportive, etc....