Lapbandster

My initial loss with my band was amazing (and a little scary), but the joy of seeing pounds dropping off on a daily basis was truly fantastic. As I was looking at my weight this morning, I noticed that I had only lost 5 pounds during the month of April and was tempted toward the negative by comparing my loss with what I did when I was first banded.
 
Then I started to think about my bike ride on Sunday, 28 miles, 23 miles two days before, Both at speeds that it took me 5 months of work up to last year to be able to sustain for 15 miles.
I thought about my spin class and the progress I have made during it, where I had to stop and rest halfway through when I first started.
I thought about the fact that it is time to go shopping for clothes again because my pants are starting to bunch at the waist when I tighten my belt enough to hold them up.
I thought about the fact that I am down to one belt because I haven't punched holes in the other two.
I thought about the fact that the fat percentage on my scale hit a new low number this morning.
I thought about all the weight that I lost on WW, and how 5 pounds in a month would have been a cause for celebration.
 
Yup, the low hanging fruit of my band journey is all gone, but that's ok I burn more calories when I have to climb the branches to reach the higher fruit.
 
Father God, please help me to remain thankful for all that you have given me instead of focusing on what I don't have...

I woke up this morning and I feel OH so much better than I have the last few days. I was starting to worry that I'd never feel ok again.
 
This surgery was harder than the initial surgery. It hurt more. It took more out of me. Mind you, I *am* almost 5 years older than I was then. Maybe that's it, maybe it's just coz I'm an old chook now lol.
 
I'm still on a liquid diet - full liquids, with the thickest thing I am having being yoghurt, and I'm doing it easily. I'm rarely hungry and this reminds me so much of when I was in my green zone, when I nearly never felt hungry. I have great hopes of getting there again now I have a new band in.
 
I've also lost almost 5lbs since surgery. I'm not trying to take that loss too seriously but, if I'm honest, I'm ridiculously happy because I've been so careful with my intake and exercise the last few months and not lost a measly lb without the band. This is why I went back to get a new band, because it works for me.
 
Next stop: the green zone. I have my first fill in a couple of weeks, and then hopefully it won't be too long until I'm back there again, and I can go back to happily living my life with my band like I did for the 3 years before the leak.
 
Fingers crossed.

I remember during my undergrad studies in Psychology reading a paper that talked about people who were addicted to gambling and a peculiar memory trait that only allowed them to remember the times that they won. This caused them to constantly misjudge the odds when placing a bet, because the were overly optimistic about their chances.
 
I think that we who are fat have a similar trait, but in reverse. We only remember the times that we have failed in our journey to be fit, and so when there is temptation, when there are rough spots we err by forgetting all the scale victories, all the nsvs, all the times that we beat temptation and made a right choice and we only remember the times when we failed. So we believe that failure is inevitable and give in.
 
Today has been a hard day for me, I am experiencing a bit of bandster hell, combined with a generous portion of head hunger and emotional eating and the only thing I can think about is why bother, I am just going to fail anyhow. No, I haven't given in to those voices, but I have had one NSV after another this last week, I am within 4 pounds being at the lowest weight I have been at since I was a freshman in high school, and yet my failures are the memories parade before me today.
 
One of the things that the people of the Old Testament did when God did something spectacular in their lives was they built a marker, a pile of stones to remind them of the victory that had happened in that place. I think I need to start building some markers in my life so that I can concentrate on the victories, and not the defeats.

I was shaving this morning and my wife came in and weighed herself, curious I asked how much? Her answer was 122.5 (she is 5' 5"), and that around Thanksgiving she noticed that her back was hurting so she dropped 5 pounds and had been holding steady ever since. You know how my wife dropped 5 pounds and then holds her weight steady? She simply eats less. Not a diet, not skipping meals, not exercising, she eats less of the things that she eats every day. If she wants a beer or a cocktail, she will skip dessert.
 
This is how normal people interact with food. I am not normal, I am a mutant when it comes to food. The band is my tool to help me pass for normal person

I had my second fill today, the nurse added 1.5 to my 10 cc band bringing my total up to 2.5. Same little ache in the band area after fill, which quickly fades. So, liquids today, mushies tomorrow and solids on Sunday.
 
I have been adding some processed foods back in to try and combat the cravings. Taquitos the other night, and pizza last night. Some things lose their allure when I choose to eat them (taquitos), some things are still trigger foods (pizza), none of them satisfy and curb my hunger like non-processed nourishment. Well, I guess I will just have to sacrifice and eat more ribeyes.

Over the last month I have lost 6 classmates all from heart attacks, cancers and other ailments that were health fanatics, gym rats, runners. Being healthy is a plus but genetics plays a big role in how long we will live. When I was almost 300lbs I never had high cholesterol ever. My friend Lisa was a gym rat and dropped dead at 38 from a massive heart attack. My sons half brother died at 29 from a massive heart attack and when they did the autopsy he had heart disease.
 
We all want to be healthy and have wls to get there. I feel great but my family has a history of breast cancer. So where am I going with this? Get the weight off and live each day to its fullest. Go on vacation, spend time with your family, make up to people who have done you wrong even if you know you were right.
 
Life is too short to be waiting for health and wealth. My husband and I are just now looking to purchase our first home. Because the market is right. Jacksonville is a great area and the housing market is great. Do I want a 30 year mortgage at 50? Heck no but who cares I want my own home. We are spending a thousand dollars a month or rent when we could get a 4 bedroom home on water front property and pay about 415 a month in mortgage payments. So now my fun begins going to look at homes. Some as cheap as 98,000 for a three bedroom just built in 2007. The banks want to get rid of them so desperately they are going for practically nothing. Have fun, stop letting the number on the scale bum you out and do something that you always wanted to do.