hadouni

@@hadouni I have few that my husband of 24 years has told me: he asked, How much more weight i wanted to lose? I asked why... he said... because your starting too look like a bag of bones (i was 143lbs). Another one: your face was prettier when you were fat, now i can see all your wrinkles. Another... Your not fat, your just thick (155lbs recent). But the best was just last week when he said that LB was my HOBBY.... that i really didn't need to have that done, i wasn't that big and i could have lost it on my own if i had really wanted too....
Yeah... things are great in my house...

I would feel the same way. If I got a Response like that, especially th 3rd man I would be greatly insulted. Let my self get soo over weight. What a dink. He apparently knows nothing about a weight struggle except that he's trying g to make muscle vs losing fat.
What are you gonna do? Have you talked to him about it?

So what did you say to Number 3's insult? And he would have issues if you got fat again? What about when you get married and have a baby (if you plan on it).. then what? That means he is going to leave? I'd dump him.. I've been married 15 years.. and although I was smaller when I got married (size 18).. I've gotten bigger since.. this is the first time i'm actually losing and will probably be thin.
the positive side tho, is that you'll probably want to work out with him, and you can get a rockin bod.. but people who don't have compassion for things that we can't always control concern me.

Since being sleeved I've told three men (in a dating situation) about having WLS or that I've lost a significant amount of weight.
The first took it in stride with barely a comment and said I looked great. I miss him. Too bad he was such a mess over other aspects of his life.
The second I didn't actually tell I'd had WLS, only that I'd lost a lot of weight. He said something to the tune of it would be an issue for him if I ever got fat again. He was easily 50lbs over weight. Yep, he's gone... long gone!
The third I just recently told. I told him I'd had WLS and that I'd had my stomach fixed through plastics. He didn't say much at the time but later during conversation he commented that one of the things he likes about me is that I'm really smart, then qualified it saying except for in a couple areas in my life. When I asked him what areas those were he said that I let myself get really overweight (and something else I don't immediately recall). Interesting. This is a man for whom fitness has always been a part of his life - he weight trains and other such things and has spent his adult life tinkering with his size - bulking up and that sort of thing. He's currently trying to work on his mid-section. I find this an insulting response and I'm sure he has no idea how kind-of clueless it is. We'll see how this one goes...

Since being sleeved I've told three men (in a dating situation) about having WLS or that I've lost a significant amount of weight.
The first took it in stride with barely a comment and said I looked great. I miss him. Too bad he was such a mess over other aspects of his life.
The second I didn't actually tell I'd had WLS, only that I'd lost a lot of weight. He said something to the tune of it would be an issue for him if I ever got fat again. He was easily 50lbs over weight. Yep, he's gone... long gone!
The third I just recently told. I told him I'd had WLS and that I'd had my stomach fixed through plastics. He didn't say much at the time but later during conversation he commented that one of the things he likes about me is that I'm really smart, then qualified it saying except for in a couple areas in my life. When I asked him what areas those were he said that I let myself get really overweight (and something else I don't immediately recall). Interesting. This is a man for whom fitness has always been a part of his life - he weight trains and other such things and has spent his adult life tinkering with his size - bulking up and that sort of thing. He's currently trying to work on his mid-section. I find this an insulting response and I'm sure he has no idea how kind-of clueless it is. We'll see how this one goes...

Oh yeah, I remember times along the way when I thought that was it, that's all that was coming off! After about six months I would only loose 2-3lbs per month and they all came off after my period. That was brutal but what I really needed to do was step up my exercise (read: I needed to exercise!). Walking and resistance training are what I needed and at least I got the walking going.
You'll do great. Stick to your Dr's plan and try to keep your attention on fun things or things you want to do in the future.

Here's my contribution:
When someone shows you who he is, believe him.
In other words, don't make up a bunch of excuses for bad behavior, inept social skills,stinky hygiene, lack of job, blatant rudeness, etc.
I've had years of dating experience. The little things you pick up on first dates? And try and ignore because he's cute/you like the attention/you are lonely?
All those little things will be the stuff that you'll grow to resent down the line should you move forward in a relationship.

This. I'm sure it's always been this way, but I've noticed it as I've gotten older. But the world is filled with men who think every woman in the world must conform to his idea of beauty. They're assholes, plain and simple. I know this because I have many friends who think this way, even though, they themselves are far from perfect. Luckily, I don't have to date any of them. But be warned ladies, they are out there. They don't have a sweet side that no one else knows about. They're not sensitive once you get to know them. When you peel back the layers on an jerk, you just find more jerk. To the OP, your time is much better spent on finding a person who will appreciate who you are now, and the journey you took to get here. So it might be time to fire up that long dormant sense of self confidence and tell him if he has a problem with it, he can hit the bricks. Sorry for posting in the ladies room, I'll see myself out

@@hadouni
Wow! I wouldnt want to deal with that last guy at all. That was a huge red flag. Run the other way and dont look back. Dont be blinded by his looks either. He will end up treating you terribly just because he will degrade you and lower your self worth. I can see it in my crystal ball already.

Clearly that is true. Made me laugh!

You are doing everything right. Unfortunately there are a lot of Mr. Wrongs and only a few Mr. Rights. It may take some time, but its important that you find someone that is supportive of the decision you made and will be a positive part of your life. Don't settle for anything less.

I'm in my early fifties. The young guys keep looking. I just give my secret smile and keep walking. Yeah, like that!

Maybe you don't mean this the way it reads to me and I'm sincerely glad that it's something you enjoy and it makes you feel good, but not everyone is waiting for men to notice them for an ego boost. As I mentioned, I'm truly not interested in dating and am happy to be a single person. The only powerful thing I'm interested in is having my body back to good health, not feeling attractive to the opposite sex. Hopefully we both get what we want.

I haven't told any men I date that I had WLS or that I've lost a substantial amount of weight. To be fair, I may have some explaining to do if any of them ever see me naked with the lights on and I have to explain why I have a billion plastic surgery scars. I will never, ever tell someone I am dating about WLS because it creates a stigma that I don't want to have to deal with- it is my secret for life. As for the plastics, clearly I was a fatty at one point, so my plan is to be like...well I'm hot now, if you can't handle the scars, take your little boy bs and get gone.
Recently I was talking to one of them and I mentioned that I was going to try to eat more juice and veggies the next few days and he was like, well why don't you eat healthy all the time? I'm like, I'm 130 pounds I can afford to have some nacho dip occassionally, and his response was...well you should have self-control. Totally irked me and made me very aware of the fact that if he knew I had been fat, I sincerely doubt he would think I was attractive.
I try to think of how I would respond to a guy who looked fantastic in clothing and for the most part out of clothing who had a morbid obesity problem in the past, and I'll be honest- I would judge him as harshly as I judge myself. I can't get mad at someone for thinking I was a lazy, no self-control fatty when my inaccurate, but honest, thought about them is the same thing. Ideally I can explain away all my plastic surgery scars by saying that as I got older, I noticed that things weren't as tight as they used to be and genetically I had more sag than I wanted, so I had a bit of work done.
Lying in relationships is clearly the key to success. lol

Wow, makes me want to just avoid dating at all. Incredible

Ouch. Good for you for trying. I've gotta say though, I'm really glad I have zero interest in dating. I'll be the happy old maid until the day I die.

I'm also back in the dating scene and have told a couple of men about the surgery or that I've lost alot of weight. No obviously stupid reactions or responses...or at least none that I'm aware of but I've not yet been fully naked with any of them either..where they can easily see and feel the port...and see the hanging skin.
It's actually a good thing in some ways because I'm being really careful about not going too far physically with any of them and for me, that helps to keep my head on straight and not get too caught up in mistaking sex for love.

@LisaLouBop...can't wait for number four, too!

Can't wait to hear about number four!!

Wow, number three is super insulting. That is pretty judgmental. I agree, the guy sounds clueless, and I think people give the most insight into their true thoughts and selves when they least realize it. At least you know where he is coming from.

Ouch! Hang in there. You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find a prince. I can't imagine how tough dating is and would be. I give you a lot of credit for broaching the subject and handling the less than stellar responses with grace.

Since being sleeved I've told three men (in a dating situation) about having WLS or that I've lost a significant amount of weight.
The first took it in stride with barely a comment and said I looked great. I miss him. Too bad he was such a mess over other aspects of his life.
The second I didn't actually tell I'd had WLS, only that I'd lost a lot of weight. He said something to the tune of it would be an issue for him if I ever got fat again. He was easily 50lbs over weight. Yep, he's gone... long gone!
The third I just recently told. I told him I'd had WLS and that I'd had my stomach fixed through plastics. He didn't say much at the time but later during conversation he commented that one of the things he likes about me is that I'm really smart, then qualified it saying except for in a couple areas in my life. When I asked him what areas those were he said that I let myself get really overweight (and something else I don't immediately recall). Interesting. This is a man for whom fitness has always been a part of his life - he weight trains and other such things and has spent his adult life tinkering with his size - bulking up and that sort of thing. He's currently trying to work on his mid-section. I find this an insulting response and I'm sure he has no idea how kind-of clueless it is. We'll see how this one goes...

Since being sleeved I've told three men (in a dating situation) about having WLS or that I've lost a significant amount of weight.
The first took it in stride with barely a comment and said I looked great. I miss him. Too bad he was such a mess over other aspects of his life.
The second I didn't actually tell I'd had WLS, only that I'd lost a lot of weight. He said something to the tune of it would be an issue for him if I ever got fat again. He was easily 50lbs over weight. Yep, he's gone... long gone!
The third I just recently told. I told him I'd had WLS and that I'd had my stomach fixed through plastics. He didn't say much at the time but later during conversation he commented that one of the things he likes about me is that I'm really smart, then qualified it saying except for in a couple areas in my life. When I asked him what areas those were he said that I let myself get really overweight (and something else I don't immediately recall). Interesting. This is a man for whom fitness has always been a part of his life - he weight trains and other such things and has spent his adult life tinkering with his size - bulking up and that sort of thing. He's currently trying to work on his mid-section. I find this an insulting response and I'm sure he has no idea how kind-of clueless it is. We'll see how this one goes...

Since being sleeved I've told three men (in a dating situation) about having WLS or that I've lost a significant amount of weight.
The first took it in stride with barely a comment and said I looked great. I miss him. Too bad he was such a mess over other aspects of his life.
The second I didn't actually tell I'd had WLS, only that I'd lost a lot of weight. He said something to the tune of it would be an issue for him if I ever got fat again. He was easily 50lbs over weight. Yep, he's gone... long gone!
The third I just recently told. I told him I'd had WLS and that I'd had my stomach fixed through plastics. He didn't say much at the time but later during conversation he commented that one of the things he likes about me is that I'm really smart, then qualified it saying except for in a couple areas in my life. When I asked him what areas those were he said that I let myself get really overweight (and something else I don't immediately recall). Interesting. This is a man for whom fitness has always been a part of his life - he weight trains and other such things and has spent his adult life tinkering with his size - bulking up and that sort of thing. He's currently trying to work on his mid-section. I find this an insulting response and I'm sure he has no idea how kind-of clueless it is. We'll see how this one goes...

Since being sleeved I've told three men (in a dating situation) about having WLS or that I've lost a significant amount of weight.
The first took it in stride with barely a comment and said I looked great. I miss him. Too bad he was such a mess over other aspects of his life.
The second I didn't actually tell I'd had WLS, only that I'd lost a lot of weight. He said something to the tune of it would be an issue for him if I ever got fat again. He was easily 50lbs over weight. Yep, he's gone... long gone!
The third I just recently told. I told him I'd had WLS and that I'd had my stomach fixed through plastics. He didn't say much at the time but later during conversation he commented that one of the things he likes about me is that I'm really smart, then qualified it saying except for in a couple areas in my life. When I asked him what areas those were he said that I let myself get really overweight (and something else I don't immediately recall). Interesting. This is a man for whom fitness has always been a part of his life - he weight trains and other such things and has spent his adult life tinkering with his size - bulking up and that sort of thing. He's currently trying to work on his mid-section. I find this an insulting response and I'm sure he has no idea how kind-of clueless it is. We'll see how this one goes...