All of my life I felt very different from everyone around me and constantly yearned to be “normal” like everyone else. In school, I was bullied and beaten up on a regular basis because I was “different”. In order to cope with the abuse at school and at home, I turned to food. What I didn’t realize at the time was that instead of running towards normalcy, my actions were driving me further away. As I gorged myself with calories, I gained weight and became less active.
As an adult, I became so fat that I had trouble doing simple tasks like getting dressed or walking a block to a place for lunch. I thought about getting weight loss surgery, but then, I would permanently be “not normal”. One of my greatest fears about getting the surgery was that I would never be able to eat like a “normal” person again. I thought that I would not be able to participate in social activities where food was served and my post-surgery eating habits would attract attention to me as being different from everyone else. It never occurred to me that at 325 lbs, I was not eating like a normal person to begin with and my eating habits were probably already attracting attention.
Today, after having lost 100 lbs from surgery, I am quite shocked to discover that I feel more normal than I have ever felt in my life. I am as active as any normal person and can physically do everything a normal person can do. My eating habits have not impacted my social life in the least. It feels wonderful to be able to walk into any clothing store and buy whatever I want just like a normal person.
Even though I am not happy about still being 60 lbs overweight, given the average size of people these days, even that seems normal. I was telling my therapist that I feel like I have normal weight loss issues now. Weight loss seemed like an impossible dream before surgery, but I am at a point now where I need to watch what I eat and exercise like a normal person to lose any more weight. With surgery, I have achieved normalcy, the one thing I feared I would not gain by having the surgery. I’m hopeful that I will lose the rest of this weight in the new year.
I thought that today was going to be a tough one. I have been dreading going back to work but had no choice since I am a single parent. So last night after spending hours doing homework and taking tests, I packed up my first lunch since 2006 (I never took lunch to work) and picked out an outfit that wasn't too big but not too small prepared for my first day back.
So far today has not been so bad. People ask questions about me losing weight but not really prying...yet. I kind of just ate at my desk since, I never liked eating in the building and it's too hot to sit in my car. I will have to figure out a better to do this.
Oh yeah and my fingers are apparently slimming down. I have a new ring on and I had to move it to my index finger which was totally unexpected. My fingers have always been chubby even when I wasn't.
