Glad to know I wasn't the only one. My husband of 32 years was absolutely, positively against this surgery. I am absolutely positive that his objections were due to fear of losing me, meaning death. My surgery was 11/12/12 and I am down 90+ lbs. and still happily married.
I had thought long and hard about this for about 9 months. When I finally told him about my intentions he was mad. Then when I told him I had called the insurance to find out if it was covered he had problems that I hadn’t discussed it with him (furious is a good word). I explained my reasons and there were many. He went with me to the doctor visits and he did ask questions. Then my gallbladder decided it was wanting to come out and my bariatric surgeon did the surgery. I ended up in ICU because I’ve always had a bleeding problem. Everything was fine though. I pointed out repeatedly that this was a sign that I would be okay. He didn’t buy it.
He started coming with me to the monthly WLS group meetings. I’d get excited and he would just always bring me down. We argued about this for about 6 months. At that time I did have to wait the 6 months for insurance reasons. My knees popped out on me in February and I ended up being taken out of my work in an ambulance and staying overnight in the hospital (I tore my meniscus, but not enough for surgery). One of my arguments had been that I have arthritis in my knees and the surgery will help. I was on a walker for 3 months and then physical therapy and onto a cane. I was waiting for him to say something about understanding my reasons for the surgery. Never came and we had another “discussion.”
Then his health changed (Sarcoidosis) and I made the appointment to take him to Mayo Clinic. I cancelled my surgeon’s appointment for this and this was the one where I was going to get my surgery date. When we came back, I started with the hematologist and specialists for the bleeding. We were still having our discussions. I changed yet another appointment to take him back to Mayo in June. He had lost 60 lbs. since December without trying (ironic isn’t it?). He was fine and they attributed the weight loss to stress and the Sarcoidosis. I rescheduled my surgeon’s appointment and got a date for July 7. His reaction in the doctor’s office was not good (he was also on 40 mg/day of Prednisone).
Well, the hematologist called me said I had to cancel the 7/9 surgery. I was devastated. He wasn’t. I went for more testing and just needed a filter put in, platelet transfusions before surgery and no blood thinners. I was ecstatic. He wasn’t. I scheduled my appointment with the surgeon yet again.
I also had another chat with my husband. We have always respected each other’s opinions. It was very, very difficult for me to be doing something that I know he was so against. However, I had reached my limit. I told him it was my body, my business and that I was doing this not just for me, but for us. I wanted to live longer and be able to travel and do more things. I also suggested we meet with the therapist that I had to see before the surgery. We went and the therapist said he wanted to see my husband again without me. This therapist was a life saver. My husband is still going to see him once a week. The therapist helped him through the surgery (he was on the phone with him during the surgery). It was the best decision for both of us. My husband is still on the Prednisone but not as much. I do know this was a contributing factor to the harshness of his reactions.
He has had some problems with my eating after the surgery. I wasn’t quite on the schedule that the surgeon gave me and I finally told my husband that I wasn’t going to eat to please him. I was going to eat what I can and get over it.
We are okay and he is seeing that I’m doing more than I used. Would I do it again? In a heartbeat! Sorry for the life story here. During all this, I was looking on this site for anyone else experiencing the same thing. I didn’t find anyone.
