leatha_g

LOL. Yep. I've been sitting between 175 and 185 for over a year now and I'm sure it's all my fault. My body seems to like it here and I continue to obviously take in enough calories to keep me here. My exercise has slowed down due to all sorts of good excuses, but THANK GOD I have a band and I have been able to maintain at this weight! Any other time and I would gained it all back and more. I would like to eventually lose 40 or 50 more lbs but I think it's much harder on the lower side. At least in my case, it seems I have to be much more diligent about what I eat. I say to myself, it's okay. The whole reasoning for getting this band was not to become perfect, but to become more healthy and live a longer, more quality life than I started out with. I have certainly accomplished that much. I have not dropped the clothes sizes I would like to have dropped but I'm maintaining a 16 Petite for 2 yrs now. I'd like to move on down to a 14 or 12 maybe.. I just gotta get my head around the idea of 'dieting' and I hate to go there.. Leatha

Jessie Ahroni tells people to keep their eyes on their plate and she'll keep hers on her own.. lol.

lmao... I can see mine now! I can see mine now!

Well, thanks. Unfortunately, I do have a great understanding of it. A very personal one. I self medicated - drugs and alcohol up until I got married, then I began eating and vegetating instead. By the time I had 2 children and was 27 yrs old. I had gained an additional 100 lbs and learned to hate waking up in the mornings. I had gone from a vivacious fireball into a lump of self-disgust and codependency. Where I used to get in the car and drive across Texas, I had become afraid of putting my kids in a car and heading out for 80 miles. I hated the way I looked, I hated the way I felt, I developed illnesses I now will have forever. I stewed in a vile pit of self hatred and unrealized expectations and it got me nowhere but farther into the pit of hell. I could hear myself clawing to get out and begging for someone to help me, but no one could do that for me. No matter how hard they tried or wanted to, it was not theirs to do. I lived in a marriage for 20 years that really only contributed to my self-loathing. Then, one sad day, waking up angry because the sun had risen yet again, I asked myself what on earth I had allowed to happen. I checked myself into a 30 day treatment for depression and it was probably the 30 days that saved my life. I was ready to just drive myself off a bridge or take the whole bottle of pills they'd given me instead of the one I needed to maintain some sense of daily balance. Instead, I informed my husband he needed to get a sitter because I was going to get me well, otherwise, I was no good to him or my children. That was July, 1988. It was a hard 30 days, but I went there with the desire to come out a better person. The medication they gave me helped me to see color by the 5th day instead of the 'gray' I'd been walking through for years. I had energy I hadn't had since before I'd gained my weight. I learned that taking care of ME was okay and leisure is actually a word that belongs in my vocabulary. I learned what is and is not acceptable behavior for me and those who choose to be around me. I learned that it's okay if EVERYTHING isn't done ALL the time. I learned that I have limits - like I personally can't handle school, church, work and children all at the same time and be good at all of them, but I'm still a worthy person. I learned that if I go to bed at night and I dream constantly or lay awake with thoughts rolling over and over in my head, I'm not allowing the chemicals that need to be replenished the time to do that. I learned that I can't wish that away and that in my case, I had to take the medication that allowed that to happen or I was always going to be worn out from working harder at bedtime than I did in the daytime. I learned that makes me no more weak or useless or unworthy or 'psycho' than someone who needs insulin for diabetes or synthroid for thyroid purposes. I learned that often people choose to continue to allow their lives to be miserable (or those around them) simply because they're too prideful or not educated enough on the true reality of what 'depression' or 'emotional illness' is, yet it's OK to act out irrationally or to be filled with self-pity and not take responsibility for their own behavior. (Not sure I understand that one, but I think it has to do more with weakness than acknowledging the problem and tackling it head on.) It took me 12 long years of transformation, from being that codependent, lethargic housewife to getting a job and learning that I could work and I could derive self-esteem from something other than myself, my husband or drugs or alcohol. I struggled. I went to Al-Anon for family members of Alcoholics/Addicts - (my family was riddled with alcoholism and my sister had become a heroin addict). I worked on identifying my true pain and also my true worthiness. I learned I did have strengths of character and that it was perfectly okay to stand up for what I knew was right. I learned I deserved better than what I was getting and my children deserved better too. In 1998, I moved out. I still had my $8 an hour/Bust your behind hospital job, but I knew I deserved something more. I prayed to God for some way to make it on my own, but I moved home to my mother's. In 3 short months, I was offered a job that more than tripled my wages (and there is no Divine Providence? Thank you Lord.). I have been landing in cities across the country, living in hotels, seeing places I would have never dreamed of before. I had never even flown then. I drive a brand new car. I recently bought my own home (without the help of ANYONE), my credit is near perfect and I don't have alot, but I have more than I did in that whole 20 yrs of being married. My conscience is clear. I have struggled with my weight and had some severe/near death health issues, but even that I have faced head on and have learned to manage and still live. Are all my days great? No way. Was any of this easy? Hell no. I've had days I just wanted to give up. I've had days that I wonder why I continue. I am alone. I hate being alone, but I know that eventually even that will work itself out. But, I'd sure rather be alone than to live like I was living. I sure never want to go back there. I sure feel for anyone who is going through it, but I can now see from the other side that it can be managed. There is a threshold, and it's scary, but there really is another side.

I too suffered from depression. It's managed well with medications as mine is a chronic condition. I know it's really hard to see anything good while you're in that deep dark place called depression, but it really does have so much to do with ourselves. The way we think, the way we see ourselves and others, the way we react and respond to the things around us. Admitting we have the depression is one thing, choosing to work on it and 'with' it is altogether another. It's hard work. Baby steps. Learning to react differently, learning to take 'self' out of so many things. I still have my days, but now I know the signs. I have also learned some tools that help me to divert the major funk that I know I can get in if I don't be careful. I think honestly, one of the things (out of ALL the things I have gone through) that really helped me the most was one single thing that a therapist once said to me. And that was this, " But you play the role (of being a victim) so well." To me, that was just as if he'd thrown cold Water in my face or slapped me. I was terribly offended, but the truth was, he was right. I had allowed myself to get in that role and all that was wrong around me was someone else's or something else's fault. All this was happenging TO ME, when in reality I wasn't all that important at all. This is not to say that it is the case with you, but it is a fair account of what depression really is and does to us and I am here to tell you that all of that can be changed. It's not easy and it takes a lot of determination and a long time, but dear sweet girl, there IS a reason for existing and yes, God does loves us in all our faulty, inadequate and unbelieving ways and YES life is worth living, but remember, Life is what is happening while we're sitting around waiting on something else to come along. Things I do to get myself out of a funk. Go outside and work in the yard. Listen to the birds sing and watch the squirrels play. Take a long hot bath and thank God, Mother Earth, the Stars, something larger than myself for allowing me to be where I am at at that very moment in time. Look for a rainbow in the rain. Put a rubber band around my wrist and snap it EVERY single time I think something negative about myself or my existence. Find a reason to laugh - movies, books, other people, pets? Take a walk just so you can take in fresh air, see how green or gold or red the leaves on the trees are. Take myself for a manicure or pedicure. Support groups. Learn what is acceptable and unacceptable behaviors so that others don't trample you down. Set boundaries for yourself. Deal with past hurts and learn to file them away. Find the good in them - did they make you stronger? Begin to change the things you don't like about yourself. Identify them, label them and take a course of action. Baby steps, remember? School, reading, support groups, exercise, self-talk, acceptance. Consider where you would like to be 5 yrs from now, 15 yrs from now. What has to happen to get there? Not sure any of this helps you, but it sure did help me. Perspective seems to be a large factor in depression. That, in addition to genetic pre-disposition of a chemical imbalance of serotonin, norepinephrine and dopamine can sure wreak havoc on a person's life, but it IS manageable and there is joy in life and most of all remember, EVERYTHING is temporary, EVERYTHING - especially this darkness that is so easy to slip into. I wish you peace. ((((HUGS)))) Leatha

1. What is your name? Leatha 2. What color shirt are you wearing? White w/ Los Angeles logo 3. What are you listening to right now? the birds outside, cars driving by while I have my windows open to let the cool fall breeze in. 4. What was the last thing you ate? fish sticks and ranch style Beans. 5. Do you wish on stars? I have 6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Teal 7. How is the weather right now? It's a calm, beautiful fall day. 74 degrees. 8. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Daughter, MiMi 9. Favorite Sport? Hmm.. baseball, football. 10. Favorite drink? Alcohol - Long Island Tea. Daily - Crystal Light 11. hair color? DARK BLOND (OUT OF BOTTLE) dark blonde/gray otherwise. 12. Eye color? bluegreen. they change. 13. Siblings? I have 1 younger sister and 2 older brothers. 14. Favorite month? Hard to say, I love springtime and early fall. 15. Favorite food? MEXICAN, MEXICAN, MEXICAN AND MEXICAN!! OH YEA AND MEXICAN 16. What was the last movie you saw? March of the Penguins 17. Favorite day of the year! December 25. 18. What do you do to vent anger? Clean, work in the yard, curse, pray, cry. 19. What was your favorite toy as a child? Barbies 20. Summer or winter? SUMMER, I HATE WINTER! 21. Hugs or Kisses? HUGS 22. Favorite ice cream flavor? Blue Bell banana Split 23. Restaurants or home cooking? HOME COOKING AS LONG AS IT IS NOT MY COOKING. 24. Will everyone care enough to respond? Eventually 25. When was the last time you cried? Today at church, seeing others baptised. 26. What is under your bed? some of those underbed plastic organizer thingys. 27. How long have you been a member of Lapband Talk?since the beginning. I think July, 2003 or somewhere thereabouts. 28. What did you do last night? went to Home Depot, bought air filters, chrysanthemums and a leaf blower/vaccuum. 29. What are you afraid of? my children being hurt or any other member of my family. 30. Favorite car? BMW M3 31. Favorite flower? Tulips 32. How many keys on your ring? 6 33. How long have you been at your current job? 7.5 yrs 34. Favorite day of the week? SATURDAY 35. What did you do on your birthday? nothing 36. How many states have you lived in? Texas, NM, Cali. 37.How many cities/towns have you lived in? far more than any person ever should. 38. What is your favorite form of exercise? dancing 39.Your favorite store for bargains? Ross, Tuesday Morning 40. Wasn't this fun? Hmm, fun?

I think you oughta copy and paste their offense so we'll all know who's the jerk amongst us.. Sheesh..

Poor Lisa. I, too, have a coworker who sabotages me big time while we're on the road. At one point, before being banded, I had to request that IF we buy sacks and sacks of candies for our 'customers' while on-site I need them to be locked away or actually GIVEN TO THE CUSTOMER instead of spread out all over OUR work area for my health reasons. I actually have a photo of this wonderful woman (350lbs) swimming in a sea of chips, Cookies, candies, nuts and junk all around HER (not the customers she professes to buy for). This one week alone, I went home having gained 8 lbs and my cholesterol shot up to 309. This was BEFORE my lapband, but was a deciding factor in getting one. My doctor was livid and so was I, but like you, I am a sugar/junk addict. It was there. Each time I walked in that room, my hands automatically went for it, even though it made me ill all over and for days I was miserable. Each trip I take, I know this is the monster I have to face. Some trips are better, some are worse and although I know this woman cares for me, she still continues to say 'it's okay', 'just this once'.. ACKKKKKKK.. Don't they understand this is not for vanity?? In my case, this is life or death. I like all the suggestions, but yea.. I pity those who can't admit their own demons who would have you spiral downward with them instead of holding your hand on the way UP!!

I'm SOOO proud of you Michelle! You've done a wonderful job! Congrats! Love ya girl!

warm compresses/moist heating pad is the treatment for sure. if you notice the vein becoming red and inflamed, you may certainly need to report it. occasionally, a person will get what is called thrombophlebitis in an injection/iv site. if it moves upward along the arm, that is your sign. even then, moist heating pad is the treatment, but yes, it can be extremely painful. i've had it.

most importantly, have him sipping continuously. maybe some warm water with lemon juice would cut the phlegm?

nope, not roach clips.

warm apple juice helps too.. or a daily v8. maybe even some mini wheats as a snack.. the protein diet does not help in the regularity department, we have to find ways to 'move' it along..

I'm praying that Paula and her family are tucked away safely somewhere with family and that their home is safe and sound. If anyone knows anything, please let us know. Otherwise, Paula dear, it's time to let your mother know where you are..

Marie - New Hope, lives in Houston, Claraluz/Nancy .. Kellymoos.. anyone else?

I'm worried about Paula. She lives right in the path of all that terrible destruction. Although, I know she if probably safe with family. I am really worried that she may have suffered loss or is at least having to endure seriously devestating conditions. I continue to pray that we'll hear from her soon. We love you Paula.

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It's sometimes necessary to have it removed and replaced, if you can do that. Others have been fortunate enough to have the fill let out and in time, the slip righted itself. This, of course, would be the optimal situation. I hope you don't have to deal with either.. but if you do, even this is much more preferable than gastric bypass complications.

Too tight? Possible slip?? Looking forward to hearing what your GI says.. Good luck!

Third Day - Offerings Third Day - Wire

I love Curves!

I sold Lingerie for Cameo Coutures a few years back. We did a flash card game, using the letters of the alphabet. Having each person try to be the first to say a word pertaining to romance/sex that began with that letter (pretty hilarious, some of the things that come out of people's mouths.). At the end, whoever got the most cards got some sort of gift.

Mel Gibson - a few years back. Richard Gere - then or now. Alan Jackson, right here, right now!

As for me and my house, we will follow God, the one who gave his only begotten son so that my sins might be forgiven.