TheSkinnyCow73

Happy 1 week to me. Wow. It has been a long week. The first day post op - I just laid in the hospital bed, out of it, immobile, sore, tired. I thought "What in the hell have I done to myself!". The pain meds were good for about 12 hours then the "real me" stepped in and was like - what in the heck are you doing? Nausea set in. They switched me out to something else that worked much better, started with a T. On day two, I did the swallow test. They said, one big swallow. I did. Then they took pics. They said ok, one tiny sip. I did. More pics. I passed. They wheeled me out to the hall for "transport" and somehow forgot me there for about 20 minutes. An orderly was nice enough to notice and then wheeled me back to my room. Day two, no bed, only chair. So the orderly puts me in the chair, and in his attempt to be helpful, he was placing the foot rest up - but did it in a sudden jerky motion. That was all she wrote - up chuck city. Note to self - sudden moves make me puke. Oh the discomfort. All I could think or say was I don't want to do that ever again. Puke, that is. I began my Physical Therapy day 2 - several rounds around the hospital floor. The discomfort was less, but still I felt like I had been doing sit-ups for 24 hours with no rest. Day 3, drain removed, catheter removed, and I passed gas. Yes, I just typed that. I had know Idea how important farting was to gain release from the hospital. Thank God I was alone when it happened. I thought it was gas, but in reality, it was an accident. I gambled, and lost. I was humiliated - but the nursing staff was amazing and so proud of me for having gas. Weird. I was released on Day 3 before noon. Very tender, excited to go home. The shock - I weighed 319 when I went in for surgery, I got home I was 328. WHAT? How could that be? My friend who is a nurse said it was the IV they pumped me up with and that it was water weight. Man - prepare yourself for that uptick and don't panic. I decided to set my weight loss goal to 160 - a respectable weight. I remember those days. I created my tickertracker - but really don't know how to make it show up on stuff, like this blog. I downloaded a food diary ap, my nutritionist said it was a good idea to keep one up to the post op appointment so that when I go in, I can be advanced to the next stage of the diet. I have found a routine - Isopure is with me all day - sip sip away to ensure i get my protein grams in. I have Vanilla, Chocolate, Latte, Chocolate Carmel whey, and a ton of sugar free jello and popsicles. The easiest for me is the popsicles. Don't know why - but I'm having 4 or 5 a day - they help with the hydration plan. I'm able to have my 3-4 oz meals of shake or broth with unflavored whey. Day 6 - I started craving cheese. I don't know why - but I felt like cheese would be so nice to have. It will have to wait. So, today - I'm feeling about 75% or better, still a bit sore, but mild sore. My incisions itch. As of yesterday I was down to 316. I've had 2-3 emotional melt downs. Where my face just starts leaking for no reason. I also notice that there is a party going on in my abdomen. Fire works, rumbly in my tumbly, lots of noises. I am painfully aware that boredom eating and stress eating were bad habits. I have to find a way to occupy my mind and hands when I feel bored or stressed. I don't feel hunger pains. But I feel the pattern of bad behavior. So, major milestone for me - who has never had a surgery before, lived to see the other end of it. One week out, a few pounds down, new patters and behaviors forming, and I'm feeling better each day. Friday is my post op visit with Dr. Rosenthal and my nutritionist. I'm ready for Friday to be here so I can celebrate another milestone. :biggrin2:
 

Well, I returned to work, arrived early - 7 AM, since I had insomnia last night - I figured I'd make the most of the day. After I got my walk on with the love of my life. My hubbage has been super awesome supportive. I am blessed. I keep my big GNC MIO flavored water at my side where ever I go, and I have a bottle of Isopure on my desk. I sip, sip, sip and that does the trick. I had egg-salad at my desk - started at 12, and finished at 3 - I took my sweet time eating bit by bit. I'm so afraid of feeling uncomfortable and visiting up-chuck city at work that I would rather slowly pace myself. Granted, it is HARD AS HELL. The shadow man from stress eater land is lurking over me all the time. It is so wierd to want to eat but to not be hungry. I think that is the biggest challenge for me. Recognizing and listening to my stress triggers and not immediately thinking FOOD. I find so much support, positivity and community on this site - thank you who ever reads and comments, you are lifting my spirit as I work through this life change. Every smiley face is getting a smile right back. I talked to my HR Director, she did not turn over the paperwork to my boss, kept it confidential as requested, fully supported me. (I LOVE WHEN HR DOES WHAT THEY SHOULD). I met with my boss, the good news...well she told me about my "bonus" for the performance year - we did well. However, she "negatively modified" my bonus because she felt I "struggled" this year. Let me define the struggle. An anonymous complaint to HR w/out facts, inuendo and no specific examples to substantiate the claim. I've asked time and again - but to no avail. And I got "dinged" because she did not feel I had as outstanding of a year as my peers. She smiled the whole time she said it. She's inspires me to be a better person. Even though it was a small "ding" - it is the point none the less. I've been working on my Resume - time to be successful somewhere else. Some day. I love my staff, my team, the work I do. It is challenging, fun. I've got AWESOME health bennies. So, I shut up and put up, or I move on. I don't think I could handle moving on so soon. So I will vent, and deal. And wish the flees of a thousand camels infest her pants.
 

First, I should note I'm new to blogging, and new to this forum, so I will learn as I go. My hope is that I can verbalize my journey to the me I see through this forum and that it will be a way of support, healing, recovery, motivation, collaboration and reflection.
 
About me: Married, 2 kids, highest weight 334, surgery date weight 319. VSG performed at the Cleveland Clinic, Weston, Dr. Rosenthal & Dr. Sloan on 2/8/12.
 
For such a personal journey and private health issue - finding this forum has been a God send. I told no one at work, I told none of my family. I only shared the details with the people in my life that would be unconditionally supportive of this life changing decision. My husband and children, and my best friends Gina & Kathy. One person at work sort of knew - but I hope is going to respect my privacy. I even specified on my FMLA paperwork that only my HR Manager would be able to know. So, I pause. Why so much shame and protective privacy around making a life changing decision to improve my health? Because people are judgemental - they don't know what it is like to be in the skin that I'm in and they form opinions and have the nerve to voice them. They can be hurtful, demeaning, shallow. I came across this forum and observed acceptance, understanding, compassion. I lurked. Then I lept.
 
I have not been obese my whole life. Was taunted and teased as a child for being too tall and skinny - lean green string bean. Go figure? My mother, a vain critical woman, forced me into weight watchers as a junior in high school at 137 - thought I was too fat at a size 11. All my friends were 5, 7, 9, clearly I had an issue. So the seed was planted, and so I fed it. I was a healthy athletic young woman till about 21, and the freshman fifteen joined the party, and slowly my weight progressed. As the weight crept in, so did the bigotry, judgment and discrimination. My first experience was at 186, entering a bridal salon and being sized up visually by the counter person and her saying, "We can't help you miss...our dresses just don't go that big.". I was a size 18. My mother in law ended up making my dress. So rather than bore you with the details of my past - I will give you the abridged version. I got married. I had a baby. My husband came out of the closet. No, I did not know. I went into the pantry. I got on the band wagon of "embracing my curves" which, to some degree was a cop out for me, but easier than dealing with the emotional monkey on my back that fed my fat cells. I got divorced. There was a 7 year drought. I met Mark. We married. We had a baby. We are living the happily ever after.
 
I decided in 2011 to put my health first. I explored fixing my pelvic floor disorder - I had been living with since my first born, but when I went to the Dr. in the 90's for it - he made fun of my - "I'm surprised you are not wet all the time, you have so much fat on your stomach." - I was under 200 at the time. But it drove me back to my safe place - the pantry. People can be so rude. Anyway, so in December, I was on hold at the Cleveland Clinic and heard about the Pelvic Floor Disorder Center of Excellence. Long story short, that inquiry led to a consult that said, if we do WLS first, your pelvic floor surgery will be more successful - or perhaps not even be necessary.
 
To my primary care I went, I requested a letter of medical necessity, got it. To my surprise, my insurance paperwork was turned in on a Friday, I was approved on the following Monday, and I was scheduled for surgery on 2/8. Holy frijoles - this was now a reality! The jump is so far from where I am today, to what I want to become, I close my eyes and leap.
 
Surgery was done on 2/8 - I am now 6 days out and each day gets a little better. Less gas, less pain/discomfort, fewer tears, more hope.