I was a big girl for a long time. I always had to let my personality lead the way. I was never noticed for the beautiful person I was trapped in a world where being a big person isnt whats attractive. Even though I was a big girl I was never a slob, I want to say that even though the weight that held me back is gone, I am still the same beautiful person I was before. Funny how now Im noticed walking down the halls, walking into a grocery store, or having a drink with the girls. As much as people will say they are not judgemental towards overweight people, have never been on the heavy side of the scale. Having been on both sides now I see the difference how I'm treated what doors have been opened to me peronally and professionally. There are no words that can describe the feeling of no longer being the wallflower. I am no longer sitting on the sideline watching my life pass me by.
Despite my current cold I seem to have I am feeling healthy. I am not sure if it's the weight loss, my state of mind, the vitamins I am on or what, but I am looking and feeling healthier.
I've lost 37 lbs in 3.5 months I am working out more, taking vitamins and eating better.
My hair is shiny and soft - my curls are fluffy and pretty. My skin is clearning up, obviously I am smaller because I am wearing smaller clothes. My nails look healthier. All in all I look different not just in size. It's nice to start feeling better about myself again.
I am only about half way to my goal, but seeing these signs of health are motivating. I want to be healthy and I would like to be pretty to.
I have always been the big girl who wanted to fade into the back ground in my personal life, in work I am more of a go getter. I do a lot of traning and talking in front of large groups and that doesn't bother me because I am talking about something I know well. Now work is changing we are switching up databases so I must learn an entire new system and train my staff on it. While I am nervous, I am always up for a challenge at work, so why was I so worried about the challenge in my personal life.
This weightloss is a challange. I am having to say no to things I would have once said yes to. I am having to choose to eat better things and less of it. I have finally gotten it through my thick skull that a calorie is a calorie no matter if it's from salad or steak.
I am becoming more of a balanced person, I feel accountable and in control of my work life and my personal life and what a great feeling that is. There are days and even weeks where I get discouraged and down, but I have great friends and family who are ready to pick me up and cheer me foward until I can get the wind back in my sail again.
Thanks to those of you out there who have been the wind in my sail a few times when I've been down. I hope I can return the favor one day.
Banded life can be some what of a roller coaster ride. We all get upset when someone says we took the easy way out, I'd like to see them try it! It's true you never understand until you walk a mile in there shoes. At almost 4 months out I have walked several of those miles and not all have been easy.
For a week after surgery I though oh, heck what did I do. I felt like crap, I hurt, I was hungry, I was miserable. Then as the healing got going I started to feel better. Then I started to see results- weight loss- and it made it all worth it.
I have had 4 fills now and know I am getting tighter. To begin with I was just watching my calories and staying below 1200 even if I felt hungry. Now the hunger is less of a problem except certain times of day. I am able to drink more and get my protein in, plus exercise.
Since my last fill I experieced the dreaded "STUCK" moment. Before the food even got to my band I knew I had screwed up- I swallowed before I had chewed enough - MISTAKE. Lets just say that certainly gave me a good reminder to CHEW!! Most bandsters have experienced this moment and it's the ugly one- you feel like your chest will explode. You want to puke, but you can't, you want to wash it down, but you can't. You are almost foaming at the mouth with spit- not pretty or fun.
Some foods I use to love, now just don't love me. Breadsticks for instance - I LOVED them- now I just can't do it without putting my band at risk. I don't know about you, but I don't really enjoy surgery and the thought of having to have my band fixed because I ate the wrong things and made it slip just isn't going to happen. That breadstick doesn't taste that good. Most other things I can still eat, but it's a question of should I. Things like ice cream and cheese cake - while my band will allow them down, my calorie count really doesn't. Does this mean I will never partake in these again, probally not. I think I will allow myself one SMALL slice of cheese cake once a year on my wedding anniversary because that is what we had for our wedding cake. However, I may do an hour on the elliptical to compensate.
As most people who have been banded figure out quickly, weight lose can be painfully slow at times. This makes it easy to get discouraged, but when you look at the big picture, when was the last time you lost 35 lbs in 3 months.
The band doesn't do it all for me. I still must choose the right foods - healthy. I must choose not to eat or drink empty calories. For me I choose to count calories, which has helped me a lot. This helps me make sure I don't go over and that I am staying in the "lose" zone. I think my counting calories with myfitnesspal will help me with my long term success. With counting I must be accountable each day not just when I get on a scale.
The Good part of the band is-- I am losing weight, I am not crazy hungry, I feel good, I am looking better, I am becoming the me I always wanted to be! For the 1st time in my over weight life I have hope and confidence that this weight will come off and I will one day be a healthy weight. So to be the bad and ugly times are far out weighed by the Good!!
