After thinking about it for a long time, I have decided to put all of my fears and concerns down here in writing, no matter how irrational or insignificant they may be. I like to imagine that a few years down the road I will come back here and read this and think "Oh, how silly I was for being afraid of that!" So, here goes...
I am afraid of being one of those unfortunate ones who doesn't lose a significant amount of weight with the band.
I am afraid of dying on the table and leaving my family to pick up the pieces.
I am afraid of having too much excess skin after I lose the weight and having to battle the insurance company to have it removed.
I am afraid of the pain of post-op and recovering from surgery again.
I worry that even with the band, I will not be teaching my son to have a healthy relationship with food.
I am freaked out by the idea that I may become attractive to other men, and that I will not be able to deal with any attention that I might receive from them (that one takes a lot of bold-faced honesty to actually write down)
I worry that my band will slip or erode, and that I will have to have it removed or revised.
I am afraid that I will sabotage myself subconsciously and consistently "eat around the band."
I am afraid that my boyfriend will not know how to handle my weight loss and either leave or cheat.
I am afraid that I will have to struggle so hard to lose weight even with the band that I will give up and decide to be fat and happy vs. thin and miserable.
I am afraid that my fibromyalgia will get worse after I lose weight. (I have had several acquaintances with fibro and WLS tell me that this has happened to them)
I am afraid that my fibro will keep me from exercising and therefore cause me to gain all my weight back.
I am afraid that I will become so paranoid about gaining weight that I will become obsessive about tracking calories, and lose my joy.
I am afraid of having the surgery, losing all this weight, and still dying of a heart attack at 50.
I am afraid of being labeled as a "cheater" for having surgery instead of doing it the old fashioned way.
I am afraid of being under the magnifying glass when it comes to people who I choose to tell, and that they will constantly be watching me and waiting for me to mess up.
I am afraid of dealing with my bipolar grandmother once she finds out that I have had this done. She is super judgmental and can be very mean and thoughtless sometimes.
I am afraid that some other family members might start getting passive-aggressive when I start really losing weight, as if I were competition to them instead of just being happy for me.
I am afraid of losing my boobs. I know this is probably tmi, but they're already on the small side for my weight and I don't want to end up flat-chested.
I am afraid of losing my promise ring. It is already starting to get loose and I have only lost 10 pounds.
I am afraid of losing a bunch of weight, having my rings resized, then gaining back so much weight that they don't fit anymore.
I worry about becoming seriously depressed again after my surgery. I did with the last ones, and nobody told me beforehand that it was normal to get that way post-op.
I am afraid that I have already done too much damage to my body and that even after losing weight it won't heal.
I am afraid of being denied by my insurance company and not being able to have the surgery in the first place.
That's all I can think of at the moment. The rational part of me says that most of these are silly, and that the rest of them won't be as big a deal as I think they will. But in any case, I have them written down now so that I can look back at them in the future.
Week One:
Hello all. I am one week post op from my Gastric Banding surgery. I had my band placed laproscopically last Monday. They kept me over night which was a surprise to me. I was planning on going home, but since my surgery got pushed to later in the day, I got to stay. It was the best thing to stay overnight. One more night without my three small children,snuggling me was actually a very good idea. Mommy was home from hospital by time thy got home from school and daycare. They were very excited. On the morning of my surgery I dropped into my daughter's class room to give her a kiss. As I was leaving I overheard her tell her second grade class," my mommy's having tummy surgery so she can can get healthy and play with me for the rest of my life." Sweet. Now a week later, I am doing really well. I feel really good. I’m not at all hungry. Recovering nicely, incisions almost healed. Still need to watch what I do. Careful not to bend at waist, no lifting for a couple weeks. Somehow these are hard things for me to remember. The sudden pain or soreness usually reminds me, along with Steve, my husband, who is always there to scold me and lift heavy things. hristmas day was the toughest day. I was really tired by the end of the day. I did too much. So took some pain meds and and went to sleep. Hardest thing for me is to actually get enough liquid down. Today I actually had to go to dentist and get a crown replaced so I really don't want to eat anything. Right now I’m on a total liquid diet for another week, then soft mushy food for a couple weeks until I can eat real food again by end of month. I have lost a total of 27 pounds starting from my liquid diet two weeks prior to surgery and continuing now. More importantly my blood pressure has been normal for the last week without my hypertension medication, I have more energy and my BMI has drop down 3% already. I am so excited to be starting this chapter of my life. I planned to have my surgery this week, since I am in nursing school and on break til beginning of Feb. That way i would have enough time to heal and figure things out before I had to start back at classes and clinicals. I am a little worried over the fills and the restriction or lack of it. Right now I don't feel any restriction.I try to make sure I sip. But I have glupped a time or two. It didn't hurt ot bother me. So I am a little worried that I my eat(or drink) more than i should before my first fill.
I am a little obsessed with my scale. I seem to hop on it every time I pass by it. Not the best idea. your weight changes through out the day and can be mental annoying when it jumps up a pound when you haven't eaten anything. So for all you newly banded, I knew it really cool to see your weight come off in the first week, it can also consume you. So try to weigh yourself once a day at most and at the same time. otherwise you will drive yourself crazy.
Facebook Updated:
So today I took a big mental step: I changed my facebook status and let everyone knew I had surgery. Many people have different thoughts on bariatric surgery, which is why I didn’t write about it at first. I was afraid what they may think of me. Maybe I was trying the "easy way" out- which we all knew this is not!
My classmates at nursing school knew, family friends, strangers. So why is it scary to put on facebook? Maybe it the high school reunion effect. You have all those "friends" from high school or college, a lifetime ago, you haven't seen in years,who you really didn't talk to much than maybe, but they knew you before you were heavy. Somehow, as they have been looking at your facebook pages over the last year or so they were see you as you were 25 years before and haven't noticed that you are 100 pounds heavier. So if you actually put it in writing -that you are obese they may have the rose cover glasses removed and see you for who you are today. Or was it more that I would be accoutable now to my facebook friends? I let the cat out of the bag. They would be watching for the results. I realized I was afraid of failing publicily. So the more I thought about the more a realized what an amazing person I am. I am proud of my life so far and my choice to have Gastric banding done. They want to watch me on my journery than I would be more likely to follow a truer road. I decided that letting my facebook friends know would help push me along and keep me honest. I had a similar plan for my nursing school success. I started posting my exam grades early on so that I have to do well, since everyone was expecting me to post my grade. It hurt having to post a B instead of an A sometimes. I soon realized that I going public made me try even harder. I did get all A's after I posted that one B. So now that this banded bunny is out there, lets see how well we can do together!
Ok, my husband will probably kill me if he read this. Today for the First time I can rememberin my married life: I weighed less then my husband. Three pounds lighter. I was so excited. I felt so good. He laughed at how happy I was. Most skinny woman are smaller then their husbands,this is a new thing for me. I know I should be so happy but it was like christmas all over again.
